Equal Access (12 page)

“How’s Charissa making out?” Shad asked as he
took his own seat.

“She was glad to be back in her old room.”
Monica smiled faintly. “And she and Vic seem to have hit it off.
But she’s also been, well, distant.” Monica’s smile faded.
“Sometimes I wonder where’s that sweet little girl I used to
have.”

“I would’ve been surprised if she didn’t show
behavioral changes.”

“I know. It’s just ... my time left with her
is limited. I want to be able to make the most of it.”

From the way her lips tightened up and her
eyes began blinking rapidly, even Shad could detect the swell of
emotion triggered inside Monica. He quickly diverted her attention
to the papers she needed to sign, and they had a quick discussion
about the next tier of strategy. Vic returned with Charissa just as
they were finishing up, sparing Shad the necessity of having to
come up with small talk.

“Here’s your mom back, Charissa.” Shad smiled
at the pensive girl. “Think you’ll share a piece of candy with
her?”

“Maybe one.” Charissa actually smiled a
little, but she still stood slightly behind Vic.

As Shad watched them leave he felt his gut
stir again. What was his limited intuition trying to tell him? What
important detail might he be missing?

Right is right, even if everyone is against it; and
wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it.

--William Penn

Wednesday Shad drove the pickup to the train
station in Jefferson City. All he’d told Dulsie was he’d be getting
home an hour or so later than usual that day. Hopefully the train
wouldn’t run very late.

During his wait at the depot and while riding
to St. Louis, Shad used the laptop to review and update files on
his other clients in an effort to distract himself from the
upcoming meeting with Wally. But as the train drew closer to his
destination, Shad’s thoughts turned more to the matter at hand. He
remembered the first time he had to participate in a moot court
while in law school. Shad’s nerves got wound up so tightly he had
to duck into the bathroom just as the session was getting started
because his impulse to throw up was too strong. He was glad his
breakfast today had been no more than a bagel slice with cream
cheese and a glass of vegetable juice cocktail.

It was after lunchtime when Shad got off at
the final station, but between his anxiety and the fact he had long
ago become hardened to missing meals, Shad wasn’t interested in
food. He called a taxi, and it took him to the anchor store and
home office of Wally’s industry.

It was a modern metal and brick building that
composed part of the lineup of businesses bordering the busy
parking lot. There were no trees to offer any respite from the heat
that seemed magnified by radiating from the sidewalk and pavement
and automobiles. In his charcoal suit and mint green shirt, Shad
doubted that little less than a blasting air conditioner would
offer him any relief anyway.

He drew in that well-practiced deep breath to
steady his nerves, and entered the front door of the
techno-store.

Business seemed to be pretty good for a
Wednesday afternoon. There were maybe around a dozen customers
lingering at various games and merchandise shelves, about half of
them adult and the majority male. The shine and the glitz
permeating the interior gave him the impression of old sci-fi
movies where everything was new and squeaky clean. Shad approached
the front counter and informed a young woman with a ponytail that
he was there on an appointment to see Walden Palmer. She relayed
his message to an older woman with short hair at the other end of
the counter. The second woman picked up a telephone receiver tucked
underneath and out of sight, spoke briefly into it, and told Shad
Mr. Palmer would be there directly. After a wait of only a couple
of minutes, a man whom Shad recognized more from over twenty years
ago than from the recent photograph walked over to him.

“Good afternoon. I’m Walden.” Wally nodded
politely and offered his hand, a formal smile barely curving his
lips. He was wearing khaki slacks and a light blue button-down
shirt with the sleeves rolled to the elbows. Shad remembered how
the man would prefer to wear jersey shorts and tee shirts in the
summer time. Obviously Wally was going for a little more
professional look these days.

“A good day to you.” Shad nodded with the
same level of formality and shook Wally’s hand. Now that there was
no turning back, his nerves started to settle down. “I’m Shad
Delaney, as I suppose they warned you.”

“Glad to meet you.” Wally glanced around the
store. “I confess I’m quite curious about what brings you halfway
across the state to see me today.”

“We can take care of your questions all in
due time.”

