Emerald City Dreamer (24 page)

ON HER WAY TO MEET JETT, Jina stopped to buy cigarettes.

Sandy said she'd quit drinking. Bullshit. She'd heard it before. Jina couldn't remember how many times from Sandy, and how many times from her mother.

She was done with Sandy. No more arguments, no more enabling, no more giving in. Jina needed to spend time away from her, and away from the house. The house was a trap. Kind of like... Haun's house.

For now, she wouldn't even think about it.

Outside, she lit a cigarette and scanned up and down Broadway, past smoke shops and ethnic restaurants, over wet streets multicolored by reflections of traffic lights and neon signs. She'd been up and down this street the day before, looking for Scarf, and had even asked around at venues like Neumo's and Chop Suey.

Jina exhaled in a long smoky sigh. Her chest felt tight. Fuck Scarf, too. She was done with both of them.

Jett couldn't see her like this, all frazzled and stressed out. And now smelling like smoke. Jina stared at the ember turned her thoughts to more pleasant topics, letting the nicotine sooth her.

She'd been taken by the urge to write a song just before leaving the house, after she put on her dress and make-up. It was a song about black leather boots, mysterious eyes, a lyrical voice, and small kisses. Hearts covered the page, like something she might have drawn as a thirteen-year-old.

With Jett, she wanted to touch her hands, lean in closely, and be protected from all the scary things in the world. She wanted to spend long nights giggling like two schoolgirls getting into trouble. Most of all, she yearned to share all of her deepest, darkest secrets. Just the kind of crazy secrets that sent even the strongest hearts running away.

Jina had self-imposed a two-day limit on the number of times they could see each other. She'd resisted every urge to call Jett in order to stay healthy, and not get sucked into an addiction of her own.

Her thoughts wandered to Trey. He had that scruffy face and soft hair that she longed to run her fingers through. She wanted to see his sculptures and hear his stories of growing up surrounded by the fae. She wanted to get his shirt off.

Jina tensed with a new kind of stress. That was the problem with anxiety; it always brought friends. She'd met Jett after scheduling with Trey, and now one thing was leading to the next. She'd almost told Jett about Trey after the concert.

Soon, she would have to choose between them.

Until then, it felt like she was stealing from them both. She wondered why she had to meet both of them at the same time, when her life was already too complicated.

Jina snuffed out her cigarette, hoping it would snuff out her fears. It didn't.

Bleu Bistro sat near the corner of John and Broadway, sandwiched between a clothing store and an import place that leaked the smell of stale incense. A tall iron fence surrounded Bleu's four outdoor tables that no one used except in warm, dry August. She passed into the dark embrace of the bar.

She shook the rainwater from her shoulders and stood waiting for a seat. Beams jut from the ceiling at random angles, supporting swaths of various dark fabrics that hid tiny, candlelit seat-nooks. She could see the bar at the end of the too-narrow passageway, lit by tiny white Christmas lights.

It was easy to imagine a beach right outside, and that this was shanty made of shipwreck materials. It seemed the kind of place pirates would lurk. Especially brooding pirates who hate bright light. Like... vampire pirates.

Her phone buzzed, and Jina tensed. She looked down at the text:
Already here, lying in wait for you in the left cave at the end.

Sure enough, at one of the two tables in the hidey hole, Jett sat, radiant as always. She was wearing a sheer top under her leather jacket. All tension fled from Jina's chest and arms, as if this secluded booth was an island away from all her troubles.

"
Good thing it's a Monday night, so we get one of the big tables all to ourselves," Jina said, scooting close beside her.

"
I get
you
all to myself," Jett purred. She touched Jina's hair and suddenly everything felt right. "Did you have a safe journey here?"

"
It's just, you know, Broadway."

But Jett seemed genuinely concerned. "Broadway is not far from Neumo's. You seemed to fret that the drunk I chased off would return."

"
Oh, him." Jina didn't want to be reminded. "If he's out there, I didn't see him."

"
I told you he would no longer bother you."

Jett seemed awfully confident, but Jina knew a police threat would never stop a faerie.

The waitress appeared. "You girls know what you want to drink?"

"
I'll have a Naughty Girl Scout," Jina said right away.

"
And I will have a glass of mead."

"
You got it," the server replied and disappeared through the curtain.

"
Mead?" Jina asked. "What's that?"

"
Honey wine, what the Romans called
ambrosia
. Few places serve it. It's not nearly as good as homebrew, though. My housemate Pete has been making our supply for years. You should visit and try it sometime." Jett winked.

Jina wanted nothing more than to rush home with her right that instant. "He makes it himself? How?"

"
Arcane alchemy involving contraptions and large bottles beneath the stairs. Every month he turns a valve to release pressure. Otherwise they explode."

Each of Jett's lilting words danced through the air. Jina felt like her heart might explode. She tried to pay attention to the menu to decide what to order. Instead she noticed Jett's hands, and her mind filled with a hundred things she wanted to say.

The wood panel beside her was covered in marker graffiti, and a certain phrase jumped out:

I can trust this wall with my life, but not my secrets.

Jina chuckled and pointed at it.

"
It isn't just funny," Jett said, holding the candle beneath it. "It is profound."

"
True," Jina said, thinking about it. "There are a lot of people you could trust with your life. Even a stranger will run to someone's rescue. There are a lot of other measures of trust. A person who is always on time may be likely to cheat on you, and the guy who doesn't make fun of your dark secret may not tell you his honest opinion about what he thinks. And maybe you don't even want him to."

She couldn't trust Sandy to stop drinking, or to respect Jina's need for time alone. But she could trust Jett with almost anything. At least, she thought so. Could she trust her with her secrets?

