Erin Dameron-Hill (24 page)

Chapter
Twenty Four

As I walked steadily with frozen legs towards Anubis, I felt his “pack” crouch around me. They didn’t take their eyes off of me, not even when a falling branch crashed in the distance. Instead, they paced and growled. I walked through them as if I were walking in a gauntlet; I was patient, cautious, and slow. If I made any sudden movements, the “pack” would attack and I would be dead. On that I was certain. I could feel their anticipation on the air, hear their wolf hearts pump blood to their bodies, preparing them for the hunt, for the kill.

I kept Anubis in my sights as I walked the gauntlet and he didn’t take his eyes off of me either. As much as I hated him, I continued to stare and come closer to my attacker, the monster who ruined my life. It was as if I was being pulled, as if Anubis had thrown a rope around me and I was being dragged not of my own free will.

The mud slopped on my naked toes and a few bog spores decided they would make their home in between my toes. They tickled my feet and made me feel even more grimy and dirty than I already felt. There was something about Anubis that made me feel dirty. I don’t know exactly what it was, or is, but he certainly ruffled my nerves.

“Anput,” he said, reaching out his giant paw towards me, “it has been too long.”

“Not long enough,” I replied, surprised at my own courage.

He laughed then, proudly and throatily. A wave of power rushed through him, sending an array of bright orange curly cues dancing in the hazy night sky. He stepped from his ornately decorated throne and stalked the last few feet towards me.

My breath caught as I felt his breath quiver over my face. It was hot, damp, and reeked of rotting meat. His teeth were just as I remembered them, white, long and very, very sharp. His eyes glowed that brilliant golden yellow that outshone even the brightest of stars. His eyes were ageless. Timeless. They hadn’t dimmed over time nor lost their luster, instead, they had grown even more dazzling and intense since I had last seen them. It was like looking at two vivid suns and going blind just by getting lost in them. He was so otherworldly, so supernatural, he was definitely the stuff of myth, of legend and those eyes told me why he was mistaken for a god; he was rare and beautiful.

He left me entranced, hypnotized by his power and his prowess. He towered above me, at least four feet above my head leaving me eye level with his pelvis. He wasn’t naked, however, he wore that mafia suit all black and form-fitted, double-breasted with bright gold cuff links. The gold didn’t shine as near as wondrous as his eyes, leaving his cuff links to look as if they had dulled in this damp and mildew-infested swamp.

I continued to just stare at the beast-man who stood in front of me, even as he began to touch me. Feeling his soft and silky black fur caress my sweaty skin sent chills spiraling up and down my back. I shivered slightly as his paw moved a strand of hair away from my face.

“It has been too long,” he said deeply, his voice hollow and bass-like, “It has been far too long.”

Even as he continued to pet me, I stood there dumbfounded, entranced by his beauty, his power. I couldn’t move, yet alone react on anything he was saying or doing. I just soaked him in like a very wet sponge, like a desert that has gone far too long without water.

He stepped closer to me, with his pelvis now mere inches away from my nose. I managed to move back, only slightly, and he chuckled morosely. It was the laugh that brought me back, that condescending and egotistical laugh that told me I was just a woman, and that I was pathetic, nowhere near the greatness that was man. It made me sick.

“Like I said before, not long enough.”

“Oh, Anput, you were always adorable, so cute and child-like.”

“Keep egging me on and we’ll see how child-like I can be,” I said forcefully looking up from his waist and catching a mouth full of teeth in my sight. My heart beat just a little bit faster and as soon as it did, Anubis laughed again. He was laughing at my fear and finding my discomfort most entertaining.

My mouth was so dry that I could barely swallow, as if I had stuffed a thousand cotton balls on my tongue, but I couldn’t allow any man to treat me this way, not even one so powerful, that he could crack the very moon with his howl. I was shaking so hard that my threat seemed less demanding and more pathetic as I said, “Hand over my friends or suffer the consequences.”

