Emerald (Steele Investigations) (4 page)

At the risk of embarrassing myself because I can’t talk at
the moment, I simply nod my head and stand. 

Chapter 4

Rae grabs my hand and pulls me toward the restrooms,
slamming the door behind her, she turns me and says (loudly), “What the
fuck
was
that
about?”

Holy
shit.
 She’s mega pissed at me.  And why
wouldn’t she be.  I’m her employee.  Travis is her Fiancé’s brother.  Even
though nothing physical has happened, even I’m not naïve enough to know that
something
happened out there.  I just don’t know what it was.  Ice floods my veins as I
realize just how bad this is.

“Please don’t fire me, Rae.  I swear I have no idea what
just happened.  Travis asked me out on one date, I turned him down.”

“Jem-,” Rae tries to cut in, but I’m a roll and I can’t seem
to stop.  I need to convince her to let me keep my job.

“Please, you have to know,
you have to know,
I would
never go there.  I can’t go there with anyone.  Maybe it’s the drinks.  This
is
the first drop of alcohol I’ve ever had and to be honest, this is also the
first time I’ve ever had friends and I’m not exactly clued in on social
etiquette and I’ve never read the ‘What you can and can’t do when it comes to
friendships’ book, so please understand.”

“Jemma, lis-,“  Rae tries again to stop my rant, but I can’t
rein it in.

“This is all very new to me.  It will never happen again, I
can assure you, but please Rae, I can’t lose my job, I can’t.  If I lose my job
bad things will happen.  Please. 
Please.”
  I’ve gone from begging to
hysterical to sobbing, which is what I’m doing when I finish my verbal
diarrhea, and Rae pulls me into her arms.

“Hush, now,” she whispers as she soothingly strokes my hair.

I finally pull myself together and release the grip I have
on the back of her shirt.  I look into her worried eyes and the ice floods my
veins again. 
What have I done?  Fuck! I’ve told her too much. Fuck! I’ve
put her in danger.  How could I be so damn stupid!!
  I mentally berate the
shit out of myself as Rae continues to watch me silently, then she breaks the
silence.

“Jemma, I’m not going to fire you.  One, you know your shit
when it comes to clothes and shoes, not to mention sales and service.  Two,
your fun and I really like you as a person, not just as my employee.  Three,
you’re reliable and trustworthy so why on Earth would you think I would just
sack you for making eyes at my future brother in law?”

“Uh,” it seems I used up all my words in my verbal vomit
earlier, and now I have none left.

“Well, let’s break down this freak out.  I pulled you in
here because I was excited to see you and Travis eye fucking each other across
the table. I have
never
seen him look at a girl that way before, I
wasn’t angry, I was excited.  So now we’ve got that clear, let’s move on. 
What’s this about Travis asking you out and you saying no?”

Shit!

Ice floods my veins again, but this time for a different
reason.  This time I haven’t done something that could make things bad for me,
I’ve
said
something that can make things bad for Rae.  Bad as in dangerous. 
Fuck!
My mind whirls as I try to come up with a lie that will eradicate
the last fifteen minutes from Rae’s mind…I come up with nothing.

“Jemma, it’s okay.  Did you turn Travis down because you
thought I wouldn’t approve?” Rae coaxes in a soothing voice.

“No,” my voice finally makes an appearance, “Let’s just
forget anything was said in here.  I’m sorry Rae, but I can’t put you in any
more danger, I’ve said far too much already,” I whisper, deathly afraid that
someone is going to overhear the conversation, ring my father and then he will
execute his revenge.

“Jemma,” she says, reaching out to rub my shoulder, “nothing
you tell me will put me in danger.  I promise.  I want you to know that you can
talk to me about
anything
and
everything.
Nothing you say will
change our friendship.  I don’t have many friends, I could count them on one
hand – Kami, Harley, Tom and you – so trust me when I say
nothing
you
say or do will make think any less of you.  When you are ready to talk, I’ll be
here, K?”

I nod my head in the affirmative, but in my mind I know I
can never expose Rae, or anyone else, to the darkness that lurks in my life. 
Sometimes, (like now) Selfish Jemma pipes up and I wish I could take Rae up on
her offer to offload my troubles, to share my problems with her.  I often
wonder what it would feel like to spill the beans.  Would I feel relief?
Lighter?, Or would I feel guilt because I put someone else at risk?  Knowing
myself, I know I’d feel guilt.  I know with every fiber in my body, that I
don’t want
anyone
, much less someone I consider my friend, to pay any
sort of price for me wanting to relieve some of my worries.

