Emma vs. The Tech Guy (25 page)

He folded his arms across his chest. “You really think that’s the same thing? You may have lied to get into this company, but since that day—” He paused, waiting for me to pull my attention back to him. “Dammit, Emma, you’ve worked your ass off here. You’ve dedicated every waking moment to this place.”

I let my gaze fall to my shoes, hoping he’d finish with the compliments I didn’t deserve, especially now.

“You know, when I got my first job over at
The Sentinel
, I told them I wrote for my local paper back in Chicago.”

I forgot about the shoes, since Bill practically never talked about himself.

“And did you?”

“Hell, no. I took the calls for the classified section. So, yeah, technically I wrote a few garage sale ads.”

We both chuckled, but I quickly reined it in. I wasn’t sure I could accept this gift.

“You really think that’s the same thing?” I said, echoing his early comment.

“No, it’s not.” He went back to his desk, pushed his glasses back on. “But, to be honest, I’ve grown accustomed to having things a certain way around here. I’ve come to rely on my right-hand woman. And I can’t go back to the way things were before you came here.” He turned to his computer and began typing.

I opened the door once again, this time feeling I’d begun to climb out of the hole I’d dug for myself.

“Thanks, Bill.”

“Oh, and one more thing,” he said, catching me before I walked away. “Don’t think you and Howard are getting out of our dinners. We’ll still expect you next week. You’ve got a lot of making up to do with us.”

I smiled and nodded, then shut the door behind me. One down, one to go, I thought to myself. Unless I was counting Guy. Even if he counted, if he meant something to me, I had no idea what to say to him. I only knew that something inside me needed to see him one last time.

Adam strode toward me on the way to his office. He held a black mug in one hand and texted on his cell in the other.

“Hey, good to see you here.” He gave me a genuine smile, but went right back to thumbing a message.

I followed him into his office, happy to be around someone who seemed glad to see me. “Didn’t you hear?”

He went behind his desk to boot up his computer. “Of course I did. Are you kidding?” He sipped his coffee, and then set the mug down.

“And you don’t hate me?” I knew the answer. Adam was predictably easy, but I wanted to hear him say it.

“Hey, it’s cool. You know me: live and let live. So, you sticking around? I wasn’t sure after your five-yard dash at the party.”

“Looks like it. If I can stand the humiliation.”

“You’ll be all right.” His typical downplay didn’t surprise me. It was actually comforting. “And, I’m glad you’re staying now that I finally got used to you.”

I displayed a look of shock to play along. “What?”

“I’m just messing with you, girl.”

“You knew, didn’t you? About me and Howard?” If anyone in the office had had a clue, it would have been Adam. And though I expected his casual reaction to all this, I still had to ask.

“Shit. Of course I knew.” He punched a couple of buttons on his cell before dumping it in his side drawer. “I mean I didn’t know, know. That you guys weren’t married. But Howard? I love the guy, but anyone could see who was the wife in that relationship.”

“Thanks.”

He pulled his chair out and dumped himself in. “No problem.”

At least things with Adam hadn’t changed. I felt grateful for his support, ready to take on Jayne.

He watched me over a long drink of his coffee. When I didn’t move, he asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Since you seem to know so much,” and then before I could stop myself, “do you know where Guy is today?”

He nudged his head up and cast a glance past me. “Yeah, he’s standing right behind you.”

Chapter 26

Guy sprinted down the hall before I could jump up from my chair. I followed him to the lounge and prayed it was empty. He went to the back counter and picked up a mug. The coffee was still dripping into the pot, but he snatched it out anyway. As he poured it into his cup, drops landed on the metal plate and sizzled into steam. I stood in the doorway, watching and waiting. I felt the anger emanating from the back of his head.

He continued to sip his coffee, still facing the wall.

“Guy,” I said, unable to wait any longer.

“What?” he said to the wall.

“Can we talk?”

“Go ahead.”

I took a few steps toward him, stopping next to the table. “Will I be talking to the back of your head?”

