The chanting began and the fire was lit. As the flames shot high the monks, lamas and priests threw steamed buns over the heads of the cheering crowd. The buns were supposed to be consumed by homeless ghosts. It was a gesture of Lady Jin’s benevolence.
Emperor Hsien Feng was absent from the beginning to the end. He claimed to be ill. I knew that he hated this woman, and I didn’t blame him. Lady Jin was the one who had caused his birth mother’s suicide. By not attending the funeral, the Emperor was making a statement.
The guests and concubines made poor mourners. They ate and drank and chatted with one another. I even heard people talking about my pregnancy.
There was no way I could convince Emperor Hsien Feng that my rivals were plotting against me. I told His Majesty that the fish in my pond were dying, that the orchids in my garden had withered in the middle of a strong blooming. An-te-hai found that orchid-loving rodents had eaten the plants’ roots. Someone had to have smuggled them in.
My complaints irritated my husband. He thought of Nuharoo as the goddess of mercy and told me to quit worrying. My thinking was that I might be able to deal with one Nuharoo but not three thousand. Anything could happen, since they had made my belly a target. I was nearly twenty-one, and already I had heard about too many murders.
I begged Emperor Hsien Feng to move us back to Yuan Ming Yuan until I delivered. His Majesty yielded. I knew that I had to learn to tuck away my happiness like a mouse hiding its food. For the past weeks I
had tried to avoid talking about my pregnancy when the other concubines visited. But it was difficult, especially when they brought gifts for the baby. The Emperor had recently increased my allowance, and I used the extra taels to purchase return gifts of equal value. I was sick of pretending to be glad of their visits.
An-te-hai kept my belly his priority. As it grew bigger, he became more and more involved. Each day he danced on his nerve tips, excited and frightened at the same time. Instead of greeting me in the morning, he greeted my belly. “Good morning, Your Young Majesty.” He bowed deeply and solemnly. “What can I get you for breakfast?”
I began to study Buddhist manuscripts. I prayed that my child would be content to grow inside me. I prayed that my nightmares wouldn’t disturb his growth. If I produced a girl, I still wanted to feel happy and blessed. Mornings I sat in a sun-filled room and read. In the afternoon I practiced calligraphy, part of a Buddhist’s training for cultivating balance and harmony. Gradually I felt the return of peace. Since I had captured His Majesty’s attention, he had visited Nuharoo only twice. Once was upon Lady Jin’s death. After the burial, he called on Nuharoo for tea. According to An-te-hai’s spies, His Majesty talked to her about nothing but the ceremony.
The second time His Majesty visited Nuharoo was at her request. And this Nuharoo told me herself. She did what she believed would please His Majesty—she asked for his permission to add a wing to Lady Jin’s tomb. Nuharoo reported that she had been collecting taels from everyone and had contributed her own money.
Emperor Hsien Feng was not pleased, but praised Nuharoo for her devotion. To demonstrate his affection and appreciation, he issued an edict to add one more title to Nuharoo’s name. She was now the Virtuous Lady of Grand Piety. But that was not what Nuharoo wanted. I knew what she wanted. She wanted Hsien Feng back in her bed. But he was not interested. His Majesty stayed in my quarters every night until dawn, disregarding the rules. It would be dishonest of me to say that I was willing to share Hsien Feng with anyone else, but I did understand Nuharoo’s suffering. In the future I would find myself wearing her shoes. For the moment I tried to get what I could. I thought of tomorrow as a mystery, and I allowed it to reveal itself. The word “future” made me think of the locust war my father had fought back in Wuhu, when the spring fields disappeared overnight.
Nuharoo managed to put on fabulous smiles in public, but the gossip from her eunuchs and ladies in waiting revealed that she was dis-
tressed. She moved deeper into her Buddhist faith and visited the temple to chant with her master three times a day.
