Empty Net (14 page)

“Well, yeah. The “not having a sense of humor about yourself” thing you’re doing is proving that. Thanks.” Isaac smiled at him and reached over to brush his fingers through Laurent’s thick, dark hair. That usually seemed to relax him. “Calm down. This place is nice. I promise.”

Laurent kept staring mistrustfully at Isaac until Isaac finally gave in and asked, “What?”

“I don’t get you,” Laurent said, as if Isaac were the complicated one between the two of them. “We could have just had candy and made out in my apartment.”

Isaac laughed so hard, he nearly drove the Jeep off the road. “It’s a date,” he said patiently. “The point is to go somewhere.”

“I thought the point was—”

“Saint, stop talking until we get there,” Isaac said, and he thought he saw Laurent smirk with something very much like satisfaction before he settled back in his seat.

Hmph. Isaac turned up the music and made Laurent suffer through his rendition of a Stone Temple Pilots song as they made their way to the State Park. Once there, Isaac found an empty campsite with a fire pit and started unloading the Jeep.

“You have a lot of camping shit,” Laurent said from the small picnic table. The wind rustled his dark hair, and the cold air brought two spots of color to his fair skin. He looked like he should be in a teen movie. “We’re not sleeping here, are we?”

“Uh. Are you crazy? No. I like camping, but not when it’s twenty below outside.”

“It’s like, fifty-three degrees. You’re a wimp about the cold.”

Isaac almost reminded him that he’d spent enough time sleeping in the elements, but he wasn’t quite ready to bring that up. He piled the blankets and got the cooler, the makings for the s’mores, and a thing of lighter fluid. “We gotta find some sticks.”

“Why?”

“So I can poke you with them. Why do you think? So we can have a fire, and make s’mores, and you are the worst at dating, dude.”

“I told you,” Laurent said, but he hopped off the table and obediently went with Isaac to find sticks. He wasn’t good at it, and twice he picked up wood that was wet, leading Isaac to say something about how he didn’t know good wood when he saw it, and Laurent to agree that Isaac was probably the expert.

They smiled at each other in the afternoon sunlight, and Isaac realized Laurent wasn’t the only one who was nervous. God. He didn’t want his confession to be the end of things between them.

It was a lot colder than Isaac anticipated—fine, he was a wimp about the cold—but the fire, once it got going, was warm enough to keep the edge off the chill. He didn’t plan to stay long after dark, but given how well things did or didn’t go, they might be out of there before the sun set.

First though, they were totally going to make s’mores. Even if Isaac had never made one before and didn’t know how.

It turned out that getting the various s’more components together was messier and more dangerous than he’d anticipated. He burned his fingers, Laurent laughed at him until he did the same thing, the chocolate was too melty to eat, and one of his graham crackers caught on fire.

In the end they settled for drinking beer and eating the chocolate and the graham crackers while setting sticks full of marshmallows on fire.

The water and the fresh air—and the lack of people—were relaxing Laurent, as Isaac knew they would. So he pushed aside his nervousness and said, “When I was living on my own, I camped a lot in State Parks.”

“I hate camping” was Laurent’s predictable response.

“Well, me too. But sleeping in the woods is better than sleeping behind a Kroger’s.” Isaac traced letters in the dirt with the tip of his marshmallow-coated stick. “I had to do a lot of shit too, y’know.”

“No, I don’t know.”

Laurent didn’t sound like an ass as much as he was stating a fact. He didn’t know, because the sort of life he’d lived was totally different than Isaac’s. Laurent envied Isaac the freedom to escape a house where he was miserable, where Isaac envied him not having to sleep on the streets. Though, given the choice between his experience and what he knew of Denis St. Savoy, Isaac probably still would have gone with Kroger’s.

“I started hitching for rides after I decided to leave Cordova, trying to find places with ECHL teams so I could try out. I knew I needed to do it soon, while I was still good enough to make a team and had halfway-decent gear.” Isaac gave a brief smile. “That’s the only thing I took with me when I left home. Well, that and my MP3 player. But it didn’t have a charger. Anyway I ended up in Columbia, but tryouts weren’t for a few months yet, so I needed to do something to make money.”

Isaac looked over, but Laurent was just watching him, intent like they were in goal, his sweater sleeves pulled over his hands. He was also eating marshmallows out of the bag, despite having said earlier that he didn’t like them. The liar.