He turned slowly and our eyes met. I recognized hurt and confusion, but that’s not all there was. “I’ve only got a couple of minutes,” he said coolly.

I leaned on the edge of the table. “First, I want to say that I’m sorry. My lie hurt a lot of people, some more than others.”

He stared at me, waiting for something more. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to make it right with him. I didn’t know if I’d be able to say what he needed to hear. Or maybe I was making something bigger than it really was.

“I’m sure you’re probably wondering why this happened.”

“It’s none of my business what you do.” He sipped his coffee like we were discussing new software.

“This whole thing just got so out of hand. I only wanted to be a part of this company, and I had no idea it would turn into this. That I would meet so many people I’d end up caring about.”

He searched inside his mug, shaking his head in tiny motions. “That night, in Vegas ….” His anger swept across the room to me.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

I knew putting it off had been stupid, but I honestly felt that I was going to tell them. “I was. I almost did.”

Some of the aggression faded, and he raised his eyebrows in question. “What do you mean?”

“The night of the party, when we were dancing.” I stopped when I saw Guy coming toward me. My eyes fell to a spot on the table. I began rubbing it with my thumb.

“And what were you going to say?” He halted close enough for us to share the same air.

I thought I knew what he was waiting for, but the words wouldn’t form. “I don’t know. I hadn’t planned to tell you then.”

“You’ve got a plan for everything, don’t you?”

Ouch. I flinched and straightened myself up from the table. “You’re right, Guy. But I’m beginning to realize that some things are better off not planned.”

“Like that night?”

“Yeah, for some reason I found myself starting to tell you the truth. Then Jayne walked up.”

“What reason, Emma?” he prodded, staying focused on me.

“I ….”
What is wrong with me
? I was standing in front of one of the most incredible guys I’d ever met, and all I had to do was tell him what he wanted to hear. What was keeping the words back? What was I so afraid of? “I, uh.”

“Uh-huh. Well, I guess that says it all.” He turned his gaze away and went for the door. “By the way, I’m taking some time off, so you if need anything, Matthew will take care of it.”

I didn’t try to stop him. We both knew he was better off going, being away from me. I sulked my way over to Jayne’s office, trying to ready myself for round three. Making amends was a tough business.

“Can I come in?”

Jayne nodded as she tapped away at her computer. I sat down across from her and waited for her to stop and look at me. When she did, I said, “Jayne, I’m really sorry and hope that someday you’ll be able to forgive.”

“I was really mad at you.”

“Was?” A twinge of hope sprang in my voice.

“I’m still mad. Just not as mad.”

“Why not?”

“I thought a lot about it this weekend. I thought about all the times I confided in you, all the problems I unloaded on you. Especially the Hank stuff.”

I nodded while she continued.

“And I was so hurt that I shared so much with you, and here you had this big secret you never told me about.”

“I know, I should have told you the truth.”

“Then I realized that I was always so wrapped up in my own problems that I never bothered to see that you had a few of your own.”

I’d never thought of that before. “Jayne, there was no way you could have known.”

“Probably not, but I could have been a little less self-absorbed. Maybe tried to get you to open up more.”

I should have known she would try to take part of the blame. “You’ve been a great friend to me, Jaynie. And I really believe I have changed … thanks to you. I wanted to tell you. I actually tried to.”

“But then Hank proposed?” She glanced over at her hand as it rest on the desk.

“Yeah,” I followed her gaze and noticed the empty spot on her ring finger. “Oh, Jayne, I’m so sorry. I hope this isn’t my fault.”

“It is your fault, Emma.” Her voice and expression were filled with confidence. “Partially. The talk we had in the lobby that night really got through to me. But between you and Hank, I’ve realized that I’ve been too dependent, too trusting, and too needy. And I’m going to need to make some changes in my relationships.”

I wasn’t sure if I felt happy for the new Jayne or sad for the old one.

“I’ll understand if you need some space from me, but I hope you’ll still want to be friends at some point.”

“Space.” She nodded in affirmation. “Yes, that’s exactly what I told Hank. I need space, and time, to work through all this and see how I feel.” She seemed content with her decision.

