Enraptured (11 page)

I sat back and listened as he continued. “
I was her first target because that’s how Elise operates. It is always from the top down, and the top of her collective heap happened to include a firstborn Fullerton. She was willing to do anything to secure my affections. She sold me all the same bull she sold Alex. I needed to protect her, I could save her; I could heal her with my love. That’s a powerful thing to tell a man. It makes him feel like a god. So when Father mentioned that I should marry and settle down, she cozied up to him until she had her ‘in.’ She was pregnant within six months, certain that would cement her place in our lives forever.”

He lay back against the pillows. “I don’t think she understood exactly what being a Fullerton wife and mother entailed. Father had his expectations and I had mine. And here was this incomplete
girl, overwhelmed and overcome that she wasn’t in control of her life anymore. Everything she knew had changed. Any relationships with her bohemian friends were terminated because it didn’t fit into Father’s immaculate image of the Fullerton family. She had always starved herself to keep her dancer’s body, but as soon as we knew she was pregnant we insisted that she eat full meals instead of just bites here and there, and her body began to change and her self-loathing was off the charts, and there was no one there to buffer the blow. And I did try, Rachel. No matter what they tell you, I did try.”

“She had to be happy for you to feel like a god,” I supplied and he nodded.

“Nothing worked. I would reach for her and she would turn away. She used her body as an excuse, her pregnancy, but really all she ever needed was for me to want her. It was the only way the power tipped back over into her favor.”

“Powerful incentive for someone who felt ultimately powerless,” I pointed out. Again he nodded.

“Father insisted that she needed to grow up, and my coddling her would only make the situation worse. Her parents had failed raising her, so it was up to us to finish. He insisted I needed to employ tough love, to make her rise to our expectations.”

He sighed as he wiped his eyes with his fingers. “But of course Mother was much too tender-hearted to rely on such a tactic
. And by default, so was Alex. They wanted to heal her wounds whereas Father and I were trying to toughen her hide. And you can see how well all that worked out,” he added with bitter irony. “We were all snowed, and we all paid the price.”

I touched his arm and h
is eyes met mine. “I was young and stupid,” he surmised simply. “I made my share of mistakes, driven by my own sense of entitlement and resentment.”

I brushed his hair from his face. “You had to keep going, to find someone else to treat you like a god.”

He nodded, unabashed. “But I swear to you, I never slept with anyone before she told me about Alex, even if they believed otherwise.”

“Another game,”
I decided with a sigh. “Make her think you’re interested in someone else, and she’ll fight even harder to make you happy.” My heart softened as I stared into his face. “That little incomplete boy in you just needed someone to make him happy.”

He touched my face with his hand.
His words were soft. “I fucked up, but I’m not sorry. Without her, I wouldn’t have Jonathan. Without Jonathan, I wouldn’t have you. That is my happiness now, Rachel.”

I leaned toward him and placed a kiss on his lips. This time I was the one to deepen it, and he growled in his throat as
he pulled me across his chest. I removed my nightgown, tossing it off to the corner of the bed, and straddled him where he lay. He watched me with hooded eyes as I knelt down for yet another kiss as I rubbed myself against him.

Drew didn’t know how to love because he had never truly been unconditionally loved. That wasn’t a commodity traded in the Fullerton household.

Until now.

I kissed him until he was reaching for me, and then slid him deep inside my body. I sank down and held him there, my eyes locked with his as I surrounded him with my warm body. Softly, and truthfully, I whispered, “I love you, Drew.”

It wasn’t about hearing it back. It wasn’t about betraying my love for Alex. It was about loving Drew as fully and completely as I could, without all the stupid games that came along with it, games that had gone on entirely too long in Drew’s life.

And he was right. I had been playing games. I had been using the same tough love that Malcolm and Drew himself had used on Elise, and it had wrecked absolutely everything, including an innocent little boy.

I decided then and there I wouldn’t let that happen to our child. Someone had to be the hero and land on the grenade. Someone had to be vulnerable and risk it all.

And I supposed it would have to be me.

This was my family now, and I was going to do my damnedest to heal it, one wounded Fullerton at a time.