"
I am more interested in the idea of trusting a wall with your life. Even though it is not even alive."

"
Oh, that." Jina thought of the walls holding this place up, and how many inanimate objects she trusted every day.

"
Walls will always reveal your secrets," Jett said, glancing at Jina knowingly. Her eyes were not only beautiful, but clever.

Jina smiled and bit a guitar-callused fingertip. "You're talking about emotional walls." She knew all about emotional walls. "You mean protecting yourself from the possibility of emotional betrayal, keeping up your guard so that no one can hurt you." Jett's insight was interesting, that eventually, walls would reveal as many secrets as they hid

"
Something like that."

"
Walls can be dangerous. You have to give over
some
trust. Otherwise, you can't love."

Jett nodded. "It is true that if you never give someone the opportunity to betray you, you'll never know what they're capable of, good or ill."

Jina knew you had to give away trust in inches, not yards. Over the years, she tried to develop instincts to recognize when someone was trustworthy.

But how much was too much? Jina had given all of her trust to Sandy, over a period of years, only to have it abused after all that time. And now she was giving it to Jett, no questions asked. She wondered, as she often did, if she was right to trust anyone unconditionally.

The waitress interrupted with Jina's minty drink and Jett's golden wine. Jina ordered her usual, Mediterranean nachos and Jett got the wasabi grilled cheese. Bleu served the best Seattle Food - weird blends of exotic ingredients on American dishes.

She reached for her drink, and their hands touched. A spark jumped between them.

Jina leaned in and kissed Jett lightly on the cheek. She could always trust a moment like this, trust it to be a moment, and for the moment to respond in kind.

Jett leaned into Jina, and tangled her fingers in Jina's hand. They sat like that, cheeks lightly touching for several soft minutes.

"
You can trust that I will always protect you, little flower," Jett whispered.

"
Aren't you rushing it a bit?" Jina asked, but content to believe, just for now.

"
All living things trust the world around them," Jett said. "Each grass blade trusts that the sun will shine and the rain will give it drink. The grazing beasts trust the grass will be clean and fill their bellies. The wolf trusts in the chase. None of these things wait."

"
They have no choice but to trust," Jina said. "And some days are cloudy, and the grass is polluted, and the wolf gets hit by a car."

"
Perhaps none of us choose. The important thing is the growth that is to be found both in the trusting, and in the moments when you are the grazing beast and the wolf is at your back."

As Jina thought about this, she saw the phrase on the wall again. Unbreachable walls could defend from the cruelest pain. She thought of Sandy's walls, strong and sturdy. But they led to loneliness for her.

Pain had as much to teach a willing heart as comfort. In this sense, Jina sometimes felt grateful for her experience with Haun. Without such extremes of abuse, she never would have noticed her less-severe, normal wounds that came from living in a screwed up world.

Jett touched her face. "Deep in thought, little flower?" she asked.

Jina's honed instincts yearned to trust Jett with everything. "I have so much to share with you. Can I trust you with my craziest thoughts, my insane experiences, all the ups and downs of my sullied past?"

"
Of course you can. We can share everything together, if you want..."

"
One wasabi grilled cheese, and one Bleu Nacho with hummus and feta," the waitress interrupted. She squeezed the plates into the small space of the table.

They untangled from one another and nibbled at their food.

Jina realized she was keeping more than one secret from Jett, and decided it was time to tell her about Trey.

"
You should know..." Jina began, "...that I'm seeing other people." Her words came out in a rush. "Nobody serious. Just a couple of friends with benefits. And a guy I just met - Trey. We had a future date scheduled before I met you. But I can stop seeing all of them, if you want. I can cancel." She hadn't quite wanted to promise that last part, not yet. But she didn't want to lose Jett over something like this, over her possible reaction, so she'd committed just like that.

"
You have no lack of vases, little flower," Jett said. Jina had trouble reading her tone.

"
Well, I, uh... Listen, when I'm not in a relationship-relationship, when things are just casual, you know, sex and stuff, when there's no emotional connection..."

Jett smiled. "No need to explain. You're a butterfly. Don't try to pin yourself down."

Jina relaxed and nodded.

"
Monogamy is over-valued," Jett said. "Few animals are truly monogamous, and in fact, few humans are either. Limiting love is not the way of nature. It is a human tendency to impose order on a chaotic world."

"
I've always felt the same," Jina said. "I used to try to own boyfriends, and fight over every stray glance. And they would own me. I hated it."

"
Love only grows when shared and withers when clung to, owned, possessed, kept in a cage. As it turns out," she went on, "remember I told you about Ramon? He ends up in my bed more nights than not."

Jina's eyes grew wide. "When were you planning to tell me this? We made out!"

"
I suppose I had the same plan as you."

Jina took a few breaths. Of course. She was in no position to be upset. "I'm sorry. You're right. Let me make sure I understand. You keep sleeping with Ramon, and I keep going with Trey, and you and me..."

"
We let things develop naturally." Jett splayed out her fingertips as if to pantomime vines spreading.

It was an exciting thought, though surely not without problems. What if Jett stayed too busy with Ramon or loved Ramon more? What if Ramon got jealous? And what would Trey think?

It could lead to trouble.

Jett leaned closer on her elbows, eyes gilded and simmering.

Jina found herself in a kiss. She couldn't get enough of Jett's black hair, her soft skin, her scent... what was it, lilac? And those eyes, crystalline like a sapphire, not just in color but in shape, in how they sparkled... Crisp, clear, blue, transparent, like a glacial cave. She wanted to write songs about those eyes, or fall into them and slide forever.