Ever After at Sweetheart Ranch (21 page)

 

Chapter 19

W
ill hadn't meant to go to Tony's Tavern, but he just couldn't sit at the bunkhouse and tell his brothers what had happened. He was still trying to make sense of it all, but right now, all he could feel was his mother's pain.

When he entered the tavern, only fainting limping, Tony nodded his hello, as he was dealing with another customer at the bar. Will looked around and had to admit to himself he was hoping Lyndsay wouldn't show up. Of course, this was her brother's place . . .

He sat down at the end of the bar, and Tony brought him a beer. Will nodded and took a long gulp before wiping the back of his arm across his mouth.

Tony eyed him. “You okay? Was that a limp?”

“It's nothing, just hazards of the cowboy life. We can't all have cushy jobs like bartender.”

Tony grunted.

“Guess you haven't heard the news. Your sister dumped me.”

Tony's dark brows shot up, although otherwise his expression remained impassive. “
She
dumped
you
? Has that happened before?”

“Sure it has. But not a lot,” Will admitted, then took another drink.

“Gotta admit, I saw her face whenever she was with you. Didn't see this coming, not this soon, anyway.”

Will shrugged. “She told me about the book, and the truth about the character Cody.”

“Aah. Be right back.”

Tony stepped away to help another customer, leaving Will to brood over his thoughts. To make things worse, he saw Sean Lighton, the guy with the obvious crush on Lyndsay, watching him from a ­couple places down the bar. When Sean saw Will notice, he quickly turned away. Will scowled, figuring the guy had overheard that he and Lyndsay were through.

“Well, that's an expression that says it all,” Tony said on his return. “You didn't take the book well?”

“I'm really proud of her, of course. What an incredible accomplishment.”

“But?”

“But I think the book is evidence that she wants more from me than I can give.” She'd said she loved him, told him all the reasons she admired him, while he'd felt undeserving and even ashamed that he couldn't live up to what she needed.

“Lynds always goes all in.”

“That's not the only reason we broke up. She wants kids and a commitment, and she knows she's not getting that from me, so she cut me loose.”

Tony didn't respond.

“And apparently, those life decisions of mine have helped drive my mother to drink.”

Another eyebrow lift from Tony. “You're really having a good ­couple days, aren't you?” Then he looked over Will's head. “Guess who's here.”

Will let out his breath. “Can't be surprised.” Maybe he'd even been waiting for Lyndsay. He realized he wanted to tell her about his mom, to ask her opinion, to see if what his mom had said could be true. He'd grown to depend on Lyndsay's opinion, to need her thoughts. But he didn't have the right to ask, at least not for a long time. He wasn't sure they could ever be friends again, which made him so sad that he almost wished they hadn't dated.

But that was a cop-­out. He didn't wish they hadn't dated—­he'd never forget how alive she made him feel.

Bracing himself, he glanced over his shoulder and saw her with Jessica and Kate. The three of them were laughing, wearing cowboy boots and skirts. Lyndsay's long hair hung in waves down her back, and her bangs sort of stuck out beneath her hat brim in cute tangles.

And then he saw Kate's brother Dave strolling in behind them, as if they'd come together.

“Is Kate already fixing Lyndsay up with her brother?” Will demanded tightly. Sean was going to be disappointed, too.

“I don't think so,” was Tony's mild response. “Kate and Dave had planned tonight for a while.”

Will should have felt relieved, but he didn't. And then Lyndsay moved down the bar and spotted him for the first time. Her stride faltered and her eyes grew wide and a little too bright.

“Hi, Will,” she said, but kept going. “Hey, Tony.”

Kate stared at Will in surprise, then frowned at Lyndsay's back as she followed her friend. Will turned back to the bar, unable to miss Sean's gaze lingering on Lyndsay's back.

But Tony was watching Will. “What are your plans tonight? I could take a break and we could talk about your mom or whatever. Maybe not so much my sister . . .”

Will sighed. “Thanks. At least you didn't think I was here to pick up a new woman.”