Drew responded to my soft admission with a hungry growl, digging his strong fingers into the soft flesh of my hips. He watched me intently as I made love to him, until he was racing to orgasm even before I was. I leaned down to whisper against his ear, “It’s okay to lose control. Let it go, Drew.”

He bucked against me as it overtook him and he let out a primal cry. He finally collapsed back against the bed, breathless. I leaned down to hold him close and he stroked my hair with a trembling hand. After long minutes had passed, he finally asked, “Did you mean what you said, Rachel?”

I glanced into his face with a tender smile. “Rule #8: I always mean what I say.”

He reached for another kiss as he pushed me off his lap and against the pillows, then proceeded to show me the pleasure he had withheld all weekend.

Looking back, I would probably say that Vegas
was where my honeymoon, and my marriage with Drew, officially began. Beforehand I had merely been resigned to my fate. I offered myself up as a living sacrifice for my children with a marriage of convenience while my heart pined for another. It wasn’t fair to my husband, nor my children, to halfway commit to my future. They deserved better, and so did I.

And the simple truth was that I had chosen Drew. Even if Alex hadn’t taken off like he did, cutting off all ties and communication, he had been right when he said Drew would always be right there in between. If I had chosen Alex, Drew would have used every weapon in his manipulative arsenal to sway my decision until I was right where I was, at his side with his ring on my finger.

He would have likely used Jonathan, and it probably would have worked.

Maybe Alex was right to walk away when he did. He tore it off like a bandage because he knew more than anyone that Drew played for keeps. And our child deserved a fighting chance to be a person, rather than a bargaining chip.

So I made my decision accordingly. And rather than mope and pity myself that I was stuck with it, it was time to pull up my big-girl panties and accept my choice and all it entailed. The very reason I carried his child was because I loved him deep down. I
had
been branded by his touch and claimed within his heart. It was why I could never fully let him go.

And now I didn’t have to. We were married, legally bound by a sacred commitment for life. He wouldn’t ice me out because of a pregnancy like Zach did, and he wouldn’t travel halfway across the planet to get away from me like Alex did.

He had proven, time and again, he was committed to this family we were building. What more could one ask from a husband?

It was time to finally forgive the past and move on.

Drew rewarded my new loving nature handsomely. Everything was mine for the asking. Well, almost everything. I had confessed my love for him that night, but he had not followed my verbal cue. He couldn’t really let go yet, which I understood perfectly after he shared his painful past with me. I knew it would take time.

Just like he had rewired my heart once upon a time, it was my turn to repair his.

While he plied me with expensive clothes and jewelry, whisking me around Vegas to the finest restaurants and shows, I rewarded him with loving smiles, tender kisses and a constant touch to let him know how much I cared.

Every night when he took me in his arms, I saw the passion rage in his eyes. What he had wanted, what he had needed, was someone to give themselves to him fully without e
xpectations, to accept him as he truly was, a flawed mortal just like the rest of us.

That was my commitment as we returned to Beverly Hills that Sunday evening. We were cuddled on the sofa in his study when Elise returned Jonathan to the house.
The younger Fullerton lit up like a sparkler the minute he saw us. He ran across the room and plopped in between us, happy to be home at last.

I didn’t get much out of Jonathan about his weekend. All he would say was that Elise no longer lived in Venice, having traded up to a high-rise apartment in west Los Angeles, so their time was spent more at malls and shopping centers than at the beach.

I promised we’d make a special trip to Santa Monica that week, which brightened his mood considerably.

Drew, however, was sullen as we climbed into bed. I snuggled up to him and tried to kiss his sour expression away, but he remained distant. “What’s wrong?” I finally asked.

“I don’t understand the point of her spending any time with him. Instead of taking him somewhere he might enjoy, she’s parading him around Rodeo Drive like a pedigreed poodle.”

“You’re expecting too much from her, Drew. She came from shitty parents and she didn’t learn much better from your dysfunctional family dynamic.
”

He took my hand and brought it to his lips for a tender kiss. “You are being much too generous, my darling. You try to see the good in everyone, but for some people it is simply not there.”

