Evanescent Ink (Copperline #4) (27 page)

I wanted to shake her off, but my body was barely responding to my brain enough to nod and smile to the promoters.

So I just kinda tuned her out. I played along.

Until Justin showed up. He made that a little harder to do.

He came through the door and stood by the table as Cody and the execs rose for introductions. His ass was barely in his chair when he realized Maggie was present. “What the fuck is she doing here?”

She smiled back at him as though he’d just paid her a compliment, undaunted and unshaken by his blatant confusion. “Getting you guys the gig of a lifetime,” she replied in a heartbeat.

“So, anyway,” one of the men, I think he was Steve, continued from where he’d left off, “the lead singer of the band you'll be replacing has mono. Can you believe that shit? They figure he'll be out for a month.”

“So it would be best not to kiss the groupies, then,” Justin nodded thoughtfully. “We should just fuck ‘em. Got it.”

Steve looked over at the other guy…
Bob
. “Fuck me, this guy is made for the road,” he laughed.

“Will they get more tour dates?” Maggie asked, pulling everyone’s attention back to the business at hand.

“It’s possible,” Bob replied. “We definitely want you to sign up to do at least the three shows. Not that you’d want to, but we don’t want you pulling out after the first.”

“Sometimes pulling out is a good thing,” Justin snorted, and Denny smacked him on the back of his head.

“Shut your gob,” Denny grated out.

“Ow,” Justin replied. “And speak English you fucker.”

Maggie shot them a death look, something she’d perfected over the last couple years, and both Denny and Justin immediately straightened. She turned back to Bob and Steve. “Sorry,” she shrugged. “This is why they need me.”

Bob laughed, ignoring the confused looked from the band. “Well, you’re very good. We might have you take on a couple more bands.”

Maggie simply smiled, but I felt the excitement ripple through her at the prospect. It made me feel just a bit ill.

Bob looked back at Justin. “You see, there’s a lot to do in order to get you guys up there on stage. Merchandising, advertising, getting a song of yours recorded and playing on radio stations. It just wouldn’t be worth it to us just for one show.”

Cody and Denny exchanged wary glances, but Justin practically drooled at the concept.

“Radio, merchandise…” he murmured, “dude, could we do a line of sex toys?”

“Before we get into that, I’d like to talk it over with my wife,” Denny cut in.

“Yeah,” Cody agreed, turning a blind eye to Maggie’s glare. “Me too.”

“Absolutely,” Steve smiled. It came off a little forced, but his confidence didn’t waver. “We’ll give you a day or two to think about it. However, we would like to have you on a plane Monday morning.”

“On a plane?” Denny asked.

“We would like to take you to meet the Sinners. Show you what your life on the road will be like.”

When I got back to Ink, the lights in the front of the shop were off. Raven’s Jeep was still parked out front though, and I could make out just the faintest glow down the hallway from my office.

I didn’t even know what to tell her. I was in a state of shock, some weird turmoil that had me wondering just exactly how this is going to turn out. I unlocked the front door, walked through, and locked it again behind me. It felt like forever before I got to the office. Sure enough, there she was, sitting at my desk.

She looked apprehensive. Without even the faintest glimmer of her usual cool confidence. She watched me step through the door and cross to the couch, not saying a word. Waiting for the news.

“They want us,” I said. “They want us to fly out to meet the band Monday.”

“So soon? It’s Thursday today.”

“Yeah. They’re all set to show us the ropes.”

She smiled tremulously. “That’s great. It’s your dream come true.”

“I’m not entirely sure we’re going yet.”

She almost seemed like she was barely breathing. “Why wouldn’t you?” she almost whispered.

“It’s a band decision. It could mean nothing at all. Just a flash in the pan. A cool experience. Our fifteen minutes of fame.” I leaned forward, resting my hands on my knees, bringing my fingers up to rub the bridge of my nose. “But it could also change everything. Denny and Cody went home to talk it over with their wives. Justin went out to score some pussy in celebration.”

Raven gave a short dry laugh and looked back down at my desk for a minute. She was acting kind of strangely, but part of me figured it was because I was acting strangely. Everything suddenly seemed so uncertain.

“Maggie actually came through for you,” she murmured tracing her hand over the papers on the desk.

“I guess,” I shrugged. “Rave… if I go, what about… what would you…?”

She looked back over to me, and I couldn’t finish. I didn’t know really what I was asking. What would she think about coming with me? Or would she wait for me? Would she put up with all the shit that might come along with fame? Or would she pick me up when I fell flat on my face again? Would she dust me off and put me back together when everything came apart?

