Embracing Ember (11 page)

“We used to play here,” a female voice said startling Ember from her reverie of the flower. Ember turned cautiously to the sound of the voice. This was her dream and she hadn’t expected intruders. That wasn’t necessarily true. Ember had been dreaming and speaking with people her entire life, attributing it to her loneliness. The female had reddened skin reminding her of carnelian; her chocolate brown hair tumbled in corkscrew curls around her shoulders, framing her oval face.

Salinian. Her mind reeled with the implications. Was she actually dreaming of Salin?

“I’m sorry. I thought I was alone,” Ember said. The girl smiled a smile that said she found that amusing.

“You will come to see that you are never truly alone,” the girl replied cryptically. Ember nodded. What could she say to that – “I beg to differ, since I’ve been so alone for so long?” “I believe introductions are in order. My name is Ashwin,” she said.

“Ember,” she stated politely still confused about this whole thing.

“I know,” she said with a pleasant smile. Ember was confused.

“How?” Ember asked.

“How do I know you?” she replied to Ember’s question. Ember nodded. She knew she had never seen this woman before, but something seemed so familiar about her. “I dreamed of you when I was sick. After I dreamed of you I knew that I could let go. I’ll admit it took a while for me to believe my dreams. You see I was never psychic, not like my family,” Ashwin stated with a wistful tone. This explained nothing, in fact it was only confusing Ember more. “The thing with the Blue Death is that once you get to the point of no return, the pain is still intolerable and you are aware of everything. I held on for him, because I loved him. Ceylon and I grew up together. We played together in these fields,” Ashwin said her eyes reflecting the sadness that her words implied.

The pieces of the puzzle seemed to fall into place – this was Ceylon’s mate whose death caused him to feel guilty because he felt responsible for her death. “You were Ceylon’s mate,” she began excitedly because she had finally figured out who this female was, “but how?” she asked confused at the prospect of speaking to a person who was supposed to be dead. But then that dream with her mother flashed through her memory.

“You are a very, very rare type of person, Ember. Those who have passed on can speak with you in your dreams,” Ashwin replied as she motioned for Ember to follow. She led her to an area of the field that someone had cleared into what appeared to be a campfire area. The logs that surrounded the fire pit were a reddish-orange hue, reminding her of the color of a sunset. She took a seat across from Ashwin awaiting the rest of her explanation. Ashwin smiled as she took in her surroundings, as if remembering something from a time past. She sighed then began to speak, her voice wistful, “We used to play here. We were inseparable even as children. The other boys used to make fun of him because he had such a baby-face. I thought he was handsome. Even when we grew up, he kept his fine features, much to his displeasure. I loved him so much. I still do…”

Ember interrupted, her mind working at the speed of light, “He blames himself for your death,” she stated in understanding.

Ashwin nodded sadly, “I held on for so long, because I knew he wouldn’t accept that I was going to die. He hadn’t accepted the other’s deaths, so I knew he would never deal with mine. He was always like that though – shouldering everything and accepting blame that wasn’t his to accept. It was one of the reasons he became such a good healer. He cared deeply and felt every loss. I hate that my death has hurt him so much, but I had to let go, it was my time. Like I said, I dreamed of you, and I just knew that someday he would be okay. Heal him Ember. I know it won’t be easy, but I know that you already love him.”

Ember’s eyes widened in surprise, sure she liked Ceylon, but love? She wasn’t healed enough from Landon’s cruelty to even contemplate loving Ceylon. She enjoyed spending time with him, even looking forward to him holding her until she fell asleep. She was attracte3d to him; he made her breath catch and her heart beat out of control with just a look. She cared for him, but did she love him? Ember looked up to question Ashwin further, but she was gone and the dream world around her was fading as her consciousness pulled her to wakefulness. She felt the jostle as Ceylon carried her placing her gently on her bed. She kept her eyes closed, feigning sleep. Ceylon smoothed the hair from her face and softly kissed her lips. He left her never seeing the tears in her eyes as she realized that she really and truly loved Ceylon.

***

Ceylon took in Ember’s profile, her flame red hair that normally brushed past her shoulders was pulled into a ponytail with tendrils of hair flying haphazardly around her head. Her hands worked expertly with the paintbrush, her bottom lip held hostage between her teeth. She seemed alive, more alive than he ever remembered seeing her. She had come a long way in since her brush with death. From the shy and fearful female that jumped at every turn, to the exuberant female before him.

He watched as she took a deep breath and released it before laying her brush down on the palate on the stool behind her. She rolled her shoulders and smiled her face lighting up with her accomplishment. He took a few steps toward her, intent on seeing the painting she seemed so pleased about, but his feet stopped and his breath left him in a whoosh. Staring back at him, the hazel eyes he remembered from childhood stared back at him from the canvas. How? Why? He looked at Ember whose face fell and changed from happy to that of concern. “What’s wrong, Ceylon?” she asked. Her eyes traveled to her painting and she frowned before her eyes widened, “I had a dream,” she whispered.

Ceylon looked down into her green eyes before replying, “What dream?” his eyes never leaving the painting.

“I dreamed of Ashwin, we were in a field that she said you and her played in,” Ember stated. “I had this overwhelming urge to paint her, and when that happens, I have to do it.”

Ceylon nodded as he looked over the painting. The familiar guilt he felt was there, as well as a love for her he knew would never go away. She had been an important part of his life, they had grown up together. She was his best friend. But oddly, even knowing how much she meant to him, Ember close proximity still called to him, tantalizing him with her scent – cherry blossom, he now knew after smelling the lotion she used after her baths. He still wanted to kiss her, taste every inch of her skin. He still ached to possess her. Ultimately, those feelings only increased his guilt.

