Eminent Love (3 page)

One—it’d been a while since she’d last let out a real laugh.

And two—I no longer cared about what test I had coming up.

I
woke
with the image of Layne burning hot in my mind, just as I had every morning this week. My dreams were so vivid, so clear, as if I’d relived that night all over again. The warmth of her palm heated mine, even now, nearly six years later. My hand burned as though she had actually held it while I slept, not in my dream. Like she’d been in my bed with me. But I knew that wasn’t the case.

It was nothing more than the never-ending remorse eating away at me.

I grabbed my phone off my bedside table and unlocked the screen. I knew not to expect it, but I still couldn’t let go of the hope she would return my call. However, my phone showed no missed calls or unread messages.

Layne was a fighter, stronger than anyone else I knew. She never gave up, no matter what her odds were, and it had become something I admired most about her. I couldn’t think of her without imagining the strong person I knew her to be.

I guess I never expected her to give up on us. To let me go.

Until she did.

As I gripped the phone in my hand, I thought about my dream, and then about that actual night. I remembered the easy laughs we’d shared, and the immediate connection we’d made. I’d never been so comfortable around someone so quickly before. I’d grown so used to staying focused, I’d hardly noticed anyone unless they were in my classes with me.

But I’d noticed Layne.

It was impossible not to.

I stood in front of my sink, holding my toothbrush as I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. I couldn’t remember the last time I looked at myself, truly took in my own appearance. I barely recognized who I was anymore. My life had been separated into two parts—the person who Layne had fallen in love with, and the person who had been left behind without her. The guy she loved had taken more pride in school, working toward a promising future, and making her happy. He’d cared about all that—mostly about her—more than he had his physical appearance.

I’d never been a scrawny guy, nor have I ever been overweight. I loved to exercise, but when I was with Layne, workouts typically included walks and hikes—anything I could do with Layne by my side. After she left, I found myself with more time on my hands. And so I’d spent that time in the gym.

The end result stared back at me.

To others, I probably seemed fit, ripped in the right places. Although, to me, I saw the truth beneath the surface. Behind layers of muscle was a man who had no one to come home to. Layne’s presence still occupied my heart, although her absence from my life had grown to the point of unbearable. Left without a reason to rush home after work, I passed the time working out. Instead of spending a lazy Saturday morning in bed, wrapped up in the sheets and Layne, I’d hit the weights. I had acquaintances, people I hung out with outside of work. Though I didn’t have the happiness being with Layne provided.

I shook off my dismal thoughts and squeezed some toothpaste on the wet bristles. If I didn’t stop obsessing over my past, I’d never make it to work on time. Picking apart and analyzing every aspect of where it all went wrong wouldn’t do me any good. It wouldn’t bring her back. It wouldn’t make her forgive me. Instead of changing the past, it would only feed the growing contrition.

I had to find a way to either fix it or let it go.

Memories of Layne had a way of squeezing me, choking me, leaving me unable to breathe. She hadn’t been just another person from my past or some ex-girlfriend to add to my list. She’d been
someone
.

My
someone.

I didn’t know if I could ever let it go.

N
early the entire
drive downtown had been spent in silence. Nothing could be heard except for the road beneath the tires. I worried the deafening stillness would carry on throughout the whole movie, but I couldn’t come up with anything to talk about. I knew nothing about her besides the long list of dos and don’ts I’d received from Drea and Colin. And that left me with no idea where to begin. I’m not sure if it was the stipulations they’d provided me with or if it’d simply been too long since I had to find things to say to a member of the opposite sex. Most of the time, I’d been introduced to them by someone else. And although Colin and Drea had introduced us, they weren’t in the car to help start a conversation. But as soon as I pulled into the open lot next to Colin’s car, she finally spoke. And I couldn’t have been more relieved.

“So your name is Creed?” Her question didn’t come as a surprise; I’d heard it a lot throughout my life. When parents give a kid such an unusual name people tend to ask about it often. “Is there a meaning behind it, or did your parents just really like it? I think it’s cool. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with that name before. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever
heard
of someone with that name before. Other than the band, of course.”

My grin couldn’t be suppressed. Her nervous rambling was endearing, and I found it highly amusing. “It’s a long story…are you sure you want to hear it?” I couldn’t believe I said that. I never offered the story to people, normally saying it’s a long story and leaving it at that. Most of the people who’d been in my life for years didn’t even know the story in its entirety. So the simple fact I’d opened up and offered her something I never gave to anyone else astonished me.

She giggled softly to herself and covered her curved lips with the tips of her fingers. “I think we have time.”

“Okay, but I’m going to apologize now if it’s boring and puts you to sleep.” I waited until she shifted in her seat to face me, giving me her full attention. I’d heard my parents repeat this story so many times I could’ve recited their words by heart. “Before my mom got pregnant with me, she had several miscarriages. The doctors told her she more than likely wouldn’t carry a baby to term. When she got pregnant with me, and I stuck around past the danger zone, the doctors told her I had Down Syndrome.”

Her gasp was soft, but I heard it.

“My parents accepted it, and prepared to have a child with special needs. After trying for so long to have a baby, they were willing to take whatever God gave them. Then they did an ultrasound—which apparently, back then, wasn’t as good as they are now—and it showed I had some malformations. After hearing what the doctors had to say, my parents expected to give birth to the hunchback of Notre Dame. They had been advised to terminate the pregnancy, but my mom refused. She said it didn’t matter, because I was her miracle and she would keep me for as long as God allowed her to.”

I held up my hands and wiggled my fingers.