“Did you want to take a look around the
facilities before we go back to the office?”

“Not necessary.” Shad shook his head. “I’d
prefer we just get down to business.”

“I’ve no complaint about that.” Wally jerked
his head toward the direction he’d come. “Office is this way.”

As Shad accompanied the man toward the back
of the business he glanced around at the patrons. None of the boys
were as young as Wally preferred, which didn’t surprise Shad since
this was a weekday and most families would have parents at work. At
the end of the hallway they entered an office, a small room with a
laminated wood desk and metal filing cabinets, where Wally offered
him some coffee. Shad wasn’t a coffee drinker, but he did accept a
paper cup of water from a dispenser in the corner only to keep his
mouth from being so dry.

Shad seated himself in the one upholstered
metal chair sitting across from the desk. A flat screen computer
monitor, several piles of paper, and a wood picture frame he could
only see the back of took residence on its surface. Wally sat in
the swivel chair on the other side of the desk.

“So what is this little business venture you
wanted to talk to me about?” Wally leaned forward and clasped his
hands together on the desktop.

Shad set the paper cup on the front edge of
the desk. He could feel his own heart hammering away inside his
chest, and although Shad didn’t feel shaky he was a little
concerned he might look that way if he didn’t keep his hands
clasped together between his knees. “I’m sure it must be a little
unsettling to meet with an attorney under rather vague
pretenses.”

Wally shrugged. “Are you representing a
client?”

“I’m representing myself. But I suppose there
would be reason why you might anticipate someday having to face
someone associated with the justice system. Do you ever have
nightmares about it?”

A subtle frown creased Wally’s brow. “I’m
afraid I don’t follow where you’re trying to lead me, Mr.
Delaney.”

“As I mentioned before, I saw the article
about your business in last week’s paper.” Shad didn’t want to
reveal his identity abruptly. He wanted to see how soon and in what
manner Wally would acknowledge what he was talking about. “I’ll
admit I was a little surprised you agreed to have your picture put
in there. Did you presume that nobody would recognize you, or that
if they did, it wouldn’t motivate them to have you
investigated?”

Wally’s frown deepened as he raised his
clasped hands to his chin and propped his elbows on the desk.
“What’s this about an investigation? About what?”

“I know you have a very good idea what I’m
talking about.” Shad found himself balancing between trepidation
and gratification. “You might as well speak freely. You’re not
under formal testimony. We just need to clear the air.”

Wally looked puzzled. “I think you could
clear it best by telling me why you’re here.”

“Go ahead, Wally. You know what I’m referring
to.”

Upon hearing his nickname, Wally furrowed his
brow again. “I don’t know what game it is you’re trying to play
with me, but I can assure you I don’t have time for games.”

Shad leaned forward slightly. “It doesn’t
surprise me you’ve forgotten who I am.”

Wally’s expression became perplexed. “Have we
met before?”

“Think back over twenty years ago. It was in
a seedy little apartment in the downtown area. Remember the woman
you lived with?”

Wally stared at him. Shad was perfectly
comfortable with the silence that remained between them while the
seconds passed. Every cut-throat lawyer and journalist was well
acquainted with this little trick.

And Wally did finally break the silence,
although it wasn’t as revealing as Shad hoped it would be. “So why
are you here?”

“Have you forgotten that little boy you took
care of for her?” Shad was feeling the same kind of anticipation he
got while fishing and tentative tugs came from the end of the line.
“Or do you even remember me?”

Several more seconds passed. Then Wally
leaned forward, his gaze studying Shad’s face. His frown faded into
surprised disbelief. When Wally finally spoke, his voice was low
and raspy.

“Shadow?”

“I don’t go by that name anymore.” Shad kept
his own voice low and calm.

Wally stared for a few more seconds before
speaking again. “Your last name also wasn’t Delaney.”

“It’s the name of the family who adopted
me.”

“Adopted?” Wally’s reaction probably wouldn’t
be more credulous if Shad had told him he’d been abducted by
aliens. “When were you adopted?”

“Four years after you left.”

Wally continued to stare at him. Silence
passed again between them, and Shad started to realize how hard it
was going to be to get him to admit anything.

