Ensnared (29 page)

I barely notice the weight settling beside me on the bed’s edge.

“Al,” Jeb whispers, closer than he’s been since I first arrived at the mountain. His fingertips trace the edge of my wings.

“I want my family back. I want you and Morpheus safe, and I want to fix Wonderland.”

“I know.”

His empathy strips away my defenses and I lift my face to unleash my darkest fear. “But I’m terrified to let Red inside me again.” I stop short of telling him why—that my heart feels like it’s breaking, literally—because he looks away.

The mattress shifts as he stands. “I should go guard the entrances.”

Though it’s not the pep talk or comforting hug I was hoping for, I try not to be disappointed.

He heads toward the door. “Get some sleep, okay?”

I nod. My body, heavy with exhaustion, wants to do just that: curl up beside Dad. But as Jeb’s boots clomp down the staircase, it dawns on me why he didn’t try to talk me out of going through with Morpheus’s plan. Jeb feels responsible for Dad’s plight. He thinks he can get the cure himself so I won’t have to face Red’s possession at all.

Wonderland’s repair isn’t Jeb’s priority. Getting Dad and me to Mom safely is all he’s thinking about. But if he’s captured in that castle, they’ll use him as a vessel for their magic until there’s nothing left, just like Morpheus said . . .

I close the curtains around Dad and race down the stairs. When I pass through the empty kitchen, dread comes to a rolling boil inside my veins.

I shove through the door. “Jeb!”

He’s already at the lower quarter of the winding stairs, silhouetted by shadows and headed toward the shore and the rowboat.

“Jeb, wait!”

I spur my wings to fly and land in the same instant he drops from the last step. Sand grits under my bare soles as I plant myself between him and the boat, out of range of the lighthouse’s beam. “Don’t do this.”

He tenses, his T-shirt tightening around his muscles. “It’s my place.”

“It’s
not
your fault.”

“It’s not about whose fault it is. It’s about destinies. I’m the one who has the best chance against Red.”

I frown. “What are you talking about?”

“Give me some credit. We’re artists. We know colors, how they combine. Red’s magic and Morpheus’s.” He holds up his wrist where his tattoo glows. “There had to be a reason mine was purple.”

My jaw drops. “You knew?” I’m so astonished I don’t even move as he steps around me.

“I’ve known all along. When did you figure it out?” he asks, unwinding the anchor rope from the post.

“When I saw inside your rooms.”

He pauses. Exhaling loudly, he sits on the boat’s bow. Elbows propped against his knees, he winds the rope between his fingers. “So you understand why I can’t leave now. My creations, they need me.” His misplaced devotion makes me ache. “Besides that, this . . . hatred. It’s become too big for the human world. I could hurt someone. Jen, Mom. You. I’d be just like my old man.”

I tell myself the sting in my eyes is from the salty air. “No. You’ll never be like your dad. You’ve made conscious choices not to be. Even with Red’s venom feeding your soul, you’re still gentle with me.”

“According to Morpheus, I almost strangled you a month ago in our world. When I was strung out on Tumtum juice at the art studio. You were so desperate to hide it from me, you made an irrevocable deal with the devil.”

Anger crashes through me. So Morpheus did tell him. All
because I wasn’t crafty enough to make him vow never to speak of it to Jeb. Well, I’m done being naive and careless with my words. From now on, I make life-magic vows that work to my advantage.

This is why Jeb couldn’t paint my portraits. It wasn’t Red’s hatred, but his own guilt for almost choking me. My insides shrink, empathy causing the feeling instead of an enchanted bottle inside a rabbit hole.

I watch the rope slide through Jeb’s fingers, his movements graceful despite his hands’ masculine shape.

“I didn’t want you to have to struggle with what happened,” I say. “I was wrong.”

He shrugs. “I’m not so sure, judging by the things I’ve created.”

“No. It’s this place. Red’s influence. We just need to get you through the gate. Cleansed of her power. Then you’ll be yourself again.”

He shakes his head. “I’ve suppressed this rage for years. Coming here and hiding in this mountain, it gave me an outlet, brought it all to the surface. Now that I’ve given it free rein, I don’t know if I can control it anymore.”

His face changes to that of the wounded little boy again. Morpheus was wrong. It isn’t me Jeb has given up on. It’s himself.

