Empty Net (29 page)

He continued to move his finger in a slow, lazy crazy eight along her clit while he made slow languid thrusts inside her. He was surprised he wasn’t pounding into her, but then he knew
he wanted to make her come first. He had to take care of her, give her the pleasure he thought she deserved.

Then he would pound to oblivion.

But she was taking too long. Tate pulled out of her, despite her cry of dismay. Didn’t she realize he didn’t want to leave her hot body either? He wanted her just as much but had to make her come, needed her to. With his hands at her hips, he flipped her onto her back before burying his face in her swollen hot core. Audrey’s gasp turned into punctuated gasps as he moved his tongue between her swollen lips. He lapped at her sweetness like he couldn’t go on a day without it. When her hands moved into his hair, pulling him closer to her hot center, he went faster, flicking his tongue over her clit so quickly and so precisely that she shattered underneath him within seconds.

He quickly sat back up, pushing inside her, wanting to feel her body clench his hard shaft. As he pushed into her to the hilt, she felt so right, so perfect, it was like coming home. He looked down at her flushed, beautiful face, to see her looking up at him with glossy eyes.

Man, she was gorgeous.

A smile tugged at his lips as he slowly began to move in and out of her. Her hands came up his arms, gripping his biceps as he went faster, his knee burning from the roughness of the carpet.

Not that he cared.

He was too far gone, and with one final thrust his balls tightened and he exploded inside her. He rocked against her body, her fingers biting into his biceps as he spilled inside her. Then he slowly lowered his body onto Audrey’s burning hot one, meeting his mouth with hers before giving her slow, lazy kisses. Her hands went up his back, and he shivered at her touch.

This was his oblivion.

Audrey moved her lips to the side of his jaw, kissing softly before moving them to his ears. “I’m pretty sure I have carpet burn on my ass,” she said. “Can we take this upstairs?”

The night before was on replay in Audrey’s brain as she watched Tate sleep. It was four in the morning, and he would be waking soon to leave. His plane was departing at 6:00
A.M
. She knew this because she had watched him set his phone for four-thirty before he ravished her well into the night. Her body was still tingling with aftershocks from the many orgasms he had bestowed on her. She could still hear him whispering “love” in her ear and feel his callused hands gripping her hips as he pounded inside her. She was sure she had bruises along her hips and thighs, but she didn’t care at all. The night was amazing, and in her whole life she had never felt so thoroughly loved the next morning.

But all that was about to change.

Scooting closer, Audrey snuggled close to Tate’s chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. She didn’t want to forget this. She knew she wouldn’t, but just in case, she memorized the way his arm lay across her hip while the other was above her head, tangled in her hair. She took in his plump lips, and the way they parted when he took a deep breath. She smiled when she noticed his long eyelashes dusting the top of his cheeks, and the way his hair went in every direction imaginable. He was gorgeous, sweet, and the most amazing lover ever, but she should never have let it go as far as she had without telling him. He deserved to know. She should have stopped him when he asked if he could make love to her. But she couldn’t. She wanted him just as much, and even though she didn’t regret it, she knew she had done wrong.

She wanted nothing more than to be normal. To have a normal body, to be able to give Tate everything in the world—the family they both dreamed about—just so she could keep him
forever. But Prince Charming wouldn’t want a defective Cinderella.

Tears sprang to her eyes as she watched him stir under her intense gaze. When his eyes fluttered open and they met hers, his face broke into a sleepy grin while her heart broke in a billion pieces. Tate’s hand left her hip, cupping her cheek before dusting her lips with soft, slow kisses. When he pulled back and she looked up at him with watery eyes, his brow creased and he said, “I expected a grin this morning, not sad eyes. What’s wrong?”

Audrey swallowed past the lump in her throat before she said, “I messed up.”

“No! Fuck that,” he said before she could go on. Upset, he jumped out of bed, naked. “You are letting that piece of shit get in your head and you are letting him win. Don’t do this, don’t hurt us. We are good together. If you didn’t know that before, you have to know that now. You have to, especially after last night.”

She did, but it didn’t matter.

“It doesn’t matter if we are or not, Tate. How can I be selfish and lead you on when nothing will ever work between us?”

“Why would you think that? What the fuck have I done?” he yelled. “I have done everything I know to make you feel special, to make you believe I have true feelings for you. What am I doing that isn’t right?”

Tears pooled in her eyes and she begged herself not to let them fall. When one did, she shook her head, looking down. “It isn’t you, Tate, it’s me.”

“Fuck that,” he sneered, moving through the room, gathering his clothes. “I wasn’t joking or trying to get in your pants when I said I can’t be friends with you, Audrey. I can’t. I care too much; I want you too much to do that. I deserve better, and so do you, so stop with this charade. Stop listening to this dick who is only trying to hurt you.” She watched as he threw his shirt on,
then ran his fingers through his hair, his hands pausing at the top of his head. “What are you going to do, Audrey? Be with dickheads and assholes while working a job you hate for the rest of your life? Are you always going to wish for more?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered.

He shook his head again, looking away as Audrey crumbled inside. She wanted to run up to him, hold him, tell him she didn’t mean any of it, but she couldn’t.

“You are going to let me leave, aren’t you?”

“I care about you too much to do this to you,” she said as the tears started to fall.

“No, don’t cry, you don’t get to cry! I’m not the one breaking your heart! You’re breaking mine!” he yelled. “You are throwing away something that could be real, that could be everything you want. What I want!”

“Tate, please,” Audrey whispered, “please don’t hate me, just know that I am doing this for you.”

