Evenfall (93 page)

Sin's eyes widened briefly and his automatic response was to shove her away from him, to get her out of his personal space, but something in him wouldn't let him do it. The part of him that was drunk, horny and out of control from weeks of frustration prompted him to stand completely still as her soft, red lips moved against his mouth. He could feel her heart pounding against his chest and when her trembling hands tangled in his hair and her tongue slid between his lips, something in him snapped and he began to respond to her heated kisses.

She moaned against his mouth loudly and clung to him, pinning her body against his as his strong hands slid down and wrapped around her. He kissed her frantically, not really knowing what he was doing and not really giving a damn as his body automatically responded to the way she writhed against him. He picked her up effortlessly and moved forward, dropping her roughly onto the desk as his hands slid up her back and clutched her with more force than was necessary. He ripped his mouth away from hers and kissed down her jaw, breathing hard as he lost himself in the moment.

"God yes," she whispered and tilted her head back, panting when his mouth fastened on her neck. She slid her legs open and wrapped them around his waist, pinning him against her.

Sin's mind was racing and he found that he couldn't really think straight, couldn't really process what was happening even as he slid his hands up her thighs and yanked her skirt up, hiking it around her waist and exposing a small, black g-string. He heard Jess' moans distantly, as if she wasn't right there in front of him, and covered her mouth with his once again when she began to beg him to fuck her. Her hands began to fumble with his belt, trying to get it open with shaking, excited hands as she panted against his mouth.

Somewhere in his drunken haze, he absently remembered the things his mother had told him long ago about what women liked and pulled the front of her shirt down with his free hand, closing it around one of her large breasts, rubbing his thumb against one of her hard nipples. She arched into his touch, hands trembling even more as she tugged his pants open and hurriedly tried to shove them down.

Abruptly, the mental image of him pinning Boyd against the wall of a hotel room in France popped into his head. The memory of Boyd's tongue in his mouth, his slender body crushed against Sin's chest, Boyd's rock hard erection pressing against his crotch— it caused something in him to twist and suddenly Jess' kisses lost their heat.

His hand dropped from her breast and he stilled against her, even as she insistently ground against his crotch. He tried to get back into it— to tell himself that she wanted him and that he could finally do the things he'd been obsessed with for weeks— but he couldn't. He didn't want to do them with her, and the memory of Boyd's passionate kisses had been like a bucket of cold water on his erection. How could he touch Jess' breasts when all he could think about was Boyd's dick?

"What's wrong?" Jess panted, staring at him with wide, confused eyes.

Sin pulled back, hands sliding off of her thighs slowly as he blinked and regained his bearings. His face returned to the blank, unreadable expression that he always used on her and her face crumpled miserably when she saw it.

"Don't fucking do this to me," she pleaded. "You— you were into it."

Sin began buckling his belt, backing away from her slowly until he was at the original distance. "Sorry," he muttered, feeling confused, off balance and mortified. "Sorry, Jessica."

He was surprised that he actually meant it; he knew what it felt like to have somebody you wanted lead you on and then push you away.

She stared at him incredulously and slid off the desk, turning away briefly as she fixed her clothes. She was silent for a long moment as she caught her breath. "You and that boy are together," she said flatly.

Sin blinked in surprise, staring at her back. "What?"

She turned around, crossing her arms over her chest and not looking as angry as she had a moment ago. Her expression was strange and seemed to be full of too many different emotions to choose from. "That red head with the beret— I saw the two of you on camera. You— you were so… it was so obvious that you wanted each other. But..." She trailed off and shook her head. "But I just wanted to be sure before I gave up."

Sin stared at her blankly. "Wanted to be sure of what?" He asked cluelessly.

"That you're gay," she snapped at him, temper flaring. "You could have told me before you—"

She stopped abruptly and stared at him for a long moment before she shook her head with a groan.  "Oh great, did I make you feel that pressured? Now it's going to be some sexual harassment thing?"

