Emily's Daughter (13 page)

“The woman at the records office told me.”

“But yesterday she said—”

He broke in. “Today she was a little more cooperative.”

“How did you accomplish that?”

“I’ll tell you later.”
Among other things.
“I went over to the agency, which is now called The Haven, but they wouldn’t tell me a thing. I’m not giving up, though. I intend to get some answers.”

“Oh, I miss you.” Longing filled every word.

“When can you come back?”

“I don’t know. Becca’s upset. She’s afraid Mom’s going to die and that it’s her fault. And she has the prom on Saturday and I feel I need to be here for her, since Mom’s in the hospital. But, but…”

“But what?”

“I want to be with you.” The longing was so intense that all he wanted to do was comfort her.

“Just take care of your family and I’ll take care of things here.”

“Jackson.”

“Hmm?”

“Promise if you find out where
she
is, you won’t go there without me. Promise you won’t do anything without me.”

He swallowed. “I won’t.”

“I’ve waited so long to even hope and now…now…”

“We’ll find her.”

“You keep saying that, and I’m beginning to believe you.”

“Oh, Emily.” He rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. “This bed is gonna be awful lonely tonight.” He paused. “Just keep talking to me.”

He could feel her smile. “I don’t think talking will be quite the same thing.”

“You’re right about that.” His face split into a grin. Oh, he missed her, needed her. No one, not that crazy records lady or anyone else, could make him have doubts about her. He’d done that once, when she’d first told him about their daughter. He wouldn’t make that mistake again.

They talked for a while longer, each reluctant to hang up. Later Jackson ordered room service. He didn’t feel like dining without her.

A
S
E
MILY HUNG UP
the phone, Becca strolled into the kitchen. They’d just gotten back from the hospital. Tommy had driven behind them, and Becca had stayed outside to talk to him. They were making plans for the prom. Shortly after, Tommy drove home and Becca joined Emily in the kitchen.

“Can we have pizza tonight?” Becca asked, getting a soda out of the fridge.

“No, we’re not having pizza,” Emily answered.

“Jeez, sometimes you’re just like Mom,” Becca complained. “Ginger’s mom has pizza all the time, so I don’t see why we can’t have it once in a while.”

“Ginger mom is—” Emily stopped, realizing she’d been about to criticize Ginger’s mom—something her mother did on a regular basis. Maybe she
was
like her mother. No, she would never be.

“Okay, we’ll have pizza,” she decided in a flash.

“Oh, Em, you’re the greatest.” Becca beamed, and sat across from Emily at the kitchen table, sipping her drink.
After a moment, she asked, “Were you talking to him when I walked in?”

“Yes, I was talking to Jackson.”

“I’ll bet he’s mad ’cause you had to come home.”

“No, Jackson is very considerate. He understands that I need to be with my family right now.”

“’Cause Mom’s sick.” Becca fiddled with her drink and Emily knew what she was thinking.

“Becca, you’re not the reason Mom is sick. You know that, don’t you?”

Becca didn’t look up. “It’s hard to think anything else because she tells me that all the time.”

“Oh, Becca.” Emily got up and hugged her. “Mom had a heart condition before you were born.”

“Yes.” Becca sniffed. “But I make it worse. I’m always upsetting her.”

“So am I, but we can’t keep blaming ourselves.”

“I suppose.” Becca sniffed again, then became quiet. “Em?”

“What?”

“She’s not going to die, is she?”

“No, I don’t think this is Mom’s time to die. She’ll be home soon and things will be back to normal.”

“I hope so.” Silence for a moment, then Becca asked, “When will you be going to see…him?”

Emily had noticed that she never said Jackson’s name and wondered why. “His name is Jackson.”

“Yeah, whatever,” she mumbled.

Emily frowned, not understanding this attitude. “You’ve never met Jackson. Why don’t you like him?”

“I don’t like what he did to you—getting you pregnant and then leaving.”

Emily cupped Becca’s face and tilted her head so she could meet her eyes. “He didn’t know I was pregnant and
he had no reason to think that I was. We used protection, but it didn’t work. Please don’t judge Jackson until you get to know him. I guarantee you’re going to like him. He’ll spoil you rotten just like I do.”

“No, he won’t,” Becca said in a hurt voice. “He’ll find your daughter and then you won’t be interested in me anymore. You’ll have
her.
”

“Becca, Becca.” Emily sighed, tucking Becca’s hair behind her ears. She was jealous, plain and simple. She didn’t want anyone to take her place in Emily’s life. “You’re my baby sister and the light in my otherwise dreary world. That’ll never change—even if we find our daughter. She’ll be almost eighteen and have her own family, but I need to see her. I have to know she’s happy. Even then, I’ll only be her biological mother—the woman who gave her away.”

Becca’s eyes grew stormy. “She’d better not ever say that to you. I’ll slap her face.”

