Encompassing Love (14 page)

Tina answered.  “Adam?  We barely knew him, but we thank him.  That’s not really the definition of love.”

“I meant the martyr.”  Tomorrow felt ashamed of herself for asking so inappropriately.

Both of them looed at each other and answered at the same time, “Yes!”

Then Venetia said, “Phillip was a deep feeling person.  That is why he spent so much time with your mother while she was on the line.”

Tina added, “And he could be funny.  He seemed to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders but make you laugh as if you were floating up into the sky,”

Tomorrow saw Venetia’s eyes roll.  For the first time she considered that while the martyr was alive these two might have been in competition.  Then she thought about her mother.  With these two in his life, caring about him the way that their faces suggested they did, why would he talk to her mother so often?

A few hours went by of the two leaders discussing Phillip and Tomorrow asking questions about the man.  Venetia stood and said, “It’s late.  We should finish what we needed to ask you.”

Tomorrow felt more comfortable with them than she had with anyone beside Adam and she said, “Oh, ok, well…”

“So will you help us find the person doing this?”  Tina asked.

Tomorrow was sure the look of shock on her face was evident to both of the women, but then she realized they may not know the reason why.  “Why do you want to stop someone who is helping Shang-tu grow and be a place for everyone, like the martyr would have wanted?”

Venetia smiled. “So you’ve decided on that name?”  She sat back giving an impressed look at Tomorrow.  “You are now using it in as the descriptor of the city.  I like that.  It shows initiative, Tomorrow.”

Tomorrow responded, “Well, right now the name is young and wouldn’t be worthy of a belly full yet.  But if nurtured it will grow into a rabbit, make more rabbits for later feasting.  Only then should you eat it.  It will grow and when it becomes a full grown, you have two choices.  Lie with hawks.  You can watch them in the sky and see where it most often swoops.  Then you know of a good place to find food.  Or you can wait for it there and eat the hawk.”  Tomorrow’s face changed as she looked downward, “But then you no longer have a way to find good grounds worth the effort of traveling to for food.  Food feeds us to give us energy.  It is disrespectful to eat and then waste the energy provided.”

Venetia responded, “I suppose that is something Adam said to you?”

“He taught it to me, yes.  He’s usually right, so when it comes to the city, we have to do what we can to let it grow so that we can feed many people, not just the ones who got here first.”  Tomorrow concludes.

Tina looks at Venetia and takes a breath.  “I think we agree on the idea then.  So what could you do to help us find this person who seems to do what you do?”  Tina wanted to focus the conversation, but she found that she learned from Tomorrow if she let Tomorrow wax philosophic.  However, by this time of night the kids were usually done with the entertainment provided and considering going to sleep and that was when it was good to be around to tell them to go to sleep.  Then she thought to herself, “I suppose they are growing up now.”  She was aware at some point they would stop blindly following the direction of their mothers.  She had done the same when she was a teen.  In fact, so much so that she followed Phillip out of the place below, come topside and risked her life with his crew of other teens that had an idealistic view of what tomorrow could be like.  Then she looked at the woman in front of her.  She thought about her name and she realized the irony.

“Would it be okay if I explained that I wouldn’t want to stop that person?”  Tomorrow asked.

Venetia held up a finger quickly to Tina, motioning for her to allow a moment.  Then Venetia said, “You do understand the problem, right?”

“No, not really.  Those people were just trying to get in the city and the bandits treat them horribly and make them afraid to be part of Shang-tu.”  Tomorrow explained.

Venetia again helped up a finger of pause to Tina and then pressed Tomorrow, “How do you now they are treating people badly?”

Tomorrow, realizing she had given herself a way, a bit, responded, “Well, things were growing, people were coming in and things were growing more and more of the things we needed people with skills to do were getting done by the people who had experience.  The people who were coming in.  Then it stopped around the time some jerks made the decision to stop those people from coming in for their own selfish reasons, but not for the good of Shang-tu.”  Tomorrow was breathing hard, but not fast.

Venetia looked at Tina.  Tina looked at Tomorrow and said to her, “You didn’t lose your innocence in the desert, you gained it there.”