“Didn't occur to me.”

“Might to Lyndsay.”

“I don't think so.”

W
hen the three women were seated around a small wooden table in the back room, with the pool table between them and the front room, Kate leaned over it and hissed, “What the heck is going on with you and Will?”

“Oh.” Feigning casualness, Lyndsay took a handful of popcorn and ate it before explaining, “I broke it off after Livvie's party last night.”

Kate's eyes widened before filling with sympathy.

Jessica whistled long and low, regarding Lyndsay with interest. “Really?”

“Well, I knew going in he wasn't the settling-­down type. And I want to find that kind of guy. We had a lot of fun, but it was time to end things and put him behind me.”

Kate didn't speak for a moment, just continued to study Lyndsay with growing sadness. “I'm sorry, Lynds. I'd hoped if anyone could turn him around, it would be you.”

“Well, you're giving me a lot of credit. I guess loving him wasn't enough.”

And her voice broke on that stupid “L” word, and Kate and Jessica took her hands, their eyes full of sympathy.

“I can't believe he had the guts to show up here,” Jessica said darkly.

Lyndsay cleared her throat. “He likes to talk to Tony. I never wanted to be a problem that came between the two of them, so I'm glad. It's not like I'll never see him again. We're going to run into each other all the time, so eventually we'll be friends again, I'll make sure of it.”

“That's big of you,” Jessica said grimly. “Where the heck is Nicole? I'll go get us some drinks. Maybe something stronger than beer.”

“Sounds good,” Lyndsay said.

When Jessica had gone, Kate dropped her voice. “Did you break up over the book?”

Dismally, Lyndsay said, “Partially. He's a private person, and I intruded on that, even though I hadn't meant to.” Her brows drew together. “There's more. I think his whole problem is still about Brittany. He blames himself, even after all these years. I can't be mad at him when he's mourning a dead girl.”

“Well, that's tragic, but since he's hurt you, I can be mad.”

“Damn, you're a good almost-­sister-­in-­law.”

Then Jessica returned, looked from Kate's face to Lyndsay's, and gave a melodramatic sigh. “I missed something, I know I did.”

Lyndsay laughed and told herself she would find a better mood if it killed her.

W
ill's family often had Sunday brunch on the patio after church if the weather cooperated, and it ended up being a beautiful day. Not that his parents had gone to church; Will had professed to being clueless to his brothers about the reason their parents had stayed home. It seemed too personal and private to discuss Faith's breakdown.

Steph, Chris, and Heather showed up, and Will suggested they start cooking even though their mom hadn't come down yet. They all tried to talk normally about the upcoming hay cutting and whether the weather would cooperate. The kitchen was a peaceful place to be, full of white cabinets with a lot of glass fronts showing the antique dishes passed down in their family, gleaming chrome appliances that were a more modern touch.

And then Faith entered the kitchen with Joe. She was wearing a flowing dress in greens and blues over earth mother brown sandals. Will tried not to study them both too openly. Her eyes might have been a little bloodshot, but her grin was welcoming and warm, as always.

“Look at this,” she said to Joe. “What a treat to be cooked for. I could smell the bacon up in our room.”

“I've set the table on the patio,” Steph said. “Orange juice is already poured. Go sit down, and we'll bring out the food and coffeepot.”

Faith touched Will's arm as she went past, and she smiled at him. He found the knot in his chest easing. They enjoyed a nice breakfast, talking about light subjects like Livvie's birthday party, the upcoming welcome ceremony for the vet house renovation, and, of course, the historical society vote and election-­day volunteering Will's dad had signed up for.

“It's this week,” Daniel said. “I, for one, will be glad it's over.”

Steph rolled her eyes. “Hey, it's been a lot tougher for Will. His girlfriend is linked to the Thalberg camp.”

Will decided it wasn't the right time to clarify his new dating situation. No one in his family had been at Tony's to see the arctic divide that had separated Lyndsay and him. “Hey, it's been tough for all of us.”

“So is that why Dom told me you two avoided each other last night?” Daniel asked.