Emperor Hsien Feng advised me not to “look at other people through the eye of a sewing needle.” But my instinct told me not to take Nuharoo’s hidden jealousy lightly. Yuan Ming Yuan was by no means a safe place. On the surface, Nuharoo and I were friends. She was involved in the preparations for the baby’s arrival. She had visited the Imperial clothing shop to inspect the infant’s outfits. She had also visited the Imperial storehouses to make sure that fruits and nuts were available and fresh. Last she checked on the fish farm. Since fish was said to promote the flow of breast milk, Nuharoo made sure that there was plenty of fish to feed the wet nurses.
The selection of wet nurses became Nuharoo’s focus. She inspected an army of pregnant women whose babies were due at the same time mine was. Then she traveled all the way by carriage to Yuan Ming Yuan to talk to me about the matter.
“I have checked the history of their health three generations back,” she said.
The more excited Nuharoo got, the deeper my fear grew. I wished that she had her own child. Everyone in the Forbidden City except the Emperor understood the pressure Nuharoo was under after several years of marriage and no sign of fertility. That such pressure could lead to strange behavior was common in childless women. An obsession with
yoo-hoo-loos
was one manifestation; jumping into wells was another. With Nuharoo, I still couldn’t tell what her true intention was.
The moment after Doctor Sun Pao-tien examined me and pronounced that I would carry the baby to full term, His Majesty summoned his astrologer. The two of them went to the Temple of Heaven, where Hsien Feng prayed that the child would be a son. Afterward he went to Nuharoo to congratulate her.
But she is not the mother of your child!
I shouted in my head.
Nuharoo played her role well. She showed her happiness with real tears. I thought,
Could I be wrong about her?
Maybe it was time for me to change my view. Maybe Nuharoo had turned herself into a true Buddhist.
When I was five months pregnant, Nuharoo suggested to Emperor Hsien Feng that I be moved back to the Palace of Concentrated Beauty.
“Lady Yehonala needs absolute peace,” Nuharoo said to him. “She
needs to stay away from stress of any kind, including the bad news about the country from you.”
I let myself believe that Nuharoo was thinking of my welfare, and agreed to be moved. But the moment I was out of His Majesty’s bedroom, I sensed that I had made a mistake. Soon enough the truth revealed itself, and I never made it back to that bedroom.
As if to add more chaos to my life, Chief Eunuch Shim told me that I would not be allowed to raise my own child. I was considered “one of the prince’s mothers,” but not the only one. “It is the Imperial tradition,” Shim said coldly. Nuharoo would also be responsible for the daily care and education of my child, and she would have the right to take my child away from me if I refused to cooperate with her. The Manchu clan and Emperor Hsien Feng both believed that Nuharoo’s Imperial blood qualified her to be the chief mother of the future prince. No one had ever accused me of being a concubine from a lower class, but my background as a village girl and my father’s status as a low-ranking governor were an embarrassment that the court and the Emperor never forgot.
A MONTH AFTER I was out of his sight, Emperor Hsien Feng took in four new concubines. They were of Han Chinese origin. Since the Imperial rules didn’t permit non-Manchu women in the palace, Nuharoo made arrangements to smuggle them in.
It was hard for me to speak about the pain this caused me. It was like a slow drowning: the air was being shut out of my lungs and death had yet to arrive.
“Their teeny lotus-shaped feet have enthralled His Majesty,” An-te-hai reported. “The ladies were a gift from the governor of Soochow.”
I supposed that it was not difficult for Nuharoo to hint to the governors that the moment had come to please their ruler. An-te-hai discovered that Nuharoo had housed the new concubines in the Emperor’s miniature town of Soochow, within the largest Imperial garden at the Summer Palace, located several miles from Yuan Ming Yuan. The Summer Palace, with its little Soochow, had been built around a lake and was made up of more than three thousand structures on almost seven hundred acres.
Would I be any different if I were in her shoes? What was I crying about? Hadn’t I shamelessly gone to a whorehouse in order to learn man-pleasing tricks?
