Embrace Me At Dawn (5 page)

Damn. She needed energy before she appeared for her first training session tomorrow. Marrok and Bram would be taskmasters, and she had to prove herself up for the challenge. But that wasn’t all. The trembling, the nightmares, the fury roiling inside her… She needed the emotional release Shock could give her. At least when he chose to. When she begged prettily enough to suit him.

Sifting mentally through a list of his haunts, Anka finally settled on the most likely. She teleported to the alley behind The Witch’s Brew, then emerged from between a dumpster and some wooden pallets. Once inside the cheery, dark-wood pub, she glanced around. Kari, Ronan’s pretty mate, stood behind the bar, drying glasses. The human swung her long blonde hair behind her shoulder. She wore a checked shirt knotted above her pierced navel and a pair of low-rise jeans around her narrow hips. When she smiled, her blue eyes turned warm.

“
Anka!” she greeted. “What brings you to the Brew? Can I get you something?”

“
Hi, Kari.” She looked around the pub with a frown. “Have you seen Shock today?”

She shook her head, waves of her pale hair brushing her bare waist. “Not yet, dear. But it’s early for him. You can take a seat and wait, if you’d like.”

She probably should just move on to search another of Shock’s haunts, but sooner or later, he usually turned up here.

“
Sure. Can I have a…” A request for white wine sat on the tip of her tongue. Warriors didn’t sip chardonnay. But she didn’t care for ale or bitter. “Vodka, the good kind. On the rocks.”

Kari raised a brow. The barkeep knew very well what she usually drank. But bless her, she didn’t say a word, just poured and handed her the glass. “How are you?”

She tossed the vodka back in two swallows—and barely managed not to choke. Strong stuff. She winced, and Kari smiled.

“
Better.” It wasn’t a total lie. In some ways, she had improved. The physical wounds had healed, though she’d been left with some scars. She’d managed not to cringe or panic every time a man touched her even casually or she climbed into bed with Shock for energy. But she was still desperately unhappy and tired of feeling useless. Vulnerable. Of replaying each and every one of the times Mathias had raped her over and over in her head. She shoved her memories of pleading with the monster aside. “You?”

“
Great.” The woman frowned. “Don’t take this badly, but you don’t look better.”

Anka smiled. “I will, starting tomorrow.”

Kari sent her an inquisitive glance at that, but didn’t press her. “More?”

With a glance at her empty glass, Anka shook her head. “Um…no. How about a bit of water? I’ll need to find a table and stay sober while I wait for Shock.”

In moments, Kari poured a fresh glass of water and whisked the vodka away. Anka took it gratefully and ambled to a table in a dark corner. Hopefully, no one else would notice her. Or care. But a pair of human men in denim, work shirts, and discarded hard hats were already eyeing her in a manner that made her tremble. She looked away, using her magic to put off an unwelcoming vibe.

As she sat with her back to the wall—another paranoid trick of Shock’s she’d picked up—she nursed her water, wondering exactly how she was going to ask him for the sort of sex she needed. In his perverse way, the more she wanted it, the more he withheld it—until it suited his purposes.

This time, she had a weapon. She’d be unable to hide her purpose for visiting Bram for long, but Anka had no doubt Shock would be desperate to know by now. He hadn’t been kidding when he’d told Lucan that he’d fuck it out of her. Sex his way meant that she went to a mental place where she let go of all her worries, fears, and inadequacies. Shock took them, along with every thought running through her head. In return, he gave her permission to seek release and comfort. Anka had no illusions; he hadn’t liked what he’d found in her head recently. He was going to like today’s developments even less.

The door opened, and with a steadying breath, she looked up. It wasn’t Shock, but a lovely brunette. Tall, lithe, with silky straight hair, a short skirt that flirted with indecent, perky breasts nearly falling out of a brief white shirt that flashed a lot of tanned cleavage. Her red stilettos didn’t say ‘fuck me’; they shouted it. A surrogate. Anka had seen the woman before, and her magical signature displayed not only her colors, but those of many others in a swirl more complicated than any prism.

