Envy (16 page)

As soon as Natasha falls asleep I know. Her body relaxes and her breathing gets heavy and slow. I continue to hold her, taking advantage of looking at her gorgeous face while she sleeps. If she knew I did this, fuck she would make fun of me.

I knew she wanted some space I could see it in her eyes, she looked so tired. Everything caught up with her and I wanted to take care of her.

I’m so fucking glad she didn’t listen to me, I’m relieved that she wasn’t in that house. Thinking about what could have happened to her makes me hold her that little bit tighter. I feel so bad for Spliff, he’s a good man and Strike’s gone and murdered his wife. I smile from the memories that spring to mind of Marie, she was one of kind.

Unfortunately, Marie wasn’t the only casualty. We’re down two prospects because Strike decided to put a knife to their throats when he found them watching him. One of our brothers, Big John was also put down by the Devil scum but on the plus side, Messy lived. Don’t get me wrong, he’s in bad shape, much worse than when we found West outside his home. Messy was so bad that my dad thought he was dead, so did College, the clubs doctor because he was so messed up.

I’m so angry that Strike very nearly got to Natasha. I’m supposed to look after and protect her. She’s my old lady for fuck sake and I nearly handed her over like a gift to the mother fucker! My phone vibrates in my pocket. I manage to slide it out my back pocket without disturbing Natasha.

GRIM: Where you at?

ME: My room, Tash wanted space. What’s up?

GRIM: Spliff is here. You stay with Natasha, I’m taking Lauren to bed now that he’s back anyway. Catch you in the morning.

ME: Ok.

GRIM: Dads calling church in the morning. Need to talk over all these deaths.

ME: I’ll be there

***

In the morning Natasha only looks slightly better.

“Good morning beautiful.” She cocks her head to the slide and laughs.

“Stop lying, nobody looks beautiful in the morning.” She gathers all her hair together and brings it in front of her left shoulder. The right side of her neck is bare and I have the urge to lick it.

“You are.” I lean forward and place a kiss there instead.

“Charmer.” She laughs. We get ready and as we do I let her know that Spliff came last night.

“Were the kids happy to see him?” She asks. “How did he look?”

“I didn’t see him babe, I was here with you. Grim text me before he went to bed.” She turns from hanging up some of her things in my wardrobe. Fuck it’s weird how much I love the sight of her clothes hanging next to mine. Even in this shitty little room.

“I’ve got church this morning.” I let her know, but I don’t want to tell her why. Natasha looks at me silently and nods, she must know why. We’ve had four deaths within just a couple of days, there needs to be a church meeting. We need to talk over funerals, sniffing police and the letters Strike left for the girls. I don’t think I’ve ever hated a man as much as I hate Strike. The shit he did to my woman, Lauren and my little cousin, Elise is disgusting. It boils my blood, every time I think his name my jaw tenses and my fists clench, ready to face the fucker. When I read those twisted letters I flipped. Kicking, shouting and punching walls, anything to let my anger out but I fucking wished he’d been there to face me. I need to put an end to him. Not only for our girls, but for every women out there.

We walk out for breakfast, not really having an appetite for anything and when I hear my dad yell, “Church!” I look over to Natasha and warn her to stay put.

“Don’t worry.” She rolls her eyes.

I hold her face in mine, looking her right in the eyes. “No Tash, I’m serious. I want you to stay put.”

Her hands cover mine and she kisses my palms. “I promise baby.”

We share a heated kiss and it kills me to leave her alone at the table while I walk off. I spot one of the bunnies, Maci walk over to her but I still don’t like leaving her. I don’t want her out my sight, but I have to go to church. We have brothers standing guard all over the clubhouse, so if anything did happen, we’re ready.

We’re all sit down, the doors are shut and dad slams down the gavel.

“Ok boys, we’ve had some fucking tragedies recently. Spliff is spending time with his kids at the minute after spending most of yesterday with Marie.”

I look around at my brothers each one has a face full of sadness.

“Not only was one of our own killed in front of her family, but two prospects have been murdered and Big John. Luckily Messy was saved, but that doesn’t mean shit right now. Strike needs to be found and dealt with once and for all.” He looks around at all of us. “I know this isn’t usually our style but we do what we have to do protect our own. We will NOT let Strike hurt anyone else!” He roars.

Everyone in the room shouts their agreement. We agree on a joint funeral, after running it by Spliff.

Talk then goes to what happened after we discovered Marie and Baby speaks up with Scrappy backing up his findings. Grim and I then tell everyone what exactly was said on the girls’ letters and the mens faces fill with anger. I’m proud to be a member of this family, these women of ours, and it is up to us to protect them. If you hurt even one of them you have to whole club to answer to.

“We need to talk to Bomber.” I add when all talk of the letters has finished.

Grim nods and we both look to our dad and President. “Right now?”

“Of course right now!” I shout. “It’s the only leverage we have against him now that we don’t know where he is.”

Dad slides his phone over to me with Bomber’s number showing. The last we had heard from him was him revealing a club rat which we’ve already began digging into. The funny things about having a club rat, you have to go around sneakily because you don’t want them to know you’re onto them and you need proof of them being a rat before you take action.