“Needless to say, I came out with ten fingers, ten toes, and my spine and organs inside my body where they belonged. My parents decided to name me Creed because it means ‘a belief.’ And they believed in me, even when the doctors didn’t. They trusted everything would happen the way it was supposed to and never gave up. They’ve taught me my whole life to live with those fundamental beliefs.”

Her soft expression did something unexplainable to me—sweltering warmth took hold of my chest and I quickly became lightheaded. “That’s the best story I’ve ever heard.”

Her appraisal was almost too much to bear. The sweetness of her voice too much to handle, and it left me with no desire to talk about myself anymore. Suddenly, the need overwhelmed me to find out anything I could about her. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I actually wanted to know everything I could about someone else. “What about you? Layne isn’t a popular name, either. Is there special meaning behind it, too?”

She adjusted in her seat again, facing the windshield once more. “Not a
special
meaning…it’s really kinda lame, especially compared to your story. It’s actually embarrassing to say it out loud.”

I reached over and grabbed her arm, forcing her to look me in the eyes. “Tell me.”

Her stare penetrated me for so long I thought she’d fallen asleep with her eyes open. She finally shook her head, as if clearing her thoughts, and said, “You’re going to laugh. Everyone does. It’s so ridiculous…”

“I promise.” I let go of her hand and crossed my fingers over my chest. “I won’t laugh at you. Without knowing the story, I can’t say I won’t find it funny, although it won’t be you I’m laughing at. You can believe me when I say that.”

Her gaze fell away, almost as if she became embarrassed. Though, without proper lighting, I couldn’t be sure. “Okay, I’ll tell you. You just can’t make fun of my parents. They’re odd and quirky, but they are the most amazing people in the world.”

Her warning took me by surprise and only served to make me more curious. “I’d never make fun of your parents. I happen to like odd and quirky. They’re my favorite kind of people. I can’t stand the serious, stiff types.” I couldn’t believe those words had come out of my mouth. To a lot of people,
I
was considered stiff and serious—all work and no play. I guess I’d said it to ease her worry. Which set a deep knot in the pit of my stomach. I’d never had this kind of reaction to someone before—certainly not someone I’d just met.

“Drea’s first name is Lois. Except she never goes by it. She started going by her middle name, Andrea, when we were ten. People kept pronouncing it wrong, so she ended up shortening it to Drea to make it easier.”

I waited for more, but she remained silent. “Okay…I don’t follow. What does your sister’s name have to do with yours?”

“Her name is Lois…mine’s Layne,” she explained slowly, yet I continued to stare at her, unable to understand what she meant. “Lois Layne…as in
Superman
?”

“For real?” My eyes widened and I tried with everything I had in me not to smile.

She laughed again, only this time, it came out slightly louder, deeper, more rumbled. It came from deep inside, unlike before. It was still as infectious as the quiet one, and it further enticed me to hear
every
type of laughter she had. It reminded me of Drea’s…only so much better. So much smoother. More consuming. “This is why I don’t tell anyone. My parents are such dorks. They met at a
Superman
convention and fell in love. If Drea and I had been boys, they were going to name us Clark and Kent.”

“What if only one was a boy?”

She shrugged as her giggles quieted down. “I don’t know. I never asked. I’m pretty sure they still would’ve used Layne. I guess it’s more commonly a boy’s name, because most of the time, people think I’m a guy before meeting me.”

“Well, I’m thankful you’re a girl. If that matters at all.”

Her pouty lips spread into a bashful grin. “It does.”

The screen lit up in front of us and sound resonated through the station on the radio. It was the worst timing. I’d finally gotten her to open up and laugh, but as soon as the movie started, she closed down and faced the windshield.

I’d forgotten about Colin and Drea sitting in the car beside us. I had no clue what movie played on the big screen in front of us. I hadn’t paid a single bit of attention to it, too busy thinking about the girl next to me. We’d talked off and on during the movie about the actors or something they’d said, but as soon as she’d face the windshield again, I seized the opportunity to study her out of the corner of my eye. One of the scenes I happened to catch was an old woman reading the palm of a young man. I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but I grabbed her hand and stretched her fingers back, exposing her palm.

“What are you doing?” she asked with a snicker after I took her hand and held it in mine, palm up.

“I’m going to tell you your future.”

Her eyes lit up and her eyebrows danced wickedly on her forehead. “Oh, yeah? Please, Creed, tell me what my future holds.”

I ran my fingertip along the deep lines and then up the length of her fingers to the very tips. I had no idea what I was looking at, but when she shivered next to me, I never wanted to stop touching her. “I can’t see too far into the future, however, I can see what tomorrow brings.” I waited until her eyes locked with mine before I continued. “You’re going to spend the day with me.”

“I am?” she asked quietly, almost unsure of herself.

“Yes. All day.” Before I’d even met her, I had made up my mind I wouldn’t see her again after tonight. However, after an hour with her, that was no longer the case. The idea of seeing her again excited me. I wanted as much time as I could with her, starting as soon as possible.

She asked what I planned to do, although I never told her. I only gave her instructions to wear comfortable clothes to work out in, and to make sure she wore a pair of tennis shoes. No longer paying attention to the movie in front of us, she excitedly asked about a million questions, all of which went unanswered. To my surprise, she didn’t grow irritated with my evasiveness. If anything, she seemed to become more enthusiastic about the secretiveness.

When the movie ended, Colin insisted he drive the girls back to their house. I wanted to take her home, not ready for our night to end, but he said it was pointless for us both to drive to the same place. His logic didn’t make any sense to me considering the entire night we’d gone to the same places and I’d followed him. However, he wouldn’t relent, and in the end, I said goodnight and headed home.