Eternal Craving (18 page)

Once back at the condo, Al dropped Utah and Tor at the front entrance to face Fin alone. Their car would be ready, so they could drive themselves to their apartment.

Jenna stayed with Al as he parked his car in the underground garage. She was glad he didn’t have much to say, because she was busy with her own thoughts. “I think I’ll walk in the park for a few minutes before I come up.”

“Not alone.”

She didn’t try to argue with him. He was right. After what she’d seen since arriving, she didn’t think she’d ever want to walk alone at night again. “I need my space.”

“Sure.”

His voice gave nothing away. She crossed the street and wandered along one of the walkways crisscrossing the park. A pretty park. Well lighted and as safe as any park could be after midnight. She liked it.

“You shouldn’t have interfered back at the club.” He sounded neutral, but she’d bet he was still ticked.

So was she. “And you shouldn’t try to order me around.”

“You could’ve gotten yourself killed.”

“I had the best plan. Simple and effective.”

“You still should have obeyed me and—”

“I don’t
obey
anyone.” She hoped he realized how close to the edge he was treading.

Whatever he thought, he must have decided to keep it to himself because he walked silently beside her. And when the first few snowflakes drifted down around them, she pushed aside her mad to let a little joy in.

“Snow.” She knew he’d hear the excitement in that one word. Snow wasn’t a frequent visitor in Houston. “I can’t believe it. Look.” Jenna lifted her face to the sky as the flakes fell faster and faster. “It’s beautiful.” Happiness bubbled up, for the moment burying the memories of the night. She dropped onto a park bench to watch.

Al settled beside her, but not before scanning the park for danger.

She refused to let this reminder of the evil still out there dampen her mood. Mesmerized, she stared at the falling snow that was now so thick it gave her only a hazy, impressionistic view of the buildings surrounding the park. It wiped her mind clean of her conflicted feelings for him. Al was with her, and no matter how much his beast terrified her, she still felt safe with him.

Without asking permission, he put his arm across her shoulders and pulled her close against his body. She allowed herself to relax into him, absorbing his heat and a feeling she wasn’t quite ready to acknowledge.

“My soul still frightens you.”

That sure came out of nowhere. “Shouldn’t it?” The falling flakes formed a cocoon around them, muffling sound, isolating them on their own little park bench island. “If it’s any comfort, all of the Eleven’s souls frighten me.”

“Yeah, I guess you’d be stupid not to be afraid.” There was no inflection in his voice, nothing to tell her what he felt.

Jenna didn’t turn to look at him. A coward? Maybe. But she didn’t want his expression to influence what she would say. “When I first showed up here, all I wanted to do was to get the goods on you guys and drag Kelly home. So it was all about Kelly. Then I found out what you were, what was at stake, and that I had a part in it. So then it became about Kelly and saving humanity. Now I’ve spent the last few nights watching things happen I’d never thought possible and being scared witless. Along the way, I’ve started to get to know and sort of like all of you guys. And yes, making love with you was more special than you know. So now it’s about Kelly, humanity, and…you.” She left it up to him to decide whether “you” was singular or plural. “Oh, and saving my own butt is in there somewhere too.” She searched for the point to her little speech. “So even though your soul triggers all kinds of survival instincts, I still…care about you.”

She felt his smile. It sneaked past her guard and stomped through her mental patch of prickly-pear resolves to reach her heart. She’d built a barbwire fence of I-will-nots around that particular organ for the express purpose of keeping out marauding dinosaurs, but it didn’t seem to be working.

“Put yourself at the front of the line. It’s always about personal survival.” The smile was gone.

“Do you really believe that?”

“My soul does. Survival drove everything I did back then, even sex. You know, survival of the species and all that crap.”

“What about the human you? What does he believe?” The snow was sticking to the ground, her clothes, her hair, but she gloried in it.
Snow.
People didn’t treasure the ordinary, but to a Houstonian this snow was extraordinary and therefore precious. She felt the same way about any peek into his thoughts he might give her, rare and therefore precious.

He exhaled deeply as he stared at the falling flakes. “I’m not sure now. I
was
sure a few days ago.”