Anubis wore a smile on that black muzzle of his, showing his black gums and very white teeth. His eyes loosened their grasp on my form and smiled as well. It was a bit disconcerting to see this huge monster grinning at my dismal attempt at a threat, “What are the consequences, exactly? I should know in case I don’t hand them over.”

The consequences? Shit. I don’t know. What could I possibly do a 1,000 pound werewolf, smack it on the nose with a rolled up newspaper? Doubtful.

I donned my con-artist mask and tried to go in as brave as I possibly could and tried to erase the fear swirling around my head, “Do you really want to know?”

“Please do enlighten me.”

“Very well. I will…” I paused. No matter how good a liar I was in front of my clients, this kind of pressure was too much. And he was so large, so scary, so violent. I just looked down at the muddy ground and felt a large tear bubble into my eye. I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t threaten him. He laughed at me then, heartily and chauvinistically and still I just stared at the ground. There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t face him head on and win, I couldn’t blackmail him, I couldn’t manipulate him, all I could do was wallow in my dismal fear and sadness.

“Women,” he scoffed, “What would they do without us? More to the point, what would you do without me?”

“Probably live a happy life,” I muttered towards the ground.

He had won. I knew it. I didn’t even know we were playing a game until it was too late. We were trying to see who would control the situation and it was obvious that Anubis would. And why not? He had controlled me for so long, why wouldn’t he be able to control this too?

“I doubt that. If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have even known a “family“. If it wasn’t for me, you would still be a pathetic little orphan overwhelmed by dreams and overwhelmed by your lack-luster performance with men.”

“What?” I asked, looking up from the ground.

“You heard me. Although you’re still a bit dismal. You have a jackal who would fight beside you and all you can do is bow to me. Pretty pathetic for a goddess.”

“I am none of those things. You ruined my life. You stole my freedom, my safety…”

“I did none of those things. You ruined your own life by not embracing who you really are. You’ve been split several different ways, split into meaningless pieces living a fragile existence because of your fear, of your ignorance. You could be so much more, but instead, you chose to be a charlatan, you chose to be alone, you chose to be a weak little woman who cries at every slight, every loss without questioning motives or the logic behind it.

I’ve been searching for you ever since you left me, Anput, and this is by far the worst costume you have ever wore. I thought Red Riding Hood was bad enough…”

“What?” I asked again barely able to hold myself together, because I knew he was right. I did cry all the time, I did allow fear to hold me hostage, I was pathetic. I should be doing more to help those that I loved and all I could do was just stand here and stare at the monster who was speaking truths. I was truly pathetic.

He sighed loudly and annoyingly, letting me know just how bored he was with the conversation, “We’re Egyptian, Anput. You should know this. Reincarnation is a basic tenet of our beliefs. You were first created Anput, as my feminine counterpart, my lover for all eternity, but you turned on me when you discovered I had killed Ra. I killed him so we could be the ultimate gods, we could rule the world, bring death and fear wherever we tread, but you were just another pathetic woman and so you betrayed me. You offered me up to Bast, the cat goddess, and she drove me into hiding. But I didn’t give up on you that easily. Because I love you. You are my mirror image, you are part of my soul. You have my jackal, you have my beast. You are the only one who does. So, I hunted you because I wanted you back. I finally found you a few millennia later, hiding in the Black Forest of England, posing as a sweet and innocent young lady who loved to wear a red riding cape. I tried to get you, to tell you who you really were, to remind you of our history. But you had friends, you had family. And you had a lover. He was a woodsman and he always carried an axe. I ate your grandmother so I could trap you, I killed any who would interfere with my plan, except for the woodcutter. I didn’t realize how much he loved you. And when he heard your screams, he came for you. I had to run because he brought other woodcutters, others with axes, and as strong as I am, I was no match for so many axes. So, I ran off into the forest and waited for another chance. But none came. You married the woodcutter and were never alone. I went to your funeral and saw your spirit leave the burning pyre. I tried to follow it, but I lost it over the Atlantic. A few hundred more years passed and on a beautiful sunlit morning twenty six years ago, I saw your spirit enter into a succulent little baby. I watched for a few years and knew what I had to do. So I killed your parents, after all, you had to be alone. Unfortunately, fate was on your side. I couldn’t keep up with your constant moving, with all of the foster homes you were kept in. So I lost you for a while. And then, two years ago, I saw you camping in Wekiva Park with some guy. I watched and knew he posed no threat. You two broke up and that’s when I attacked. I wanted a part of me to return to you so that you would return to me. After all these years, I wanted you back. I wanted you to come to me. And you did.”