None of that really seemed fair to her. So I just sat there, awkwardly trying to think of something else to say.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you something,” she murmured after a few moments. She was looking down at her hands, twisting them together in her lap. “I’m moving to Billings. I’m gonna go live with Lacey.”

Everything about the promoters and the Sinners and the ticket to fame bled right out of my chest. It was replaced with pure dread. My heart felt like it turned to granite. My stomach roiled, and nausea swelled through me. “Why?”

“I was here for my mom, Drew. Now she’s gone. Lacey’s roommate is moving out to get married. She offered up the other room when she was here for the funeral.” Raven brushed a bit of lint from her skirt and gave a wry smile. “There’s really no reason for me to stay here now, so I said I would.”

No reason…

What about me? Wasn’t I a reason?

Which was a total vagina-having thing to even think, but
fuck
… she would just walk away?

From what, though?
It suddenly occurred to me again that I may not even be staying in Ophir.

“I’ve got a couple appointments next week,” she continued, “but I was thinking I might head out the week after.”

“Just like that?” My voice sounded rough. Brittle.

“I know it is a little bit of short notice and everything, but if this deal with the Sinners takes off, you won’t even miss me. I was just a pleasant distraction, one that you won’t need anymore.”

No. She can’t do this.

“Raven—”

“There'll be lots of girls out there willing to give you what I do,” she shrugged, “without the baggage.”

No, no, no.

“Rave—”

“It’s just sex, Drew. You know as well as I do, that’s all it was ever going to be.”

It’s just sex
… Her words hit me hard in the chest and echoed through my head.

God, I was a fucking idiot.

I’d done it again. Fallen for someone who didn’t feel the same. Even worse than I had with Maggie. I’d fallen so much harder, so much faster. And now…

I could barely breathe. I couldn’t talk.

“Anyway, congrats,” she said with a tight smile as she stood up and grabbed her purse and coat. “I better get home. It’s pretty late.”

Stupefied, I followed her up to the front. The temperature had dropped below zero, so she slipped on her coat and zipped it up.

“Oh,” she said, “by the way. I rescheduled my appointments for tomorrow, too. I need to go sort through some of mom’s things with Uncle Joe. So, I’m not sure if I'll see you before you go next week. If you go, that is. You'll be swamped this weekend.” She smiled remotely. “But, uh… well, I'll be watching for you on the Grammys.”

She gave me a long look, wavering just the slightest bit like there was more that she wanted to say, but then she just turned and left.

Just like that.

I watched as she walked across the street and climbed into her Jeep. She started it up and sat there for a while, obscured by the dark tinted windows.

Just when I hit my limit, just as I was about to rush out there and ask her
not
to go—to stay with me—she backed out and drove away.

I stood there for what seemed like forever, looking out into the night. In a matter of hours, everything had gone to shit. Again. Just like before.

Not quite like before
, my mind rebelled. With Maggie, there had been warning signs. There had been so many little things I ignored. Things that told me shit was falling apart.

But with Raven…
fuck
.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized I’d ignored the signs with Raven, too. I’d always been the one trying to make it more. To get her to admit it wasn’t just sex. Raven always changed the subject. Or she distracted me with
more
sex. The more I pushed, the more she pulled back. She never said she wanted something real. She always tried to keep it free and easy.

I’d projected my own feelings into her. I’d made believe that she loved me.

Because I loved her.

This was so much worse than Maggie, though, because I really,
truly
loved Raven.

And she just walked away from me without a second thought.

I finally turned away from the night and headed back to my office in a daze. I felt completely numb. The shocks of the day had broken something inside me. I just wanted to go home and climb in bed. To fall asleep and dream. Forever.

As I went to turn off the light on my desk, the last bits of my soul crumbled to pieces. There it was, sitting there in plain sight. Front and center laid out on my desk. Anyone sitting there would have seen it staring back up at them with sad, wary eyes.

The penciled sketch I’d done of Raven.

The bitterness followed me home. The images of Raven toiled in my mind all night. I lay in my bed, all alone for the first night in days, haunted by the memories and images that refused to dissipate.

I felt hollow. Lifeless.

I missed Raven. I missed her bed and her voice. I missed her breath on my skin. I missed seeing her hair tangled in my fingers. It felt like the longest night
ever
, and sleep eluded me until the sky began to shift to a cold winter dawn and I finally managed to drift off into my own darkness.

She followed me into my dreams. Her face faded into the sketch I’d done, then disappeared into nothing. I stood there, lost in the depth of my somnolence, staring at a blank piece of paper and wondering if any of it had even been real. Then, there was Maggie. She walked up to me and kissed me. I tried to push her away, but I couldn’t. I kissed her back, hoping that by the sheer force of will she would morph into Raven. Or make me forget.