Emergence (Awakening Series Book 2) (18 page)

Chapter 34

Lou

When we arrived back at the house, Charlie went up to her room and I went to Carson's and mine. The ride home had been silent, Carson not saying a word to me since we left the bar. I knew I messed up, and I couldn't believe I allowed my trust in him to be so easily swayed. I shouldn't have made a snap judgment like that. I felt like a fool.

After changing into a little tank and some sleep shorts I walked down to Caroline's room and knocked softly. Charlie opened the door and ushered me inside, holding her finger up to keep my voice low since Margaret was asleep in the bed.

"So, what happened?" she asked.

After I had confronted Carson at the bar, he had stormed back to our chairs, gathered up our things and declared that we were going home.

"It was his sister, Caroline," I said, softly.

"Oh, Lou. I'm so sorry. I could have sworn it looked more intimate than that," Charlie said. "I never have been a very good judge of character though, have I?"

I shook my head lightly.

"So, what did he say when you confronted him?"

"He pretty much hasn't said anything to me since then. I feel awful, Charlie."

"Look, it's completely my fault. I thought I saw something I didn't see. You can blame it on me. If he's as awesome as you say, he's bound to believe you, right?"

I rolled my eyes, exasperated with my sister's warped view of the way the world worked.

"Charlie, it isn't about him believing me. Obviously he knows it was an honest mistake and that I'm sorry. The issue is that it shouldn't have been an concern to begin with. He's never given me any reason to distrust him, he's been nothing but amazing to me, and he's stood by me through all this mess with the fire, and now, letting you all visit.... And the first time his loyalty is questioned, I pounce on him, instead of believing in him, and trusting that he wouldn't hurt me."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"Charlie, you don't need to apologize. You were just looking out for me. My reaction was the problem. I should have gotten all the facts before I jumped to conclusions, and.... well, I just hope that he doesn't stay mad at me forever... Anyway, I just wanted you to know it was his sister, and nothing was going on. I'm going to go back to my room now and hope he'll talk to me."

She nodded as I opened the door to the hallway. "Get some sleep, you've got a long drive tomorrow," I said to her.

"I'll try," she said. "And for what it's worth, I really am sorry, Lou."

I gave her a small smile as I pulled the door closed behind me and made my way back to my room.

A few minutes later Carson came in, but he wouldn't look at me and kept his back to me the entire time he changed out of his clothes. When he finally turned and met my eyes, the devastation on his face was obvious.

"Will you talk to me?" I asked, choking back a sob.

"I don't know what to say Lou," he sighed. "Have I ever given you any reason to doubt me?"

I shook my head, my tears spilling over. Carson had never done anything aside from build me up, love me and take care of me.

"No," I squeaked out.

"So what was that back at the bar?" he asked.

"Charlie saw you with Caroline and she thought something was going on. When I walked back to see for myself I jumped to conclusions when I found you with a woman's arms wrapped around your waist. I know it was the wrong reaction, Carson. I do. But I've been hurt before, and as much as I love you, trust you and believe in us, there's still that niggling in the back of my mind telling me that something is going to go horribly wrong."

"You have to let go of the past, Lou. I'm not Derek. I'm not going to cheat on you or try to convince you that I love you while treating you no better than the dirt under my shoe." He walked around the bed, pulling me into his arms and I breathed a sigh of relief at the contact. "I could never hurt you Lou, that would be like wounding myself. We made a promise to each other months ago that we wouldn't keep secrets from each other, that we'd be open and honest about everything, even if we thought it would hurt the other. Remember?"

I nodded against his warm chest.

"I will never break that promise to you Lou. I love you, and I want you to be a part of my life. I am yours and you are mine. I would never do anything to destroy what we have. When are you going to get that through your thick skull?" he said, pulling back to look down at me with a soft smile.

I laughed lightly through my tears. "I think I just did."

As happy as I was that Carson and I had worked through this issue, guilt assailed me that I was still keeping a secret from him, and not just any secret, a life changing one.

**

Saying goodbye to my parents was tough. I promised I'd fly out to visit them in Texas the first chance I got, Carson swearing he'd make it happen.

My goodbye with Charlie was a little more bittersweet. I was glad that she was leaving because she'd caused nothing but trouble between Carson and me since she'd arrived, but on the other hand, she was my sister, and I loved her regardless.

"Call me, okay?"

"I will. I promise," I assured her. "You take care of Miss Priss and enjoy the five hours of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse I'm sure is on your agenda for today."

"Ugh," Charlie groaned. "Don't remind me."

She turned to buckle Margaret into her car seat and shut the door afterwards, opening the driver's side.

