Ever So Madly (21 page)

Chapter Forty-Two

Jocelynn

Phillip pushed open the door.

“You look like hell,” Phillip said to me as he took a glass Jacob offered him, his eyes never leaving mine.

“The rain. I stayed outside too long.”

“I had to drag her inside,” Jacob added.

“Are you a great lover of the rain, my lady?” Phillip was almost too smooth at times.

“That I am.”

I went to the bar to freshen my drink, racking my brain for an excuse to get away from the pair of them. Then it struck me. Phillip had given me the out himself.

“We are losing her,” Phillip hissed.

I acted like I hadn’t heard as I filled my glass.

“What do you want me to do about it?” Jacob shot back. I could hear the grit in his voice.

They were in on it together. Whatever it was. I squeezed my comm in my hand. I couldn’t will myself to care what they were speaking about.

“I don’t know, but nothing will work out without this.” Phillip leaned closer to Jacob, and they studied each other for a moment. “I feel like she she’s getting further away from me.”

Jacob sighed and said something under his breath. But I couldn’t make it out. I moved to get closer, getting curious, but the comm vibrated again. My heart stopped in my chest. It had to be him. No one else would message twice in so little time. I moved my hand away to see the letter M flash on the screen. Forgetting about the hushed conversation, I made my hurried apologies about needing to clean up and ducked into my private chambers.

M: Jocelynn?

M: What is this?

M: It has to be you. Only you would message me from your brother’s comm. What’s wrong?

J: You replied!

M: Why wouldn’t I? I’ve been messaging you for two days. You’re the one who cut me off.

J: I messaged you. I swear. I got nothing. Someone must have messed with my comm.

I almost sank to my knees as emotions washed over me.

M: Who would have done so?

J: I don’t know.

J: I could barely a day without speaking to you.

J: I’m so sorry. You have to know that.

I was rambling. There was too much whirling around in my mind. God, he was so stubborn some times.

J: Think about it. Why would I be on Jacob’s comm?

M: I believe you.

M: Are you okay?

J: Not really. I’m dreading tonight.

M: I know.

I could feel the space and tension between us. It was like Phillip was the wedge driving us apart.

J: I need to see you…

M: What, why?

J: Please just meet me.

My brother and Phillip were still whispering, so I ducked out hurriedly walking toward my room. I had made up my mind. I needed to talk to him.

M: I can’t.

J: I have to feel you. I need you here. I…

I couldn’t tell him why. Not yet. And not in a message this way. I could see him typing. It took forever for a message to appear.

M: Colton will kill me. We have a dive tomorrow.

It sounded like excuses.

J: Madden, we need to talk.

M: I’m sorry, but I can’t.

J: Madden…

M: I really can’t. I could lose my job, or worse.

I didn’t know what to do.

He didn’t reply, and I stood to pry myself out of the horrid red dress. I clawed at the back trying to undo the tied corset back, but I couldn’t reach no matter how I bent and twisted.

“Need some help?”

I looked over my shoulder at my brother. “Please.”

He’d followed me, and I hadn’t even heard the door open.

“I had to get out of this dress.” I offered him a fake smile. Everyone was against me.

“Where are all your slaves? I wanted to borrow a few for an afternoon stress release before we have to be back tonight.” His nimble fingers worked over the back of my dress, and I felt it start to loosen until I could draw a full breath again. “I don’t know how they got you into that dress.”

He seemed so normal. An eerie silence settled between us. What had happened?

“They stood on my shoulders and pulled the dress tight.” I held the front, turning on him. “How do you think they get their muscles?”

“I don’t care how they got the muscles, only how they use them.” He flashed me a grin. “Now where did they go?”

“I dismissed the lot of them.” I slipped behind the screen to change to sweats. Madden had once said he preferred me in them.

“Well that was stupid before you’re out of your dress.”

“Clearly I hadn’t thought it through.” I looked in the mirror as I stepped out from behind the dresser. I would leave my hair and fix it when I returned. There was too much paint on my face to try to fix. I would have to start over for the parties tonight. “You’ll have to find some other men for your afternoon orgy dreams.”

“Why do you torture me?”

When I turned I’d found he’d made himself comfortable on my bed. “Giving up on sex?”

“Laziness is winning out.” He yawned. “Watch a film with me, and tell me how long you’re going to make Phillip wait for it.”