The silence between thought and words seemed to use up years of her life. What was he trying to say?

“My soul slept for millions of years. So for me, it’s only been three months since I hunted in a world without humans, without buildings, without all of this.” He swept his hand up to indicate the surrounding city. “Emotions weren’t a problem. Didn’t have too many. And I was too dumb to appreciate how good I had it.”

“You don’t like emotions?” He wasn’t smiling so maybe he was serious.

He rubbed his hand across his face. “Too much too soon. I
feel
too much.” Something in his eyes said she had a thing or two to do with his emotional overload. “I never had to control anything back then. Any emotions I did have were pale imitations of what humans have. I’m not handling them well. And when all the feelings I don’t understand stack up in the back of my head, I just…” He shrugged.

She took a chance. “Want to explode?”

He nodded. “Lots of repressed rage.”

Jenna knew she should stop while she was ahead, but she had to know more. And this definitely wasn’t the journalist in her talking. This was personal. “Is the rage just because of all the new emotions?”

For a moment she didn’t think he’d answer her, but then he explained. “You already know the Eleven can’t be together long without our aggression getting out of control, but there’s something more with Fin. He’s twice as bad as all the rest. I don’t know why. And once I found out he’d erased some of our memories, the anger got even worse.” Frustration shone in his eyes. “I don’t know. It’s just like everything he does makes me mad. No rhyme or reason.”

Jenna knew she should keep her thoughts to herself, that what she was going to say might turn his anger toward her, but she spoke anyway. “He’s an authority figure. He’s the most powerful of the Eleven. That must be tough when you’re used to being the biggest and baddest in town.” She held her breath for his reaction.

He surprised her. He smiled.

“Ego? I don’t think so. Remember, I was used to Fin being in my head, giving orders. Of course, my dinosaur brain wasn’t a very complex affair. I had my basic instincts, and that was enough to keep me satisfied.”

“Not like now?”

“Not like now.”

Something in his gaze made her breathing and heartbeat pick it up a notch, and she didn’t have a clue whether it was fear, nerves, or something else altogether.

“Now I think about what I’m feeling. And the emotions batter me from every side. Your feelings are part of your humanity. With me, they’re a new experience, and not always a good one.”

She nodded, trying to understand.

“For example, I want to have sex with you again. Right now. Right here on this bench.”

He left the statement hanging in the frigid air, and Jenna swore she could see the snowflakes melting around the words.

She wanted to say something funny, something to show what he’d said hadn’t shaken her all the way to her curling toes. Nothing came to mind, so she just stared at him.

“Back in the day, that wouldn’t have been a problem. Thought would become deed with no emotions or any burned brain cells involved.”

Words still escaped her, so she just nodded.

“But now things are different, harder.”

She finally found her voice. “You can’t just bop me over the head with your club and drag me off to your cave.”

The slight up tilt of those sexy lips relaxed her a little. “No club. Didn’t have opposable thumbs.” He shrugged. “Anyway, now I think about what I want and what I’m feeling. Amazingly, there are emotions attached to my sex drive. I’m still trying to untangle them.”

As much as she wanted to wallow in this particular topic, she knew she’d better steer the conversation in another direction before she said something she might regret later. But she didn’t have to root around for an alternate talking point; without warning, Seir appeared out of the snowy night.

He walked toward them, his long, multi-shades-of-blond hair floating around him on a nonexistent breeze. No snowflakes seemed to touch his leather pants and jacket. His ice-blue eyes seemed to light with real pleasure at finding them.

Al made a disgusted sound as Fin’s brother settled his gorgeous body onto the bench next to Jenna. Seir smiled. Al scowled.

“And here I thought I had the night all to myself.” His husky voice suggested that being alone with him in the night wouldn’t be a bad thing, at least not for Jenna.

Al didn’t seem impressed. “You have a reason for being out here?”

“The night calls.” Seir’s gaze shifted toward where Fin’s condo would be if Jenna could see it.

Jenna found something in his voice that he probably wouldn’t want her to hear. Surrounded by family, she’d never known loneliness, but that was what she sensed in Seir. It touched her in a surprising way. “He’s up there. Why not just go up and say hi?”

