Ethan (Alluring Indulgence) (17 page)

Now,
as he watched him standing out in the chilly evening air, Beau knew something
had changed. Ethan was back to being his usual, self-protected self. What he
was supposed to do about that, Beau had no idea. He really wanted to give him
space, to let him get used to the idea of whatever this was between them, but
he knew if he backed off too much, Ethan would go right back to closing himself
off entirely.

Beau
wasn’t willing to risk that.

A
sudden pounding on the front door had Beau jerking, the sound startling him out
of his thoughts. He looked over at the door and then back at Ethan who must’ve
heard it too because he was moving in his direction at a fast pace.

The
back door opened and then closed at the same time the front door opened.

Shit.
Had Ethan not locked the door?

“What
the fuck?” Blake exclaimed, standing in the doorway like he owned the place.

Ethan
passed by Beau without a word, his attention seemingly focused on the little
man standing in the foyer. Beau noticed how tense Ethan was, his body a
straight line, his muscles rigid and flexing as he moved.

“My
thoughts exactly,” Ethan barked, his voice echoing through the open space. “How
the
fuck
did you get in my house?”

“You
gave me a key, remember?” Blake responded, his argument not nearly as assertive
as Beau would’ve expected.

Beau
wasn’t sure which way he should go. There he was, standing in Ethan’s dining
room, wearing nothing but his jeans, so it was a little obvious what they had
been doing. Did he go back upstairs and get dressed? Did he try and sneak out
the back door? Was he supposed to pretend that Blake’s arrival didn’t piss him
the fuck off?

Beau
had never been in a situation like this, and he had no idea what he was
supposed to do.

“Give
me the fucking key,” Ethan yelled.

“Tell
me why he’s here, first,” Blake argued, his voice going higher with each word.

“That’s
none of your fucking business,” Ethan ground out, his words dripping with malice.

Beau
knew the smart thing to do would be to sneak out of the house. The less
confrontation the better. He knew Ethan well enough to know he’d deny any sort
of relationship, interaction, or whatever the hell he wanted to call it and
quite frankly, Beau wasn’t sure he could listen to Ethan deny there was
anything between them.

It
was one thing for Ethan to keep up that wall he’d built around himself where Blake
was concerned, but Beau had penetrated that wall, caused a fissure to start at
the base, threatening the stability of all that denial and he hated to lose the
little bit of progress he’d made. If he stayed, he’d just end up getting
defensive, or worse, protective of Ethan. And he knew that wasn’t going to go a
long way to remaining in Ethan’s good graces.

As
quietly as he could, Beau slipped back upstairs, trying to ignore the vehement
argument that was going on in the entryway downstairs. He didn’t want to hear
Ethan and his excuses. He’d heard so many before and although Beau had
developed some strong feelings for Ethan, he knew better than to act on them so
soon.

Hell,
it had taken him months to get to this point, it wasn’t like things were going
to change overnight.

Speaking
of overnight, Beau glanced at the clock and realized it was almost ten. And
since Ethan had informed him earlier in the day that he needed to be at work by
seven, Beau knew he needed to go. Now seemed like the opportune time.

Beau
took a detour into the bathroom to take care of business and then made quick
work of pulling on his shirt, socks and boots. Making sure he had his wallet
and his keys, he glanced around Ethan’s room briefly. Why was he stalling? And
better yet, why did he have the strange desire to stay the night? He just
wanted to return to that oversized bed and pull Ethan up against him for the
next, oh, say, eight hours or so.

After
he kicked Blake’s scrawny ass to the fucking curb.

Shaking
off the thought and refusing to let his disappointment get the better of him,
Beau palmed his keys and then headed toward the stairs. The voices were still
loud and angry, so he knew his hasty retreat wasn’t going to go over well. Not
with Blake and probably not with Ethan. He just hoped he could keep from
pounding Blake into the floor. He didn’t want to leave with Blake still there,
but it wasn’t like he could stand around and defend Ethan’s honor. That was a
surefire way to get his own ass booted to the curb.

When
he made his way back downstairs, he followed the way to the argument still
fanning flames near the front door. He stopped short as soon as he saw Blake’s
hand wrapped possessively around Ethan’s very naked bicep. His other hand was
pressed flat against Ethan’s equally naked chest.

