Entangled (18 page)

My eyes hardened as I glared at him. “Not everyone follows your standard, Drew.”

“Yes, they do,” he shot back. “They’re just not as honest about it.” He leaned on my counter. “He’s not strong on commitment, Rachel. You put expectations on him and he’ll crack under the strain. He knows he can’t live up to them.”

“You don’t know him,” I responded. “And that’s a shame. He’s a good man and a great father. You could learn a lot from him.”

His mouth hardened. “I’ll send Harrison to pick up Jonathan this afternoon,” he snapped as he turned on his heel and stalked toward the door.

I didn’t see him for the rest of the week. I focused on Jonathan and his new curriculum, which proved a Herculean task as the week progressed. His mood went from touchy to grouchy, and hints of the petulant Jonathan I met months before peaked out from the cracks. Finally, on Thursday afternoon, I took him by the hand and led him to the sofa. “What’s going on, Jonathan?”

“I hate her!” he exploded. “When Dad’s not there, she ignores me completely. The minute he walks in the door, suddenly she’s super-mom and calling me sweetie like we’re the best of friends. She’s so phony.”

I sighed. This was a sticky situation. I couldn’
t encourage his feelings; I could only be an objective sounding board for him. In the end, though, Jonathan would have to make peace with this woman who was months away from being his stepmom. No matter what I thought about Drew or Olivia, I felt as though I owed it to Jonathan to help him adjust. “She probably doesn’t know how to behave around kids. She’s young herself. She’s going to make mistakes.”

“She doesn’t care,” he insisted. “All she wants is a big ring on her finger and access to Dad’s bank account.”

“You, sir, are way too young to be this bitter,” I said as I rested my chin on my palm.

He shook his head. “Dad knows it, too. They had a big fight last night about a prenuptial agreement.”

This took me by surprise. “They fought about that in front of you?”

“They didn’t have to,” he said. “I told you. No one thinks I can hear anything, but I always do.”

I took his hands into mine. “I’m sorry, sweetie,” was all I could offer.

Tears glistened in the corners of his bright blue eyes. “I just want things back to the way they were. When you were there. And we were happy.”

His sad words broke my heart. I wanted Jonathan to be happy, but there was no way I could ever go back to the way things were. I didn’t even want to. Alex had not only saved my life that day by the pool, he had given me a life worth saving from the moment we stepped off that plane seven months before.

It was real, unlike the elaborate production Drew had staged.
But how in the world could I say as much to Jonathan? He’d never understand… and likely never forgive me for choosing Alex. I was the one keeping him from the family of his dreams. Even though it was what was best for me, he was a child and unable to understand that.

He wanted to be happy. He needed to feel secure. That added up to a family. For a kid who had never really had a family, of course he would prefer the closest example to the traditional family unit he knew.

I said nothing. I took him into my arms and held him close in an effort to love his hurt away. By Friday evening, when Alex knocked on my door, I was still quiet and reflective.

He swept me into his arms the minute he crossed the threshold. “I have missed you,” he growled as he
lifted me against his hard body, which helped me forget just about everything else.

I caressed his face with my hand. “Not as much as I’ve missed you,” I said before I kissed him deep and slow. “You forget. I live alone.”

“Not tonight,” he said as carried me to my bedroom and we toppled together onto my platform bed. He nuzzled my ear. “Tonight is the night I look forward to all week,” he confessed breathlessly against my ear. “I get you all to myself.”

A contented sigh escaped my lips as he slipped my shirt open, button by button. His lips blazed down my chest until he nuzzled my full breasts, tickling the sensitive skin there with his stubbly beard. I tangled my hand in his hair as teased me with that talented tongue. I withheld no cries as he kissed his way further down my body. I didn’t have to. We were completely liberated in this space. We didn’t need to rush, we didn’t need to hide. We were free to love each other as wholly and as bravely as possible. I bought lingerie now, to tease and to titillate, and he loved to unwrap me like a gift.

I bought massage oils that we would spend hours rubbing into and showering out of our skin. We were free to experiment, and he proved an adventurous lover who delighted in bring me pleasure unlike anything I had ever known.

Likewise I unleashed something in him. His cries soon blended with mine as I learned how to play his body like a perfectly tuned instrument.
I worshipped his body with my mouth and my hands, until he was the one begging me to make love. With Alex, I learned how to be a more assertive lover. He loved to watch me straddle him, and bring myself to pleasure while he watched.

