Enchant Me (15 page)

His beautiful normally warm brown eyes were
flat and cold as they looked down at me, “Can I talk to you?”

I didn’t trust myself to talk so I gave a
jerky nod of my head and forced my expression to remain impassive.
I moved as far away from my class door into some semblance of
privacy as I could, but he seemed intent on talking right where we
were. 

He looked away as he bent down towards me,
whispering in my ear, “I can’t see you anymore, it’s interfering
with my recovery.” 

Even though I had suspected he was going to
break up with me, it still felt like he had physically slapped me
and I jerked away in reaction. I was glad my sunglasses were still
on, hiding the tears that had welled up in my eyes. Inwardly I
shook as I watched him walk away from me like I was nothing to him,
which apparently I was. Feeling the stares on me, I got a strangle
hold on my emotions. I just needed to make it another six hours and
then I could break down at home. Taking a deep breath, I forced
probably one of the fakest smiles I ever had onto my face and
struggled with my control the rest of the day. When Tina saw
me later as I was about to head into yearbook, I shook my head at
her warning her that I wasn’t in the best of moods. She approached
me slowly; avoiding giving me the hug that she knew would break
me.

“Meet me after school at my house,” she said
softly, then walked away.

It was good to have a friend who knew me so
well words were unnecessary. After school I really wanted to
go to Saltar’s to relax and think but it was too close to
Christian’s house to feel comfortable. So with great reluctance I
went straight to Tina’s. Her mom was at work so at least we could
talk privately. After maintaining such rigid control on my emotions
all day, all it took was the compassionate expression on her face
and I broke down as I stepped through her door. Wrapping an arm
around me she led me to the couch, alternating hugging then patting
my back as if she was trying to find the thing that would help ease
the pain away. Luckily for her she had no idea how impossible that
idea was. Eventually I was sick at the sound of my own crying and I
forced the pain down and away, burying that horrible feeling with
everything I had. I scrubbed my hands against my cheeks like
erasing the sign of my tears would erase the pain.

Knowing I was ready to talk now, she faced
me. “What did he say?” she asked softly. “That he couldn’t be
with me because I was risking his recovery.”

She cocked her head to the side, confusion
written all over her face. “He was in rehab?”

“Oh no,” I said cringing. “I forgot you
didn’t know. It was private so I hadn’t told anyone, at least until
now.” Even after the way he had abruptly broken up with me I still
felt like I had betrayed his confidence. 

“Don’t worry. I am not going to tell
anyone.”

“I know,” I whispered.

We both leaned back, sinking into her comfy
couch contemplating the situation. I could see some of my own pain
reflecting back at me from her face. It bothered me that she was
worrying about me. I tried to think of another subject to talk
about but my brain went on strike. “Do you believe his
reason?”

I don’t know,” I said shakily. “Does it
matter? He doesn’t want me anymore.”

Interlacing her hands, she looked down and
away from me, “I suppose not.”

I started to feel the urge to cry again but I
felt I had filled my quota for the day so I started racking my
brain for another topic to cling to. “I don’t want to talk about
this right now… How are you and Jim?”

She started twisting her fingers and looked
sadly at me. “We can talk about it later. ”

“It’s fine Tina, I need the distraction.”

“It has been going real good. He asked me to
prom today,” she said quietly.

“That’s great,” I breathed. 

Oh god, prom. That’s right. I no longer would
be going with Christian. I had been so excited, planning my dress
for the last couple weeks. A somewhat scandalous dress that I had
hoped would render him completely speechless. I also had been
fantasizing almost as long about what he would look like that
night. I had thought it was going to be so romantic. One of my
friends, Michael, was even going to come over to help me do my
hair. It was hard to believe that it was this Saturday. So much had
happened… I felt my hurt start to rise up again to strangle me and
I slapped it back down. Making false promises that I would let it
out later when I was alone, promises that I didn’t have any
intention of keeping. 

“Tina did you want to wear my dress to Prom.
It’s really pretty,” I murmured, thinking I had done a pretty good
job of keeping the tremors out of my voice.