Sin opened his mouth to tell her she was wrong but closed it quickly. Why bother trying to be honest when she was providing him with a convenient lie?

"It's… okay." He studied the carpet for a moment and tried to figure out if he was supposed to say something else.

Jess stared at him, her wide mouth turned down into a scowl. She began fixing her clothing stiffly, eyes slanting away. "Well, I didn't want it to seem that way. I wasn't going to like, try to hold anything over your head. You're good at your job, no one can deny that."

Sin stared at the carpet, completely mystified. What was wrong with this woman? "I never said anything like that. I don't really know what you're talking about."

She sighed loudly and finally went around the other side of the desk, sitting down. "Just never mind, Jase. I'm just an idiot. I don't even know what I'm talking about. Just... go. I need to stop being mortified and it's hard with you standing there."

Sin scratched the back of his head and squinted at her. "Uh. Okay."

He backed towards the door and turned around. She bid him a final, depressed sounding goodbye and he escaped into the hallway safely. He walked quickly down the hallway and out of the employee area, disappearing out of the club before anyone had a chance to ask him any questions.

When he stepped outside there was a surprisingly pleasant breeze and it helped to clear his mind somewhat of the drunken haze that his mind was still slightly shrouded in. He raked a hand through his hair and headed towards the studio, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened and failing miserably. He'd had the perfect opportunity— he'd had someone who wanted him, who was willing, who had no idea what his past was and who did not fear him or think he would rape her, and he'd denied her. What the hell was his problem? Was he actually gay?

The question nagged him the entire walk home.

====

When Sin got to the obnoxious, broken door he pushed it open impatiently and entered the apartment with an annoyed scowl plastered on his face. He kicked the door shut behind him and stared down at Boyd who was stretched out on the sofa, drawing and looking incredibly peaceful.

"Hi."

Boyd blinked slowly and yawned, bringing a languid hand up to cover his mouth as he did so. "Hey," he said, sounding a little sleepy and questioning. Noting how annoyed Sin looked, he tilted his head and closed his sketchbook. "What's wrong?"

"I'm an idiot," Sin replied stonily and locked the door before he began ripping his clothes off angrily. "And I drank too much."

Boyd's eyebrows shot up, not able to help feeling surprised.

"Why, what happened?"

"Stupidity happened," Sin growled as he kicked off his boots and tossed his shirt onto the floor. "I knew that woman would get to me at some point."

There was a pause and then Boyd's eyes narrowed slightly as understanding dawned on him. "You... Wait, what? You and... Jessica...?"

"Me and Jessica," Sin repeated, sounding disgusted. He wandered into the bathroom without saying anything else and came out a moment later without the contacts in. His green eyes were flashing angrily and he yanked a crumpled pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, lighting one and taking a long drag.

"It doesn't matter. I fucked it up anyway."

Boyd was practically reeling from Sin's admission and he tried to ignore how the idea of Sin with this Jessica woman made him feel jealous, upset, and stupid. Just a few hours ago he had been hanging on Sin and Sin did nothing with him. Instead, he went to this woman. Was Boyd that unimpressive, or was Sin just mad that his male partner was all over him when he possibly wasn't even gay? He was definitely glaring at Boyd, but it just seemed to be because he was angry in general.

"I don't.. understand..."

Sin shook his head and exhaled slowly, staring down at Boyd through partially closed eyelids. "She wanted me. She was touching me, kissing me, begging me to fuck her--" The words came out almost mockingly, but it seemed that he was mocking himself. "And for a minute I wanted to, I wanted to rip her clothes off and fuck her on her desk," He continued, once again allowing the alcohol to take control of his mouth. "But I didn't."

Watching him with wide eyes, Boyd tried to ignore the fact that he didn't like the idea of Sin wanting someone that much when the someone wasn't him. Could he blame him? Sin had come after him before and Boyd had shoved him away. He knew Sin didn't mind his presence, he knew they were getting along so well; but that didn't mean Sin wanted him. It didn't mean that Sin would ever choose Boyd again now that he had options.

