Ethan (16 page)

Shae appreciated his honesty. She admired his determination to get to the root of his problem, as he called it, and make the adjustments needed. Ethan was a strong man. He was honorable and
              so hot he made her skin sizzle with awareness. He was exactly what Shae wanted for herself.

Timing, as they say, was a bitch.

She lifted a hand and smoothed her palm over the stubble on his cheek. She loved the feel of his rougher skin. She curled her fingers through his hair and down around his nape.

“Come here,” she said, knowing that
when they made love this time she would be offering a part of herself she’d have to do without forever after.

His mo
uth was warm and gentle on hers. He moved slowly, tasting and savoring. And when he pulled back to look into her face, his expression was softened by tenderness.

“Are you okay with this?” Even as he said the words, he nudged her backwards until her head was pillowed and he was balanced over her on his forearms.

“I want you, Ethan.”

“Tonight, but not tomorrow?” he prodded.

She thought she’d always want him. And knew that some questions were better left not answered. She found the hem of his shirt and pushed her hands under it. Her fingers played along the sculpted muscles of his back. She shifted her legs so that he fit perfectly between her thighs and sighed her satisfaction with the position.

“We have too many clothes on,” she said.

She tugged at the waistband of his jeans but when he didn’t immediately comply with her demands, she smoothed her hands over his jeans, cupped his ass and pulled him closer. His shaft pressed against her core, the contact putting an arch in her spine as she instinctively sought more of him.

“Shae?”

“No more talk tonight, okay?” she asked, and shifted her legs so she could curl them around his waist. She lifted, moving against him in a sensuous rub.

Arousal snapped in his eyes, his breath came faster, but he wasn’t exactly happy about it. He wanted answers, but tonight she had none to give him.

He bore down on his hips to keep her from moving, and for a moment she thought he was going to pursue the issue. She stared into his eyes, hers steady, determined, and tightened her legs around him. She felt his cock harden and the want in her body twisted almost painfully. She did nothing to hide her response from him. The fire in his eyes intensified.

“You want me?”

“Yes. Now.”

He lifted himself, pulling her with him as he stood, and then made quick work of removing her dress and panties. She reached around to unclip her bra but he stopped her.

“No,” he said, and moved closer so that his leg slipped between hers. He pressed his thigh against her mound and a gasp rose from her lips. Then he pulled the lacy cups of her bra down so that they lifted her breasts, offered her nipples to him like a creamy dessert.

“Yes,” he growled. “Like that.”

He striped his shirt off and then moved her hands to his fly. His erection strained against the zipper, pulsed as she cupped him and thickened further.

“How do you want it tonight, babe?” He lowered his hand, his fingers spreading over her belly, r
eaching further, into the springy hair at her sex. “You want it hard and fast? On your knees? On top? Spell it out for me, Shae.”

He was raw and edgy, working off emotion. She wondered if he knew what he felt, or if,

like her, feelings were ricocheting around inside him, driving him but impossible to capture and look at closely.

She worked his zipper down, slipped
her hand inside the soft cotton of his boxer-briefs, and gave him a long, firm stroke. His body jerked. She felt moisture at the tip of his sex and she gathered it on her fingertips, lifted it to her lips and licked. Liquid fire snapped in his eyes.

“Any way you want it, Ethan,” she promised.

And he accepted her invitation, pulling her closer again so that her sex pressed against the rigid muscle of his thigh. His hands moved up her back, so that she arched, and his lips came down on her breast, kissing the plump flesh, pulling her nipple into his mouth in a long suckle that shot to her core. She squirmed, rubbing her clit against him, and felt herself melt.

“Mmmmm,” he murmured his appreciation, but lifted his head only long enough to find her other breast. A starburst of sensation shot through her. She was tight and achy but so soft and pliable, too, and she needed him inside her.

Her hands swept up his back, sank into his hair and tightened. “Now.”

“No.”

He lifted her so he could kiss her navel, his tongue swirling through the shallow indentation. A slow and simple touch that coiled through her. Then he took her piercing between his teeth and tugged. It was like a silk thread was attached to her spine and she arched almost violently while pleasure shot through her veins and the evidence of her arousal grew in every trembling breath she drew, and in the wet between her thighs.

