Engaging Men (46 page)

I don’t know how I got through those first few days without Grace, now that Justin was as far from me as he had been in the four years I had known him. But I managed. It wasn’t easy, especially when, during a vulnerable moment on Saturday at Lee and Laurie, I had spilled the news of my second heartbreak in as many months.

“Oh, Angie,” Roberta said, her face creasing in sorrow. Then, after a moment, she continued, “Well, there’s still time. If you meet someone in the next year, you could still possibly have kids before thirty-five…”

This was supposed to comfort me?

Michelle shook her head in disgust as she fingered the tennis bracelet Frankie had just gotten her for her birthday. Clearly she thought I was a lost cause.

“You’re better off alone anyway,” Doreen said with a somewhat righteous sniff.

Whether I was better off was debatable. But alone I was when I headed home to Grace’s that night, a bag of Chinese takeout in hand, along with an early edition of the Sunday Times, which I knew I had to start reading if I hoped to find a new apartment before Justin got back. Whenever that might be.

But even after I had stuffed myself full of chicken lo mein, I couldn’t bring myself to open up the real estate section. Instead, I found myself watching, of all things, the Miss America Pageant. I was surprised it was even on—I thought they had done away with this nonsense. But I realized why they hadn’t when I found myself watching the whole ridiculous thing, swimsuit competition and all, and even found myself smiling stupidly when the current Miss America handed over her crown to Miss New York, who could barely contain her excitement as she did that runway walk, then returned to the host who held out the microphone as she pledged to spend her reign speaking on behalf of breast cancer survivors, tutoring disadvantaged children in the fight against illiteracy, and working with the Landmarks Preservation Society to make sure all that was great about New York City survived.

At least Justin would be happy…

Justin. I sighed, glancing at the newspaper, which still sat untouched on the coffee table. I was going to have to move to New Jersey—or maybe even farther—to escape this city, filled as it was with reminders of him.

As if in answer to an unspoken prayer, my cell phone started to ring. I leaped up from the couch, scrambling for my pocketbook and digging through. Maybe it was Justin, calling to tell me he was coming home, that he hated Las Vegas, that he needed to be in New York, close to all he held dear, close to me—

But when I finally located the phone at the bottom of the bag and looked at the call display, I saw that it was my mother.

“Why aren’t you home? It’s almost midnight!” she shrieked the moment I pushed the talk button.

My mother still became paralyzed with fear at the thought that I might venture past the three locks that bolted my apartment door and into my alleged dangerous neighborhood after dark. Now do you see why I don’t ever tell her about my life? But I realized she must have been in some kind of panic to call me on my cell phone.

I sighed. “Ma, I’m at Grace’s. And I already told you, I’ll be there early tomorrow to help you cook. I’ll even bring the sausage,” I said, knowing my mother had stopped asking Non-nie to supply anything for her Sunday dinners because Non-

nie would likely disappear on some illicit shopping spree—or God knows what else—with Artie.

“I’m not calling about sausage!” she cried. ‘m calling about your grandmother. Nonnie—my mama!—her heart is giving out, Angela! She had such pains!“

“Where are you?” I said, already pulling my jeans on over the boxers I wore and grabbing my sneakers.

“Kings County Hospital. And, please, Angela, take a cab—I don’t want you on that subway at this hour—”

“All right! All right!” I said. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

It was the longest cab ride I’ve ever taken in my life. Not only because I was all the way uptown. But because I was scared out of my wits. Nonnie—my Nonnie! What if I didn’t make it in time? What if—

I pulled out my cell phone. My first instinct was to call Justin. And I could have—I had his cell number programmed into my phone. I knew he could talk me down from the paralyzing heights of anxiety I had reached as the cab rolled over the Brooklyn Bridge.

But I didn’t call him. I feared the very sound of his voice might put me in even more emotional turmoil. Instead, I called Grace, knowing it was three hours earlier in New Mexico and praying she’d left her cell phone on.

Thankfully, she had. “Hey, Angie, what’s up?”

Maybe it was the sound of her warm, familiar voice, but suddenly I began to cry. “It’s Nonnie, Grace. She’s in the hospital. I think she may have had a…a heart attack.”

“Oh, God, Angie. Have you seen her? Is she okay?”

