Ever (6 page)

“Uh, they don’t have my size,” I shifted uncomfortably.

“Well, that’s because you’re
so
tiny!” Dara looked a little envious, even though she was thin, too. She had boobs though, and she was tall enough to rock her dress.

“Yeah, I wish I had your curves,” I said, trying not to let my emotions leak into my voice. I didn’t need Val knowing any of my weaknesses.

We headed out of the store and back to Val’s place to get ready. Her mother had a new boyfriend and they were just heading out for the evening when we arrived. I didn’t like the way he looked at me. His eyes lingered on my flat chest and I felt my cheeks heat up as he shot me a mocking leer. It made my skin crawl. I felt the pendant around my neck prickle as I endured his creepy stare. I ducked by “Georgio” and followed Val down the hall.

Val’s room was a testament to rebellion. Her door was painted black with a bunch of band stickers on it. The wall behind her bed was dark gray, and the other three walls were maroon. Song lyrics and angry personal sentiments were scrawled all over her “canvases.” Val’s mother never complained about the decor, I guess because she felt bad about the divorce. I knew Val had been to a therapist to deal with it.

Val turned on some punk music and we all pulled the contents of our neon Style Maiden bags and laid them out on her four-poster bed. I thought fast. I mean, I could just hear the comments Val would make the second I was out of earshot about how thin I was, how flat I was, how I could never understand the back pain associated with having a large chest…

“I need to pee.” It was a useful excuse.

I grabbed my new tank and jeans and headed into the hallway on the pretext of using the bathroom. I pulled my shirt over my head and felt my pendant thump lightly against my chest. I peered at it, confirming that the crystal still seemed to glow with an inner fire. The vision frightened me a little, but in a weird way, it also felt somewhat comforting. The stone no longer prickled as it had a few moments before.

What does it mean?
I hadn’t felt that kind of prickle before. It was almost like…a warning. I tucked the quartz carefully under my pink tank and pulled my new sheer top over my head. After slipping on my new skinnies, I stuffed my other clothes into the bag and ran my fingers through my hair to smooth away some of the frizz.

When I opened the door to Val’s room, the three of them were sitting on the floor, huddled over something. “Check it out!” Val held up a brown glass bottle. She took a swig. “My mom should hide her liquor better!”

The only other time I had tasted alcohol was when I took a sip of champagne at my cousin’s wedding and had found it totally vile. But when I thought about attending the rager at Kamryn’s, I felt my anxiety kick in. The Populars, the Jocks…all of those kids would probably ignore me. Maybe I was a Nobody…one step below a Loner.

Looking at my friends in their tight dresses and heels made me feel even worse. I looked like somebody’s younger sister or something. It was possible that rather than being ignored, I wasn’t even going to be let into this party. I wasn’t exactly sure why I decided to do it, but I lifted the heavy bottle to my mouth and felt my lips tingle as the brown liquid touched them. I fought the urge to cough as the stuff burned a fiery trail down my throat.

“Ugh!” I couldn’t help but sputter as I passed the bottle back to Naomi.

Pass after pass, the bottle made its rounds through our little circle until we were all giggling like idiots. I felt very odd…relaxed, giggly and just a tad invincible. It was almost as though I wasn’t myself. I caught my own gaze in the mirror again, nearly choked on my mouthful of whisky. I looked like someone else, too! No wonder people drank. Now, I looked way less hideous than I normally did. Or maybe it was just the new clothes. As I reached for the bottle, my pendant jolted me hard enough to make me squeak with alarm. The others giggled as I covered up my reaction. The bottle came to me again, and this time, it felt like an electric shock went through me.

Okay, okay,
I directed my thoughts to the pendant.
I’m done.

The crystal vibrated in response. I held the bottle for a few seconds, and even feigned a few more swigs before passing it, but I stopped drinking the contents. Soon, the bottle was empty. Val stashed it under her bed and I sneaked a glimpse down my tank to see if I was visibly burned this time. Thankfully, there was no mark on my chest, but my pendant flickered at me, like it was pleased that I had listened.

Wow, I must be drunk.

The faint sound of a car horn stole into the room. Val jumped up. “Our ride is here.” She grabbed her purse and we followed her outside where her older brother, Mark, flashed his lights at us from his blue Suburban.