Beau
growled, a sound that was low and menacing and uncontrollable. It was
apparently loud enough to catch Ethan’s attention even over Blake’s pleading
and begging. He tried desperately to ignore the feeling, that possessive
instinct that had reared its ugly head. If he stayed, he would likely cause a
scene, and that was the last thing he wanted. He just had to get out of there.

Unable
to swallow past the lump in his throat, Beau couldn’t even come up with the
words to say goodbye. Making sure he made physical contact with Ethan as he
brushed past, he glanced back over his shoulder when he reached the door,
wishing… shit, he didn’t even know what he wished for.

He
had the door open and one foot out in the crisp night air before he heard Ethan
say his name. With his stomach churning and his heart pounding, he turned to
face him, scared of what the man might say. The next word out of Ethan’s mouth
almost had Beau’s knees buckling beneath him.

“Stay.”

Beau
wanted to stay more than he wanted air, but he wasn’t sure whether Ethan was
saying that for his benefit or Blake’s. And truthfully, Beau didn’t want to get
in the middle of this. The two of them needed to work through this or there was
no way Beau and Ethan could move forward.

If
that was the direction they were headed.

“I’ll
see you in the morning,” Beau said quietly, forcing his legs to move. One foot
in front of the other. Repeat.

He
managed to make it to his truck without incident, but as soon as he was inside,
the heater blasting, Beau sat in the darkness for several minutes, staring up
at the closed front door to Ethan’s house. He couldn’t help but wonder what
they were doing now. Was Blake still touching Ethan? Was Ethan angry that Beau
had left?

Knowing
he wouldn’t get the answers to any of his questions tonight, Beau put the truck
in Reverse and backed out of the driveway.

Driving
away was honestly the hardest thing Beau had ever had to do.

♂♂

“You
need to go,” Ethan said adamantly, his blood pressure soaring from the anger
that was building inside of him. Between Blake showing up and having the
fucking nerve to use a key he’d clearly had made without Ethan’s knowledge and
then Beau walking out, he wasn’t so sure he wouldn’t lose his shit right then
and there.

“I
want to talk.” Blake’s face showed absolutely no concern for the danger he
might actually be in if he continued to push.

Unable
to control himself, Ethan got up in Blake’s face until they were nose to nose.
He didn’t touch him otherwise, fearing what he might actually do if he released
the contempt he suddenly felt for this man. “You. Need. To. Fucking. Leave.” He
spelled it out as clearly as he could.

That’s
when Ethan’s world flipped upside down, and the anger erupted. When Blake
gripped the back of Ethan’s neck and pulled him to him, their mouths pressing
together, Ethan reacted in the only way he knew how. He shoved Blake. Hard.

“Don’t
you ever fucking do that again,” he warned, taking several steps back.

“Why?
Because of Beau? Are you feeling guilty now?”

“I
have nothing to feel guilty about,” Ethan yelled. “Whatever you thought there
was between us is over, Blake. Over.”

“No,
it’s not,” Blake argued. “Not by a long shot. I love you, Ethan. I won’t let
you go.”

“You
don’t have a choice,” Ethan said, taking a deep breath and trying to calm his
nerves. “I was never yours to begin with.”

“Then
give me another chance. It was a mistake. I shouldn’t have walked out. I
shouldn’t have quit. I’m only human, Ethan,” Blake pleaded. “One more chance.”

Not
in this lifetime, Ethan thought to himself. There was no way he could go back.
Not even if he wanted to. After what he’d shared with Beau that afternoon,
Ethan wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to engage in meaningless sex ever again. Nine
years were a long time to go without that intense thrill of being with someone
that you cared about. He wasn’t making any promises, wasn’t going to get his
hopes up, but what he felt with Beau… shit, what he felt when he was with Beau
transcended anything he’d ever felt before. Even the naïve, young love he’d
felt for Gavin.

These
confusing emotions were enough to alter Ethan’s focus. To make him want things
he swore he would never want again.

“You
love me,” Blake said, taking a step closer.

“I
never loved you,” Ethan said, his voice much calmer than before. He didn’t want
to do this. He didn’t like confrontation, and he damn sure wasn’t the type of
person who wanted to put someone in their place, but with Blake, it wasn’t like
he had much choice.

“Do
you think fucking Beau is going to fix you?” Blake said snidely.

Ethan
flinched. He knew it wouldn’t take long for Blake to get nasty.