"I love you, Lou," she said. "I really am sorry about everything."

I shook my head at her to let her know it was forgotten.

"I love you too, Charlie. Have a safe trip home," I told her, leaning in for a hug.

I heard the door to the house close behind me and Carson walked out into the driveway with Carly.

"Thanks for letting us stay Carson," Charlie said to him.

"Don't mention it," he said, bouncing Carly on his hip and kissing the top of her head.

Charlie smiled wistfully as she climbed into her car and shut the door behind herself. I took a step back and Carson wrapped his arm around my shoulders while I waved to Charlie as she backed out of the driveway and disappeared down the road.

Chapter 35

Lou

Two weeks after my family's visit, I was laying Carly down for a nap when I heard the doorbell ring. I closed the door to Caroline's room and headed for the stairs.

I heard muffled voices as I descended to the kitchen, rounding the corner into the living room.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I heard Carson ask. "She doesn't want to see you."

I saw Carson's shoulders filling up the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest, legs spread in a defensive pose. That's when I heard
his
voice.

Walking toward the door I lifted my hand to Carson's shoulder and he turned towards me, his face set in a grimace, ready to defend me if I needed him.

"Just give me a few minutes," I said to him, taking his hand and giving him a reassuring smile.

I watched the tension leave his face as he squeezed my hand in his and walked back towards the kitchen while I turned to face my unwelcome visitor.

"Derek, what are you doing here?"

"Louise, you look amazing."

I bristled at the use of my proper name as I crossed my arms and asked him again. "What are you here for, Derek?"

"I miss you. You won't take any of my calls, you don't respond to my texts. This was my last resort. I have some things to say, and I hoped that we could just talk. Please, will you hear me out?"

As much as I didn't care what he had to say, I knew I was never going to get him completely out of my life until I listened to whatever it was and sent him on his way.

"Fine. I'm listening."

"Can I come in?"

"Derek, this isn't my house. Just spit out whatever you came to say and let's get this over with."

He searched my face for a moment and after seeing that I meant business, he started to talk.

"Louise, I miss you. Remember how good things were between us in the beginning, before you started working and all that?"

"You mean back when I didn't have a life besides being at your beck and call every second of the day?"

I raised my eyebrow at him.

"That's not what I meant, but yes, things were so good then. We never fought; we were happy. Can't we get that back?"

"Derek, I don't think I
was
happy, I was just content. I didn't have any friends or anything to do. All I did was schoolwork and housework. Once I started working I realized how much happier I was that I had something to occupy my time, but it was like you couldn't handle that you had no control over that part of my life. You didn't like Liz on principal, just because working for her took me away from you."

"Charlie told me your place burned down, and I know you've been living here with someone, but I want you to come home. I'll take care of you and you won't have to work. Everything can go back to the way it was."

"Did you hear me when I said I wasn't happy then? Plus, what about Carly? Or, did you not think about her?" I practically spat my words at him.

"Of course I thought about her. Look, I'm going about this all wrong," he said. "I've been seeing a therapist ever since you left. It turns out I have a lot of issues."

I huffed at that. It wasn't news to me.

"My therapist thinks a lot of it stems from my mother's interference in our relationship. You know how my mother was always overly involved in my life. I know you thought I escaped that when we moved to Virginia, but there were so many times you were blissfully unaware of her interference in our relationship.

"She constantly called and reminded me of what a good wife should do and continually pointed out all your flaws. She thought you should be home taking care of me, instead of working, she thought you should be giving me babies instead of going to school and I let her come between us."

I rolled my eyes as he continued.

"Anyway, the point is that I never could think for myself because my mother was always in my head. Now that I realize it, I've gotten better at tuning her out. I know I've made countless mistakes where you're concerned, but you aren't blameless either."

"Derek, regardless of your mother, you called me every name in the book. You cheated on me, you let me think that I was infertile, you called me a slut, and when we got divorced, you basically got away scott free. I can forgive you, but I can't forget how much you hurt me."

"You hurt me too, you know," he said as I re-crossed my arms and shifted my weight from one foot to the other, glaring at him. "Look, I didn't come here to argue with you over who did what to whom. What I really want to do is figure out how we move forward. I miss you, and I love you. I want you to come home with me. I want to take care of you."

"Derek, Savannah is my home now. Carly and I are happy here. We don't need you to take care of us."

"I know you don't need me to, Lou, but I want to. I want us to be together again. We were meant to be, you and me."

"And Carly?" I asked him.

"Of course. I've always wanted to be a father," he said, almost as if an afterthought.