His hands s
moothed down her sides, cupped her hips and rocked her and Shae’s breath

bottled in her throat.
He stepped forward and lowered her and Shae felt the soft mattress against her back. He nudged her legs open with his knees and then his warm breath was again on her breasts, his teeth nibbling, his lips pulling on her nipples while his fingers found her folds, gently parted them, and slid smoothly between them.

“You’re so wet,”
he whispered his appreciation, circled her clit with his fingertips and then asked, “Are you ready for me, Shae?”

“Been ready,” she managed, her voice husky and not a little pleading.

He laughed, short and full of amazement, but continued to torment her, “Not yet.”

He slid one finger into her
. “That’s not enough, is it?”

“No. Only you will be enough.”

He wasn’t moved. Not much, anyway.

He slid a second finger into her, withdrew, then plunged back into her with a swirling move that curled her toes.

“You like that.”

“Yes.” Her breath was thick, made the single word one of praise.

He shifted back on his haunches and Shae’s eyes fluttered open. He was watching her.

“I think you’re going to have to come with my mouth on you,” he told her.

“I need you inside me.”

“Later.”

She heard a plaintive growl and realized it was her.

“You said anyway I want you, Shae,” he reminded her.

“I changed my mind?”

Her words ended on a question because he’d lowered his head and opened his mouth over her clit, suckling it, laving it with his tongue, teething it gently and causing any kind of coherent thoughts to shatter and scatter inside her head. She scooted closer, clutched his head and curled her thighs around his neck. He moved his attentions lower, pushing his tongue inside her, swirling the tip against the plush channel and that rush built to tenuous heights. Her thighs trembled and he clutched her ass, holding her firmly to his mouth and he delved deeper. That coil of desire tightened, drew her into a tempered bow and he seemed to know exactly when she was going to climax because he paused, drawing out the moment until the ache was unbearable, and then plunging his tongue inside her again as his thumb pressed against her sweet spot.

The ride was so intense Shae would not have been surprised to open her eyes and see that she was on the moon. Damn, the man had mouth music down to an exquisite art.

He was still lapping up her juice as she slowly wafted back to earth. Her body was happily sated, her legs pliant as they draped over his shoulders. Slowly, the tension in his body seeped into her and she shifted up on her elbows.

“I think you’re finished down there,” she said.

But he shook his head. “I’ve only just begun.” His voice was smoky and full of promises, but Shae pulled against his hold and came up on her knees. She took a peek over the side of the bed. He was rock hard and flushed crimson.

“You need me.”

“Always,” he returned.

“So let me—”

“Blow me? No. That’s not the way this is going down tonight.”

“You liked it before.”

“
Loved it,” he corrected. “But there’s something I want more.”

Shae thought about that. Was he asking for something unusual? She was open to suggestions. “What exactly?”

He chuckled and rose to sit beside her in bed. “Nothing kinky,” he promised. He lifted her hand and placed an open kiss on her wrist. His tongue played along her veins as he turned her arm and then began to trail his lips along the sensitive flesh all the way up to her neck and that spot behind her ear.

“
I want you to come, Shae. Multiple times, multiple ways.” Arousal hooded his eyes, thickened his voice.

“What ways?”

The question must have ignited his imagination. She watched the fire leap in his eyes and his hand curled around his dick and applied a steady pressure.

“I should probably slide into you missionary right now because I’m not going to last long enough to enjoy anything else.”

She liked that the talk was undoing him. She wanted him to come. And she’d take it from him if she needed to.

“You want to take me from behind?” She knew men favored the position. And she knew her voice was a teasing invitation.

His chest lifted, but he managed only a shallow breath. “Definitely, but first I want you to take me for a ride.”

Before he could place further rules or restrictions on how the night would unfold, Shae planted her hand firmly on his shoulder and pushed him backward. She straddled his hips and reached for the condom packet he’d left on the bed. She peeled back the foil and regarded him over the
prophylactic.

“I want to be an active participant, in whatever you have planned.
And I have a few of my own ideas,” she informed him. “I promised you won’t be disappointed.

“I never thought I would be.”

She scooted back onto his thighs and before she rolled the rubber down his shaft, she followed the line from his head to base with her tongue. He shuddered in response, his body coiled with tension, and his breath became a raspy throttle in his throat.

“Don’t play with me, Shae, or there’ll be no need for that rubber.”