She grabs my hand and leads me back out to our table.  Theo
and Clint have left, so it’s only Tom, Elliott and Travis sitting at the
table.  One of them has refreshed our drinks so I take my sit and take a
nervous gulp of my Vodka and Cranberry. 

“You alright?” Travis rumbles so close to my ear I can feel
his warm breath tickling my neck.

“Fine,” I answer softly

I look over and see Tom giving Rae questioning looks so I
slice my eyes to her seat and I see she’s giving him an “I’ll tell you later”
look.  This should annoy the shit out of me, but it doesn’t.  I feel a warmth
spread through me and I know it’s because I’m feeling something I’ve never felt
before in my life – cared for.  And it feels nice.

******

“I’ll be here tomorrow night at seven to pick you up.”

My mouth drops open and I scrounge my brain for an excuse
that will get me out of this situation.  I come up with nothing. 
How did I
get here?!

“Uh…”  I swallow, hard, but fail to come up with anything
else.

******

It all started because upon leaving the bar, I, slightly
inebriated, told everyone that I would catch a cab and see them at work on
Monday.  Of course, I was only addressing Rae and Tom, so then I turned my
attention to Elliott, totally ignoring Travis, and said, “See you ‘round.”

His lips gave a twitch and then he said, “Later.”

Rae and Tom gave me cheek kisses and hugs and told me to
have a good weekend.

I turned on my heel and waved over my shoulder when Travis’s
voice halted me.

“I’ll take you,” he said

Ho
-ly shit.  Travis could absolutely not take me home. No
way!

“Thanks for the offer Travis, but it’s fine.  I’m good
taking a cab,” I say

“Wasn’t an offer.  I’m taking you home.  This way,” he says,
and if I’m not mistaken he sounds a little pissed at me.  He grips my arm at
the elbow and leads me away in the direction of the car park.  I don’t put up
much of a fight because I think I’m too shocked to.

He stops by a brand new cherry red pick-up and opens the
passenger door, then his hands go to my waist and I let out a little shriek as
he lifts, turns and plants me in the cab.  I feel my eyes go as wide as saucers
as I watch him round the front of the vehicle.  I can’t help but think how he
moves.  So much confidence in his every step, like he knows who he is and he
doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him.  He is who he is and if you don’t like
it, you can go suck a lemon.  I watch him as he opens his door and gets into
the driver seat.  I watch him still, as he starts the engine and then as he
places one out stretched arm along the top of the bench seat and then as he
swings his head to look out the back window as he reverses. 
Oh my. 
My
eyes do a sweep from his hand, which is nearest to me, right up his arms and
stopping at his neck.  Travis Steele is seriously ripped.  He has muscle and
sinew in places along his arm and neck that I didn’t even know existed.  Every
inch of his body that I can see is defined.  I turn to look out the window and
my mind wanders, wondering how defined the rest of his body is.  I know I
should never have thoughts like that, because, for one, I know that my thoughts
will never eventuate to reality…perhaps that’s why I allow my mind wander. 

We are both silent on the trip to my place.  It’s not
uncomfortable, well, that is to say, it’s not uncomfortable for me because I am
used to being left alone to my thoughts, or ignored.  I’m not sure if Travis
feels uncomfortable but I’m too afraid to ask and the vibes in the cab feel
relaxed so I’m thinking he’s okay with the silence.

It isn’t until he pulls to a stop outside my tiny studio
apartment that I realize I didn’t tell him where I lived.

“How did…”  I turn to ask, but he’s already out of the
vehicle and coming around my side.

“How did you know where I live?” I ask as soon as he opens
the door.

He grabs my hips, lifts, turns and plants me on the ground
before he answers.  “I’m a Private Investigator,” is his strange reply.  He
grabs my hand and walks me towards my front door.

“Yes, I know.  You own Steele Investigations with Elliott. 
What I want to know is, how you knew where I live.  I didn’t tell you the
address,” my tone is accusing.