“My
personal life isn’t your business.” The statement wasn’t an effective argument,
but Ethan didn’t want Blake talking about Beau.

“It
always was before, remember? I was the man you fucked every night until you
were too exhausted to move.”

It
damn sure hadn’t been every night, but Ethan wasn’t going to try and prove that
point.

“I
know you care about me,” Blake said, his voice rising.

Ethan
shook his head in denial, and then glanced at the floor. He hated doing this.
Didn’t want to fight with Blake or anyone else. He didn’t want to be that guy.
He had no intention of making Blake feel bad. “It’s not the same,” Ethan said.

“What’s
not the same? The way you feel about Beau versus what you feel for me?”
Incredulity dripped from Blake’s words.

“No,
goddammit!” Ethan was rapidly losing his grasp on his temper. “I don’t feel the
same for you that you feel for me.”

“Bullshit,”
Blake yelled, taking several steps closer.

Ethan
wasn’t able to move out of Blake’s way fast enough before he found himself
pressed up against the wall, Blake’s body colliding with his. “You feel it,”
Blake said angrily, rubbing his erection against Ethan’s thigh. “You always
enjoyed angry sex, E. I’m willing to give it to you. Beau won’t give you that.
He’ll treat you like you might break.”

Ethan
glared down at Blake and then shoved him back. He hated that Blake thought he
knew so fucking much. Ethan did get the impression that Beau was handling him
with kid gloves, trying to make sure he didn’t push him too hard, which was
partially why Ethan had exerted his dominance earlier.

He’d
needed the control.

And
yes, Blake was correct in saying that Ethan liked it rough. He liked
spontaneous sex. Mainly the kind that lacked any sort of emotion. Fucking for
the sake of fucking.

But
then again, that was before Beau. What he’d shared with Beau had been
different. The man himself was different. He made Ethan feel different.

Shit.

Not
helping.

“Get
out,” Ethan snarled. “And give me the fucking key.”

Blake
surprised Ethan when he handed over the key, his face reflecting the same
ferocity that Ethan felt.

“I
won’t let him do this to us,” Blake said softly, too softly.

“He
isn’t doing anything. What you and I had is over.” Not to mention it didn’t
even compare to what Ethan found himself beginning to feel for Beau. Not that
he could share that little revelation. The best thing to do was to put this on
Blake. Make him believe he’d been the one to end this, although Ethan knew that
it had come to an end a long time ago.  “You gave me a fucking ultimatum,
remember?”

“Yeah,
I remember. And now Beau’s stepped in and what? He gets all of you? I just got
pieces?”

You
didn’t even get that much
, Ethan thought to himself.

“Just
get out.” Ethan didn’t want to have this conversation with Blake. The man was
jealous, and the hatred he saw in his eyes when he mentioned Beau’s name made
Ethan nervous.

“I’m
not leaving. Not until you admit that you care about me.”

Ethan
shook his head but didn’t say a word.

“I
put up with you for months, E. I tolerated this depression or whatever it is
that’s wrong with you. I settled for you giving me minutes, versus days. And
for what? So Beau can take you from me. No, bullshit! I earned your love!”

Ethan
had a feeling that Blake was stepping off of the curb of sanity and right onto
Crazy Street. Earned his love? That didn’t even make any fucking sense.

“There
wasn’t anything there to begin with,” Ethan finally said, feeling shitty for
stating the truth, but not sure what other option he had.

Blake
stood up straight, the anger and determination on his face twisting into
something evil. Something Ethan had seen before.

“You
know, maybe you’re right. Maybe there wasn’t anything.” Blake turned toward the
door and Ethan breathed a sigh of relief.

Too
soon.

Blake
spun on him, a vengeful gleam in his eyes as he said, “I guess it’s a good
thing I never stopped looking for it elsewhere. Remember when I said I was only
with that guy once? Well, I lied. In fact, he wasn’t the only guy I was fucking
on the side.”

Ethan
felt physically ill all of a sudden.

“That’s
right,” Blake said, his tone dropping so low, Ethan barely heard him. “I knew
from the beginning that you were nothing special. So, don’t feel bad for me
because I made sure that I got what I needed. And it damn sure wasn’t from
you.”

When
Blake finally stormed out, Ethan stared at the closed door for a moment, his
stomach churning. Once he was convinced Blake wasn’t coming back, Ethan leaned
against the door and closed his eyes.

Had
that really happened?