“Doing what? Hurting me?”

This wasn’t going the way she thought it would. She didn’t expect him to fight back, to demand answers. She didn’t think he would be this hurt and upset, but she could see the hurt in his eyes. She was hurting him, and she didn’t want to but what else could she do?

“Damn it!” he yelled, putting his jeans on. “You said you didn’t want to lead me on, but damn it, Audrey, why didn’t you say no last night? Can’t you see that you mean something to me? That I’ve been waiting for last night to happen for weeks, and then you finally give it to me and you are taking it away again? How is that fair? How can you hurt me like that?”

He looked over at her, shaking his head. “You are always going to throw away potential happiness, you know that? You are always going to sit back and let life happen around you while
you drown in your sorrows. You don’t want to be happy, you want to work at a shit-ass job, you want to go from asshole to asshole, you want this life. You could change it all, Audrey, and I’m not going to sit here and let you hurt me until you finally realize that. If I walk out that door, I’m done.”

His words were like a knife cutting her right down the center of her chest. She had never felt such intense emotional pain, and she knew it was because she was hurting someone. She had never hurt anyone, and to be hurting the one person she cared most about was tearing her apart. He was more than right, about everything. Everything he said was the truth, and damn it, he deserved the truth!

“I can’t have kids!” she yelled. When she realized what she said, she covered her mouth, tears falling over her hands as she watched his face change from anger to confusion.

Tate took in a few breaths before he shrugged. “Okay? What does that have to do with anything?”

Audrey shook her head as her heart continued to pound in her chest. Did she really just tell him that, and did he really not understand how that had everything to do with why she couldn’t be with him?

“You want kids, Tate. I can’t give them to you, so how in the world am I right for you?”

“Are you kidding me right now? I don’t care about that. I care about you. I care about us, what we could have.”

Shaking her head, she looked away. “You say that now, but later you’re gonna wish you never had. I can’t give you a child, Tate, and you deserve a woman who can!”

“Are you serious? You’re letting what could be a problem later ruin us now? Why can’t we cross that bridge when we come to it? We aren’t getting married tomorrow, Audrey. We are
not thinking about having kids the next day. We are dating, we are getting to know each other better to see if we would want to get married and have kids.”

“I told you, I am looking toward the future, and if I know I can’t give you the world, why waste my time now?”

Tate shook his head, a soulless laugh leaving his lips. “I can’t believe this. Why waste your time, huh? Is that what spending time with me, kissing me, making love to me is? A waste of time because you can’t give me children?”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“But you are!” he yelled, moving past her. “You are hurting me now, Audrey, and what I don’t understand is that it’s over something that isn’t a deal breaker. I don’t like your laugh, your eyes, your face, or your personality, because you can give me children later; I like it because of you, because I like you.”

Audrey wiped her face free of tears as a sob ripped through her. She didn’t want to hurt him at all, but he wasn’t listening. He wasn’t looking toward the future. He was looking at right now, and right now everything was fine, but what about when he wanted to hold a child that had his DNA, then what? She would never be able to give him that, and she would be damned if she was going to give him all of her now for him to throw away later.

Looking up at his beautiful, hurt face, she said, “I’m sorry, Tate.”

He gave her one last look before turning and leaving the room. She listened as he ran downstairs, and when he slammed the door, she was left heartbroken all over again. She wanted to run after him, tell him he was right, but she couldn’t. She knew she was doing the right thing.

Or at least, she hoped so.

Tate wanted to beat the shit out of something, or someone.

Stomping through his house, he gathered his things before going out to the truck and throwing them in the back. Standing there, he took in angry breaths before opening the door and staring at the driver’s seat. Shaking his head, he jumped into the truck, ignoring his desire to run back into the house and hide. No matter how much he wanted to blame his shaking hands on his anger, he knew it was because he was freaking out inside. No matter how angry he was, his anxiety played a major role in his life, and he hated it. He hated that he couldn’t control it, that he couldn’t control the fact that his family was gone and that he couldn’t control how Audrey thought. He was so mad, so hurt, but he had to drive, he had to go to the airfield, and he had to let Audrey go.

Even if doing that made him feel like he had lost everything.

Starting the truck, he took in three long breaths before pulling out of the driveway. Once on the road, he was able to calm down, get his anxiety under control again. But though his heart rate returned to normal, his fight with Audrey took over. He replayed the argument, the words she said, those he said, and nothing added up. He didn’t understand how something that didn’t matter at that moment was keeping them apart. Why was she doing this? Didn’t she understand that his heart was invested with her? He wanted to turn around and go back. Convince her she was wrong. But what good would that do? She didn’t want to be happy, she didn’t want to give him a chance, or at least see where they could go. She’d rather ruin everything over something trivial, something that had nothing to do with them right now. He understood that she was worried about their future, but could they at least get through now before they started worrying about that?

Ah, she drove him nuts!

He knew this was because of that ass-hat, Levi. The guy had hurt her, and because of that pain, he was paying for it. Tate didn’t understand it. What could that asshole say to mess her up so bad? Did he tell her that men didn’t want women who couldn’t have kids? Is that why she was so hung up on it? He wanted nothing more than to confront Levi, demand to know what he’d said to ruin Audrey. He then would promptly beat the shit out of him for hurting her. Why couldn’t he have found her eight months ago? Tate asked himself. Would it have been different? Would she have known what was standing in front of her then?

Pulling into the airfield, he recalled the look on Audrey’s face and knew that she had done what she felt was right. No matter what, he didn’t think she would change her mind. He didn’t understand it and felt utterly helpless.