"Why?" Boyd asked hesitantly after a surprised pause.

Sin's shoulders sagged and he shook his head, raking a hand through his hair in frustration. "I just... I don't know. I just didn't want to anymore."

Sin looked at Boyd for a moment and then padded over to the kitchen on his bare feet, yanking open the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water. "Just forget it. It's stupid. You're probably tired anyway... Just go to sleep."

"I'm not..." Boyd began, but watching Sin only made him think too much, no matter what he was doing. Boyd was such an idiot. Why the hell was he like this, why did he always have to complicate matters? Why would Sin stop when there was a beautiful woman willing, when he had even admitted that he wanted her? Maybe... If it was a replay of that first time, maybe Sin was paranoid that he would hurt her. Maybe he wanted to go slower with her... Maybe he'd learned his lesson with Boyd. Maybe Boyd had just been a mistake and now he would become the experiment that helped Sin know what to do better with others.

That thought actually bothered him enough that he could not finish his sentence and he looked down at his lap, automatically reverting to the neutral expression he'd spent years creating. After a moment, Boyd nodded and dropped his sketchbook onto the table.

"Yes, I suppose you're right," he said calmly, walking over to his bed where he grabbed pajamas from his duffel bag and disappeared into the bathroom to change. He ended up choosing a long-sleeved shirt and pajama pants, even though he knew he would be incredibly hot. With all the other confusing thoughts in his mind, now he felt bothered by the idea that he'd been walking around with his arms showing all day, even if it shouldn't be a big deal. But his whole upper body was something that could make him feel vulnerable faster than anything else when it was shown.

When he came back into the main room, he didn't feel like putting his clothes away so he just tossed them out of the way of his bed, where they fell near the couch. He whispered only a soft,

"Good night," before he pulled the sheets up, and, curling on his side facing the main room, closed his eyes.

He was too edgy to sleep properly though and more than once he found himself watching through his eyelashes as Sin paced the living room in his boxers, chain smoking. He sat down a few times, looking frustrated and confused, and kept looking over at Boyd, who made sure to look like he was sleeping.

Sin put out his last cigarette and covered his face with his hands briefly, sighing softly. He sat that way for a moment, hunching forward on the couch until he sat up again and sent another distracted look at Boyd. But just as soon as his eyes rested on his partner, Sin looked away again, eyebrows drawing together in that same confused look.

He stood up and began to pace again, cracking his knuckles and sucking on his lip ring in agitation. It went on that way for several moments before his pale green eyes fell on the pile of Boyd's clothing he had carelessly tossed aside. Sin stopped pacing and gazed down at them for a moment before he slowly walked over and picked up Boyd's tank top. He looked at it for a moment and at first it seemed that he would toss it back down but instead he sat down on the couch again and rubbed his thumb absently against the fabric. He looked indecisive, baffled, and then after shooting another glance in Boyd's direction, he brought the shirt up to his face and inhaled, closing his eyes.

Sin stayed that way for a long moment and a loud, ragged sigh escaped his mouth. One of his hands found its way up to his lap and began rubbing his crotch absently as he kept his face buried in the shirt.

Boyd's eyes almost widened but he stopped himself. He couldn't quite believe that he was seeing what he thought he was. He forced himself to remain perfectly normal, with consistent breathing as if asleep, but his gaze was riveted from beneath his eyelashes.

A soft sound escaped Sin's mouth and he slumped down on the sofa, letting his long legs spread apart as he rubbed himself a little faster. He pulled the cloth away from his face and allowed his head to roll in Boyd's direction. Heavy lidded green eyes were staring at Boyd intently as Sin pulled his erection out of the slit in his boxers. The moonlight that streamed through the windows illuminated him perfectly and Sin was obviously extremely turned on. His hand began moving up and down quickly, full lips parting as he stared at Boyd.