I kept the shock off my face. “You know my feelings about that.”

Jacob laughed. “Poor guy.”

Before Madden, I would have fucked Phillip and enjoyed it. But now? I shook my head.

“I don’t know. Nap if you want, I have to go,” I said.

I slipped out of his room to send a message in the hall. I was going to have to do something now.

Chapter Forty-Three

Madden

There was no point in replying to her. I’d be off world soon enough. If I couldn’t be with her I was going to do something to change the universe. It was the only way I could reconcile with fate.

“You know wages haven’t been paid, couldn’t if I wanted to.” I didn’t look up. He knew I was as much an addict as the rest of the group. I tried to focus on the words. I had been trying all damn day to no avail. “I only have a few bills left from…” I trailed off, pulling what I had left from my pocket, but he knew what I meant.

He gave a low whistle. What I held in my hand was unbelievable to those who’d never been off planet. We stood in the small room I lived in that held everything I owned in it. I had no second thoughts about leaving it all behind. My comm vibrated again.

“What if someone sees me? I thought I was laying low.”

“None of them are on my crew, and if they realize it will be too late. Believe me, more is at stake here than credits.” He reached into the hip pocket of his coveralls and pulled out a handful of credits. “I’ll spot you. Take the rest of your credits to the exchange and get something you can use.” His words were loaded. “There is more than just a race out there.”

I rubbed a hand over the back of my head and looked into his eyes. I knew what he was getting at. This was a cover so he could meet with his contacts. “I don’t want you to throw away your money.”

He scoffed. “You forget you’re the best rider out there.”

I picked up my comm then tossed it back down. I’d gone over and over our old conversations the last few hours. I couldn’t bear to think about where she was and who was by her side. I knew I could never be the guy who got to kiss her in the morning, let alone stand by her side.

“I’m all right, but you know how long it’s been? Five months at least. You know what slow means.”

“This is important.” He looked around and picked up my helmet. It had a long gash across the tip and was missing most of the paint. “I’ve got a couple o’ cans of this color I think. If we go now I can grab ’em on the way.” He would ignore me and keep pushing until I did what he wanted.

Shit. I grabbed my keys. “I don’t even remember what mods I have on her.”

“You’ve been riding her since you got back.”

I shrugged. “I haven’t opened her up. You might have stripped her for all I know.”

“Test it on the way, quib.” He flashed me a grin, and I knew from one look what to expect.

I pushed both hands into my hair. I had to do something. I had to get out of my own head. Racing would do the trick. I couldn’t stand to be alone in my mind another night knowing what she was going to be doing. Would he touch her? How long could she really put it off if she was promised to him? Getting as close to death as possible was my only reprieve. It always had been. I yanked my helmet out of his grasp shoving it down on his head. I left my communicator on the desk, knowing she wouldn’t have time for me today even if she wanted to make up, which I doubted.

“I don’t know why I bother with this anymore.” I looked over at my comm before closing the door and touched the key to lock it.

He shot me a glance as we climbed onto the bikes, but didn’t ask. I tied the green strip of fabric I wore in the mines over my nose and mouth and brought her to life. It was a short ride to base of the mines. I followed after Colton opening it up behind him trying to get the feel of it back. This wasn’t the back and forth to work. This was going to be pushing it to the limit.

The machines used antigravity and hovered a few millimeters over the rough road at full speed. The faster you went the more taxed the servos, pushing the limits of the antigravity. Too fast and the wheels caught on sharp turns. It wasn’t bad if handled correctly. But around the mines and the giant holes in the ground one mistake wouldn’t mean road rash and a few days at a healer’s. It would mean a fall to your death kilometers below.

We slowed as we approached the factories and sheds on the outskirts of the mines. They were boarded on the far side by the space port. Colton wove through the buildings stopping at the one used for spare parts. In other words, junk they hoped to repurpose at some point. He set his helmet on his seat and used the large ring of keys to unlock the door to his shed. I followed him inside, and he went to the ancient color tinter and held a hand out for my helmet. He would infuse the pigment into the metal and restrengthen it. More than I’d expected.

I turned to look around at the large building. If I had free rein of a place like this I could build anything I wanted. As the new engineer for Colton’s team I would get to work on the crap after my field training.

“Don’t get yer hopes up. You need to make useful shit and not tinker.”