“You had sex for money,” Laurent said. “Is that what you’re trying to tell me, with the slasher-movie date locale?”

Isaac blinked. “What? Did you—yeah, actually. But I wasn’t thinking slasher movie as much as a teen romcom.”

Laurent kept staring at him. “So you’re telling me that you thought about
where
I’d like to hear the news my boyfriend gave head or handjobs or whatever for money?”

Isaac wasn’t often struck speechless, but it happened right then. He gaped at Laurent, working his mouth, unable to decide if he was worried about Laurent’s reaction or elated that Laurent had just called him his boyfriend.

“Yeah, actually,” Isaac said at length as Laurent popped another marshmallow in his mouth. “I thought pretty scenery might make it sound more… y’know.”

“More what? Woodsy?” Laurent shrugged. “You could have told me wherever.”

“I—you don’t make any sense. Not even a little,” said Isaac, frustrated that he couldn’t tell what Laurent was thinking about Isaac’s big reveal. “I can’t tell if you’re mad at me for this date or for being a former rentboy—I don’t do it anymore, by the way—or what. Also, how did you…?”

“I just figured. You said you lived on the streets, and you’re good at handjobs.” Laurent studied him. “Is that insulting that I thought that? It probably is, isn’t it.”

“I don’t…. Maybe, but I….” Isaac shook his head. “I thought you should know. Before I….”
fell in love with you.
Oh, no. “Blew you,” Isaac finished.

“Why? Are you going to charge me?”

Isaac considered throwing a punch at Laurent until he saw the small smile on his mouth. “I might.”

“I have a few of these marshmallows left,” Laurent said, holding up the bag.

“See? I’m good for you. I make you like things you didn’t before. Like hockey and dick and marshmallows.”

“You—yeah,” Laurent said, looking down. He muttered something Isaac couldn’t hear.

“What?”

“I said, yeah. You’re good for me. Can we not talk about this anymore? I’m going to get crazy, and you’ll leave me here, and I’ve never spent a night in the woods in my entire life.”

Isaac moved closer and bumped him with his shoulder. “Are you disgusted? Ashamed? Sickened?”

“What? No.” Laurent shook his head again. “You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met, Isaac. If I were like you, I would have told my father to fuck himself and done the same thing you did. But I couldn’t.”

“You think I’m brave for selling blowjobs?”

“I think you’re brave for not being afraid.” Laurent’s face went cold and shut down. It was a look that meant he was going to say something vicious. And he did, but not about Isaac. “I’m saying you’re not a coward who learned how to be a bully like me.”

Isaac had to think a minute before he answered. “I didn’t grow up with your father. I don’t know what I would have done. But I’m telling you this because you should know. I’m clean and everything, I was always careful. And I’m not ashamed of it. But I don’t… I mean, I’ve never been in this position where I had someone I thought should know about it. Maybe it’s a deal breaker for you. I don’t know.”

Laurent laughed and raked a hand through his hair. “You think what you did to survive on the streets and play the game you love means you’re not
good enough
for me?
Me
? Do you remember what I did to you? Why the fuck would you even think—that’s stupid. Who the fuck am I to judge you for anything you’ve done?”

Isaac still had no idea how to gauge Laurent’s reaction, which bothered him. “You know it means something for me to tell you this.”

“Duh.”

Isaac glared at him and then threw a marshmallow. “Seriously.”

“I know. Do you know how? I feel like this all the time. Every time I tell you something, or show you my sketchbook, or whatever. It’s like tearing out everything I am and throwing it on the ground and hoping you don’t stomp on it with those ridiculous boots you always wear.” Laurent took a drink of his beer. “And I hate it. So I get it.”

“This is definitely not a teen romcom,” Isaac said.

“That’s because we’re not teenagers.” Laurent drew his knees up to his chest. “I don’t know what you want from me right now. What am I supposed to say?”

Isaac honestly had no idea. “I wanted to tell you. So you knew.”

“Now I know.” Laurent rested his cheek on his arms, which were wrapped around his drawn-up knees. “Did you tell anyone else?”

Isaac nodded. “Yeah. I kind of had to. Last year I had a former trick show up and try and blackmail me into doing bareback porn or he’d tell the team and the media about me. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to the team because of me, so I tried to quit. Misha and Max wouldn’t let me.”

