Erin The Fire Goddess: The Beginning (16 page)

It was dark when my scream
's woke me up. I was in my own bed and it was soaked from my sweat. I knew the nightmare I'd had was true when I looked into the eyes of Sean, who was sat in a chair next to my bed, as he leant over to stroke my face.

I turned away from his hurt filled eyes and lay back down, with my back to him.

“Why didn't you stop me?” I whispered in the dark, as tears rolled from my eyes and onto my pillow. I tried to block the images of Jessica lying there burnt. Burnt by me. I was still a monster, just worse than the ugly one I use to think of myself.

“I tried
.” He sounded like he'd been crying too.

“Not hard enough
.” I snapped as I sat up to push his hands off me. He didn't argue. He just sat there, looking at the floor. I refused to acknowledge the sadness and guilt that sat there in his eyes. “Is she still alive?” He nodded, as I barely managed to ask that question. “I could have killed her.”

Sean didn
't respond. He just sat there in silence, staring at his hands as he fidgeted restlessly. I still couldn't shake the horrific images.

“I think you should go
.” I whispered. I didn't want him to go, but I felt something inside me pushing him away. How could I be with someone who could watch me torture someone, so inexcusably?

He reached out to me in the dark, but I moved back, just out of his reach. I could see the pain I was causing him and it tore at my heart, as I watched him walk out of my bedroom.

***

The next week passed in a blur. I spent most of my time in my bedroom, leaving only to go to the bathroom. I was vaguely aware it was raining and had been the whole week. Not that I
'd looked out of the window, it was Kasey-Ray's cries, every morning when she got up.

Sean had tried to see me several times and called me constantly, but I refused to see or speak to him. I could see it starting to grate on my parents and how they hated explaining to Sean that I wouldn
't come to the phone or door.

By the second week, my parents had had enough. I
'd heard my mum and Kasey-Ray leave to go and do the weekly shopping. Usually it would be both my parents, who would go, and Kasey-Ray would have been out gallivanting somewhere with her friends, but with all this rain, there wasn't much to do. I'd heard her moan about it being the summer holiday's and where in the summer should it rain all the time. I knew it was Sean causing the rain, whether consciously or not.

I heard my parent
's car pulling out of the drive, just as my bedroom door opened.

“This has to stop
.” My dad rumbled as the room started to shake.

“You don
't understand.” I sighed unhappily.

My dad
's face turned red and what felt like the whole house, started to shake.

“Don
't you dare say I don't understand.” He took the four steps from my bedroom door to my bed, where I lay, in less than a second. “Don't you dare blame that poor boy for Dr Hammersmith's experiments.”

This infuriated me. How could he defend him? Flames started to build. Ignoring this, my dad continued.

“If Sean had his way, you wouldn't have even gone for that final test.” He looked at me, carefully judging my mood, as he walked to the chair at my desk. Sighing he sat down.

“Dr Hammersmith is not someone you disobey. I know I
've tried.” He frowned sadly, as if he were remembering something. “He uses trainers, like Justin, to control weak minded people.” He paused to look at me, “Like Jessica. Dr Hammersmith chose her specifically to torment you. It broke Justin's heart, as he'd became quite attached to her and deep down she was sweet hearted.” He shook his head. “It's a shame you never saw that side of her."

“What exactly does a trainer do?” I asked, shocked by what I
'd heard and curious at the same time.

“Depending on what Dr Hammersmith requires, he can bring out your best or worst trait
.” My dad shrugged like he didn't completely understand it either.

“Did Sean know?” I felt I really needed to know this. If he had known all along then that would mean our relationship was fake and he
'd used me.

I brushed the tears from my eyes as my dad shook his head.

“Not at first, but that day at school, in the changing rooms.” I looked at him with panic. My dad held a hand up. “Yes we know about that, and that was when Sean found out and decided that even though Justin couldn't stop with his control over Jessica, he could, however, stay away from you, so she wouldn't hurt you.”

I sat and thought about this, as my dad stood up from his seat and walked over to the window seat and sat down.

“He loves you sweetie and I know you love him. It hurts him being apart from you. Do you think Mother Nature is causing all this rain?” He waved his hand at the window and looked back to me thoughtfully, but I already knew the answer. “He tried to get him to stop.” He whispered. “Dr Hammersmith I mean. They locked Sean in that room and made him watch. He feels your pain, I should know.” He told me, as he buried his face in his hands.

“We were 12 years old when Dr Hammersmith tried a similar experiment on your mother. You know he never ages
.” He added thoughtfully, like he'd only just realised. “Well, unlike Jessica, this girl didn't survive.” By now he was crying as he was remembering the horrific event. “You see, this girl had also been taught to attack your mother. Apparently this helps bring on our gifts. Your mum couldn't control her rage and numerous lightning bolts struck the girl, where she stood. I was powerless.”

I crossed the room to where he sat, hands still buried in his hands, as I knelt down at his feet. Sensing me there, he looked at me through his red rimmed eyes.

“It could have broken us both, if we weren't so strong. I couldn't have changed anything, even if I could turn back time.” Sitting in silence, I listened to everything he'd said. “Please don't punish him more than he is hurting now.” I turned to look at the clock, 2:38pm.

“Dad?” He looked at me with sad eyes
. “I’m going out!” I quickly stood up and started to run down the stairs. “Don't make me any dinner.”

“What about your coat?” My dad called after me.

“Don't need one.” I shouted.