“Have you figured out now why I’m here?” Shad
asked.

Wally’s expression didn’t change. Many
seconds passed again before he finally spoke.

“Not really. It could be one of many
reasons.”

“Now you’re trying to play games with me,”
Shad continued. “Denying what you did when you lived with us won’t
change the truth.”

Wally leaned slightly to one side and
continued to gape at Shad. “What happened to your mom?”

“Admit it.”

“She didn’t die, did she?”

Shad folded his arms over his chest and
managed to lock his gaze on Wally’s. Seconds passed again, but Shad
didn’t waver. He didn’t believe he’d ever managed to hold a gaze
this long before with anyone besides Dulsie, and his motivation
with her was entirely different.

Wally glanced down and shifted to the other
side in his chair. “I don’t understand why you seem so ...
aggressive. I took care of you. Don’t you remember all the places I
took you? The toys I bought you? I was the one who cooked your
meals and read you stories.”

Shad didn’t budge. Time continued to
pass.

Wally shook his head. “Why won’t you talk to
me?”

“Admit it.”

“What do you want me to admit?” Wally leaned
back in his chair so far that he pushed it back slightly from the
desk. “That I cared for you? I did, you know. I wished I didn’t
have to leave you when I did.”

“You wished I hadn’t grown older.” Wally’s
reluctance to respond couldn’t be a good sign.

“Your mom didn’t want me around anymore. She
threw me out.”

Shad suspected part of his mounting annoyance
was caused by Wally’s insistence at calling that woman his mom.
“Either you talk about what you did, or I’m gonna walk outta here
and you won’t know what I’m gonna come up with next.”

Wally seemed a little stunned. “What happened
to you?”

Shad started getting to his feet. “The fact
you won’t admit it tells me you’re still doing it. What you’re
doing is a criminal offense, by the way. Since that’s all –”

“Wait!” Wally sat up and held out an upright
palm. “You’ve got it wrong. You’ve got me wrong.”

Shad stood and leveled his gaze at Wally
again. “I know what happened.”

“You don’t know everything. Please.” Wally
turned his palm down and lightly patted empty air. “Sit down.
You’re right. We do have a lot to talk about. You need to know that
things have changed.”

As Shad settled back into the chair he felt
his eyes narrow as he locked his gaze on Wally’s again. “Go
on.”

“I had just graduated high school when I met
your mom. You see, I wasn’t more than a kid myself. I guess you
could say I hadn’t really found myself yet, so I was totally
unprepared for what effect you would have on me. You were such a
... independent child. Your mom seemed to ignore you most of the
time, and when she did pay attention it was usually to scold or
criticize you. I felt sorry for you. When I did things to make you
happy, it just brought out ... those warm, fuzzy feelings, I
suppose. I had a sense of purpose. And my concern for you, well, I
just acted on what I felt. It’s not like I forced you. And you
didn’t mind it.” Wally seemed to study him. “Until now.”

Shad felt as though a dozen emotions were
wrestling around inside him, too tangled up to sort out. “I’ve
minded it ever since I finally came to understand that you used me
to satisfy yourself.”

“Used?” Wally shook his head. “I’ll admit I
made a mistake. I shouldn’t have done it. But I mean it when I say
I cared for you. It broke my heart when your mom told me to pack up
and move out.”

“If your interest in me had been anything
more than physical, you wouldn’t have so easily left me there.”

“It wasn’t easy! I missed you a lot. Thought
about you for a long time.”

“Before or after you found another boy to
diddle?”

Wally’s expression registered mild shock.
“I’m not one of those perps who hang around playgrounds with a bag
of candy and a tube of lubricant.”

“Why waste your time at playgrounds when you
can find an easier child within your circle of family or friends
to, as you put it, take care of?”

Wally studied him for several seconds before
continuing. “It was a phase. After I had to leave I realized that
what we did wasn’t ... what we should have done. It wasn’t really
something I wanted to do for the rest of my life. It was more like
... an experiment. I was still figuring out who I was. Just because
we did that a few times doesn’t mean I’ve done it for life.”