Even Angels Fall (4 page)

The first part of the day passes by in something of a haze for Abbey. Her morning classes seem to be over in the blink of an eye, yet she finds herself struggling to keep her head above water. Everything is so new; there are so many names to remember and corridors and classrooms to memorize. The school is huge; at least it feels that way, and she is late to almost all of her lessons after getting lost using the so-called ‘map’ that Principal Grant gave to her. This doesn’t help with her plan to go unnoticed. Instead of keeping her head down and blending into the background she had burst into almost every room in a state of blind panic, much to the amusement of the other students - and some of her teachers.

Lunchtime doesn’t bring any sense of relief either, quite the opposite in fact. Apart from a few people who made polite conversation during her first few classes, she hasn’t really spoken to anyone and she certainly hasn’t made any friends. She doesn’t know anybody, doesn’t fit in anywhere, and for that reason she avoids the cafeteria like the plague.

She can’t stand the thought of sitting at a table by herself amongst all the staring and pointing, so instead she finds an empty classroom and eats her lunch while going over the homework she has already been given. Abbey knew that starting from scratch was always going to be like this, but the sense of loneliness she feels is affecting her more than she thought it would. In the darkened classroom it is easy for her to give in and wallow in self-pity. Her first morning had been even worse than she could have predicted, and having an hour to sit and think about it all means she is on the verge of sinking into despair again. Breaking down in private is one thing, but she can’t afford to do it here.

Luckily she is able to keep it together until the bell rings, signalling the end of lunch. She collects her books together and heads back towards her form room, rushing slightly so that she isn’t late for the hundredth time today. As she charges around the corner - unsure whether she is even heading in the right direction – she is far too preoccupied with her thoughts to notice the small group of people that have suddenly appeared in front of her. Before she has time to react and to her absolute horror, Abbey collides with someone, and everything from that point on seems to happen in slow motion.

The breath is knocked out of her, there is a loud clatter as her books fall to the floor and she staggers back, unable to keep her balance. As Abbey hits the ground she can already feel the heat rising to her face in sheer, mortified embarrassment and she wishes more than anything that a cold, dark rock would appear in front of her so she could crawl under it and never come out. She can hear laughter erupting from the people around her, but when Abbey looks up at the girl she has just charged into at full speed, she sees no amusement on her face, only anger.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” She barks.

“I’m really sorry, I didn’t see you…” As Abbey stands and regains her balance, she suddenly feels a sharp, piercing pain in the back of her head. After a moment of initial shock, she realises that she has been slammed violently into the lockers behind her and the girls hands are clenched tightly around the collar of her shirt.

“Wh… what are you…?” Abbey can barely get the words out - and her head and heart are pounding as the girl slams her into the lockers again.

“You don’t barge into me bitch…”

“I said I was sorry… ” Abbey can feel a lump beginning to form in her throat as tears build behind her eyes, but she is determined not to cry. A crowd of people gather to watch the confrontation unfold - staring in anticipation as they wait to see what will happen - and the girl eventually let’s go of Abbey’s shirt, laughing menacingly.

“Just stay out of my way freak…” She threatens, smiling at her friends as they saunter away.

Abbey quickly straightens her uniform and reaches down to gather her things from the floor, her breathing fast and her hands shaking. The sound of casual chatter once again fills the hallway and the scene instantly returns to normal, almost as if nothing has happened at all. Abbey can still feel the heat in her face and she hides behind her hair, not daring to look up in case she is still being started at, or worse, pitied by the people who have just witnessed her violent and very public humiliation. ‘What the hell is that girl’s problem?’ Abbey thinks to herself. ‘It was an accident’. A strong feeling of anger and resentment starts to build in Abbey as the hatred for her new school intensifies. It wasn’t even her choice to be here yet she is the one suffering. Completely alone, totally alienated and now apparently she has made a brand new enemy… oh and no friends. All in all an incredibly successful first day. Honestly, of all the people she could have bumped into it had to be the crazy psychopath… typical! ‘I knew I would hate this place’.

Abbey’s furious, internal rant is interrupted as a hand appears in front of her, holding out one of her books. She looks up from behind her hair and sees a girl, crouching on one knee, smiling kindly.

“You missed this one…”

“Thanks…” Abbey takes the book and stands quickly, trying to act as casual as possible. The overwhelming urge to cry returns but she manages to control it.

“Are you OK?”

“I’m fine, thank you…” She always was a dreadful liar.

“Listen, don’t worry about her, she’s got a major problem with pretty much everyone…”

“Well, at least it’s not just me, that’s something I guess…” Abbey tries her best to laugh it off but she can feel her hands and voice still shaking and the girl smiles again. She is very pretty - small, petite, with wavy blonde hair and brown eyes. She is dressed in quite an eccentric way which is surprising to Abbey, seen as Principal Grant had drilled into her on their first meeting how much he values smart uniform at all times. ‘Self-presentation is everything’ were the exact words he had used. But this girl seems to openly flout that rule. She is wearing a skirt but it is short, her black boots are studded and her shirt is un-tucked. Her tie hangs loose around her neck and Abbey can see that she has a lot of jewellery on, at least 4 or 5 different chains and a ring on every finger. She is wearing the standard blue blazer but it is adorned with badges that have the names of numerous rock bands printed on them, and she has a scruffy looking green bag thrown over her shoulder.

“You’re new here right?”

“Yeah, it’s my first day…” Abbey sighs, regretfully, “I’m Abbey… Abbey Miller…”

“Nice to meet you Abbey Miller, I’m Lucy…” She chimes, sweetly, “Bit of friendly advice? Maybe try and watch where you’re walking, especially when you’re around dickheads like her…!”