Tomorrow looked at Tina, “What did you gain in the desert?”

Tina said, “A child.”  Then motioning around her she added, “A city.”  Then she thought for a moment then added, “A chance for freedom and a dream come true.”

Tomorrow stood and said, “So why shouldn’t everyone have that?  We are people now!”  She realized she was yelling and sat back down.

Venetia said, “How about we have this discussion after we’ve all had some sleep.”

Tina got up and walked out of the room.  Tomorrow turned to watch her, sad at herself for having been so inappropriate.  When she turned back Venetia was staring at her and that made her feel even worse about her outburst.

“Tomorrow.  We understand, at our root we are still the young people who thought that Phillip was going to do all of this for us.  He didn’t.  He chose to die.  So now we have to be careful about our decisions in what we do because we never imagined it would be our job to make those decisions.  Do you understand?”

“Eating requires hunting and cooking or working off a debt to the person who feeds you.”  Then before she realizes what she was saying she continues into, “You owe the martyr, he doesn’t owe you.”

Venetia’s eyes narrowed.  She had never seen Tomorrow speak quite like this, but she considered the words.  Then she nodded and said, “Ok, I understand.  I will remember that, Tomorrow.  It is why you are the teacher.  Thank you.”  Then Venetia got up and left the room.

Tomorrow sat in the room for a long time, looking around it while she thought to herself about her behavior and the way she was a disgrace to the two people who had done so much to provide her with food and a place to sleep.  Then, frustrated at her own loose tongue and having let the two down, she clicked.

“All of you, you are welcome in Shang-tu!”  Then she peered at the bandits that were blocking the way for the pilgrims that came night and day in hopes of building a dream.  “There’s only three of you.  I will let you run if you are wise enough to.”

One looked at her and said, “Who the hell to you think you are, bitch?”  She clicked and he fell to the ground without his life to follow him on the descent.  The second swung and she grabbed his arm and then clicked.  “This is desert.  It’s night.  Learn.”  Then she vanished leaving him there.

CHAPTER 23

“At some point, I finally realized the duality could only be observed if there were a third party.”  -- from the Book of Brian

“You found me after all.  What good does it do?”

“I’ve known for a while.  Persistence isn’t as secretive as you are.”  Renfield says as he invites his own butt to the chair adjacent Brian.  Then he takes a deep breath.

“Loss for words?”  Brian asks.  Then he turns back to finish what he was writing.

“Usually.  Even while I’m talking.”  Renfield quips.

“Something you do a lot of.”  Brian responds.

“You’re the one who taught all of them to keep journals.  Are you sure you don’t have more to say than you do, Brian?”  Renfield looks at his grandson, remembering when he was very small and his mind reels at trying to guess at how old Brian is.  “It was hard to get here.  By now your dead, and this is very far before my birth.  But, having been here before, I suppose it created a loophole.”  Renfield explains.

Brian turns, looking even more agitated.  “A loophole in what?”

Renfield looks at Brian with a corrective tone to his face, “Things aren’t the same.  You know I’m not going to discuss that with you.  I just wanted to spend some time with my Dad, I guess.”

Brian chuckles at that and again turns and looks at Renfield, “Some quality time as a kid, huh?  I had plenty of quality time with the person who actually did raise me.  In fact, I had forever and no time at all.  Thanks for dropping us off to spend so much quality time with Bob.”

“The choice was what we thought was right.  I’m still not certain it wasn’t.  I know it couldn’t have been easy to spend so much time out of time, but you did have Persistence and the two of you seemed happy.”  Renfield then added, “So your cousin is here somewhere, but I don’t hear her.”

“She heard your mind as soon as you clicked in.  She spends her time the way she does. Usually with her mind blocked to me too.  Especially, though, to you.”  Brian reported.

“So I take it we aren’t going out for a night on the town singing Kumbaya in unison?”  Renfield shoots back.

“Why are you here?  You are clearly uninvited.”  Brian points out.

“Well, you came to my place, in my office, often, and uninvited when you had questions.”  Renfield notes.