His soft laughter held real amusement. “It would take Philly years to rebuild.” He met her gaze. “We have a…complex family relationship.”

“Why’d you decide to talk to us to night?” Al said.

Seir didn’t answer right away. And when he did, Jenna had the feeling what he said came reluctantly.

“I got tired of talking to myself.”

That was strange. With his spectacular looks, Seir could walk into any club in Philly and within minutes have a pile of women’s keys sitting next to his drink.

“Keys get old after a while.”

She shot him a quick glance. Okay, he could read minds like his brother did.

Seir abandoned the key topic. “So what’s happening?”

“Nothing.” Al wasn’t holding up his end of the conversation.

“We have to spend tomorrow looking for bells.” Oops. Jenna didn’t need Al’s sharp stare to know she’d said too much.

“Bells?” Seir’s cold blue eyes sparked with interest.

“Yeah. It’s a hobby. Love to search out all kinds of bells when I visit someplace new.” Would he buy that?

“Bells.” Seir sounded as if she’d just given him the last piece in one of those five-thousand-piece puzzles.

Nope, he wasn’t buying it.

Al must’ve had enough. He glanced at his watch. “It’s late and we’re heading inside. Say what you came here to say.”

“You don’t believe I just wanted some company?” For once the mockery was absent from his voice.

“Not a chance.”

Jenna wasn’t as sure of that as Al seemed.

Seir leaned back against the bench and stared up at the swirling flakes. A sudden frigid breeze whipped around them. Jenna shivered.

“Zero’s in town.” Seir’s slow smile was filled with wicked anticipation.

And at that moment, she could really believe Seir was the demon he claimed. Al stood and pulled Jenna with him. She didn’t fight him.

Al met Seir’s gaze. “Guess he’ll be pissed that you told us.”

Seir lifted his brows in mock puzzlement. “Why? He knows I’m telling you.” His gaze was still fixed on the falling snow. “Fin can probably feel him. He’s that close.” Finally he dropped his glance to look at them. “He’s mad, but he’ll get over it.” He smiled. “The question is, will you?”

Without warning, there was an explosion as every light in the square blew out. Jenna figured it must have even knocked out the electricity in the buildings surrounding Ritten house Square because she couldn’t see even a glimmer of light through the snow.

She felt Al tense beside her. He was ready. As Jenna held her breath, all she could hear was the pounding of her own heart.

“Let’s get out of here.” Al grabbed her hand and started to run.

Jenna was counting on his sense of direction because she couldn’t see a thing. Behind her she heard Seir’s laughter.

“You guys are lucky. Zero’s feeling playful to night!” Seir’s amusement followed them out of the park.

For whatever reason, Fin’s condo was the only one with any lights. And as they took the elevator up, Jenna leaned against the wall. Al didn’t offer any comments.

Fin met them at the door. He didn’t look upset. “Zero has an immature streak in him. Always has.”

Al looked around at the brightly lit room. “How did this building keep all its lights?”

Fin started to walk away from them. “I’ve protected this building. He can’t touch it.”

Jenna caught up with him. “Wait. If he wants to destroy you guys, why didn’t he kill Al and me?”

Fin paused to look at her. “Zero’s like a cat. He likes to play with his prey. Killing can come later. That’s his weakness. He’s overconfident. He always assumes he’ll get a second shot. Besides, Seir was with you.” Without giving her a chance to throw another question at him, he left the room.

Jenna stared after him and then turned to look at Al. “Do you understand anything that just happened?”

He shook his head. “I guess our exalted leader didn’t think we deserved to know the truth.”

She could see his rage building. This was something he’d have to work through himself. He wouldn’t appreciate her hanging around watching him try to get back his control.

“Look, I’m beat. I’ll see you around noon. I have to find that bell I’m supposed to ring.” Without giving him a chance to argue with her, she left the room.

And as she walked away, she heard his muffled curse and the sound of breaking glass. She winced. All of Fin’s vases had looked expensive.