“Yeah, I think it’s safe to say I’ve learnt that lesson the hard way!” Abbey laughs, before their brief exchange is interrupted when Lucy’s name is called from the other end of the corridor. Liam and Nathan are standing by the fire exit that leads outside into the courtyard and down to the back entrance of the school. As Liam raises his arms up, asking a silent question, Nathan checks back and forth, making sure that they haven’t been seen.

“Sorry Abbey, I have to go… but I’ll see you around…” With a friendly smile and a quick wave, Lucy races off to join the two boys and Abbey stands, watching curiously as the three of them disappear out of view. She lingers in the empty hallway, running over the last 15 minutes in her mind, trying to make sense of it all, when the bell rings, breaking the silence and causing her to almost jump out of her skin.

‘OH SHIT!’ Late again for the hundredth time today.

The rest of the week follows more or less the same pattern for Abbey, although her time keeping improves considerably. She keeps her head down in lesson and spends most of her lunch hour hiding herself away in whatever empty classroom she can find; a welcome break in the middle of the day where she can escape her new surroundings and the strange faces that aren’t getting any familiar. She knows that she isn’t helping herself and she should probably make more of an effort, but she just doesn’t care enough to try. Everyday Janet asks her how school has gone and ‘fine’ is the only response she gives. There isn’t an awful lot of point in telling Janet the truth. She wouldn’t be able to do anything about it anyway and even if she could, she has always known Abbey’s feelings about moving school. If she didn’t listen to her before, why on earth would she now? The fact is, as much as Abbey may hate it, this is her reality.

On the plus side though, she has thankfully managed to avoid another run in with the crazed psychopath who she has since discovered to be a Miss Natalie Alder. She is, unsurprisingly, the resident bully. Abbey is constantly alert in between classes and especially at break times, forever looking over her shoulder and checking that she is nowhere in sight. Ridiculous that she should be made to feel this way by one girl, but the memory of Natalie slamming her into the lockers is still fresh in her mind and she certainly doesn’t want anything like a repeat performance. Finally, after what seems like the longest, most nightmarish week of her life, Abbey makes it to Friday afternoon, relatively unscathed and still in one piece.

A
bbey rubs her tired eyes and blinks hard as little patches of coloured light dance in her vision. She shuts the book she is reading and stretches out on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. ‘Why do weekends always go so fast?’ She wonders.

Abbey had never been so happy to see a Saturday before, and despite the weather being quite nice for this time of year she had spent most of the weekend locked away in her room. It still doesn’t feel like hers yet, but she is working on it - hanging pictures and posters on the walls and arranging then re-arranging the furniture until she is relatively happy with how it looks. She has plenty of framed photos - most of which are of her friends back home - but she hasn’t put them out yet. Although they will no doubt make the room feel much more personal, looking at them only brings on a feeling of deep depression, so for now they remain hidden away in a box in her wardrobe.

She had spent the majority of her Sunday tackling the mountain of homework she was given in her first week. Her entire class had been told about the amount of work they would be expected to produce in their final A-Level year, but it is still a shock to the system. What they should have been warned about was the fact they would have to kiss goodbye to their social life, as in between the studying, coursework and almost constant revision, there is hardly any ‘down time’ left at all. Not that it matters to Abbey now of course. She doesn’t have anything that even remotely resembles a social life at the moment.

The alarm clock next to her bed beeps once, marking the hour. It is 8pm on a Sunday night, easily the worst time of the week. Abbey lets out a groan; that hollow feeling of dread has already started to creep up on her. Soon it will be Monday morning and the start of another fun filled week.

The house is quiet and has been for most of the day. Peter is out running various work related errands and Janet has spent the afternoon fighting her way through the remaining boxes that were stacked up in the garage. Almost everything is unpacked now apart from those few, and Abbey has to admit that it is starting to look and feel a lot more like home… but not enough for her to feel completely comfortable. She still can’t shake the notion that this is all just a temporary solution. It hasn’t really sunk in yet.

Abbey makes her way downstairs and shuffles into the kitchen wearily. She isn’t exactly tired, but the thought of what might be in store for her at school tomorrow is enough to drain her energy and make her feel completely deflated. As she stares out of the window, absentmindedly making a drink, a familiar voice catches her attention and snaps her out of her daydream. She strains to hear, not sure whether she had simply imagined the sound that is all too recognizable to her. A moment passes and there is nothing but silence. Concluding that it must have been her mind playing tricks, she turns off the kitchen light, but as she is about to retreat back up to her bedroom Abbey hears the sound again. It is clearer this time, and it makes her stomach lurch and her heart drop in her chest… the careless laughter that she has missed so much and not heard in so long. Ryan.

It is then that she notices the dim glow from under the living room door, and Abbey knows exactly what she will find behind it. She has seen it so many times in the last year that she has lost count. It is extremely difficult to get through to her mum when she is like this, but what is she supposed to do? A big part of her wants to go back upstairs and pretend that she hasn’t seen or heard anything, but that wouldn’t exactly be fair. Despite how distant and cut off she feels from her family, particularly her Mum, she isn’t cruel enough to walk away and ignore her when she is in pain and she is obviously having a difficult night.

Abbey places her drink on the side and carefully pushes the door ajar. Janet is sitting on the floor leaning against the arm of the sofa, with a large glass of wine in her hand. There is half a bottle on the table in front of her and she reaches forward, topping up her drink before resting her head back and wiping the sleeve of her cardigan across her tear stained face.