Emily remembered her saying similar things about Jackson and knew that Becca just didn’t want her to be hurt. She was fiercely protective, just as Emily was toward her. Despite the difference in their ages, they had a close bond.

Emily smiled into her eyes. “No, you won’t. If we find her, you’re going to love her as much as we do and you’ll have a lot in common, being so close in age and all.” Emily’s voice grew dreamy. “She probably has Jackson’s green eyes and my dark hair and a feisty in-your-face attitude, just like you.”

Becca watched Emily’s enraptured expression. “You really love her, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” Emily blinked back tears. “It’s a mother thing, but it’ll never affect the way I feel about you.”

They embraced. “I know,” Becca mumbled into her shoulder. “I’m just being a jerk.”

Emily kissed her forehead. “Don’t worry about it. Now, let’s order that pizza so we can go back to the hospital.” Emily walked to the phone.

“Em?”

“Hmm?”

“When I called you, he—I mean, Jackson answered the phone. Were you sleeping together?”

Emily stopped in her tracks. How did she explain this? With the truth, she immediately decided. She turned to face Becca. “I’ve loved Jackson since I was seventeen and I still do. We’re adults, and we know what we’re doing and what we want.”

Becca flushed. “What’s it like—sex, I mean?”

Emily thought about her answer, wanting to be truthful, yet cautious. “It can be the most wonderful, fulfilling experience if it’s with someone you love. Otherwise, it’s just a physical act.”

“All my friends are having sex. I feel like an outcast.”

“When you’re ready, you’ll know, and it won’t have anything to do with your friends or anyone except the man you love.”

“Jeez, you make it sound so special.”

“It will be. Just be sure to use protection.”

Becca nodded and Emily was glad Becca could talk to her. She knew Becca couldn’t discuss sex or much of anything with their mother. She hoped her own daughter had someone to talk to, someone patient and understanding.

It struck her suddenly—her own daughter could be having sex. She could already be pregnant, could even have a child. She didn’t know anything about her, so she had to prepare herself for anything. Her daughter was a grown woman, and for an instant, Emily was paralyzed by the immensity of it all.

E
MILY WAS RELIEVED
Jackson had found the adoption agency. That meant she didn’t have to talk to Rose about it. She’d planned on doing it as soon as she reached the hospital, but after seeing her mother’s condition, she’d changed her mind. Much as she wanted to find her daughter, she couldn’t endanger Rose’s health.

They left Rose resting comfortably. Emily’s presence seemed to bolster her spirits and Emily knew why: Rose assumed she’d given up on the idea of finding her daughter. Emily didn’t tell her otherwise. She didn’t see the point; it would only upset her. Emily decided that what she did from now on would be her business. Her mother need not be involved. She and Jackson would find their daughter together…without interference from anyone.

That night, Emily lay curled up in bed, wishing Jackson’s strong arms were around her and his hard body was against hers. That was all it was—wishful thinking. She had to stay with her family, and Jackson was busy gathering information in San Antonio. They’d be together soon but even that thought didn’t ease the ache inside her—the ache of wanting his love.

J
ACKSON TOSSED AND TURNED
. He knew the sheets had been changed, but he could smell Emily’s scent, feel her presence, until the hunger in him grew to gigantic proportions. Unable to stand the torment, he got up and grabbed
his laptop, determined to get his mind on other things. He went straight to the Internet, searching for information on the Miller Steels Agency and The Haven. At 2:00 a.m. he fell exhausted into bed, his head reeling from a profusion of facts, but he still didn’t know if the agency had handled his daughter’s adoption. The gray-haired lady at The Haven was named Mable Hale, and she was the director. The agency was known for legitimate adoptions and for the care and welfare of mothers and babies. That wasn’t the information he was looking for, but it gave him an insight into the kind of place he was dealing with.

When Jackson woke up, he called Colton to check on things at the office. Everything was fine, so he showered and dressed and had breakfast, then headed for The Haven. He waited across the street…waited for the gray-haired lady to come out so he could talk to the young girl. Wearing sunglasses, he hoped Ms. Hale wouldn’t recognize him if she just happened to notice him outside. Periodically he climbed out of the car to stretch his legs, walking no farther than the next intersection, all the while keeping his eyes on The Haven. He felt lunchtime was his best bet, but by two o’clock that hope faded. He strolled to a take-out place down the street and bought a hamburger and a malt, then he went back to his car and waited. A little after five, the young girl came out and got into the truck again. He was frustrated by his wasted day, but he wasn’t giving up. Clearly the older woman didn’t leave the building unless absolutely necessary.

He drove back to his hotel and logged on to the Internet. He wanted to find out everything he could about Mable Hale. The woman’s whole life was the agency and the girls, which didn’t leave him many options.

Later he talked to Emily; he hated to tell her he hadn’t
found a thing, but she understood. They both knew this wasn’t going to be easy.