Will could have kicked him under the table. It wasn't like he could blame Daniel, though—­the family always discussed everything.

Now his mom was studying him. “What's wrong, Will? Don't bother keeping secrets. Trust me—­that's worse for everybody.”

Will hesitated, then gave in. “Lyndsay and I broke up.”

Chris shook his head sadly, Daniel gave him a cynical, narrow-­eyed stare, and his parents and Heather gaped.

“But—­you looked so happy at the birthday party!” Steph exclaimed. “Weren't you?”

“Yes and no. I knew things weren't going well. We broke up right afterward.”

“And you're okay with that?” his mother asked.

“We tried it, and it didn't work. We've been friends a long time—­I'm sure we'll go back to that. It's not like we spent years together.”

When no one said anything, that phrase practically rang across the yard, while his mom stared at him with eyes full of old sorrow.

Okay, so he hadn't dated
anyone
for years, other than Brittany.

Conversation gradually resumed, but never with the same lightness, and he felt exasperated. Why did this breakup bother them all so much?

Probably because it bothered him, and he wasn't being subtle enough about it.

When the siblings got up to remove the dishes, Faith remained seated. “Will, can we talk—­privately?” she added.

His brothers and sister eyed him, but between them and their dad, they took all the plates except for the coffee cups and disappeared inside. Will sat down next to his mom's chair, and she took both his hands in hers.

“I am so sorry for how I behaved yesterday,” she said earnestly, tears beginning to shimmer in her eyes.

“Mom—­”

“No, let me finish. I made it seem like my problems were your fault or your brothers' or sister's fault. That was unfair of me to focus on a simplified answer to a very complex problem. This has
never
been your fault, do you understand?”

“Well, sure, but having kids played a part, and I'm your kid.”

“Listen to my words, Will—­you are too quick to blame yourself for everything. You have to stop that. Being a parent is never easy, and if anyone had told me that in some ways it gets
harder
as your kids grow up, well, I guess I wouldn't have believed them. But I raised you to be an adult who makes his own decisions. Stepping back and letting you make them—­even when you're thirty-­three years old and don't need my help—­is just plain hard. I think I let the worry eat at me, and when I decided to become a partner at the Mystic Connection, thinking it would distract me, well, it only added to my load.”

“Are you regretting that, Mom?”

“No, I'm regretting that I didn't talk to your dad long before now. When you marry someone, they're a sounding board, too, a person who understands you and can help you make decisions.”

It was a little weird that he'd just been thinking that Lyndsay understood him in a way no other woman had.

“Mom, you know I always need your help.”

“Sometimes it doesn't feel that way, hon. I remember when Brittany died like it was yesterday. You were inconsolable, and I was helpless.”

He briefly looked away. “I was young, and it was a terrible situation. Things are better now.”

“Are they? Nothing I said convinced you it was an accident. That whole summer—­you lost weight, you were hollow-­eyed. But gradually you recovered, or I thought you did.”

“Mom, of course I recovered. I'm even a productive citizen—­and you once despaired about that!”

She smiled, but it was tinged with sadness. “The other day, you helped me to realize that my main problem is my inability to handle stress. I dwell and worry. And then I started telling myself that I needed a glass of wine each night to wind down. Gradually that turned into two, and then three. All my worries seemed to disappear into a mellow haze. I didn't realize how it was affecting me until you pointed it out, how I was getting secretive from your father.” She gave a little shudder. “I was totally in denial. But I made an appointment with a counselor, and I've done some research. I'm going to start a stress journal and try to focus on the positive, because always dwelling on the negative leads to stress. I didn't want to bother your dad with all this, and though I thought I was protecting him, he was feeling shut out. And I got rid of all the wine, just gave it away. If I crave it, I promise to talk to your dad. Does that sound good to you?”

“It does, Mom,” he said, leaning forward to give her a hug. “I'm proud of you for taking these steps.”

She searched his eyes. “I don't know if I ever would have done it without you being brave enough to tell me the truth. Thank you, Will. I love you.”