“Do you have a question?  I thought you had all of the answers.”  Brian doesn’t bother looking up from his writing as he makes the comment.

Renfield studies Brian and then says, “It’s not a competition.  We have the same goals, mostly.”

“Yeah, mostly.  It’s the where we don’t that I find distasteful.”  Brian responds.  Then he stops writing and looks upward on the wall in front of him.  He thinks for a few moments and then turns around and addresses Renfield, “Something new.  Something I haven’t seen or can’t see because I’m not able to be there.  Why would I not be able to be whenever?”

“I’d prefer not to discuss that.  It doesn’t change anything and I just don’t want to discuss it with you.  I came to ask you a question, not the other way around.”  Renfield states.

Brian looks at Renfield with suspicion, but he always suspects Renfield is up to something so he lets it go.  Then he says, “Go on, it’s my place, but your show.”

“When you are in this time, do you have a lover here?”  Renfield spits out the question to avoid the awkwardness of it.  He realizes that is counter-intuitive, but the question had to be asked.

“Define this time.  I’ve had two wives.  When I am here I am simultaneously married to both of them.  To my perspective one of them is dead, but I suppose I could always go back and visit.”  Brian becomes even more sour as he speaks those words to Renfield.

“Actually, no you can’t.  We can’t change timelines anymore.  What we’ve done is now set in stone.  It is the only timeline now.  I’m sorry, Brian.”   Renfield watches Brian’s face for his reaction  and adds, “Somehow you sensed that.  You remarried.”  Renfield looks at Brian and wonders how he can avoid the response Brian will give him.  Then he watches as Brian turns back and begins to write again.  He notes that Brian didn’t continue what he was writing, he wrote something on a different page and then set it above and to the right of the sheets of paper he was working on.  Then he says, “You didn’t answer my question.  I’m also curious as to when this is when to you.”

“You’re always curious.  So here’s something to think about:  if you weren’t so curious maybe we’d all have normal lives.”  Brian taps his foot on the floor once.  He isn’t prone to nervous ticks, so even one is a sign that his agitation level is close to critical mass.

“Did it occur to you that if I wasn’t curious we may not have existed, at all?  Not to mention you failed to define normal.  I’ve found that word requires a definition each time it is spoken.”  Renfield noted the foot tap.

“Normal, as in, not like us!  Normal as in like most people!  Normal as in not having to second guess every thing you do because of what effect it might or might not have!  As in fucking Normal, Adam!”  Brian begins to stand as he his shouting increases in level, “And who the hell said the world wouldn’t have been better off if we didn’t exist?”  Brian, now standing and breathing with ferocity glares down at Renfield.

Renfield simply looks at Brian’s feet.  “We do, so it is, therefore how could it be if we weren’t?”

“Are you done?”  Brian’s legs ease in tension.

Renfield notes the moment and before Brian can move Renfield grabs him to prevent his fall.  “I love you.  I’ll see you soon, but the next time you see me is not this me.  It will be a before me.  Just to give you a heads up that I won’t have known about this conversation because then is my past.  For me the conversation hasn’t happened yet.  But you will remember it which is why you ask me what you do later, to you.”

“I get it.  Why are you explaining this?  I’ve been this way my entire life.  I’m pretty darn sure I get it.”  Brian pauses and then looks at Renfield.  “Something is bothering you.  You don’t want to tell me.  If you can find me in time and space, you should know by now, I can find you too.”

“Like I said, Brian, you can’t.”  Renfield vanishes.

Brian considers that Renfield seemed to have made more than the normal effort to get there.  Then he thinks, “What did he mean by that bit about having been here before.”  Then he thinks, “Did he say he loved me?”  His mind reviews the conversation and he determines that none of it makes sense as is per usual in conversations with Renfield lately.  Then he stands and throws his writing into the center of the room.  He yells to the ceiling, “Why can’t I live life in normal chronological sequence!”  He looks at all of his writings strewn around the room and calms as he picks up the pages and starts putting them back into order.  Then he laughs at the irony.