Emperor Hsien Feng had not visited me since I had left. My longing for him drove me to thoughts of white silk ropes. The little kicks inside my belly brought me back and steeled my will to survive. I reflected on my life, struggling to maintain my composure. Hsien Feng had never been mine to begin with. It was simply the way things were. The irony
was that the Emperor was supposed to stay sober and refrain from lovemaking for three months after his mother’s death. He honored only the traditions that suited him. I could not imagine my son being raised the way his father had been. I needed to convince Nuharoo that I would be no threat to her so that I would always be close to my child.
The rumors of His Majesty’s obsession with his Chinese ladies reached every corner of the Forbidden City. I began to have horrible dreams. I dreamed that I was sleeping and someone was trying to pull me off the bed. I struggled but was unsuccessful and was dragged out of the room. In the meantime I clearly saw that my body was still on the bed, unmoving.
Also in my dreams I saw red berries prematurely dropping from trees. I could even hear them as they fell—
pop, pop, pop.
Superstition hinted that this was an omen for miscarriage. In a panic, I sent An-te-hai out to check if it was true that the berry trees behind my palace had started dropping their fruit. An-te-hai came back and reported that he had found no berries on the ground.
Day after day I heard the popping sounds in my sleep. I suspected that the berries might have gotten caught between the roof tiles. To comfort me, An-te-hai climbed up a ladder to the roof. He and the other eunuchs checked between the tiles, and again there were no berries.
There continued to be no sign of His Majesty until Nuharoo arrived one morning with a broad smile on her face. I was surprised to see Emperor Hsien Feng behind her.
My lover looked a little awkward but soon composed himself. I couldn’t tell whether he had missed me. I guessed not. He had been raised to have no comprehension of another’s suffering. For him it would be wrong to spend time with only one woman anyway. I wondered if he had been enjoying his women. Had they been taking walks shoulder to shoulder, “carrying the light of the setting sun”? Had His Majesty been wanting to “kiss the flowers in their hands”?
I didn’t care where those women came from. I hated them. Picturing how my lover must have touched them, my tears welled up. “I am well, thank you,” I said to Emperor Hsien Feng, trying to smile. I would never let him know how terrible my pain was.
I didn’t want to tell him that I had refused to go home when I was granted a ten-day leave as a reward for being pregnant. Although I missed my family very much, I wouldn’t be able to hide my feelings if I saw them. My mother’s fragile health would not bear my frustration, and it would be bad for Rong, who had been counting on me to find
her a suitor. Rong would be disappointed if I told her that I was no longer the favorite and my way of helping her was limited.
His Majesty was quiet for a while. When he opened his mouth he talked about mosquitoes, how they bedeviled him. He blamed the eunuchs and complained that Doctor Sun Pao-tien had failed to heal an itchy spot below his chin. He didn’t ask after me, and he acted as if my big belly was not there.
“I have been playing a game with my astrologer called the Lost Palaces,” His Majesty said as if to break the silence between us. “It has many traps that will lead you to misjudgment. The master’s advice was that I stay where I am and not bother to find my way until the time is ripe and the key to solving the problem presents itself.”
Would Hsien Feng believe it if I explained to him what Nuharoo had done? It would never work, I concluded. It was public knowledge that when Nuharoo walked in the garden she looked like a drunkard. Actually it was because she was afraid of stepping on ants. When she accidentally did step on them, she apologized. The eunuchs had witnessed this. She had been called “the most tender creature” by our late mother-in-law.
We sat sipping tea while the conversation between His Majesty and Nuharoo went on. In the name of caring for me, Nuharoo proposed that she send me four of her own maids.
“It is to express my appreciation of Lady Yehonala, of my
mei-mei
’s contribution to the dynasty.” She now officially called me
mei-mei,
“younger sister.”