“I never came to you willingly,” I said with tears in my eyes and a giant lump of emotion in my throat, “You forced me here. You took people that I loved and cared about away from me.”

“Only because I needed you alone. You are mine, and mine alone.”

“Why do you think, that now, I would be yours? After everything you have told me, why would I willingly love you? Why?” I asked as the tears began to fade away and my rage began to boil. He had taken so many people from me, and for what, his obsession? His maniacal depravity? I felt a growl stir from somewhere deep inside me and knew my beast was reacting to my emotions. But I didn’t care, I wanted my beast out, I wanted to release him so I could tear Anubis apart just as he had torn my life apart.

“Because we’re meant to be together. If I had left anyone alive, you would be taken away from me again. And I cannot allow that to happen.”

My eyes went wide with the sudden knowledge that I was really alone. My rage died down as I remembered Morty. Anubis had just said that he didn’t leave anyone alive. I grasped my chest and felt my heart pull apart. I felt my soul collapse when I knew Anubis was telling the truth. He had killed my hunter, he had killed my woodcutter, and he always would.

My knees wobbled for a few seconds and I fell to the ground, weeping hysterically for my lost love. We had only just met, we had only just begun, and then the Hunter and I were torn apart. I thought of Morty, of Matt and Sheila, of Eric and Ernie, of Shirley, of Clyde and Charlie and Billy and even those wolves that I didn’t have a name for and cried with more ferocity than ever before. Anubis had killed them all just so he could be alone with me. Their deaths were my fault, because Anubis had wanted me and I hadn’t gone to him so everyone was killed while he waited for me. I felt sick. More than sick. My stomach convulsed and thick, yellow acid burned its way through my throat and across my tongue finally burying itself in the muck of the swamp. I vomited at the depression that was my life. I vomited because their death was my fault. They had been killed because of me. More acid came forth and I choked on it as I kept sobbing. I felt Anubis touch my back and I didn’t care. I didn’t care what he did to me now. After all, what did I have left to live for? He had taken away everything. Possessions are fleeting, material is just material, but souls are what keep us alive, keep us happy. Having people who love us is what keeps us happy. Having a family, being with friends, having ties in the neighborhood and at work are the precious moments that make life truly worth living. And I had none of that now. I just had a monster obsessed with me, obsessed with nothing more than a possession.

And he called me pathetic. He was,
is
, the truly pathetic one. He spent hundreds of years searching for me, wasting his life for someone who would never love him, never respect him, taking lives and ruining families because of his obsession.

I opened my eyes and felt the last few tears scamper away from me. He looked down on me even as he longed for me, he hunted me even as he “loved” me, and that’s when I stood up. No matter what he did to me, I knew I was better than him. I always thought I was a monster because I have a jackal living inside me, but that’s not true. Actions will tell if one is a monster or not, and I was no monster. I had the love of friends, family, and soul mate. I had never hurt anyone the way that Anubis had. I may see corpses as food, but that doesn’t make me evil, it makes me a werewolf.

I looked inside at my beast and it smiled at me. And then I truly looked at it. My beast was female. All this time I called my beast an “it” and instead,
she
was female. She was a part of me, she is me. I felt her run across the unfathomable lake and come so much closer to me. I felt her passion and her power flow through my veins and I stood up straight and tall.