I got up and went to the doorway. “I’m here when you need me, Jaynie girl.”

Her mouth opened, but she paused and stared at me. I saw a hint of the old Jayne return when she shrugged and then said, “Well, we still have to work together. Maybe we could have lunch sometime and talk through this whole thing.

A wide grin spread across my face. “That sounds great, Jayne.”

***

Eleven days after Guy walked away from me, I still hadn’t heard a word from him. Jayne and I hadn’t resumed our morning coffee sessions, but we did go out to lunch twice. The first time I told her the whole story, filling her in on the history of my relationship with Howard. I opened up about myself, which wasn’t easy. But I did it for Jayne, to show her I could trust her with my thoughts and feelings. At times I held back, and she was patient. During our second lunch together, I asked her about Guy. She knew instantly why I’d brought him up and told me she’d heard he was coming back soon. She also told me I was a complete idiot if I didn’t do something about it.

The next day we had a cleaning party at Howard’s new pub. A bunch of us all pitched in to clear the place out and clean up two years of dust and dirt that had accumulated since the original place had closed. Kelly, Pop, a few of the boys, Emilia, and even Howard’s parents, who’d extended their stay, were all there. We celebrated right there in the pub with a party at the end of the night. Howard had food and drinks brought in for all of us and even set up his sound system. It was exciting to be there enjoying the place, Howard behind the bar, and envisioning what it would be like when it finally opened to the public.

After we finished eating, I perched on a barstool and stared across the room. I felt empty, a sort of loneliness even though I sat in a room full of people.

“Are you sick?” Kelly asked. He and Howard were behind the counter, trying it on for size.

“Yeah, lovesick,” Howard said.

Kelly came from behind the bar and grabbed my hand. “C’mon, we could use some time to get to know each other.” He pulled me to the makeshift dance floor and held me like any other man had. He was medium height with a crew cut and pale blue eyes. I had to admit, he was a great guy. I trusted him with my Howard.

“Shouldn’t you be dancing with Howard?” I said.

“Are you kidding? His parents just found out about us. I’m glad they’ve come to their senses, but that doesn’t mean I should push ‘em in the deep end of the gay pool.”

We giggled, and I noticed a dimple on his left cheek.

“Just let them wade in a while,” he said.

“I guess you’re right. They do look sort of uncomfortable here.”

I looked over at them as they sat at a booth across from Pop. Mrs. Elwood had been swept away to dance with Lou, probably to make Pop jealous.

“Emma, I don’t want you to worry that I’m going to take Howard away from you. I know you two are close.”

“I’d kick your ass if you tried.”

“I bet you would, but it won’t come to that. Howard adores you. He said you were the first person to really care for the person he is.”

“The person he is, is an incredible man, so don’t break his heart.”

“I would never do that. I couldn’t because I think I’m in lo—” His head shot to the side.

“You were going to say you love him. Does he know that?”

“No. And don’t you say anything.” A grin peeked beneath his imitation pout, and that dimple made another appearance.

For the first time that night, I smiled genuinely. I knew I couldn’t cling to Howard forever, and it was time we both started living our lives on our own. And it was a relief to know he’d found someone. At least one of us would be happy. Kelly and I danced awhile longer, laughing and making fun of Howard’s parents. It was refreshing to be able to talk without being guarded about my words, worrying I might say something that would give me away.

Right before the song ended, I felt a hint of wind brush the back of my hair. I turned, still smiling and holding Kelly. My gaze followed a stream of light back to the door where Guy stood watching me. Our eyes met and a chill ran down my spine. His lips parted, and I waited for him to speak, to come forward. But the light in his expression faded, and he glanced away. He left a second later with me running after him. When I hit the street, I halted and swiveled my head back and forth.

“Guy,” I said, spotting him at the curb next to his truck. I ran to catch him.

The feeling of seeing him after so long made me forget about the final awkward moments we’d had together. I wondered if he was as happy to see me as I was him.

“I didn’t know you were back. What are you doing here?”

“I just got back today. Uncle Bill told me about your party.”