Jenna woke with the same sexual buzz she’d felt going to sleep. It was always there now, but each hour it seemed to get louder and louder. She’d tried to swat it away, because there was something totally selfish about imagining sensual scenarios with Al when the fate of humanity hung in the balance.

She thought about those scenarios as she headed toward the dining room. Even though eight hours of restless dreams separated her from Al, she felt as if they’d never parted last night. Because her dreams had all been about him. But every time she’d reached for him in her sleep, he’d morphed into his beast. And that was still a buzz kill for her. Would she ever be able to accept both sides of his nature?

She almost snorted. Not that she’d ever get to a place in their relationship where it mattered. He was too wrapped up in his rage and devotion to duty to feel anything beyond a healthy lust for her.

And if she concentrated hard enough, she could almost be glad about that.

As she entered the dining room, she realized it wasn’t going to be a comfortable meal. Fin sat alone at the table. None of the Eleven were there to act as buffers.

Sighing, she sat down, not too close but not too far away either. Didn’t want to give Fin the impression she was afraid of him. But her subconscious whispered that if ever a man deserved to be feared, it was this one.

“Sleep well, Jenna?” Those strange silver eyes said he knew damn well she hadn’t.

She shrugged. “Not really. I had a lot on my mind.”
I had
Al
on my mind.

He looked away from her to concentrate on his meal: bacon, eggs, and toast. She tried not to be too obvious with her sigh of relief.

“You’ll clog your arteries with that stuff.” God, she loved the smell of bacon. It brought back memories of younger years when Mom would make breakfast for everyone on a Sunday morning. Simpler times. She missed them.

Fin glanced up and grinned. “Then maybe I’m lucky not to have arteries.”

She knew her mouth was hanging open. Not an attractive pose. Jenna didn’t know which shocked her more, his artery comment or the absolute beauty of that smile. Luckily for all human women, he didn’t smile a lot. She thought about that. Actually, he did smile off and on, but his smiles were never real. This one was
real
.

And he was probably just teasing about his arteries. Pushing away thoughts of smiles and arteries, she allowed Greer to place a plate of bacon and eggs in front of her, too. Hey, after the last few nights, living dangerously wasn’t a problem.

“Is Al still sleeping?” Did she sound casual enough?

“No. Utah and Tor picked him up about an hour ago. They’re following a few leads on our mole. He’s probably the one who gave Rap that card about the restaurant. I thought the raptors deserved a chance to hunt down their brother’s betrayer.”

“And they still think of Al as part of their pack?”

He pushed his plate away and concentrated on his coffee. “Yes. And I agree with them.” His gaze drifted to the window. Even though last night’s snow had stopped, the sky still looked gray and threatening. “They’ve always been three, and it’s important that they stay that way.”

“You really believe in the number stuff.” It boggled her mind how someone like Fin could be so into numerology. Numbers were just numbers.
Yeah, and vampires were just myths a few days ago.
Okay, so she’d keep an open mind. Sort of.

“You’d be surprised what I believe in.” He turned his gaze back to her. “Enough about me, though. We need to talk about you.”

Rats. She felt a lot more comfortable when Fin’s attention was elsewhere. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Sure there is.” He seemed thoughtful. “I’ve noticed how you and Al look at each other.”

“He doesn’t look at me in any particular way.” She wouldn’t insult either of them by claiming she didn’t look at Al.

“He stares at you all the time, Jenna, and it bothers me. Of course, right now the look is mostly lust, but that’s beginning to change.”

Jenna hated her automatic shiver of excitement and pleasure. She
didn’t
want Al interested. But her emotions didn’t play mind games. Every one of them knew the truth. She was screwed.

Fin didn’t wait for her to voice a denial. “I saw the same pattern with Ty and Kelly. So it’s time I explained the rules of the game you’re playing.”

Game? Now
that
made her mad. Good. Anger pushed aside her defensive feelings. “Maybe you should hold your lecture until you have something solid to talk about. Yes, I’m attracted to Al, but that’s normal. He’s the kind of guy every woman would notice. That doesn’t mean I want to head down the path my sister took.”

“You’ll get over your fear of his soul.” He sounded matter of fact.