I glanced over at him, and his back was still to me. “You don’t know what I’m looking at.”

“I know you’re coveting my shit.” He chuckled. “I can see you eying the scrap like a starving man looks at a Baron’s daughter.”

I winced. “Fuck that was a low blow.”

“Too soon, eh?”

I held up my middle finger hissing, “Shut it.” I ventured deeper into the warehouse. It looked a little like a dump with mountains piled to the ceiling. I glanced over my shoulder and grabbed a few odds and ends as I walked stuffing them into my knee pockets.

“I see you,” Colton yelled from around the stacks.

“Then what am I doing?” I stuck two bolts into my nose and stuck my tongue out.

“Making an idiot of yourself like usual.”

I dropped the shit back onto the pile. I made a full circle around the junk and saw Colton was still working on the mod and color refinish. I headed outside to smoke spice. I left the shelter of the buildings, feeling the hot wind blowing across the flat of the planet surface. I looked up to the cuts that went deep into the ground, showing the years of mining.

I took the vaporizer from my pocket and put it to my lips as I neared the closest hole. So much had changed. So much was different. But here I was stagnant staring at another hole, wishing I had courage I knew I would never have. The pieces of my mind were scattered across the universe, and I knew I would never be whole again.

I had to get away. I took another drag from the vaporizer filled with spice. I could feel it starting to tingle down to my fingertips. It forced more oxygen into the blood, binding to the hemoglobin. It sped up the synapses in the brain, quickening reaction time as well. Racing would be near impossible without it, just like the mines. Not that either was exactly safe with it.

I started down the long dark street that stretched out as far as the eye could see. It was the remnants of dirt mixed with sand and Ore with a sheer drop off on either side. At first the mines hadn’t been deep, as they extended across most of the planet which was rich with Ore, but as the years progressed they had to dig deeper and deeper into the planet’s core to collect the material needed to power starships. The unique feature of Harden, which had not been found on any other plant in the known universe thus far, was the Ore. Before its discovery Light2 ships couldn’t travel more than the speed of light. Now, centuries later, with the help of the Ore they could travel many times light speed.

I stood at the edge of the pit, looking down at blackness. The distance was so great it was impossible to see the bottom even in full sun. I had spent years racing the hazardous roads between the pits. I’d seen handfuls of men fall over the edge on a wager of nothing more than a handful of coins. A shiver ran up my spin as Colton approached me from behind.

“Not going to jump are you?” He passed me my helmet now repainted green. He’d asked me the same question not too long ago, and it felt like a lifetime.

Jumping wasn’t what I was thinking tonight—riding full speed over the edge was. Now, I had eternity to watch her from afar, on the vids, and I didn’t know if I could keep doing it.

I laughed in his face. “Hell no, you know me better than that.” With my mask firmly in place, I turned away from the pit and stalked toward the bikes sitting where we’d left them when Colton had gone to repaint my helmet. My hands barely shook. I’d gotten my tolerance back a lot faster than I’d expected.

As I climbed on the bike again and lifted the helmet to shove it down over my head Colton rolled his eyes and shouted. “Look at the back idiot.”

Under my usual “Madden” he’d added in tiny block letters, “I was in love, but I conquered it”.

I looked up at him. “Asshole.”

“I’m hoping it comes true.”

I scowled.

“I can read it on your face.” He turned and spat on the ground. “Stop watching the vids.”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t know me that well.” I growled.

“Don’t mope around like a brokenhearted bastard then.”

Most men quit racing when they found someone who cared about them enough to protest. It was his subtle reminder I wasn’t in that category. I scoffed and rammed the metal down on my head. It was his “fuck you” for leaving, and how I’d been acting the last few days.

“Very funny.” But I hadn’t conquered anything. I had barely survived. If I could call this surviving at all. I flipped the kill switch into start and grabbed the clutch. “Ready?”

He nodded, and I brought her to a roaring start. She still purred like a kitten. I’d built her by hand, from scratch, even welding the fame together. I tore off toward the narrow stretch of road. My stomach didn’t even drop when I kicked up dust as my wheel caught the first bite of the narrow strip. I’d always been afraid of heights, but after years of racing, and then the dreams, I felt numb to it all. Like it had gotten into my head so much, nothing felt real anymore, unless I was with her.

But that would never happen again. Never was a hard word to swallow.