She looked at me horrified, “No, you’ve been
planning that dress for awhile. Just because you are not going with
Christian doesn’t mean you can’t go. There is still any number of
guys that would go with you, even at the last minute.”

I shook my head. “It’s not important, it
isn’t my prom anyways. There is always next year.”

Even though I had been helping to plan the
prom before I even met Christian, the moment he had asked me, he
had become the reason I wanted to go. There would be no magic to it
now. 

“I suppose I can just make sure everything is
set and ready to go and then I can leave.” 

She leveled a harsh look at me, “Absolutely
not, it is going to be amazing and you should be there to enjoy it.
I want you there to enjoy it with me.”

I didn’t want to make her feel bad but she
had to understand. “Tina, you are my best friend, but right now the
last thing I want is to be around a bunch of happy couples.”

As I had suspected she looked like she felt
guilty now for asking me, but she had to know. I squeezed her
shoulder as I got up from the couch. “I want you to have a ton of
fun, it’s just… I am not going to be there.”

“Ok… Are you leaving already?”

“Yeah, I’ve got to go home to do homework.”
She looked at me in obvious doubt, but hugged me and let me
go. 

CHAPTER 8

I felt like I cried more in the next couple
days than I had my whole life. The feeling of my eyes being sticky
and swollen began to feel like their normal state. Everyday was a
rollercoaster. At school I would count the hours until I could get
home and drop the façade that everything was ok. Then my mom would
get home and I would have to lift up the mask and put it on again.
I tried to remember what I had been like before and play act
myself. I gave myself harsh lectures that I was too strong to let a
guy have such an effect on me. At one moment I was filled with self
pity and the next-- intense loathing for being so weak. It seems I
had been right to fear the bond that had been between us. No…that
was incorrect. Apparently the bond had been one sided. Which I
guess was no bond at all. Did he feel nothing? Was I that
delusional? I kept torturing myself with memories of our time
together; the first time we met… hugged… kissed. Did it mean
nothing to him? I didn’t believe his reason, anyone else maybe but
not him. My intuition screamed that he was lying. He was too
strong, too focused, to fall backward like that, unless he did so
by choice. Had I not lived up to what he thought I would be?

What hurt the most was he didn’t even seem to
look at me when we passed each other in the hall; like we had never
passed an intimate moment. Like he had never held me against a rock
while he had sucked on my neck till there was a mark so dark that
it had taken a mountain of my best makeup to cover it up. I
wondered if it was possible that he had marked my heart too, a
bruise like that, would never recover. Thursday morning I
found myself staring at my reflection in the mirror. The mark he
had left on my neck was almost gone and I got mad, really mad. How
dare he shake my confidence. It was his loss not mine and I refused
to be so down over any guy for one more stupid minute. For the next
half hour before school I threw myself into a flurry of activity;
picking out my sexiest clothes, styling my hair to perfection and
then creating the sultriest makeup look I could think of. When I
had finished I stared at the fading mark on my neck, which was very
visible with my low cut sweater, and decided I wouldn’t cover it. I
hoped that the sight of it would torture him like it did me. Then I
headed out for school. 

For the first time I decided to take
advantage of my bad girl look and act the part. After I had parked
in my usual spot, I took my time getting off of my bike, pulling
off my helmet and shaking out my hair like I was in some commercial
in slow-motion. Once I was sure I had garnered enough male
attention I sashayed my way to class. 

As I got close to my classroom door I noticed
Jenny and Tanya heading my way. Once they had noticed that I wasn’t
with Christian anymore they had started antagonizing me every
chance they got. I had been too vulnerable to fight back before--
but not today. As they approached I let the evilest smile I
possessed cross my face as if to say, I beg you to try something
today, and they quickly got out of my way and said not one, single
word. 

While I sat fuming in first period, a plan
came to mind and I looked around for a likely target to help me.
Finally my eyes settled on Kirk. He wasn’t my type, but he was
attractive enough and was a huge flirt which was exactly what I
needed. I stared hard enough at him that he finally turned to look
around, and I smiled flirtatiously at him. When he smiled back and
gave me a little nod to say what’s up, I knew my plan was in play.
Inwardly I was rubbing my hands in glee like some villain in an old
movie. I wasn’t surprised that as class ended he walked straight up
to me, his eyes glittering like he had just won me without even
trying. What an idiot.

