Emerge (16 page)

             
My sarcastic brain summoned up several excellent answers for her question.
‘Bedtime?
Break time? Nap time?
Tea Time?
Hammer Time?’
But I refrained from putting fuel on the fire. I had to clamp down on my tongue with my teeth not to say it.

             
Carlos stepped in between her and I and
the surprise of his actions
made her step back a few small paces.
             

             
“I’m so sorry. It’s my fault she’s late. I had to bring my friends home first and it took longer than expected. Please don’t blame Jenna. Blame me.”

             
I was looking between them watching it all unfold as if I wasn’t a player but just a spectator. It was fascinating. 

             
“Oh
,
don’t worry.” She smiled her infamous fake smile. “I do blame you. But I also blame her and you standing there trying to sa
ve her from the
consequences isn’t helping
Mister
Save Jenna
From
Her Mean Hateful Mother.”

             
He looked at me and I saw him deciding what his best move was.  He finally slowly walked away.
His look of defeat crushed me.
He got in his car and my Mom and I were still standing there gawking as he drove away.  I looked up and met her cold steely gaze.

             
“Get your ass in this house and we’re going to have a little discussion about responsibility and the price you pay when you don’t follow the rules. And don’t wake your sister up either. She’s been up all night crying for you.”

             
That was a low blow and she knew it. May knew where I was. I had told her everything about Carlos in one of our secret closet meetings. And even if she didn’t know she wasn’t one of those toddlers who cried all night for something they wanted.

             
“Ok
,
” I said and I went inside and there was already a chair in the middle of the room waiting for me.  If it had one of those swinging light bulbs
and a cup of stale coffee i
t would’ve been
sooooo
CSI.  I snickered to myself at the thought. I
knew what I was in for.
I had gotten one of these all night lectures after I was late coming home from the library because the public bus on my route had broken down.
I was in for a multiple hour lecture where I was expected to listen intently and at the end I would be told what they were taking from me.
My Step-Dad, of course, pulled up a chair on the side of the room to watch the show.

             
I sat in the antique looking chair and pulled my legs up to get comfortable.  I let out a deep sigh and she stood up and so it began.…

             
“Do you know what kind of girls sta
y out at all hours of the night?
”

             
Her droll voice
and berating and belittling continued for hours.
For the love of all that is holy, it was only 13 minutes.
I wanted to scream it
,
but I was paralyzed in her presence. I couldn’t justify it or even understand it. It was an unconscious reaction.

             
I made the mistake of glancing at t
he clock about a quarter after 12
in the morning and she got right in my face and said “Oh now you can look at the clock?”

             
The i
nterrogation lasted for about
fifteen
minutes after that and she finally sat down and said.
“S
o…here are your consequences.
 
Two
weeks
,
no dates.  And if I find out that you’re calling him from work or seeing him when you’re supposed to be at work I will make you quit your job. You go to school and work and that’s it. And if you get caught with him during the next two weeks I will make sure you never see the little bastard again. We clear?”

             
I was exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally and I just nodded to her.

             
She said
,
“You did it to yourself Jenna. I set the rules and you made a choice not to follow them.
I can’t believe you made us stay up all night and do this.”

             
I just nodded again like the idiot that I was.

             
“Just go to bed. You look like hell and I’m tired of looking at your face.”

             
I went to my bed and collapsed; clothes and all. I didn’t even get under the covers I flung the part that hung over my bed over my legs and passed out.

             
             
             
             
             
Chapter 15

             
That Sunday I slept in most of the day. My
brains hurt and if there was such a thing…my soul was
tired.  I
lay
in my bed and let myself dream and wonder.  I’d never allowed myself to let the
dreamed up plans go too far.  I didn’t want to get my hopes up.  But today, it was allowed and encouraged.

             
I needed to find a way out of this life. I was used to it and I could take it.  I had lived with it for so long that I was numb to it all. 

             
But Carlos wasn’t. He wasn’t used to it and he didn’t understand it and I never wanted him to.  I wanted him to be as separated from this dysfunction as possible.  And I never wanted to see that look of defeat in his eyes ever again.

             
I sat up swiftly in bed and
concreted my resolve. I was now keeping my eyes wide open for my chance.  It had to be a chance that got not just me, but Carlos and me far away from them.
As far as possible.

             
I did a ton of laundry that day and folded all of May and my clothes. We reorganized her dresser and put all of her clothes that were too small for her in a bag. 
I would have to buy her some more with my next paycheck.  I then reorganized her
Petshops
by species and re-arranged her furniture in her hand-me-down dollhouse. 