She stared at his cock. It was really quite beautiful, thick and flushed with a head that was perfectly crowned. He was right. She really wanted to blow him.

He shook his head. “Not now. I won’t last a minute.”

“You’ll last longer inside me?”

He captured her hands in his, twining their fingers, and gave her a small tug so that she hooked her eyes with his.

“I need to be inside you. Don’t know how long I’ll last, but I want that connection.”

His honesty peeled through layers of passion and hit her in the hear
t. She understood that need; she felt the same way.

“Then you’ll be inside me.”

She mounted him then. She braced her hands on his chest and lifted her hips over his and slowly sank down on his shaft.

He didn’t watch their joining, but kept her gaze and said, “Stay with me,” when she would have looked away.

And in that moment she felt him stamped on her heart in a way that was both breathless and enduring.

Chapter Sixteen

Ethan watched Shae from the doorway. H
er hair was caught up in a pony tail, revealing the tender skin at her nape, and a frown pleated the skin between her eyebrows. Beside her on the desk was her yellow pad where she scribbled notes she would later discuss with Ethan. She was scrolling through an article on her lap top rather than reading through his screenplay on his Tablet. She was engrossed and hadn’t noticed him yet, not even when she paused to jot a note to herself.

His plan had
worked, and better than he’d hoped. Shae had given him insight and he had applied it and already he felt like he’d moved mountains in understanding himself, Tina and the travesty of their marriage.

And Shae was still here.

He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned a shoulder against the door frame. His breath came easier. He’d awoken minutes ago, after making love to Shae several times during the night and still feeling the imprint of her softer body against his own, and found the bed empty and the sheets where she’d lain cold. In that first moment, panic seized him—he’d thought she’d left. That she was long gone, on her way to San Francisco, her family and the baby she craved. But that wasn’t her way, and Ethan appreciated that. Shae was honest. She gave her word and kept it. And she had the strength of character to look him in the eye, through vulnerability and uncertainty, and stand her ground.

Shae
must have felt his presence because she looked up. The frown faded quickly and he

liked that. Not quite a smile—not the full brilliance of her usual greeting—but
a sweet curving of her lips that made him want to kiss her.

He pushed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and smiled at her. He
let his eyes roam from the tips of her painted toes, over her shapely legs and her sweet ass covered by her cut-off shorts. He paused long enough on her breasts to make her squirm, then moved onto the bow of her lips, still plump from his kisses, then the soft curve of her cheek, before falling into the deep blue of her eyes.

“Did you have breakfast?”

His voice was still rough from sleep.

“Not yet.”

“I’ll make it,” he offered. “Huevos Rancheros?”

She nodded. “With the spicy salsa.”

“Feeling hot?”

“And hungry,” she agreed. Heat rose to her cheeks when his gaze
again stayed too long. “Are we going to talk like this all day?”

“In d
ouble entendres?” He nodded. “I think so. We both know you’re leaving. I mean, we know it on a primal level, too. It’ll be a few days—”

“Four,” she corrected.

“You’re not coming back until Monday?” He had thought Saturday or Sunday. How long does a doctor’s appointment take? His mind shied away from naming exactly what would be going on during that office visit, but he felt the rolling thunder of dread build in him anyway. It made everything he looked at, every thought he had, darken.

“I’m going to look at a few houses when I’m in the area,” she to
ld him. She pushed back from the lap top and picked up her notebook. “Want to know what I figured out this morning?”

Reluctance
made his jaw tense but he managed an easy tone, “We don’t have to do this today.”

“Yes, we do.”

He nodded. “The faster we peel through this the sooner you’re released?”

She shook her head. “No. Well, yes, but that’s just one benefit. The faster we plo
w through this material the sooner
you’ll
be released.”

The years following Tina’s death
had been a kind of prison for him. But the past few days he’d felt like a man on leave.

“You blame yourself for Tina’s death.”

“No, I don’t. Tina took her life, not because of anything I did, but because of what she did.”

“The affair,” Shae stated.

“Exactly. She didn’t even try to claim the baby was mine. There’d been no point. I was gone nine months and she was five months along.” He shrugged and paced to the windows. “When I returned home from deployment she’d been waiting for me. She opened her arms, showed me her belly, and announced that she was leaving me.”