“My Little Cloud is the best among the four,” Nuharoo said. “I will have difficulty letting her go. But you are my priority. The dynasty’s hope of revival and prosperity rests in your belly.”
Emperor Hsien Feng was pleased. He praised Nuharoo for her kindness, and then he got up to leave. He avoided looking at me as he bid goodbye. “Good health,” he murmured dryly.
I was unable to hide my sadness. My heart kept searching for an acknowledgment of the warmth we had shared. But it was not there. It was as if we had never known each other. I wished that my belly were not in front of my eyes, not protruding like this, not demanding attention and touch. I wished that I could wipe away the memories.
I watched Emperor Hsien Feng and Nuharoo walking away. I wanted to throw myself at my lover’s feet. I wanted to kiss his feet, and I would beg for love.
An-te-hai came to my side and held me tightly. “The berries are ripening, my lady,” he whispered. “They will be ready soon.”
The branches of the cypresses spread downward like giant fans, blocking the light of the moon. That night a storm came. I heard the branches sweeping and scraping the ground. The next morning An-te-hai told me that red berries were everywhere. “They look like blood-stains,” the eunuch said. “They have covered your garden floor, and some are stuck between the roof tiles.”
I received Little Cloud, a small-eyed and fat-cheeked fifteen-year-old maid. Since I was expected to obey the first wife’s wish, I gave Little Cloud a handsome bonus, which the girl returned with a sweet “Thank you.” I told An-te-hai to keep an eye on her. A few days later she was found spying.
“I caught her!” An-te-hai dragged Little Cloud over to my presence. “This cheap slave was peeking into Your Majesty’s letters!”
Little Cloud denied the accusation. When I threatened to beat her if she didn’t confess, she revealed her temper. Her small eyes sank into her fat face as she yelled and called An-te-hai “You tailless animal!” She then went on to insult me. “My lady entered through the Gate of Celestial Purity when she arrived, and you came through a side door!”
I told An-te-hai to drag the maid out and starve her for three meals.
As if enjoying my rage, Little Cloud continued. “You’d better think about whose dog you are kicking! So what if I have been spying on you? You have been reading court documents instead of embroidery patterns! Are you guilty? Are you afraid? Let me tell you, it is too late to think about bribing me, Lady Yehonala. I shall report everything I have seen to my master. I will be rewarded for my loyalty; you will end up limbless and live in a jar.”
“Whip!” I called. “Punish this girl until she shuts up!”
I never meant to have An-te-hai take my words literally. Unfortunately that was what happened. He and the other eunuchs dragged Little Cloud to the Hall of Punishment. They beat Little Cloud and tried every way to silence her, but the girl was too stubborn.
An hour later An-te-hai came to report that Little Cloud was dead.
“You …” I was shocked. “An-te-hai, I didn’t give you the order to beat her to death!”
“But, my lady, she wouldn’t shut up.”
As the head of the Imperial household, Nuharoo summoned me to appear before her. I hoped I had enough strength to endure what lay ahead. I worried about the child inside me.
Before I had finished changing, a group of eunuchs from the Hall of
Punishment stormed into my palace. They wouldn’t say who sent them. They arrested my floor eunuchs and maids and searched through my drawers and closets.
“You’d better send me to inform His Majesty immediately.” An-te-hai helped me into my court robe. “They are going to torment you until the ‘dragon seed’ falls out.”
I could feel my insides contracting. Frightened, I held my belly and told An-te-hai to waste no time. He picked up a washbasin and exited through the back chamber, pretending to fetch water.
I heard a voice outside, calling to hurry me to finish dressing. “Her Majesty the Empress is waiting!” I didn’t know whether they were my eunuchs or the people who had come to wreck my palace.
I took as long as I could in order to gain time for An-te-hai. Two of my ladies in waiting came in. One checked my laces and buttons and the other my hair. I stood in front of the mirror and took a last glance. I couldn’t tell whether it was my emotion or my makeup that made me look ill. My robe was embroidered with black and gold orchids. I was thinking that if something should happen to me, I wanted to leave the earth wearing this dress.