"Because it sounds like she's an afterthought for you Derek. Like if it means you can get me back, you'll take her too. She doesn't need someone in her life that doesn't want her with their whole heart."

"Look Louise, just think about it? I'm staying at the Marriott until Sunday. Room 317. Just call me or stop by when you decide. I want this to work between us, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes."

He stepped up and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"I'll be waiting to hear from you," he said, walking back down the sidewalk.

"Lou," I heard from behind me and turned to find Carson in the hallway.

"Hey," I said. "I'm so sorry about that. Charlie must have told him where I was."

"What did he want?" he asked as he closed the door behind me and led me to the living room.

"He says he's changed and he thinks we should give our relationship another chance. He said he wants me back. Carly too. He wants us to come to Virginia with him and..."

"Stop," Carson said, putting his finger to my lips. "Before you say anything else, there are some things I want to say to you."

I closed my mouth and focused on his gorgeous green eyes as he began to speak.

"You and Carly mean the world to me, Lou. I love you so much. And I love Carly just as much as if she were my own daughter. I can't imagine my life without the two of you in it. I know Carly needs her father, but that guy? Derek? He has been nothing but a total dick to you.

"I mean, where has he been all this time? While you've been dealing with the fallout from the fire? Who can just abandon the people he says he loves like that?

"He doesn't love you, he doesn't support you, and he sure as hell doesn't deserve you. But I love you, and I support you, and I may not deserve you, but I want you and Carly more than anything I've ever wanted in my entire life. Stay with me."

The anguish in his voice brought tears to my eyes. I couldn't imagine ever leaving Carson. I knew I had to tell him the rest of my story so he would understand the depth of my conviction to never let Derek be in my life again.

"Carson, there are some things I haven't told you about my relationship with Derek. Reasons why I would never, in a million years, consider spending another moment of my time with him... He was unfaithful and abusive, sexually, mentally, and emotionally. We got married as soon as I was out of high school and I thought we'd be together forever, and for a while, everything was fine, but I was naive to think it would stay that way, and eventually things went downhill fast.

"For a while we tried to get pregnant. As months went by and it didn't happen he became abusive sexually, and I tried not to let it negatively affect me when he held me down and forced me, I didn't even fight him. After over a year of trying to have a baby we received word from our fertility doctor that we wouldn't be able to conceive naturally. Derek blamed me and he went on a rampage. He insulted me regularly, demeaning me in any way he could, but he did stop forcing sex on me."

Carson had wrapped me in his arms, but he tensed against me as I continued talking.

"I was devastated. Even though I had told Derek I wasn't sure starting a family at that point in our lives was a good idea, I still knew I wanted to have children someday. Finding out I would never be able to carry a child was heartbreaking, and Derek stood over me, judging me and calling me every name in the book, when all I wanted was someone to comfort me.

"I think it was that moment that the fracture in our relationship started to spread rapidly. I could handle the anger, because I felt it too, I wanted to rage against something, anything to take away the pain in my heart over never being able to conceive, but I never, in all my life, thought that I would become the target of Derek's wrath.

"It became painfully obvious that the fact we would never have children was a breaking point for Derek. He started sleeping with every woman who looked at him twice and he didn't care if I knew it. I made one more attempt to save us when I suggested marriage counseling, but when he only showed up to the first session, and basically cussed out the counselor, saying she was taking my side on all our issues, that was the last straw. I started planning the rest of my life.

"When I found an ad online for the position at Foster & Company it seemed too good to be true. I had all the qualifications I needed except my degree, which I was on track to complete by the end of that year, and moving to Savannah would be a fresh start, and it was far enough away from Derek that he wouldn't be able to check up on me whenever he wanted.

"When I came to Savannah to do the interview I never expected to have my whole world turned upside down overnight, but that's exactly what happened. I walked into that pub expecting to grab a bite to eat, maybe a couple of drinks, but then you were standing there, and my whole body yearned to be closer to you. And after the night we spent together, I knew I could never go back to Derek. I'd already started breaking free of him, but being with you, having you hold me, and discovering what it could really be like between a man and a woman... I knew after that night that I would never be the same."

Carson's eyes searched mine as he pulled me closer to him. Resting my cheek against his chest I continued to tell him about the months before I moved to Savannah.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, baby. It makes me want to go find him and beat his ass. I don't understand  how he could treat you like shit, shame you for being unable to conceive, and then when by some miracle you ended up pregnant, still just let you walk away like that. How could he just let Carly and you go?"

I pulled back from his embrace, holding onto his biceps as his hands rested at my waist. I gathered all my courage and finally told him the one thing I knew would change everything.

"Carson, Derek is sterile. Carly's not his."