I step closer, sand sifting under my feet, as I realize another truth. “Wait . . . if you’ve known all along about Red’s magic, you’ve been playing Morpheus, letting him think he was playing you.”

“Yeah.” He smirks. “I tricked the trickster. Ironic, right?” A hint of pride shines through, making his eyes glimmer the color of spring leaves.

“You could’ve turned her power against him. Hurt him. But you didn’t. Why?”

“Because hurting him would’ve hurt you.”

The confession buckles my knees. I sink down beside him on the bow. My wings hang limp inside the hull of the boat and warm sand fills the spaces between my toes. “I don’t understand how you can’t see it.”

“See what?”

“I’m the priority, over your own feelings. You have complete control over your anger. So much so, you
chose
not to hurt Morpheus because he’s my friend.”

Jeb’s back stiffens. “It’s more than that. You want to be with him. To live with him in Wonderland. Forever.” He taps the rope against his thigh in a lighthearted manner, but there’s no hiding the heaviness in his shoulders.

A lump rises in my throat. “What are you talking about? That vow I made was just for twenty-four hours.”

“Prom night,” Jeb says, getting to his feet. “After I helped your mom with your dad. When I came back to your bedroom.” He nudges me off the boat.

I stand and rub my arms, chilled by the direction the conversation’s taking. “Jeb, that kiss wasn’t supposed to happen. I didn’t mean for it to.”

“Yet when I got back today, you were in his room. Your clothes were wrinkled, your face flushed.”

My cheeks burn. So he did notice. “I’m so sorry.”
And I’m so tired of lame apologies.
“I can’t seem to balance this. My two sides . . . they’re always at war. I’m not trying to lead you on. Or him, either.”

Jeb’s frown deepens. “I know you’re not playing games. I also know you’re not the kind of girl who kisses a guy for no reason.”

“You’re right. The first time was to get my wish back. And the
second . . . it was supposed to be a peck on the cheek. He changed it to something more.”

“Oh, come on!” Jeb shouts, causing me to flinch. “This is what makes me crazy. That you can’t admit it to me or yourself. You kissed him because you have feelings for him.”

Feelings
. . . such a simple word, except to a half-blood netherling queen whose life is not only unraveling, but her heart, too. I tighten my lips.

My silence triggers an unsettling expression across Jeb’s face . . . like a storm slowly building.

The boat behind him starts to rattle, a physical manifestation of his emotional turmoil. I jump as a loud pop splits the wood’s seams. The panels snap open so it’s nothing but an emaciated skeleton.

“I tried to tell you,” he says in an unsettling monotone. “I can’t trust myself.”

I square my shoulders. “The anger wasn’t directed at me. And it never will be.”

“Doesn’t matter. Because we’re over.”

“I don’t believe you.” From beneath my shirt, I drag out the ring he painted in the willow room. “I saw all the beautiful dreams you have for us.”

Clenching his jaw, he takes my shoulders—carefully, as if I’m made of glass—and maneuvers me so I’m a few inches from the boat, close enough to the ocean for the warm tide to lick my toes.

“
Had
,” he corrects. “Past tense.”

Gaze turned to the ground, he waves his palm above the sand. Each grain sparks with red light and two holes open, sucking me down to my ankles. They close over my feet. I try to move, but I’m stuck.

Confusion creeps through me. “Jeb?”

“Another thing your moth prince doesn’t know. I’ve learned how to separate the two strains of magic. I put your dad into his dream trance earlier. Morpheus was just a prop. Too bad I didn’t control his powers on prom night. Maybe you would’ve chosen me instead. Then I could’ve given you all the things I wanted to, instead of only dreaming about them.” He slips the necklace with his ring off my head and dips it in the water until the beautiful band of diamonds and silver disintegrates to a puddle of paint. Only the diary’s key remains.

Rooted like an unwanted weed, I can’t do anything but watch.

He drops the necklace back into place over my head and returns the boat to its former glory with a flourish of his hands.

I recover my voice. “I
did
choose you!”

Back turned, he clears off the seat. A breeze scrambles his hair, making the tangles even messier.

I thrust out a hand and snag his back jeans pocket. “Jeb, don’t do this.”

He pries my fingers free and moves out of reach. “Do what? Help you get what you wanted?” He coils the rope in the hull. “When your fae boyfriend had his wings around you in your room, you told him all you were asking for was a little while. You said forever was worth that.”