The next morning Jackson drove to the agency and waited again. At three o’clock he was still waiting. He would wait forever if he had to. Mable Hale had to shop or keep appointments or perform some other sort of normal activity. And when she did…

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of sirens, which grew closer and closer. An ambulance pulled into the parking lot and parked at the rear of the building. Starting his car, Jackson drove nearer to see what was happening. The paramedics jumped out and wheeled a stretcher through the back entrance. In less than a minute they rolled a pregnant girl onto the ambulance. Ms. Hale was right behind them and she got into the vehicle with the girl.

Thank you, thank you,
resounded in his head. This was what he’d been waiting for. Ms. Hale would be gone for a while. When the ambulance entered traffic, sirens blaring, Jackson walked quickly to the front door.

As he hurried inside, he saw the blonde sitting at the desk. Yes, things were going his way.

The girl looked up and smiled. “Hey, you’re back.” She stood and sashayed to the counter. She was chewing gum again and wore a black miniskirt and a red tank top; her makeup was heavy and huge silver earrings dangled from her ears. She couldn’t be more than eighteen.

He smiled his best smile. “Is Ms. Hale around?” he asked, just by way of conversation.

Smacking on the gum, she said, “Bridget’s having her baby and she’s scared, so Ms. Hale went with her to the hospital. Won’t be back until later.”

“Doesn’t matter, I can talk to you.”

“Okay.” She giggled and chewed on the gum at such a fast rate it made him dizzy. “I was hoping you’d come
back. We don’t get many handsome guys like you in here.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I think I’m too old for you.”

She shrugged. “What’s age? My boyfriend’s only four years older than me and sometimes he uses me as a punching bag. Older guys are nicer.”

Jackson’s eyes darkened. “You stay with a guy who hits you?”

“It’s better than living on the streets, and he just does it when he’s drinking.”

“That’s not a reason, it’s an excuse, and you shouldn’t stay with anyone who abuses you.” Jackson could hear the censure in his voice and he had to back off, but it infuriated him that she didn’t have more self-respect. There were probably a lot of girls like her, though, needing a home and willing to put up with anything in order to have a roof over their heads—maybe his own daughter.
Oh, God, no,
he prayed and fervently hoped she had morals and values and respect for herself.

He realized the girl was staring at him strangely and he brought his thoughts back to the reason he was here, which was hard because he’d been raised to have respect for women, and the idea of someone hitting this young girl filled him with disgust and anger. He took a deep breath and forced his personal feelings aside.

“I’m sure I sound like your dad,” he said.

She rolled the gum around on her tongue. “You don’t look like my dad,” she said. “You look damn good and I bet you’re
real
good,” she added brashly, leaving little doubt as to what she was talking about. They were getting way off track and he had to turn this conversation to his advantage.

He smiled deeply. “What did you say your name was?”

“I didn’t, but if you’re interested, it’s Dawn Mercer.”

He leaned his elbows on the counter. “Dawn, I need your help.”

Something in his voice must have alerted her, because her jaw stopped working and she took a step backward. “Hey, if it’s about what you were asking Ms. Hale, you can forget it. She said no and that’s final. I just got this job and I’m lucky to have it.”

Jackson wasn’t deterred by her negative response. He was sure he could get through to her. “This is important and I’d be so grateful.

She gazed at him from beneath lowered lids. “How grateful?”

Jackson knew it would take a lot more than two hundred dollars to get information from her. He assumed she was after money. The other possibility he didn’t want to think about. Getting involved with this girl wasn’t even a remote option. It was repulsive.

He reached for his wallet and laid ten one-hundred dollar bills on the counter.

The girl gasped and her mouth fell open, obviously in shock.

Jackson kept on, speaking persuasively. “This money can be yours. All you have to do is let me see Emily Ann Cooper’s records.”

“Gosh, I could get my own place,” she mumbled. “I could go home. I haven’t seen my grandma in three years.”

“Where’s home?” he asked.

“Lubbock.”

“You can go to Lubbock and do a lot more with this money.”

“Yeah,” she answered, but she made no move to take the cash.

“Come on, Dawn, it’s not a hard decision.”

Her eyes jerked to his. “What if Ms. Hale catches us?”

“We have to hurry before she gets back. If she does, I’ll take the blame. I’ll say I sneaked past you or something. We don’t have much time, so make up your mind.”

“I don’t have a key.”

“But you know where the key is kept.”

“Yeah,” she said, but still she hesitated. Then all of a sudden she grabbed the money and went to the desk and came back with a key. “Come this way, and remember, I had nothing to do with this.”

He followed her through the office and down a hall. “What year?” she asked over her shoulder.

When he told her, she stopped in her tracks and turned to face him. “Gosh, that’s in the old filing room. I hate that place. It smells of dust and mildew.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said, almost afraid she was going to change her mind. “Just show me where it is and I’ll do the looking.”