“I’m on my way to Kings County Hospital right now. But I’m scared, Gracie. What if she’s… she’s gone by the time I get there? My mother sounded a bit…hysterical.”

“Well, you know your mother does overreact, Ange. Besides, Nonnie’s strong. She’s a fighter. You remember how she used to arm-wrestle us when we were kids?”

“But that was a long time ago, Grace. She hasn’t been taking care of herself. She eats whatever she wants. Does whatever she wants. You know she even has a…a boyfriend,” I said, won-

dering if some late night “poker game” had been the cause of this little attack.

“Oh yeah?” She laughed. “You see that, she’s gonna be fine. A woman randy enough to take on a boyfriend at her age has got spirit, Ange. Who’s the lucky guy, anyway?”

“Artie Matarrazzo.”

“Mr. Matarrazzo? That is so cute, Angie. I bet they make an adorable couple. See, she’s gonna stick around. She’s got a lot more living to do.”

“But what if she’s been doing a little…a little too much living? You know she did have an angioplasty a few years ago. Her heart can’t take too much.”

Grace was silent for a few moments, then said, “I wish I could be there with you. I’m coming home Monday night. I can see if I could get an earlier flight—”

“No, no—you don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine,” I replied, gazing out the window at the empty streets we rolled down. “If I ever get there.”

“Where’s Justin? Maybe you should call him, Ange. You know he’d be there for you if you needed him…”

“I went to the apartment today—he wasn’t there. He’s probably in Vegas, but I don’t know. I don’t know anything about him anymore.”

“Well, you have me, you know that?”

“I know,” I said, seeing the lights of Kings County Hospital up in the distance. “It looks like we’re almost there, Grace. I…1 gotta go.”

“Call me if you need me, okay?”

“Okay.”

I hated hospitals in general, and this one in particular, as it was the one my father had frequented during his last days. And maybe it was the memory of that loss that scared me even more as I rode the elevator to the Intensive Care Unit, which was where, the receptionist at the information desk told me, my grandmother was.

I was reminded even more of my father when I came off the elevator and saw almost my entire family—and a somewhat woeful-looking Artie Matarrazzo—taking up the small waiting area. Sonny paced the hall, coffee cup in hand. He almost smiled when he saw me. Then, probably remembering why I was here, simply hugged me as I approached. After asking after Vanessa, whom I learned Sonny had forced to stay home because he didn’t want her to have so much stress so close to her due date, I went over and hugged Joey and Miranda, before turning to Artie, who practically sobbed as he embraced me and said, “We were just playing cards, honest!”

Finally I headed to my grandmother’s room, and I took a certain comfort in the sight of my mother, rosary beads in hand, leaning over the bed.

“Ma,” I whispered as I approached and she whirled around, her eyes tired, almost resigned to the scene before her. Still she hugged me fiercely, then held my hand as I turned to look at Nonnie.

Nonnie looked like she was asleep and, I might have thought, peacefully, if not for the tubes that came out of her nose and the patch of wires hooked to her body.

“How is she?” I asked my mother, but she only shook her head.

“Not good,” she said, gazing at me with worry in her eyes. “Not good, Angela.”

Fortunately, I had lived long enough with my mother not to rely on her gloom-and-doom reports. So when the on-duty doctor came by to make his rounds, I pulled him aside to get what I hoped would be a more accurate report on my grandmother’s condition.

“Well, preliminary tests show congestive heart failure,” he told me with a reassuring smile. “Of course, she’s not out of the woods yet. That’s why we’ve got her in ICU. We’ll monitor her through the night, and then run a few more tests in the morning.” Then, glancing down the hall and catching sight of my mother—who had just left my grandmother’s room—one hand crushing a handkerchief to her eyes, the other still grasping the rosary beads, he continued, “Your grandmother is under good care. It’s your mother I’m worried about. Maybe you should take her home, see that she gets some rest.”

I was so relieved, I could have kissed him. In fact, he was pretty good-looking, and I’m sure my Nonnie would have condoned it. But, instead, I went back to my grandmother’s“ room, and after kissing her cool forehead and saying a quick prayer, with the assistance of my brothers and Miranda, I dragged my mother out of the hospital, where she otherwise might have stayed all night.