             
For the rest of the afternoon I drowned myself in music. I had my
earbuds
way too loud and several times I wondered if I would still be able to hear when I
was old. The
n the greatest thought occurred to me. When I got old…he would be there with me.  Carlos would be with me when I got old. I smiled to myself and changed my genre of music to words that
reinforced my love for him.

             
Monday arrived and I was not looking forward to telling Carlos that we wouldn’t be ab
le to go anywhere together for
two
weeks. I knew that he would blame
himself no matter how much I tried to convince him otherwise.  I didn’t want to see his sadness again.

             
I trudged up the stairs and turned to make my way to my locker where I was sure he was waiting. I craned my head around the corner. I spotted my locker right away but he wasn’t there. I looked down the hall but didn’t see him down there either. 
Him
standing at my locker in the morning had become such a constant that it worried me that he wasn’t there
today
. Especially after the way he had left on Saturday night.
The self-doubt and doubt of my previous resolve wrapped its black fingers around my heart. It was as if in mere seconds I had forgotten the words which were spoken, the love that was exchanged.

             
I dropped off half of my books in my locker and begrudgingly made my way to homeroom.  While walking between buildings I saw him. He was getting out of his car in quite a hurry and as he closed his driver’s side door, he was looking towards the gate. The Coach of the soccer team was apparently on gate duty today and he was edging the chain link closer to meeting its partner as fast as he could. Carlos barely squeezed through and after straightening himself met my gaze. We both looked in the air as the bell rang.

             
I looked down and continued to walk towards my homeroom. Honestly, I didn’t know what to say to him and really I was waiting for him to say that it was all too much. I was waiting for him to admit that I wasn’t worth the fight, wasn’t worth the hassle. Wasn’t worth the time or energy needed to deal with my
drama.
I let these thoughts drag me down into a depressing swamp and there is where I stayed for the rest of the day.

             
I kept my head down as I made my way between classes. I saw him in his usual spot between third period and fourth period but I cut through the herd and made my way up the stairs as fast as I could.

             
For the first time in a long time I was reluctant about going to sixth period.  I hardly ever skipped but it was tempting today.  I walked as slowly as possible and slid through the door as the bell was blaring in my ears. I made my way to my desk, sat down with my bag on top of the desk and put my forehead on it.

             
Mr. Escobar got in front of the class and got everyone’s attention. He said that if we wanted to we were free to go to the school library for the rest of the period
since he had to reorganize the classroom since he didn’t want to work on it over the summer. 

             
I jumped out of my seat and nearly ran to the door. I thought I could make a clean getaway, go somewhere where my walls could be firmly in place without an
yone trying to knock them down or get in. 

             
Burly arms encircled my waist and he whispered in my ear, “Don’t do this
,
Jenna. Don’t shut me out. I’m here and we’re going to talk…now.” He took my hand and guided me through campus to the library and back to sit at a table which was hidden behind the biographies.

             
I sat down sideways in the smooth wooden chair and he sat down opposite me and looked overwrought with emotion. Which one it was, I was about to find out.

             
I opened my mouth to start and then closed it. Opened it again and closed it again without a peep coming out.

             
“Tell me what happened.” He took my chin in his hand and turned my face back and forth. I knew what he was looking for but obliged him.

             
“I just got a very, very long lecture and then they told me th
at I can’t go out with you for
two
weeks. I’m not supposed to call you or see you unless it’s in class and if I get caught seeing you, they are saying they will stop me from seeing you at all.”

             
He let out a big sigh and moved his chair closer to mine.

             
“Jenna, it took everything in me to leave you there. I just thought the longer I stayed, the worse it would be for you. It killed me to leave you there at their mercy. But she didn’t….I mean I don’t see any
…
”

             
I smiled to reassure him, “No, it was emotional interrogation this time.”

             
“That’s not funny.” He
was rubbing my arms now from my elbows to my wrists and back again.

             
I shrugged.
“I guess we’ll only see each other in school for a couple of weeks and they won’t let me talk to you on the phone.”

             
“You mean they won’t let you talk to me on their house phone, right”

             
“No, I meant that won’t let me talk to you on my Bat Phone.”

             
“Ok, ok, cut it out smart ass.”

             
I opened my mouth in a wide ‘O’ and tried to look truly offended. I even put my hand over my heart for effect.

             
“Well, that was just rude
,
Sir
.
” He chuckled and the rumble melted my heart.

             
“They didn’t say anything about talking to me on a cell phone did
they
?”

             
“No… but that’s probably because…um…yeah…I don’t have a cell phone.”

             
“I think you do.”

             
“Oh
,
yeah, where is it?”