“I thought that about you not so long ago,” I reminded gently. Our eyes met and then he sighed as he pulled me across his chest.

“Maybe I should send you to live with her for a year, since you have such a magical touch on all of us wayward Fullertons.”
He kissed me softly. “But you’re mine now. And I don’t share.”

I chuckled as I wrapped my arms around him.
“Yeah, I got that memo.”

He chuckled low in his throat as he slid me back against the mattress and settled over me. He kissed me soft and slow as his hand slid down my side until I arched against him. It was easy to be an enthusiastic lover with his masterful touch. And he was always reaching for one more kiss, one more tussle. I was exhausted as we both drifted off to sleep that night, so much so I overslept the next morning.

I raced to get ready so that I could meet Jonathan and begin our studies, but that resulted in another hour delay in the bathroom. Drew’s money and power could do a great many things, but we all bowed powerlessly to my morning sickness.

That evening I went to bed early, hoping if I got enough rest I could finally establish some sort of routine.

As it turned out, that was the routine. Inevitably I settled into a part-time schedule, even at the offices of FEI. This was good news, given the constant stress I was under in between Drew and Alex. Alex had been on his best behavior, but Drew was determined to prove that I was completely off the market. Not only did he fill our office with enough flowers to justify an IV drip of antihistamine, but he stopped by regularly to steal kisses and whisper innuendo just loud enough for Alex to hear.

I could tell by the pained look in Alex’s eyes how much this demonstration of ownership hurt him, but he remained committed to the study schedule I had carved out for Jonathan, which included Thursday mornings and Friday afternoons. He insisted on following Jonathan’s curriculum, to learn about each of the companies included under the FEI umbrella, as well as those Drew was interested in acquiring. Carrington Media was among those companies, which Jonathan and Alex found equally interesting for two very different reasons. For Jonathan, it was all about music. For Alex, it was all about the news.

“
You control the message and you control the money
,” Sloane had said, and I could tell by the look on Alex’s face that he knew exactly why Drew would find Carrington Media so appealing. Their 24-hour news channel was decidedly slanted in the favor of powerful friends like Troy De Havilland.

At Friday’s conference with my two students, I
saw shades of the old Alex when he mentioned casually, “That would certainly pave the way for a congressional run, having a propaganda channel right I your back pocket.”

Drew smiled easily. “I’m not running yet,” he reminded. “And should I ever decide to, someone else would have to take over here as CEO anyway. As you appear to be gunning to do that very thing, I am certain you would never allow
TruNews to become a source of ‘propaganda,’ thus nullifying any advantage it may offer.”

There was a challenge on both sides of the desk. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jonathan size up the elder Fullertons, to see how far the tenuous peace between them could be stretched.

“I welcome the challenge,” Alex said with that knowing smirk.

“As do I,” Drew replied easily.

Both Jonathan and I breathed a sigh of relief as the meeting drew to a close without coming to blows. The tension was thick in the air, so much so I needed to step outside just to ease the queasiness. I headed to the first floor of our building, to get some juice and animal cookies that I could eat in the atrium. I supposed I shouldn’t have been surprised to see Alex saunter over to the bench where I sat, but it only made the butterflies in my stomach worse. He and I being seen alone together was a complication I didn’t need, even if I did want to see him, to talk to him… to break through that gruff veneer one more time.

“You okay?” he asked as he sat.

I nodded. “I just needed a little pick-me-up,” I said as I gestured to my bottle of juice.

“A growing baby needs its vitamins,” he murmured, his eyes lighting briefly on my stomach before traveling up to meet mine. “You definitely glow, Rachel.”

I nodded and looked away. “Thank you.”

He caught sight of the new ring on my right hand. It was an amethyst, both my birthstone and Jonathan’s, a gift from Drew while we were in Las Vegas. “New ring?” he asked unnecessarily. He would know that I would likely not possess a ring like that if it weren’t for Drew.

I fought the impulse to hide it with my other hand. “It was a gift,” I answered just as unnecessarily.