He still has his hands on my hips and he leans down so his
eyes are level with mine, “Babe, I know where you live ‘cause I’m a Private
Investigator.” 

My lips part and I feel myself getting lost in his emerald
eyes.  My tongue snakes out to wet my lips and his eyes drop to my mouth.  He
sucks in a breath and slowly sweeps his gaze back to meet mine.  Then I kid you
not, his head lowers and he touches his lips to mine.  Not hard and demanding,
just soft, sweet and caressing.  It’s the first time I have kissed someone on
my terms.  I’m not being forced to do this and it feels nice.  As if reading my
thoughts, he makes no move to deepen the kiss.  Instead he continues to gently
move his mouth against mine.  My arms wind around his neck and my fingers
thread through his soft, silky hair.  I feel his hands slid around and he links
his hands together at the small of my back.  Finally he pulls back and I look
into his enchanting emerald eyes like I’m in a daze.  It doesn’t escape me that
for some reason, he didn’t pull me into him and hold me tight as he plundered
my mouth like they do on the TV shows.  He controlled himself, and held back. 
I’m glad he did.

I’m still in my Travis Trance, when he tells me he’ll be
here tomorrow at seven to pick me up.

******

“Babe, you better be here.  I find people for a livin’ and
if I gotta come find you, it won’t make me happy,” he says firmly.

Rather than scaring me off, his insistence makes me feel
warm from the inside out.

“Okay,” I whisper.  My heart is thumping hard in my chest,
my lips are still tingling from his kiss and I know I can’t process anything
while he’s standing in front of me.  
So I agreed to go out with him.  One
date isn’t going to hurt anyone…right?
  As long as I keep my Father happy,
he should stay out of my life. 
Far
out of my life.  And surely he will
have no way of finding out about
one
measly date that I’m going to go on
with my boss’ fiancé’s brother!  I take a deep breath in and release it slowly
because raising my eyes to meet his intent gaze.  Travis Steele is male
perfection.  Tall, tanned, dark hair, day old growth permanently shadowing his
chiseled jaw like it’s been tattooed there, and striking emerald eyes framed by
thick, dark lashes.  And of course, a perfect set of dimples.  Travis’s aren’t
as deep as Country singer John Michael Montgomery’s, but they aren’t far off
it.

“Tomorrow. Seven,” he states and then he touches his finger
to my nose and he’s gone.  I quickly unlock my door and slip inside, locking it
carefully behind me.  My apartment is made up of one giant room; I have a shelf
made up of different size cube shapes which separates my bedroom from the rest
of the room, the kitchenette runs along one wall, the bathroom and laundry are
all in one room at the end of the kitchenette.  My TV is mounted on a wall and
I have a giant, overstuffed, plush couch that my previous boss bought me for my
birthday one year.  I love that couch and it’s something that I would never
have been able to afford to buy for myself.  I toss my handbag and keys on the
bench and flop down on the couch.  The events of today and tonight are swirling
around in my mind so fast I can’t keep up.  I’ve had a lot of firsts today;
first alcoholic drink, first night out with friends, first kiss of my own free
will… 

I don’t know where to begin in processing everything, I decide
that I won’t.  I’ll do it tomorrow.  Instead I think of how far I’ve come in
the last few years.  After I left home when I was sixteen, I had some therapy. 
During this time, my therapist gave me some good advice.  During one
particularly bad session, she said to me, “Jemma, when the bad times threaten
to overcome you, take a moment to look back on how far you’ve come.  You’ll
soon realize that you are stronger than your demons.  Concentrate on the
positives, not the negatives.”  I remind myself of that conversation a lot, and
she was right.  I have come a long way, I am stronger than my demons and there
are far more positives than negatives.

Walking to work one day, I came across a flyer advertising a
free workshop.  Due to my childhood, after I left home, I had panic and anxiety
attacks and had been on medication for two years when I found that flyer.  I
went to the workshop and the instructor, Jasmine, taught me breathing
techniques to help me cope with and to prevent, my anxiety and panic attacks.  Four
months after that workshop, I finally weaned myself off the medication I was
on, and I’m proud to say I haven’t had one since.  That’s not to say that
sometimes I don’t feel the choking and overwhelming threat of the start of an
attack…I do.  It’s just that now I can control them by using the breathing
techniques I was taught that day.