Sonny drove me and my mother home. Artie had his own car, though I was worried that an eighty-six-year-old man shouldn’t be driving at all, much less at night. But Joey and Miranda promised to follow Artie to his house, to make sure he made it all right. And after finally convincing my mother to go to bed—she tried desperately to feed me, but I couldn’t bear to eat a morsel—I spent a restless night of sleep in my old bedroom, surrounded by photos of my father, the Sacred Heart looming over me from the far wall.

When I awoke, I called the hospital first thing. Happily, I learned that the electrocardiogram and chest X rays revealed normal heart function and no permanent damage. In fact, my grandmother was being moved to a private room that afternoon and would probably be released in a few days.

My mother, of course, was not convinced, and insisted on stopping at church on the way to the hospital, to light a candle.

Ma must have asked for a miracle—and gotten it—because when we got to the hospital, my grandmother was not only sitting up in bed in her new room, but had a hand of cards in her well-manicured fingers and a handsome young man in blue scrubs sitting bedside, holding a hand of cards himself.

“Nonnie!” I said, relieved to see her awake, alert and, judging from the four aces she laid down on the small table before her, up to her old tricks again.

“Angela!” she called out, forgetting her cards for the moment and reaching out her arms to me.

I moved quickly into her embrace, relishing the feel of her in my arms.

My mother moved in next, quickly planting a kiss on Nonnie’s cheek and then grabbing up the cards from the table. “What is this, Ma? C’mon‘. You’re in no condition!” But I could see from the soft look in her eyes as she shoved the cards back into the box that she was relieved to see my grandmother was practically back to normal.

Nonnie sighed. “Okay, Oscar, we’ll have to pick this game up later,” she said, turning to the young man. “But, remember, that’s two Jell-Os you owe me now.” Her eyelashes were fluttering in what looked suspiciously like a batting motion.

Oscar stood, laughing. “Okay, Mrs. Caruso, you win. But that’s all the hands I can play today. Besides, I don’t even know if you’re allowed Jell-O on your meal plan.”

“I’d trade it all for one frozen Snickers,” she said with a heartfelt sigh.

“Never mind, Mrs. C. Never mind,” he said with another chuckle, and with a nod to us, he disappeared.

“How you feeling?” my mother demanded.

“I’m fine! I don’t know what everybody’s getting so excited about.”

My mother shook her head.“I’m gonna find the doctor. We’ll see how fine you are.”

Once she left the room, Nonnie turned to me. “Angela, it’s so good to see you. You haven’t been around much lately…”

I felt a stab of guilt. “I’m sorry, Nonnie, I—”

“Don’t worry about it! You’re young. You need to be going out and having a good time. And you are having a good time, aren’t you? Now that that Kirk’s out of the picture? Not that I didn’t like him, but I think he might have been too much of a stick-in-the-mud for you.”

“I’m doing okay. But how are you doing, Nonnie? Ma says you haven’t been taking care of yourself. Not eating right. Staying up late with…with Artie.”

She rolled her eyes. “Your mother’s a worrywart. Besides, it was a good thing Artie was over. It was him that called the ambulance.Your mother was too busy having one of her panic attacks.”

“She loves you, Nonnie. She worries—”

“I know, I know. I love her, too. I just wish she’d get outta my hair. I’m a grown woman, and she treats me like a child. And Artie—she isn’t very nice to him either. But he’s working on her. You know, he helped her with the tomato plants this summer. In fact, you just missed him. But he’s coming back. I sent him on a little errand.”

I smiled. God, I wished I could be Nonnie. It seemed even at her age, she had men at her beck and call. I didn’t even have a man to call at all.

Or so I thought. Because just as I sat talking with Nonnie, I suddenly saw her eyes go round. I was just about to push the emergency button for fear she was having another attack, when her lips broke into a wide smile—a flirtatious smile, which, when it came to Nonnie, could only mean one thing.

“Hello, you handsome devil, you!”

I turned around to see what man had piqued her interest now, and I almost had a heart attack. None other than Justin was standing in the doorway, in a pair of faded jeans, a Yankees T-shirt and a smile from ear to ear. “Nonnie!” he said. “Look at you in the hospital! Has there been some mistake? You look fantastic!” He bounded into the room and gave her the hug she was waiting for.

“God, Justin, we haven’t seen you in a dog’s age. Where’ve you been?”