I motioned toward the door, and my ladies raised the curtain. As I stepped out into the light, I saw Chief Eunuch Shim standing in the courtyard.
He was formally dressed in a purple robe and matching hat. He didn’t respond to my greeting.
“What’s going on, Chief Shim?” I asked.
“The rule forbids me to speak to you, Lady Yehonala.” He tried to sound humble, but there was hidden elation in his tone. “Please, let me help you into your palanquin.”
A tightness wrapped itself around my neck.
Looking down from her throne, Nuharoo was majestic. I got down on my knees and kowtowed to her. Only weeks had passed since we had last seen each other, and it seemed that her beauty had grown even more striking. She was dressed in a golden robe embroidered with phoenixes. She wore heavy makeup. A drop of red was painted on her lower lip. Her large double-lidded eyes seemed brighter than usual. I couldn’t tell whether it was from the moisture of her tears or an effect of her dark eyeliner.
“I don’t appreciate the fact that you made me do this,” she said. Without offering me permission to rise, she continued. “Anyone knows
I am not made to bear a moment like this. Yet it is the irony of life. As the one who is responsible for the household, I am given no choice. My duty calls me to dispense justice. The rule has been made clear to everybody in the Forbidden City: no one has the right to mistreat a maid, not to mention take her life.”
Suddenly she lowered her chin. She bit her lip and began to weep. Soon she was sobbing.
“Your Majesty,” Chief Eunuch Shim said, “the whips have been soaked and the slaves are ready to perform their duty.”
Nuharoo nodded. “Lady Yehonala, on your way, please!”
Taking a long, thick whip from his assistant, Shim made a deep bow to the Empress and then exited the room.
Guards came from four sides and locked their hands on me.
I resisted. “I am carrying Emperor Hsien Feng’s child!”
Chief Eunuch Shim returned and twisted my arms behind me. My knees buckled and I fell. My belly swung to the floor.
On my knees I crawled to Nuharoo and begged. “I am truly sorry about what happened to Little Cloud, Your Majesty, but it was an accident. If you have to punish me, please do so after I give birth. I’ll accept any term of imprisonment.”
Nuharoo cracked a smile. Her expression frightened me. The smile told me that it was her wish that I should lose the baby, and that she could restore harmony between us only at that price. I was sure she knew that I wouldn’t give in, knew that she had to force me, knew that she was backed by all the concubines. She wanted me to know that her will was strong and that she could not be denied.
We stared at each other. Between us was a naked understanding.
“I play fair, Lady Yehonala, and that’s all,” Nuharoo said almost gently. “I can assure you that there is nothing personal.”
“On the frame!” Chief Eunuch Shim called.
The guards swept me up like a hen.
“Your Majesty Empress Nuharoo above,” I cried, struggling to free myself. “As your slave I know my crime. Undeserving as I am, I beg you to pity me. I have begun telling this child in my belly that you are his true mother. You are his destiny. The reason this child will come through me is to reach you. Take pity on this child, Empress Nuharoo, for it will be your child.”
I hit my forehead on the ground. The thought of losing my child felt worse than losing my own life. “Nuharoo, please, give him a chance to love you, my elder sister. I’ll come back in the next life to be anything
you desire. I’ll be the skin of your drum, a paper for you to wipe your behind, a worm for your fish hook …”
Chief Eunuch Shim whispered something in Nuharoo’s ear. Her expression changed. Shim must have said that if she displeased the Imperial ancestors, she would be stripped of her titles and struck by lightning. Like An-te-hai to me, Shim was there to protect not only Nuharoo’s future, but also his own.
“Carry on?” he asked.
Nuharoo nodded.
“
Zah!
” The eunuch took a step back as he finished his bow. He grabbed my collar and ordered his people, “In the manner of Woo Hua, the Flower—rope!”