Blake
had been fucking around on him? Honestly, Ethan didn’t care about that part of
it. No, his mind was still replaying Blake’s statement:
I knew from the
beginning that you were nothing special
.

Part
of him was starting to believe that.

A
minute later, he let all of his anger out with a brutal roar, one that made his
throat hurt and his head ache.

This
was the exact fucking reason why he didn’t have relationships.

They
never worked out.  

♂♂

“Mind
if I stop by?” Beau asked Zane when he answered the phone.

Going
straight home hadn’t been an option for Beau. He knew he’d just sit and stew
over what just happened, and it would make him nuts. So, he had stopped his
truck in front of Walker Demolition and chose to call Zane.

“Sure
thing, bro.” Zane sounded oddly happy to hear from him.

Now
that Beau thought about it, he hadn’t talked to Zane in a while. Nothing more
than the brief interactions they’d had over the last few weeks. Hell, how long
had it been since he stopped by Zane and V’s to see how they were doing?

“I’ll
be there in a couple of minutes,” he told his friend and then disconnected the
call.

Five
minutes later he was pulling up to Zane’s house. By the time he reached the
front door, Zane was standing there waiting for him. As he moved through the
front door, Zane slapped him on the back, a wicked grin on his face.

“Good
mood?” he asked Zane, trying not to laugh.

“Always.”

That
was kinda true, Beau thought. He must’ve been spending so much time with Ethan
that he forgot how different the brothers were. Where Ethan was moody and
mysterious, Zane was cheerful. Not to mention, Zane was an open book.

“Beer?”

“Absolutely,”
Beau answered, glancing around the loft-style house. “Where’s V?”

“Zoey’s,”
Zane answered. “She went over to see Mason.”

“How’s
he doing?”

“Perfect,”
Zane said with a grin. “He’s giving Kaleb a run for his money.”

Beau
cocked an eyebrow, waiting for Zane to explain further.

“Something
called colic, V said. No idea what that means, but he’s got it and he’s keeping
Kaleb from getting his beauty sleep.”

Beau
laughed at Zane’s vivid description.

“Sit,”
Zane motioned toward the living room before handing Beau a beer.

Beau
dropped onto the couch and let his body relax for the first time in what felt
like days.

“How’s
it going?”

“Good.”

“That
doesn’t sound like ‘good’ to me,” Zane laughed, easing himself into the chair
sitting perpendicular to the couch.

There
was silence for a minute or two. Beau tried to convince himself that he didn’t
answer because he was more interested in drinking his beer, but he knew better.
He didn’t answer because he didn’t even know whether he could share his inner
turmoil with his best friend. Not anymore anyway.

“Talk
to me, B,” Zane said, his cheerful mood shifting to serious.

“What’s
there to talk about?” he asked, stalling. “I lost my job.”

“Yeah?
That ain’t the end of the world.”

For
Zane maybe. But for Beau, he didn’t have anything else to fall back on. He
wasn’t going to mention that he would be working for Ethan because he still
wasn’t sure how that would pan out. He’d find out first thing in the morning,
but for now, he still questioned whether Ethan would still give him the
opportunity after what happened between them.

“How’s
Ethan?”

Zane’s
question surprised Beau so much that he choked, damn near snorting beer out of
his nose.

“What
are you talking about?”

“Oh,
come on.” Zane offered that sly, devilish grin. “Think I don’t know something's
going on between the two of you?”

No
.
No, he didn’t think Zane knew. How could he? It wasn’t like Beau had made it
public knowledge.

“How
long have we been friends?” Zane asked. The question sounded rhetorical, so
Beau didn’t answer. “Oh, that’s right, all of our damn lives.”

Beau
laughed at Zane’s expression.

“And
that means I know you better than anyone else, right?”

Beau
would have to agree with that statement. Nodding his head, he continued to
stare at Zane.

When
Zane leaned forward in the chair, his elbows resting on his knees, the beer
bottle dangling between his legs, Beau knew the conversation was turning
serious.

“Why
didn’t you tell me?”

Zane
didn’t look up at Beau when he asked the question. Beau wasn’t even sure how to
answer it. “Tell you what?”

“That
you’re gay.”

Ahhh.
Well, at least now he knew what they were talking about. And suddenly, Beau
wasn’t in the mood to talk. “I think I should go,” he said in a rush, reaching
to put his beer down on the table as he rose to his feet.