She didn’t try to deny that fear. “I don’t care how good you are, you can’t predict what I’ll feel.” Did she believe that? She wasn’t sure.

He raked his fingers through that mass of silver hair in a classic gesture of male impatience. She smiled. She was getting to him. Jenna took her moments of power wherever she could find them.

“Okay, so humor me. Here’s what you need to know about Al, about any of the Eleven.”

No. She didn’t want to know. She didn’t want any knowledge that would add to the confusion building in her mind, her
heart
.

Fin held his hand up to stop anything she was planning to say. A wasted effort, because she couldn’t force any words past the wall of denial she was frantically building brick by tortured brick.

“A wise woman would never fall in love with Al.” His expression said he wasn’t even close to bestowing the title of “wise” on her stupid head. “To take Al as your mate for life, you’d have to endure a ceremony that would test the limits of your love.”

Her imagination went wild. Images of primitive rituals involving piercings and pain came immediately to mind. “I think Al is safe. I don’t suffer silently.”

“This isn’t about physical pain.”

He stared at her, and she controlled the urge to glance away. The purple was bleeding into those strange silver eyes—beautiful and terrifying.

“Let’s hear it.” As long as it didn’t involve pain, she thought she could stand just about anything. Not that she’d ever want to do the mating-for-life thing.

“To claim Al, you’d have to walk into the heart of his beast and claim a part of his soul. And he’d have to welcome you.”

She frowned. “Exactly what does that mean?”

He exhaled deeply before continuing. She understood the insult. Fin was trying to be patient with her puny human understanding. There were times when she felt like planting her puny human fist in his godlike face.

“You would have to walk into Al’s Allosaurus form.”

“This would all be symbolic, right?”

“No.”

“Eww.”

He smiled. Good, she was amusing him. She lived to entertain.

“If Al accepted you as his mate, his dinosaur form would become incorporeal, allowing you to pass into it.”

“Well, that’s a relief.” At the same time, the thought was more than a little terrifying. “I guess if he didn’t accept me, I’d just go splat against his mighty chest right before he ate me.”

“I think you need to take this a little more seriously.”

She shook her head. “If I do that, then I’ll run screaming from the room.”

“I don’t believe you.” He studied her with hooded eyes. “I think you’re storing all this away so you can write the mother of all features. Someday.”

“Someday,” she agreed. “So what happens after I breach the dino gates?”

“Before you reach the man who stands at the heart of his beast, you’ll see all that he was, all that he experienced.” His gaze pierced her. “
All.
”

That “all” hinted at more than just a few scenes of an ancient predator running down dinner. She opted not to joke about it. “And why would this be such a scary trip? Not that I’m thinking about taking it.”

“The human mind has its limits.”

Ominous. “You’re not going to explain, are you?”

“No.” He shrugged. “If you take my warning, then you don’t need to know more. And if you ignore it”—Fin let the dire implications fill his pause—“then you’ll experience everything yourself.”

“Let’s assume I’m totally stupid and decide to take my chances with Al, why does he have to give me a piece of his soul?” She might be keeping the tone light, but coldness was creeping up her spine.

“By sharing his soul with you, Al becomes a little less than he is and you become a little more.” He shifted his gaze to the window. “You’ll be mated for all time.”

“All time? Not until death do us part?” No, he couldn’t mean what his words implied.

“You’ll be immortal, Jenna. Just like all of us.” Fin was big on dramatic pauses. “Just like your sister.”

Her breath left her with an explosive “Huh?”

“Al can survive everything except beheading in his human form.” He thought about that. “Probably fire could destroy him too. I’m not sure. Barring those unhappy incidents, Al is immortal. And if he shared his soul with you, the same rules would apply.”

Kelly was immortal? Kelly had kept this from her family? Once Jenna’s initial surge of anger receded, she admitted that no one would have believed her sister anyway.

Jenna was trying to think of something to say that wouldn’t sound inane after Fin’s bombshell, but it was tough when her brain was a quivering mess. She needn’t have bothered, though, because Shen interrupted.

“Lia is here to talk to Jenna.”

Shen smiled at her, but Jenna wasn’t buying it. What
was
he beneath that warm and friendly grin? No one connected to the Eleven was what they appeared to be. “Lia? The new vampire queen?”