He loved every gasp, every shriek, or every deep groan in my throat. When he whispered how sexy I was, I believed him. I dressed up more, I wore more makeup,
I felt more like a woman than ever before in my life.

I looked like
a different woman when I returned to the ranch with him that weekend. Millicent grabbed me up into a bear hug. “So good to see you,” she said. “How long are you staying?”

“Until tomorrow night,” I said as I lifted a clamoring Max into my arms. He had plenty to show me and to tell me about his new school and all his new friends.

It felt like I had come home… until we had to head to separate bedrooms that night. I sneaked into his room a little after midnight, when the rest of the house had gone silent.

Every hushed whisper or quieted kiss only reminded me that we still had to hide what we felt for each other. Alex was quick to pick up on how much it tempered my enthusiasm. “What’s wrong?” he asked quietly.

“I hate having to hide,” I said with a very slight pout. “I’m spoiled.”

He grinned. “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he said before he bent to kiss me. Still, I held back. “Fine,” he said with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. “Let’s tell the world we’re in love. Geez. You wore me down.”

I giggled as I cuddled him closer. “You’re ridiculous.”

His eyes met mine. “Actually I’m serious.”

My eyes widened. “What?”

He hugged me tight to his naked body. “I’m spoiled, too,” he said. “You’re everything I ever wanted, Rachel. And nothing I thought I’d ever find again. I want the whole world to know that you’re mine.”

“Oh, Alex,” I breathed as I held him close. “That’s all I want.”

“You’re all I want,” he said ever so softly as he bent for a kiss. He blazed a trail of fire around my lips until I opened my mouth in total submission. I didn’t care who heard me gasp as he slipped in between my thighs and penetrated me, body and soul. No words were necessary as he finally staked his claim. We weren’t just making love anymore; we were making a solemn vow. We belonged to each other, and it showed in every powerful thrust of his body into mine. He filled me so deeply I didn’t know where I ended and he began.

I was incoherent as I came under him, my nails piercing into his strong back as I begged him for more. He responded until he was lost in his own passion. He thrust deeper, as though he couldn’t get close enough, until finally he came with a muffled cry as he buried his face in my neck.

“God, I love you,” he breathed against my skin. “Marry me, Rachel.”

I gasped as our eyes locked. “Alex…,” I started but he kissed me silent.

“Not tonight,” he said softly. “Maybe not even a month from now, or a year from now… but promise me someday you will be my bride.”

I studied that face I had so grown to love. “New Year’s Eve,” I whispered. “Ask me again.”

His brow furrowed. “Why?”

“Give me some time to get Jonathan used to the idea,” I answered as honestly as I could. Obviously I couldn’t tell him about Drew’s plans to wed on New Year’s Eve, without opening up a discussion about how I would have such information in the first place.

But I knew that as soon as Drew married Olivia, Jonathan could make peace with the idea that things could never go back to the way they were. Maybe then he would be able to give his blessing regarding my relationship with Alex. And that was what I needed to move forward.

As much as I loved Alex, Jonathan’s heart was the one I had to protect.

I would not break that promise again.

I was back in my apartment by Sunday night and ready for Jonathan by Monday morning. I was nervous that I might have to confront Drew again, and I had the sneaking suspicion he’d be able to recognize Alex’s mark all over me. But Harrison was the one who dropped Jonathan off, as Drew and Olivia had flown to New York City to attend one of her movie premieres.

The good news was that Jonathan would stay with me all week, and not just during the day.

The bad news was that he was a surly little brat from the moment he walked in the door.

He didn’t want anything to do with my study plan. “I’m never going to use this,” he said as he stalled over his pre-algebra assignment. “I need to learn what Dad does, since that is what I will be doing.”

“Part of this is what your dad does. Problem solving and critical thinking especially.”

He shrugged. “It’s not the same. I want to go back to studying at the office once a week.”

I shook my head. “That’s not a good idea, Jonathan.”

“You thought it was a good idea last year,” he pouted.

“A lot has changed since last year,” I pointed out.

“That’s the problem. Too much has cha
nged.” His eyes met mine. “Are you sleeping with my uncle, Rachel?”

His direct question stunned me speechless for a long moment. His eyes never wavered as he waited for my answer. “I told
you when I came back that I was here for you. I didn’t come back here to start a relationship with anyone.”

“That wasn’t what I asked you,” he said softly.

“I’m not answering the question, Jonathan. It’s completely inappropriate for you to ask. You’re my student.”