A breath shunts out of me.

I had no idea he was listening in the hallway before the kiss. I had touched my lips to Morpheus’s cheek, keeping it innocent. Jeb didn’t see that, because Morpheus’s wings dropped only when he made that kiss into something more. Jeb saw what Morpheus
wanted
him to see. But worse than what Jeb saw, was what he heard. What came out of my own mouth.

Sometimes words are louder than actions.

Understanding ticks through my mind, as vicious and cutting as a razor-sharp second hand on a clock.

“You needed time to break up with me,” Jeb says. “After I’d just asked you to marry me. I was hoping for forever, but you were already planning it with him.” Jeb heaves the boat into the water and quickly steps inside the hull to keep his clothes dry. He sits, facing me, oars in hand.

The foamy tide laps at my ankles, melting my leggings until my shins are exposed. I tense my thigh muscles, twist my calves. But I might as well be standing in cement. He’s about to end his life, give up everything, all for the sake of what he
thinks
I want.

The diary at my chest glows, yet I can’t slow my racing thoughts enough to use it. My mind is as useless as my body.

“Wait!” I grapple for the bow, but it slips under my fingertips as the tide pulls the boat into the ocean. “It’s all out of context, okay? I didn’t say I wanted to break up with you!”

Jeb drifts out of my reach. “What else would you have been asking time for, if not to let me down easy? I get it. I tried to choke you. I’m not worthy of trust.” He drags the oars through the water until he’s several feet away.

No. I can’t let him believe that. The only arsenal I have is the truth. My vow to Ivory stated I wouldn’t tell anyone about the vision of my and Morpheus’s child. But the prospect of my immortality is fair game.

“I can have two futures. One with you in the mortal realm. Then, later, as a netherling queen. What you heard on prom night was me asking Morpheus to give me and you space. To wait for my human life to end.”

Jeb pauses rowing. Water sloshes around the hull, towing the boat out further. The lighthouse flashes across him and his labret sparkles as he watches me. “How is that even possible?”

I attempt to explain it, that I’ll age in the mortal realm, but won’t die. That when I’m old and frail, I can fake my death and go to Wonderland. That once my crown is placed on my head, I’ll return to the age I was when I first became queen.

What I don’t say is how much it hurts to consider outliving the people I love, to leave my human family behind. I can’t say it, because Jeb’s pain concerns me more.

“So, after everyone dies, you’ll go to Wonderland and be perpetually sixteen?” The bitter bite in his voice punctures like thorns. “I’ll be gone. And you’ll spend forever with
him
. What am I supposed to do with that, Al?”

I fist my hands, worried he might split the boat again and fall into the water. “I don’t know.”

“Well, I do. I’ll go to the castle, get your dad his cure, and send you and Morpheus off on your merry way. So you can skip the whole aging-in-the-real-world thing and be eternally young now. I mean, who wouldn’t want that, right?”

“Jeb, no!” My vocal cords strain and it registers how far he’s drifted from the shore. We’ve been shouting at each other without my realizing it.

In fact, he’s been moving farther out without even rowing.

A red glimmer undulates through the water, lighting the depths with pulses, as if there were a living heart underneath. On each vibration, Jeb’s boat rides a wave closer to the opposing shore and the exit. He’s controlling the ocean, just like he does everything here.

“The sands will release you when I’m gone, and you can stay with
your dad,” he calls over the distance. “By tomorrow morning, you’ll be on your way to Wonderland with Morpheus.”

Frustrated tears singe my lower lashes. Here we are again, in a mystical hostile world, battling each other instead of the dangers lying in wait. “You have no idea what they can do to you!”

I simultaneously tug on my legs and flap my wings until my ligaments feel like they’ll snap. The harder I fight, the hotter the diary gets. Determined to stop him, I recall step-by-step how I used the tiny book as a catapult for my powers in Morpheus’s room.

When the crimson glow seeps into my veins, I redirect the flow, hurling it at the ocean. It works, rolling a wave that reverses the rowboat back my way. The lighthouse blinks, illuminating Jeb as he stands up in the hull. Balanced gracefully like a surfer, he chucks the oars down. Despite the span between us, I swear I can see him sneer.

It stokes my darker side. She relishes the challenge.