The phone rings a few times before there’s an answer. “Hello?”

“Have you got the product yet?” I ask him.

“Not yet, but I have found out where it’s hidden so not too long.” He answers.

“Hurry up.” I demand. “I don’t care what it takes just get it done.”

Spliff agreed that Marie will share her funeral with the other deceased members of the club. He thought it a privilege for her to share it with them and that Marie would’ve loved the idea. It’s true, some women wouldn’t like to think that they would share a funeral with some bikers but Marie loved this club and everyone in it.

The police finished their investigation and we’re all thankfully clear from their questioning. They know it’s to do with a rivalry, but we’re the only bikers they know about around here so of course they wanted to point the finger at us. It angered most, if not all of the club members, that they thought we would hurt one of our own.

Today, Natasha is oddly quiet. In fact she has been ever since she saw Marie lying on the ground lifeless. Then when she read that letter Strike left for her in her fucking bedroom she got even worse. When I hold her at night I feel her shaking as she relives her nightmares. A few times she’s sobbed in her dreams and I’ve had to wake her up. Even screaming a few of them, it’s fucking horrible to see and the only thing that will calm her down is me holding her.

I hold and kiss her every night, but I hate every second of seeing her fall apart like this.

As we walk out the room dressed for the funeral I hold her tightly. I can feel her shaking so I stop her in the hallway.

“Babe, are you ok?” I ask her.

“Yeah.” She whispers.

“You’re not fooling me Tash.”

“I feel responsible.” She admits and tears fall down her cheeks.

“What?” I shout. “That’s fucking ridiculous.”

“No it’s not.” She continues to cry. “If Lauren and I hadn’t have come back here then Strike wouldn’t be here. There would be no deaths and Marie would still be here, playing with her kids. They don’t have their mother because of me.”

I hold her against me as she falls apart.
Shit!
I should have seen this coming.

“You listen to me now.” I pull her back hating the broken look on her face.  “None of this is your fault. You hear me Tasha? Don’t say that again because it’s bullshit! It’s not your fault that a demented man is coming after you!”

“I can’t help it.” She cries.

“Shut the fuck up.” I kiss her. “Now stop blaming yourself for something you have no control over. We need to go out there and show those men and Marie how much they still mean to us and say our goodbyes.”

She sniffles and wipes at her face. “Ok.”

Because of the trouble we’ve had with the Devils the police don’t want any more trouble. So we have a police guard of around twenty policemen with us as we all ride down. I ride down on my bike, it’s tradition and Natasha holds on behind me.

I will never get fed up of how it feels to have her riding with me. I never once thought I would want to settle down, that is until I met Natasha. It’s crazy but from the first day I saw her, beaten and bruised then watching as she recovered and showed everyone how strong she actually is I became hooked. I didn’t realise it then but now when I think back I had to make sure I saw her as much as I could. A passing in the clubhouse or even just a hello when I dropped by Grim’s. It fucking made my day. Now I get to have her for the rest of my life, her arms squeeze around me and my cock hardens.

Natasha begins to laugh behind me and I shake my head. So fucking inappropriate of me, but if Marie or my brothers was here, I don’t think they would care.

The rumble of the bikes feels amazing and seeing everyone come together for Prospect Joe, Prospect Billy, Big John and Marie I become overwhelmed. I will stay strong for my woman though, I will hold her up in case she falls.

When we reach the church, my eyes are constantly full of tears. The ceremony was amazing, and very emotional. I don’t think there was a dry eye in there, even the men shed a tear or two. I spotted Devlin wiping his eyes every now and then and I love him even more for it. All four caskets sit side by side, their photos are on top and their families look up in tears. I can’t stop looking at the framed picture of Marie, she looks so happy and carefree. I surrender to my tears and when I see Travis wiping away his tears I cry even more.

Spliff didn’t want Lorena and Carl here. He thought it was dangerous and that it would be too much for them. Instead they’re with Marie’s parents and they will meet us back at the clubhouse. I don’t blame him at all for not bringing them, I couldn’t imagine seeing little Lorena here.

We head outside and I do so with my hand still firmly in Devlin’s. Since getting off his bike, I haven’t let go of his hand. I need him. Devlin wraps his arms around me as we watch the coffins being lowered. I don’t know what I would have done without him. I take a look around my family. Lauren is against Grim, crying into his body. Elise has Scrappy and Drew is with Baby. Maci is stood beside me, crying along with us all and I reach out to squeeze her hand. She looks down at our hands before looking up and giving me a heart breaking smile.

After paying my respects, I say an upsetting goodbye to Marie and then men that helped keep Strike away. Lauren and I have a little cuddle and Spliff approaches us.

“Hey girls.” He smiles.

“How are the kids?” Lauren asks him.

“Not doing too great.” He sighs. “Lorena doesn’t understand, she keeps crying out for Marie and it’s fucking so hard.”

I begin to cry again and I give him a quick cuddle. “I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” He says firmly.

“If you need any help with the kids, I’m there ok?” I tell him.

“Same with us all.” Lauren adds. “We’re all here for you.”

Spliff begins to tear up. “Thanks girls.”