Mark was a senior. He also played basketball, which made him an Athlete. Athletes had unrestricted access to parties. Val was clever, heading to the party with Mark practically guaranteed that no one would mess with us at the door. I felt a droopy smile sitting on my face. The past few nights of little to no sleep were taking their toll. My eyes closed partially and I sort of dozed off…

“Everleigh,” Dara yanked my arm. “We’re here!” I snapped awake, feeling a bit sick but still pleasantly fuzzy.

We walked up the long driveway to a huge carved wooden door. I could hear the rhythmic bump of music pulsing inside. Mark opened the door and we were immediately assaulted by noise. There were people everywhere. A bunch of jocks spied Mark and then he was gone, swallowed up by the drunken sway of partygoers. I scanned the room and recognized a few of the Candy Girls, but that was it. A lot of the people seemed to be older—they were out of high school for sure.

“Let’s go outside.” Val grabbed me by the arm.

Her touch jolted me but I didn’t know why. My movements felt effortful. I didn’t like it. Everyone else was moving super-fast and I was walking on feet made of cement or something. I let Val haul me into a huge backyard and then I broke free of her hand. The swimming pool was lit up, and a bunch of bikini-clad Populars splashed and giggled in it, drawing the undivided attention of some guys clustered around the edges. Steam wafted from the Jacuzzi where still others were downing beers like nobody’s business.

As we approached the scores of partygoers, I felt a rolling wave of energy come up to smack me, nearly knocking me down. My eyes widened, all sensations of being intoxicated slipping away as I tried to rationalize what had just happened. I shook myself mentally and redirected my attention. I felt alert and awake, but anxious. I didn’t like the feeling.
No more alcohol.
It dulled me in a way that was not good.

Farther down the grassy backyard, I saw lighted stone steps leading down to a pool house or something. A small group of kids had made their way down there, and from their overlapping shadows, I figured the place for a make-out zone. Of all the girls I knew, I was the only one who had never been on a date, had never held hands with a guy, had never done anything with the opposite sex other than, I assumed, physically revolt them.

Gram always said I was beautiful, but I just couldn’t see it. I looked nothing like the Populars. My negative thoughts fed my feelings of alienation and suddenly I wanted to leave. What was I doing here anyway? These kids were not my friends. Most of them didn’t even know my name. I felt a wave of negative energy threaten to consume me.

Why am I so….different?

“Dude,
he’s
here!” Val had been scanning the crowd constantly, to secure the first Jaren Wilder sighting.

I followed Val’s gaze. The object of her fascination leaned casually against a column by the stairs leading down to the pool. Jaren Wilder held a red plastic cup in one hand and a notebook in the other. Why was he alone? I wondered if he liked to write like I did, and then I dismissed the idea as totally ludicrous. Two Candy Girls posed in front of him—they were posturing, smiling wide, talking loud…daring him to bestow his attention on them.

“Let’s go stand over there!” Val pulled down the top of her dress to enhance her cleavage and turned in his direction. Of course she wanted any excuse to brush past Jaren, to bump into him—anything to provide additional fodder for her obsession.

Of course, saying hello to the guy would be a totally ridiculous idea…

“Um, I’ll meet you guys in a sec. I’m going to find the bathroom.” I didn’t want to be anywhere near Jaren…or anyone for that matter.

“Do you want us to come with?”

I knew Dara was just being polite so I declined the company. Let them flirt with the possibility of actually talking to Jaren Wilder or one of the other Populars—I couldn’t have cared less at the moment. No, right now, I was far more concerned with the fact that I was starting to see these weird colors floating around everyone—like they were encased in overlapping bubbles. I was never drinking again. NEVER.

I ducked into the first-floor bathroom and stared at myself for a few minutes. My green-gold eyes still looked as weird as ever. I rubbed at them for a few seconds and splashed some water on my face. There. That should do it. I mean, I wanted to see the energy smoke, or whatever it was, but I didn’t want to hallucinate uncontrollably!