“I thought I was your friend.”

God, this kid was killing me. “You are.”

“Then be honest with me. Is Alex the reason you won’t go back to my dad?”

“No,” I finally said. It was a true answer to the question. I couldn’t go back to Drew with or without Alex motivating my decision. The reason I could never go back to Drew was because I could never trust him. But telling Jonathan this served no purpose at all. It would have only complicated their relationship and made the transition at year’s end even harder.

Fortunately he didn’t pressure me. He also didn’t give up on his plan to resume studies at the office downtown.

“I can’t tell him the truth,” I told Alex one night while we chatted on the phone. “With the way he feels about Olivia, finding out about us will really send him over the edge.”

“The whole world can’t bend to appease him,” Alex replied. “Eventually he’s going to have to learn to adapt.”

“He’s a little boy,” I reminded. “And he’s hurt. And he could use a few allies who put him first.”

Alex sighed. “I know.”

So we maintained our love affair in the shadows for yet another week.

Jonathan returned to his mother’s house, which – ironically – had become the most stable household for him. He still hated Derek, and had no real love lost for his own mother, but he felt more in control there. Elise no doubt catered to him since she was now the “favorite” parent, and had loosened the reins on his social life. Though Justin remained a bad taste in Jonathan’s mouth, his new friends weren’t much better. They were older and came from wealthy families,
most of the social elite with whom Elise still associated. They helped fuel Jonathan’s sense of entitlement.

I tried to double-down with more mundane tasks to show him how the other 99-percent lived, but as the week wore on, it was clear that these things did not interest him. He began half-
assing his assignments again, only excelling at those which held his interest. It was a battle of wills that taxed my patience. He didn’t even want to walk Yoda when I asked, often telling me that he was meant to be more than some no-name dog-walker. By Friday he finally spat, “Maybe the reason you don’t want to teach me Dad’s business is because you’re a barely educated schoolteacher.”

“There’s a whole wide world beyond that of your new friends,” I told him. “You’d do well to remember that.”

I was still pretty miffed after he left that afternoon, so much so I almost called off my date with Alex. I was in no mood for dinner and a movie. I had to regroup and reorganize to get my student back on track. When someone knocked on my door a little earlier than Alex was expected, I suspected he had come early due to the terse response I sent to his flirty text.

Only it was Drew standing in my doorway. “Of course,” I muttered.

Drew smirked. “It’s so good to see you, too,” he said. “Can I come in?”

“Why not?” I shrugged as I opened the door wider.

He tossed his coat on one of the barstools as he walked into my living room. “I’m a little concerned with the results you’ve been emailing me all week. It seems as though Jonathan has not been responding well to your instruction.” He sat on my sofa, crossed one elegant leg over the other, and waited.

“That’s because we are in the middle of a battle of wills,” I said as I stood, arms crossed, near the patio door. “He’s testing my authority because I won’t do what he wants me to do.”

“And what is that?” Drew asked with an arched eyebrow.

I sighed. “He wants to go back to your offices once or twice a week, to learn your business.”

“And that’s a problem because…?”

“You’re there,” I stated bluntly.

He chuckled in response. “And so is Alex.”

“Not a selling point,” I shot back. “It’s complicated and inappropriate and I can see no good outcome from it.”

He rose gracefully to his feet. “While denying his request is working out so well.” I glared at him as he walked closer. “I’m a little disappointed in you, Rachel. I never thought you were the kind of woman who would let her fears stand in her way of doing anything.”

I laughed out loud. “I’m not afraid of you, Drew. I don’t want to be anywhere
near you because I hate your stinking, lying guts.”

He appeared amused by my tirade. “If you truly hated me, you would have no problem at all being around me.” He advanced slowly. “You wouldn’t care how close I stood, or the sound of my voice as it traveled all over your body like a familiar caress.” He stopped in front of me, using his finger to trail down my arm. “If you really
hated me, you could be in close proximity without wondering what it would be like if I pulled you into my arms and kissed you at last.”

I closed my eyes. My body still reacted to this man, like the traitor it was. I was a virgin in many ways when Drew took me as his lover, imprinting me in ways I hadn’t yet been able to erase. I was frozen as he bent closer.