She whirled around and walked to the end of the hall, where she inserted the key into a lock. The metal door swung open and they stepped inside. As the dust filled his nostrils, he sneezed. The room was as unpleasant as she’d said. Filing cabinets lined each wall to the ceiling and a small table sat in the middle. There was no outside light of any kind. The place was like a tomb, and he shook off a sense of foreboding.

A light hung from the ceiling. She reached up to pull the dangling string. “I have to be at my desk. You’ve got ten minutes, then you have to leave. If Ms. Hale comes back, I’ll start coughing and you’d better hide until I can get you outta here.”

“Fine, thank you.”

“The years are on the front of each cabinet, so it shouldn’t be hard to find. Just be quick.”

She was nervous. So was Jackson, but he wasn’t quitting now. He glanced at the years on the cabinets and kept looking until he found the one he wanted. Then he searched for the letter
C.
He opened the drawer and a mildew smell met him. The papers were yellowed as if they’d gotten wet. He shuffled quickly through the files until…he saw it—Emily Ann Cooper. Elation ran through him. Ms. Snell had been lying. Miller Steels Agency
had
handled the adoption. He yanked the file out and carried it to the table and laid it under the light. His heart raced. In a moment, he’d know who had adopted their daughter.

He peered through the contents—just two pages, mostly information about Emily. The words at the bottom of the second page had his full attention. He couldn’t believe it. It couldn’t be true. But there it was in bold letters: ADOPTION CANCELED.

The pain started in his stomach and spread to his heart and held it in a vise until he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t do anything but stare at the words.

“No,” he moaned, sucking air into his tight lungs. Something was dreadfully wrong. Now he had to find out what. At the moment, though, he could barely think. He couldn’t take his eyes off the words.

The girl rushed in. “What’s taking so long? You have to get outta here.” She noticed his ashen face. “What is it?”

“Tell me what this means,” he said in a voice that didn’t sound like his. He didn’t even know why he was asking the question. He knew what the words meant, but he had to hear someone say them.

She peered over his arm. “That means the mother changed her mind and kept the baby.”

Kept the baby. Kept the baby.
The words circled around
and around in his head, but he refused to believe them. He wouldn’t. There had to be a mistake.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yeah, there’d be lots of info if the baby was adopted.”

“I see. Does a mother often change her mind?” For some reason, he had to keep talking.

“Sure, I almost did.”

His eyes focused on her face. “You had a baby?”

“Yeah, when I was fifteen.”

“How old are you now?”

“Eighteen.”

God, she was just a kid and had already lived more than most girls.

Her words penetrated his numb mind. “When my mom discovered I was pregnant, she kicked me out. I didn’t have anywhere to go. The Haven took me in, on the condition that I give up my baby. I said fine. I was fifteen and I didn’t have a job or know the first thing about raising a kid, but when he started to kick and move, he became real to me and I wanted to keep him. Then I met the adoptive parents and I saw they could give him a lot more than I could.”

“So you gave him away?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think about him?”

“Sometimes, but then I tell myself I gave him the greatest gift of all—a chance at a life. If he was with me, my boyfriend would probably beat on him, too.”

“What about the father?”

She shrugged. “He was sixteen and refused to admit it was his. Besides, we were too young to even think about being parents. Famous last words, huh?”

The girl’s words washed over him as Jackson tried to
deal with painful emotions he couldn’t assimilate or understand.

Emily. Oh, Emily. What’s going on?

“Is the child you’re looking for with the mother?”

“No, that’s the problem. She’s not with her mother. I don’t know where she is.”

“Gosh, I’m sorry, but you have to leave. Ms. Hale could come back at any minute, especially if it’s a long labor.”

Jackson closed the file and returned it to the filing cabinet, then Dawn pulled the light string and they left. She locked the door with a final-sounding click.

As they reached the office, Dawn kept glancing toward the door. It was time to go; that was very clear. On impulse he pulled out his wallet, removed all the cash and laid it in front of her. He knew it was about eight hundred. “Get rid of the abusive boyfriend and go home to your grandmother,” he said. “Lose the bleached hair, heavy makeup and tight clothes. Have some respect for yourself and you’ll find a man who will, too. Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise.”

With that, he walked toward the front door, hoping that wherever his daughter was, she had someone looking out for her.

“Thank you,” she called after him. He heard her pick up the phone and hoped she was dialing Lubbock, Texas.

J
ACKSON HURRIED OUTSIDE
and inhaled deeply. He needed the fresh air and sunshine, needed to be somewhere other than that gloomy place. But he still felt confused and overwhelmed, even in the bright light of day, with the busy streets around him and people who seemed to have blank faces. He was alone, struggling to make sense of everything that was happening, but all he could see were those words: ADOPTION CANCELED. Nothing else registered.