Kamryn’s party was a good place to observe stuff. There were lots of kids here and they were all interacting in different ways. Maybe if I found a good vantage point, I could practice seeing the energy smoke. I wandered through the maze of ornate furnishings that made up the first floor of the house. I made my way up the wide marble staircase, taking care to step over the empty red plastic cups. For some reason, my feet led me to a door that opened into a study with a small balcony that overlooked the backyard. I saw a large, green porch swing in the corner—just what I was looking for. I stared out at the throngs of kids below, letting my eyes go out of focus.

It happened more quickly this time. The swirls of energy mesmerized me. There were so many colors. I could see my little Outcast group, exhibiting their choreographed affectations and comments made just loud enough that others could hear…if they were listening. But the others were all enraptured by their own little melodramas. The bubbles I had seen before came into sharper focus. I guess I hadn’t been hallucinating after all. No, there were definitely bubbles, all different colors of bubbles, surrounding each person I focused on. I could see the different colors swirling around. Some kids had big halos around them, and others were very dim. There was something else, something so much bigger than high school out there. I could almost feel my level of awareness expanding.

I was on the verge of some kind of mental breakthrough when the sound of the door opening caught my attention. Someone was entering the study. I huddled as far back into the porch swing as I could and hugged my knees to my chest to avoid being detected. I could hear some muffled whispers and then someone turned on a desk lamp. I could make out one of the Populars-by-proxy, an Athlete named Leana. She was on the track team. The guy she was with surprised me. I had seen him around, and he was bad news. Kip was a full-on Druggie, and he made no secret of it.

“Did you get it?” Leana asked. Her voice was high and shaky.

“I always deliver,” Kip boasted. In the dim light, I could see him open a plastic bottle that looked like the one my antibiotics came in.

“A few beers and one of these, you’ll be trippin’.” He handed her a large oblong pill.

“Soo…you wanna pay cash or in some other way?” Kip looked her up and down.

Ew.
I focused on Leana, and her bubble was so dim I could hardly detect it. The trickles of energy smoke swirling around her heart were brackish—like the polluted water down at the creek.

“No, I have the money.” Leana held out a wad of bills and then hesitated. Perhaps she was having second thoughts…rational thoughts!

“How much for all of them?”

“Baby, you can’t handle the whole bottle. You’re just a beginner. Start off small and then I’ll hook you up again. Trust me,” Kip said.

“Come on, Kip. It’s all or nothing. I have the money. Deal or no deal?” Leana tossed the cash on the desk. Kip didn’t miss a beat as he slipped the cash into his pocket.

“Be careful, kiddo. I can’t be responsible for the wrong people getting their hands on those.”

He walked out of the room, leaving the bottle on the desk. Leana stuffed the bottle in her purse and sighed deeply. The sound of her breath was heavy and dark. She pushed her hands through her short blond bob and then she left the room.

I was in shock. I had just witnessed a drug deal. I mean, I knew it happened and all, but I had never actually seen drugs. What the heck was Leana planning to do with a whole bottle of pills? Sell them? My mind raced. This didn’t make sense at all. Leana was an Athlete. She was such an amazing runner she was sure to get a college scholarship. She couldn’t afford to take drugs.

I headed back down the crowded stairs, shouldering my way through the throngs of drunken partygoers. My crystal began to do its thing, tingling against the sensitive skin of my neck with that warning prickle.

“What’s up, little mama?”

Some guy blocked my path just as I reached the last step. He was older, rough around the edges—definitely not in high school. The stench of cigarettes wafted to my nostrils and I stifled a grimace.
I can’t believe I used to smoke!

“Nothing’s up. Excuse me,” I tried to brush past him but he blocked me again. As I made contact with him, I felt a wave of icy revulsion run through my entire body. My crystal began to buzz harder.

“What’s the rush?” He leaned toward me and the stale reek of too many beers became almost overwhelming. There was something else, too—something extremely aversive that warned me away from this guy.

“Just getting back to my friends.”

“I’ll be your friend,” he slurred. He opened his arms like he was going to grab me or something. I willed myself to come up with a smart retort, but nothing came out.

“That’s okay,” I squeaked.

I was frozen as he stepped in closer and I ended up with my back against the wall. My heart was pounding. I heard a strange humming in my ears. I wanted this guy to back off.