“Thanks, Shen.” Fin didn’t speak again until Shen had left the room.

Jenna wondered if he suspected his assistant of being the mole. Probably not. Shen wouldn’t still be here if he did.

“I have things to do. Talk to Lia. We need her support. When Al gets back, the two of you can look for bells. Since my vision showed you ringing a bell, I have to believe you’ll find the right one. I just hope it’s soon. Once Eight gets enough recruits, he’ll move on to another city. We have to stop him before that happens.” Taking a last sip of coffee, he stood.

“Wait. If you’re so all-powerful, why can’t you help me find the bell?”

“There’re things I can see, and things I can’t see. I can’t see this.” He left the room.

Well, that was helpful. Now she had to talk to Lia. What did she have to say to her newly crowned highness? Uh, nothing.

Lia strode into the room radiating badass-bitch vibes. She’d traded in her jeans for leather pants and knee-high boots. She wore a black T-shirt under a short leather jacket. But her big blue eyes were the same—hard and determined. She dropped into the chair across from Jenna. “So teach me to be human.”

Jenna blinked. “What?”

Lia rolled her eyes and indulged in an exaggerated sigh. “Dad said I had to enjoy being a human before he’d give permission for me to become vampire. Let the good times commence. I’m twenty-four, but you’d think I was ten.”

“Okay, all this is whizzing right past me. Slow down and elaborate.”

Lia helped herself to a slice of toast. She carefully slathered it with butter. “Dad says I’ve spent my whole life around vampires. He wants me to experience what it’s like being human before I make the final decision to change. Without his okay, I’m screwed. It’s some archaic vampire rule.”

“Great. Just freaking great.”

Lia grinned, and it transformed her into a beautiful woman. “Yeah, tell me about it. But it won’t take long. You can just fill me in on how humans think and give me a quick rundown on their emotions. Then we can do some girl things together—shop, get our hair and nails done, hit a few clubs, and call it quits. It’ll make Dad happy, and I can get on with my real life.”

“Wow, you must think humans are pretty shallow.” Jenna was insulted on behalf of all humanity. “Tell me a little about your
real
life.”

Lia looked puzzled for a moment before offering a rueful laugh. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to belittle humans. It’s just that I have to get back to leading my people as soon as possible. Since I’m not vampire yet, I have to be better than my mother for everyone to respect me. I can’t make any mistakes. And the longer I’m away from them, the more opportunity for someone to start criticizing.”

Something about Lia reminded Jenna of someone. Someone close. Now who did she know who felt she had to do things better than other members of her family? Standing outside and looking in gave Jenna a whole new perspective. “Why is it important to be
better
than your mother?” No way would the term “mom” ever fit Katherine. “I bet if you check it out, you’ll find your mother wasn’t universally loved.” Jenna shuddered just thinking about Katherine’s interrogation methods.

The other woman bit her lip in concentration. “My mother never accepted me, never thought of me as an equal. I was human, someone to be hidden and ignored. I want to prove I can lead our people and do it better than she did. It’s a matter of pride.”

Pride. Had Jenna’s eternal search for perfection been all about her own pride? Not a particularly attractive character trait.

“She’ll never know.” Jenna made the statement as gentle as she could.

“But I will.” Lia’s words were bands of steely resolve.

Jenna thought of her own loving family and felt sad for the other woman. “I have a few hours to kill, so why don’t we do a little shopping and talk about being human?” Al wouldn’t want her to leave the condo without him, but what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. They’d stay close to Ritten house Square and be back in a few hours. It was daylight, and a quick glance out the window showed that the snow had already melted from the streets. There was still a white blanket on trees and grass, but that wouldn’t keep people inside. The sidewalks would be crowded. Not much chance for an attack.

Jenna grabbed her coat and purse before catching the elevator down. As the door opened, Lia and she almost ran into a big, lethal-looking guy wearing all brown. He looked like a grizzly. He blinked and Jenna got the feeling that was equivalent to a shout of surprise from an ordinary person. As she started to go around him, he stepped in front of her.