“If you hated me you wouldn’t hear the explosive sound of the sand falling through the hourglass, reminding you that the time is growing short for you to change your mind, or lose me forever.” His voice softened. “Admit it, Rachel. You’re afraid to be around me because you know damn well Alex would never be able to satisfy you again. That’s the real reason you haven’t told anyone about the two of you yet. You’re not willing to let me go as an option. You’re just biding your time, hoping that someone else will make your choice for you.”

“And on New Year’s Eve, someone will,” I said.

We heard the front door shut, and we both turned to see Alex enter the room with an armful of flowers. “What about New Year’s Eve?” Alex wanted to know.

Drew wore an evil grin as he looked down at me.
I could see him process the data quickly that I had never confided into Alex about Drew’s proposal. “Do you want to tell him? Or shall I?”

“It’s your wedding,” I pointed out as I stepped away from him.

“Wedding?” Alex echoed. “Who’s getting married?”

“Who indeed,” Drew murmured. “Well, I shouldn’t keep you. It seems you both have quite a bit to discuss.” He sent me a knowing glance. “Goodbye, Rachel.”

He brushed past Alex on the way out. Alex turned back to face me. “What’s going on?”

I sighed as I walked toward him. “There’s something I
probably should have told you,” I started as I pulled him to the sofa. “When you were away in England, Drew came by the house.” This wasn’t good news for Alex. I could read it all over his face. “I was trying to address my fears with the swimming pool, and I never even heard him dive in. That was where he cornered me, intent to seduce me.”

“I see,” Alex muttered as he looked away. I forced him to face me.

“Nothing happened,” I told him.

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” he asked softly.

“I didn’t want you to get mad. I handled it. There really wasn’t much more to do.”

“That’s not the point,” he said as he sprang off the sofa. “You should have told me because there should be no secrets.”

“You’re right,” I agreed. “I made a mistake.”

“So what about New Year’s Eve?” he asked. I could see that he had already connected the dots between my response to his proposal and the conversation he had walked in on with Drew.

“He’s getting married on New Year’s Eve.”

“To whom?” he questioned as the pieces fell neatly into place.

“Olivia,” I insisted. I could have stopped there. I probably should have stopped there. But he was right. A relationship was built on trust. And there could be no secrets. “Unless I change my mind and marry him instead.”

His jaw clenched. “I see.”

I jumped up and ran over to where he stood. “No, you don’t see. The reason I told you to ask me to marry you on New Year’s Eve had nothing to do with Drew. I was trying to protect Jonathan. He hates Olivia. He still wants me to go back to the house in Beverly Hills and be the family he wants us to be. If I tell him about you, he’ll see it as yet another betrayal. I don’t want to risk losing him again. Once Drew marries Olivia, then he will see that this is just the way things are and it’ll be easier for him to accept. There’s nothing more final than a wedding ring.”

“For Jonathan? Or for you?” he asked.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Tell me the truth, Rachel,” he said. “Is the reason you can’t commit to me really because of Jonathan? Or is it because you
can’t let Drew go?”

“
I let him go months ago,” I insisted immediately, but Alex was not convinced.

“Then marry me,” he said. “Today. Let’s go to Vegas and elope. You don’t want anyone to know? Fine. No one has to know about it until Drew slides that ring on Olivia’s finger. But this way I’ll know your acceptance won’t have anything to do with Drew.”

“And you think this is better?” I asked, growing angry myself. “Do you really want to turn our wedding into a game of ‘
Beat the Clock
’?”

“I want to know that you’re choosing me because you love me, not just because you can’t be with him.”

I was flabbergasted. “How can you question how I feel about you?”

“How can you keep that kind of secret from me? For months? Every time you lay in my arms, or slipped into my bed, or took me into your body, this was there in between. Some secret that you only shared with Drew.”

He spun away so I couldn’t see his face. “I’ve played this game before,” he said, his voice hoarse with emotion. “After Elise slept with me, she knew she could use that to hurt Drew. She strung me along for months, empowered by his newfound desire for her, to prove that he was the superior man in every way. For the first time in their marriage, she had the power. And she told me all the things that you tell me. That you don’t love him, that you don’t want him. But both of you needed him to want you, didn’t you?” He studied me for a long moment. “Tell me the truth, Rachel. Is the real reason you won’t go back to the offices to teach Jonathan because you’re scared to find out exactly how much?”

“Alex,” I said softly as I reached for him, but he moved away.

“I think you were right. Tonight is not a good night for a date.” He placed the flowers on the table as he turned for the door.

“Alex, don’t go!” I cried out but he didn’t even turn back.

I jumped as the door slammed shut behind him.