He leaned back and stretched out his legs. “You certainly are fitting in well as a Fullerton,” he commented. “It is the good life, isn’t it? You get the best of everything. The best home, the best gifts.
The best husband.”

I closed my eyes. “Alex, please.”

“No judgments,” he drawled easily. “I wouldn’t have picked me either.” I could feel his gaze as it traveled over my new clothes. “So it’s selfish of me to expect you to pine for me, especially since what is easily trumps what could have been.”

I glared at him. “What difference does it make to you what might have been? You bolted for the door every single time things got a little uncomfortable.”

He sat up. “Fair enough. But what, really, did you expect from the weaker brother?”

“You’re not weak, Alex,” I told him. “That was their label for you, but that isn’t how you need to identify yourself. If you’d just show up, you’d amaze everyone. Including
yourself.”

He chuckled softly. “You may be the teacher,
Rachel… but you still have a lot to learn.”

He rose to his feet and sauntered away. I stared after him with a sigh.

I spent the entire ride home preparing myself for yet another confrontation with Elise. Now that Alex was no longer her buffer, she actually had to show up herself to pick Jonathan up every Friday. If she thought she was going to use that opportunity to shame me, insult me or condescend to me, she had another thing coming. This was my house now, and my family, and she would just have to learn to deal with that.

She swept in, reeking of expensive cologne and dripping with diamonds. She didn’t bother to speak to me, but I could tell by the way her eyes narrowed that she didn’t miss one detail of my new appearance. Since I spent the last two days at the office, I wore the finer clothes that Drew had purchased for me in Vegas. I traded jeans and plain, button-down shirts for a skirt and jacket
, and had styled my hair rather than just tie it back out of the way.

Her eyes glittered as they landed on my new jewelry, and she sneered with contempt. I knew from the look on her face that she believed I had no real place there in the estate she used to call home
, no matter how fine my clothes were. I tipped my chin as I returned her glare. As her smile shrank, mine grew. Ultimately she slammed out of the house with one arm draped possessively around her son.

True to his word, Drew whisked me away to New York City for the weekend. He wanted to meet with Jasper Carrington in person. There was no question that Carrington Media could benefit from Drew’s money and influence, but Jasper had built his brand from the ground up. It seemed unlikely that he would give his baby over to Drew no matter how much money he wagged under his nose, but Drew was determined to try.

And this time, I got a front row seat.

Drew and I stayed at a grand
five-star hotel adjacent to Central Park, in a two-story suite with its very own terrace with a panoramic city view. Before I could fully take in the opulence in front of me, Drew ushered me back downstairs to take a bite out of the Big Apple. It started with a shopping spree along Fifth Avenue, with Drew dressing me for a change. I felt ridiculous as I paraded through the carpeted dressing rooms, to stand before my husband as he sat in the chair, one elegant leg crossed over another, his eyes engulfing me from top to toe, inspecting each new look my personal stylist created for me. Unlike Las Vegas, my stylist in New York was a poised and beautiful man named Ethan. In one of the capital cities in fashion, his focus was cut and fabric as he threw together more ensembles fitting to any occasion. Since we were in the northeast, I required a jacket to keep warm, so I settled for a fitted suede jacket in rustic camel.

I still felt ridiculous, even with a stop at a salon to style my hair and complete the look with makeup designed to look like I wasn’t wearing anything at all.

By the time we arrived for the Broadway show, I felt transformed. Drew wore a proud smile as he offered me his arm. I returned his smile, though I still felt completely out of place. Had it really been only two years since a microwavable frozen meal and reruns on a 32-inch TV was my idea of a big Saturday night?

Now I was right in the middle of one of the most exciting cities of the world, rubbing elbows with the rich and the famous. The only way it could have been any more of a dream was if it were actually in black and white with Sinatra crooning in the background.

We met Jasper and his wife, Lourdes, for a late dinner in a neighborhood in lower Manhattan known as Tribeca. We were ushered to our table in the cozy restaurant with brick walls covered in funky art. Equally funky light fixtures cast a warm glow over the hipster diners who talked animatedly over their Americana cuisine.