“She told me to tell you that it wasn’t your fault. It was her time to go,” Ember whispered, breaking his thoughts. Her small hand tentatively found his arm; as if unsure her touch was welcome. He turned to her, looking into her face that was lined with worry. She may have been able to forgive him, but he couldn’t forgive himself. Ashwin had always understood, so it was understandable she would forgive him. He always knew that she would. Then his eyes narrowed as he peered down at Ember, his mind protesting the fact she spoke with his dead mate.

“How do you know she forgave me? How did you even speak with her?” he asked. He knew she was telling the truth. He had never revealed the specifics of anything; just let her know that his mate had died. Ember appeared affronted at first. She shook her head as if clearing her thoughts.

“I have always had dreams, even as a child. I would meet people and we would talk. I didn’t know they were real, at least not until this moment. I thought they were a figment of my imagination to help me get through my loneliness. I still don’t really understand it, not really. Ashwin just told me that you never accepted her death, and she thinks it is because you feel guilty for not saving her,” Ember said her voice full of confusion.

“It is my fault,” Ceylon said through clenched teeth. “I allowed that virus to kill her, to take her from me. I am responsible.”

Ember shook her head, but he didn’t stay to hear her rebuttal. He had to go. He had to get away. Ashwin stared at him from the canvas, her eyes bright with life that she no longer had, and he was responsible. His chest ached as he turned and stormed out, leaving a gaping Ember in his wake.

***

Ember sat across from Lindsay, wondering how to proceed. Of course she wasn’t there to chit-chat about how Ember desired Ceylon, but his guilt kept him from her. Ember wanted Ceylon with every fiber of her being and she wouldn’t let a silly thing like him feeling responsible for his mate’s death get in her way. Not that feeling guilty for something like that was wrong or silly. She understood that he felt he should have done something more to save her. Sometimes she felt responsible for her own mother’s death, but she knew in the end that there was nothing she could have done to save her mother short of not existing.

She set the glass of sweet tea down in front of Lindsay and laughed at how easily she had become to think of this as her home. She would work while Ceylon was out doing diplomat stuff, and then when he came home they would eat supper together, talk and she would fall asleep in his arms. Admittedly she didn’t have a great example to go by, but in her opinion the only thing missing was hot and steamy sex. She looked into Lindsay’s bright blue eyes and wondered at Lindsay’s cat got the canary smile.
For a moment she felt as if she were standing in a room naked, and her soul was an open book for anyone to read. She often felt like that when talking with Lindsay, she attributed it to her being a counselor.

“What would you like to talk about today?” Lindsay stated her blue gaze alight with laughter. Lindsay had always reminded Ember of a fairy, a very sneaky and mischievous fairy.

“I don’t know,” Ember lied. Granted she wasn’t a very good liar, but that wasn’t a bad quality to possess she supposed. Lindsay’s arched brow told her that she didn’t believe the lie, and since Ember knew she wouldn’t get away with anything less she caved. “I’m in love with Ceylon,” she whispered. She was afraid. It wasn’t like Ceylon was the boy next door – the guy in the next galaxy? She really didn’t know how people felt about the Salinian's as a whole. Humans couldn’t get along with each other over differences such as skin color, race, religious preference, sexual orientation and the list goes on and on, so how could she expect them to accept an alien? How did she know that Lindsay wasn’t one of those people? She didn’t. And that scared the crap out of her, especially since she just admitted to being in love with an alien.

“Well, what seems to be the problem?” Lindsay asked quelling Ember’s fears and causing her to look at Lindsay as if she lost her mind. How could she be so nonchalant about all this? She had spent the last week avoiding the topic of his dead mate, even though she had promised Ashwin she would help him in a dream that she wasn’t even sure was real. Ember blinked a couple times at her musings, sitting straight up she looked at Lindsay, and it was as if she knew the inner turmoil that Ember faced because she leaned forward and said, “Is he a good man?”

Ember nodded.

“Has he hurt you in any way?” Lindsay asked, but seemed to think better of the question and clarified, “Has he harmed you physically?”

“No,” Ember whispered.

“So, what seems to be the problem?” Lindsay asked as if her logical questioning would lead Ember to this conclusion.

Ember sighed. “It’s none of those things. It is him. He feels guilty for his mate’s death and he won’t look past that. I’m not sure what that has to do with why he holds himself back.”

Lindsay nodded in understanding. “The thing with Ceylon is that while he feels guilty for her death, he also feels guilty because he has such strong feelings for you. It is in the way he takes care of you. Yes, Ceylon is a good man, but he has taken care of you as if you were his wife. You and he were virtually strangers when he saved your life, yet he felt compelled to shelter you in his home? Tell me, what do you do at night?”

Ember’s cheeks heated but she answered honestly, “I fall asleep in his arms on the couch and he places me in the bed each night.” Lindsay gave her a look that said ‘see I told you so.’ Ember smiled but just as quickly it fell. How was she supposed to convince Ceylon?

Lindsay seemed to notice her train of thought because she said, “You need to appeal to Ceylon’s logical side. He is already emotionally invested, so the real challenge is to get his mind on the same page.”

Ember nodded. Yeah that was easier said than done.

“I heard you went to see Landon last week,” Lindsay stated.

“Yeah, they finally caught him. I asked him for a divorce.”

“How did he handle that?”

“He didn’t sign the papers,” Ember relayed with a sad chuckle. “I had to appeal to a judge.”

“And, how did you feel about that?”