“Of course they wouldn’t let you quit. What happened to the guy who wanted to make you the next Ron Jeremy?”

“I guess he got the hint I wasn’t interested, when he showed up one last time to convince me, and Misha put the fear of God into him.” Isaac was still not sure if Laurent understood why it was important that they were having the conversation, or how it clearly meant that Isaac had feelings for him.

How could he understand? He has the emotional maturity of a toadstool. Not all his fault. But still.

Isaac nudged him again. “Hey.”

“What?” Laurent looked at him warily. “Is there something else?”

“I—no? Should I take you home?”

“Eventually.” Laurent reached out and tentatively put his hand on Isaac’s knee. “You’re the only person I’ve ever met who made me not want to be who I am. So look. Whatever you had to do to become that person, do you think I care? I live with someone every goddamn day who disgusts me, Isaac. Trust me. It’s not you.”

“You don’t live with your dad anymore,” Isaac reminded him.

“I wasn’t talking about my dad.”

It finally occurred to Isaac that he could confess to murder and Laurent wouldn’t care.

The worst person Laurent knew wasn’t his father—it was himself.

“I can tell you’re not ashamed, and I’m glad. I’m glad you’re safe and that no one is trying to hurt you for what you used to do. There. Is that what you want to hear?”

“I don’t want to hear anything. I just wanted you to know.”

“Because that’s how you are. You don’t do things that disgust you. You’re better than that. That’s not new information, Isaac. You’re not—”

You’re not me.

Isaac knew that’s what Laurent meant, but he didn’t want to hear Laurent say it. So he reached out and put his hand over his mouth. “My God. Stop talking.”

Laurent’s dark eyes narrowed at him, but he was quiet.

“I wish you didn’t hate yourself so much.” Isaac dropped his hand. “I don’t hate you. If I did, I wouldn’t have cared about telling you about my sordid past.”

Laurent sighed. “I know. I’m trying. Things are so much better for me here, Isaac. But sometimes I remember that it can’t last, and I just want to give up and go back to being how I was before. And I keep waiting for you to figure out that I’m not worth this trouble.”

“Oh my God. This is an indie drama, and we’re at Sundance.” Isaac watched as the sun began to sink. It made the sky golden and threw a soft glow over the woods and the sparkling water. “I like you. That’s why I told you. Can you just deal with that?”

“Yeah. I can. And I like you, but I don’t like me. Can you deal with
that
?”

“Yeah. But don’t think I’m not going to try to make you stop being so emo all the time, sad panda that you are.”

“Good luck with that.” Laurent surprised Isaac when he leaned over and kissed him. His mouth was warm and tasted like marshmallows and was just a little bit sticky.

“You called me your boyfriend,” Isaac told him. He grinned. “Are you asking me to go steady?”

“You’re the one who plans all our dates,” Laurent said, and a hint of dry humor snuck into his voice. “I’m the pretty one who shows up and lets you drive. Remember?”

“I don’t think I’ll forget that any time soon,” Isaac said. “I like you for more than how you look, you know.”

“Isaac, seriously. Stuff a marshmallow in it, already.” Laurent’s mouth covered his, a little bolder than usual, and he sucked on Isaac’s lip ring.

“You’re the least romantic boyfriend in the whole world.” Isaac paused. “You might be the prettiest, though. You even have a leaf in your hair.” He hopped up off the table and pulled on Laurent’s arm. “C’mon. There’s something I want to do before we leave.”

“Does it involve more talking?” Laurent asked, looking extremely skeptical. “Because I hope it doesn’t.”

“Nope.” Isaac kissed him, a little more heatedly since the potential for drama had passed them by. “It does involve my mouth, though.”

“Oh.
Oh.
” Laurent actually blushed. “Right. Uh. Here?”

“I was thinking in the Jeep, but if you’re into exhibitionism and being cold, then….” Isaac waited patiently.

“Jeep’s good,” said Laurent. “But it’s still not that cold.”

“If you want me to suck you, get in the Jeep and stop talking.”

Thankfully Laurent did as he was told and climbed into the vehicle.

It took a little maneuvering to get comfortable with the two of them in the backseat, especially considering how much taller Laurent was than Isaac. But Isaac eventually climbed on top of him and settled himself between Laurent’s slightly splayed legs. They kissed until Laurent’s eyes were a warm dark blur and his hard cock pressed against Isaac’s stomach.