That was ok though, he was just a decoy. I
kept him talking about himself of course, as he walked me all the
way to second period. This time I could feel Christian glance at
me. I smiled inside; this girl’s mourning time was over. Once
Christian went into his class I dismissed Kirk ruthlessly and then
started looking for my next target. I decided on Michael,
practically a duplicate of Kirk, a senior jock who thought a great
deal of himself. During class I discretely and sometimes not so
discretely went into a mad round of texting every guy and girl I
knew, to come party at my grandmother’s property this Friday night
as kind of a pre-prom party. Luckily my grandmother was going to be
gone Friday night at a friend’s in Seattle so she would be none the
wiser.

As I stepped out of class with Michael in
tow, I made sure to laugh loudly at everything he said and looked
straight up into his face flirting outrageously until I knew
Christian was out of sight. Then just as I had with Kirk I
ruthlessly cut him loose. By the time I got to yearbook, I had
a variety of guys buzzing around me and word of my party had spread
through most of the school, but I only gave my select invitees the
directions. I wasn’t stupid; I didn’t want any druggies or serious
trouble makers there. Just some cute guys that could hopefully make
me forget all about Christian. I must have looked as dangerous
and wicked as I felt because Michelle was staring at me worried and
censorious. When everyone broke out to do their own thing she
grabbed my arm and hauled me outside. I decided I better try to
take the reins of the conversation. 

“Michelle, you are coming to my party
tomorrow night, right? Go ahead and invite your brother and his
college friends too. It will be fun.”

Letting go of my arm she swung around to face
me. Her blues eyes looking angry. “Alexis, I know something bad
went down between you and Christian but partying and going boy
crazy is not going to make it better.”

“How do you know, have you ever tried
it?”

She stared hard at me like she was actually
stunned that had come out of my mouth. Sometimes I think she
considered herself more of a mother figure to me than friend, even
though she was only a year older. You would think that with her
large extended family, an older brother and two younger sisters,
she would have plenty of opportunities to exhaust her maternal
side, but apparently not. After a moment her eyes turned soft
and considering.

“How badly did he hurt you?” she queried
softly. 

I felt my façade shake for a moment before I
regained control. ‘I’ll live,” I said and turned to go back into
class, “I’ll email you directions and the time.”

I could feel Jim and Michelle’s glances
throughout class. Worse, I caught them glancing at each other like
they were planning some intervention. I wasn’t surprised when Jim
caught up with me at the end of class as I headed to the parking
lot.

“Regardless of what happened between you
guys, I know he really cared about you. Maybe you just need to sit
down and really hash this out,” he said softly, concern evident in
his voice.

“Always the diplomat,” I retorted, maybe
unfairly.

I started to walk faster to get to my bike
and out of here, away from all the pity and helpful advice. Jim
matched my pace and tried to catch my eyes but I refused to look up
and since he was a good mid-western gentleman he didn’t force
it.

“Alexis, I’m a guy. I know he does.”

I gathered my patience before I spoke.
“Listen Jim, I appreciate it. No, actually that’s a lie, I don’t.
Please leave it-- what’s done is done.”

His lips compressed together as he watched me
shove on my helmet and get on my bike. “If you need to talk we’re
here for you.”

I shoved down my visor so he wouldn’t see me
roll my eyes. He and Tina were not individuals anymore. They were a
we, an us. And I was all alone. After school I was bombarded
by requests to come to my party. During dinner my mom had started
to get suspicious at how much my phone was ringing and I finally
turned off my ringer until I could be in my room to deal with
it. Making the effort to talk but not really communicate with
my mom was exhausting. I was supremely grateful when dinner was
over and I could escape to my room. Logging on to my computer, I
checked my email and it was slammed with appeals to go. It was
almost tempting to start charging for entry and just let everyone
come but I knew that technically I really just wanted to have fun
with no drama attached, well… minimal drama.