***

I ran the 30 minute walk to his house, taking short cuts through different fields. I knew he got home around 3:15pm, and I wanted to be there before he did.

I got there with five minutes to spare and almost collapsed on the steps outside his house. I saw Kelly hesitate at one of the windows and decide to just leave me be.

I looked like a drowned rat, but I didn
't care. I sat staring at the road searching for a glimpse of his car. When it appeared a little after 3:20pm, I stood up and waited for him to get out of the car.

At first he just sat staring at me through the windshield watching me nervously play with my hands.

Slowly he opened his car door and climbed out, closing the door, without looking at me. When he turned to face me, my stomach twisted into knots, as I looked at the sadness in his face. That's all I needed to make me rush over to him and throw my arms around him.

Cupping my hand around the back of his head, I pulled his head down to kiss his cheek. He didn
't respond he just stood there looking down at the ground. I pulled his face to mine and looked up to his sad eyes. I wasn't sure if he was crying or it was the rain on his cheeks. We stood there, foreheads pressed together.

“Hey
.” I whispered as he finally relented and looked me in the eyes. “I love you.” I stretched up to kiss him. The pain on his face was obvious and it showed when he kissed me back.

“I love you so much
.” He almost cried out.

By now we were both soaking wet and neither of us seemed to care.

“I'm so sorry.” We both said at the same time, as he reached up to stroke my left cheek. I leaned into his hand, I had so missed him doing this.

“You
've nothing to be sorry for.” He started to say, as I moved my fingers to his lips and shushed him. When he tried to speak again, I reached up to kiss him, this time he kissed me back more urgently.

Eventually he pulled away and took a step back to examine me, with his hands holding my shoulders. By now the rain had stopped.

“Come on, let's get you inside.” He pulled me to his side and we walked up the steps and into his house.

“Kelly?” Sean called as she appeared from the kitchen, glowering at me
. “Can Erin borrow some of your clothes, whilst her clothes dry please?” She grunted and headed upstairs, where we followed her.

“
I'll be in my room.” He pointed to a door I assumed was his. “Just come through when you're finished.”

I followed Kelly into her room and stood looking around at all the different purples and blues, she had in her room. I hadn
't realised there were so many different shades.

Kelly shoved a pair of jeans and t
-shirt in my hands, with force. I flinched and said nothing. I was sure she was going to give me a piece of her mind, and I wanted her to.

She disappeared for a minute and when she returned she launched a towel at me.

“Thanks.” I smiled at her timidly.

“Look
, don't thank me.” She stepped closer to point a finger in my face. “You're lucky I don't beat the hell out of you.” I laughed nervously, which seemed to irate her more. “This isn't a laughing matter.” She hissed like she was a kettle, I expected steam to come out of her ears. I noticed her alarm clock switch off. “He's my brother and you have no idea how much he loves you and how much he's been hurting over you.” She stepped away and went to punch the door, but stopped, thinking better of it. With her hand on the door, she turned to look at me. “But if you ever hurt him like that again, so help me, I'll...”

“Kelly
!” I heard Sean shout from the other room, stopping her finishing off what she was saying. She grunted and looked at me, slightly calmer.

“I'm warning you, okay?”

I nodded as I heard Sean shout
at his sister again. When she left I heard them arguing on the landing. I couldn't quite make out what was being said though. I didn't feel scared or angry. I deserved everything she dished out.

I started undressing and wrapped myself in the towel. Jesus, they
're soaking. I could have probably wrung them out and filled a half-pint glass with water.

Once I got dressed and towel dried my hair, I picked up my clothes and towel and carried them to the room Sean had pointed to. I knocked before opening the door. Sean was putting a
CD in his stereo and  smiled as he saw me walking in.

“I hope you don
't mind James Morrison?”

“No that
's fine.” I answered as he took the wet clothes and towel from me to hang on his radiator, as the song ‘'Under the influence'’ started playing.

Sitting on his bed, I looked around his room. His room was blue and white
, posters of his favourite football team hung on the walls. On one wall there were four shelves, three with CD's and one with books. On another wall there were at least, ten shelves full of trophies, football, rugby, swimming, tennis and athletics. I even spotted some martial arts ones.

“Impressive
.” I pointed to them

“Yeah
, not bad.” He laughed as he climbed onto the bed behind me and lay down as I continued to sit there, looking around his room.

“You have a tidy up whilst I was getting changed?” I teased as I spotted a pile of clothes thrown into the corner.

“You caught me.” He laughed as he raised his arms up, then reached over and pulled me down next to him.

I lay on my back, whilst he lay on his side, propped up on one arm, running his fingers over my body, sending waves of electricity over me.

“I missed you.” He smiled as he watched my body dance where his fingers touched.

“I missed you too
.” I bit my lip trembling as tears filled my eyes.

I hadn
't realised up until now how stupid I'd been. He must have felt my body freeze as he quickly looked up, eyes full of concern.

“What
's wrong?” He put his hand to my cheek. “Did I do something wrong?” I shook my head. “Was it Kelly? I'll kill her.” He shouted, without waiting for an answer, he tried to climb off the bed, but I stopped him, pulling him down on top of me to kiss him.

When I stopped
, his eyes were confused and full of concern.

“I
'm sorry.” I whispered over choked tears. “I shouldn't have treated you like that...."” I didn't manage to finish off what I was saying, he was kissing me.

When he stopped, he went back to lying at the side of me, pulling me onto my side
to face him.

“I don
't want to ever hear you apologising.” He held his hand up to stop me from talking. “You had every right to act the way you did.”