“And you didn’t stop her.”

“Are you kidding me?” He turned to her. “I just about ran out the door.”

“Really?”
she challenged. “There must have been words spoken. Tears shed. Explanations and accusations.”

He turned back to the
windows overlooking the pool. The sun was already firmly in the sky, its brilliant rays reflecting off the palm fronds. He forced himself back into that moment, when he had come home from that tour of duty, expecting Tina to meet him at the base, but was instead greeted by silence. He took a lift from a buddy and walked into a house he barely recognized—he’d spent so little time in it. Tina had been waiting in the living room. She’d stood and made her grand announcement, after which he had methodically gone through their things, separating his and hers, packing what he could into the boxes piled in the garage and leaving the rest for her to take care of.

“I was gone nearly a year. That’s too much to ask of a woman.”

“Bull,” Shae returned. “You short change a lot of women with that sentiment.”

He turned to her, his face somber. “You’re right. There are plenty of good women who do the time, no complaint.” He’d known several personally.

“Tina wasn’t the woman you thought you’d married.”

“And that was my fault.”

“It was. And hers, too. You were both young. Idealistic, in many regards.”

He snorted a cynical laughter that sounded tinny and empty. “You think?”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Shae argued. “With maturity, idealism turns into affirmative action.”

There was truth in that. Ethan was doing his best to flesh that out in the indie movies he backed and the docu-dramas he directed.
It even seeped into his action films.

“What did you do?”

“I packed.”

“And what did she do?”

“Cried. She told me all the reasons why she had to turn to another man. Most of them were directly connected to my inability to fulfill her needs.”

“From seven
thousand miles away?”

“Yes.” He gazed at her. “She didn’t want that kind of life. Not anymore.”

“Did you offer to put in for a stateside post?”

“It was a done deal, Shae. She was pregnant. By another man. And while you seem to think nothing of that for yourself, it mattered to me.”

“Of course it did.”

“I couldn’t look at her. I couldn’t give her what she wanted.”

“Which was?”

“Another chance.”

“She asked for that?”

“Yes. A few days later. She came to the base, tearful. Full of regret. But I didn’t care. I’d
already put in for another tour. We were needed over there and I got my wish.”

“But she didn’t get
hers?”

“No.”

“And so you think it was what you didn’t do that pushed her in front of that train?”

“No. Yes. Maybe.”
His eyes became heated. “The truth is, she’d probably still be alive, that baby would have had a chance, if I’d just sucked it up and manned-up.”

“By manning up, do you mean
taken her back and raised the child as your own?”

“Other guys have done it.”
He tapped his knuckles against the pane. Damn he was feeling edgy. “And I wasn’t exactly innocent in all this, Shae. I married her and, for all intents and purposes, left her.”

“
She married you knowing you were military,” she pointed out but then took the offensive, “So why didn’t you take her back?”

“I didn’t love her. I didn’t love her long before she had the affair.”

And Ethan knew they were finally at the heart of the matter. His big failure. “And she knew it.”

“That’s why her letters stopped,” Shae posed.

“I stopped writing first.” He looked at her then, letting his shame show on his face. “We grew apart. The last few times I was home on leave, I felt like I didn’t even know her. I tried, but I finally ran out of. . .want.”

“And that’s it, isn’t it? You stopped loving her and have a hard time forgiving yourself for it.”

“Yes.”

“
Have you thought about the timing? That maybe every time you returned from a combat situation you were less able to love? You read the blogs, Ethan. You know the condition wasn’t singular, that it’s a common situation returning troops confront.”

She stood and joined him
at the windows. He felt her beside him, the warmth of her body seeping into his.

“Maybe
,” she said, “amidst all of that you
couldn’t
love her.”

He hadn’t connected to two, maybe because he was too close to the situation, living it and breathing it and unable to peel himself off the hook and take a look as an objective observer.

The personal stories she had found and shared with him had felt familiar, he had found himself in the words of other servicemen, but could it be that easy? Blame it on battle? That didn’t feel right.

“So, what are you going to do about it?” she pressed.

“I don’t know.”

Shae nodded. “I’ll be back Monday.”

He reached out to her as she walked past him, his fingers trailing down her arm and tangling in her fingers.
They gazes locked and he said, “I’ll be waiting, Shae.”