Kari got the woman a drink, and they chatted a bit. Once the barmaid walked away, the surrogate stared at the door, clearly waiting for a client.

Sauntering Anka’s way with a tentative expression, Kari wrung her hands. “It’s about to get crowded in here. I’ll text you if Shock shows up.”

The usually polite blonde was throwing her out? “You’re asking me to leave?”

“
No, but I think you’ll want to.” Kari glanced the brunette’s way.

“
She’s a surrogate.”

“
Right. Not a prostitute, which Ronan has to remind me constantly. It’s so different for humans. I know surrogates provide sexual service, but since it’s medicinal for magickind…”

“
Exactly. One of her kind is keeping Bram alive. He’s mated, but with his mate missing, he can’t shag someone else, so she’s helping him generate energy—”

“
That isn’t who she’s here for tonight,” Kari cut in quietly. “Really, you’ll want to—damn, it’s too late.”

Anka frowned and looked at the door when it opened again. Lucan strolled through and made his way directly to the surrogate with a smile. Suddenly, Anka couldn’t breathe, especially when Lucan dropped into the chair beside the woman and brushed a kiss across her lush, red mouth.

That one simple buss of his lips over the other woman’s was a chainsaw to Anka’s heart. Tears burned the backs of her eyes. Yes, she’d known Lucan would be using surrogates for energy now that they were no longer mated, but she never imagined having to
see
him with another. Did he feel even a tenth of this agony when he saw her with Shock?

“
I tried,” Kari said by way of apology.

She had. And Anka regretted that she’d been too preoccupied to catch on quickly enough to save herself this heartache.

“
I have to go.” But she couldn’t walk past Lucan now. He and the gorgeous surrogate currently rifling her fingers through his dark hair sat at the table right beside the door. There was no way she could leave without them seeing. “Help me.”

Kari bit her lip. “He doesn’t usually stay long when he meets one of them here.”

Of course not. He led them from here, straight to his bed. Their bed. And the way his lips were trailing up the brunette’s neck and he was whispering something into her ear that made her laugh, Anka had no doubt he was eager to get this woman naked and supine.

“
You could just stay and wait,” Kari suggested. “They’ll be gone soon.”

Anka shook her head. No, she couldn’t watch another moment of this. “Is there another exit?”

God, that sounded cowardly. But right now, she’d rather run past Mathias than Lucan cozying up to his surrogate for the night.

Pity softened Kari’s expression as she stood directly in front of Anka. “Yes. Stand up and round that corner to your right. Behind that is my office. There’s a door out back from there. I’ll stay right behind you.”

“
Thank you,” Anka said gratefully, doing her best not to fall apart now.

Kari nodded softly. “Listen, I spent two years watching Ronan charm other women to his bed nearly every night before we mated. I understand quite well how you feel.”

On wobbling legs, Anka rose. The barkeep’s taller frame blocked her view of Lucan, and him of her, she presumed. She managed one quick peek at her former mate, whose lips hovered right over the surrogate’s. He never noticed her. That chainsaw sliced through Anka’s chest again, rending her heart in two.

Once in Kari’s office, she sagged into the barkeep’s desk chair. Tears stabbed at her eyes again. Alone now, she let them fall, but nothing was going to cleanse her brain after seeing Lucan’s hands, lips, and smile directed at another woman. As hard as he trained and fought, she knew he needed new energy frequently. There were other ways to power up his magic, but none more effective than a rousing romp between the sheets. Without energy, he would wither, die. And unlike Bram, who was mated, Lucan didn’t have to rely on mutual self-pleasure to power up. He could—and probably would—have sex with that woman any way he pleased.

She had to focus on her desire to see him alive and happy, not on the fact that, right now, he was probably sweeping his lips across the surrogate’s, tongue sinking deep, dragging her nubile body—one that hadn’t been ravaged and scarred—against his. He was likely readying her so he could sink into her bed and into her body.

Anka bit her lip to hold in another cry. She had to get out of here and go home.

Stumbling into the back alley, behind the dumpster again, she teleported with the thoughts of home resonating through her brain. But it wasn’t the little house she’d shared with Shock these past months that came into view.

Anka found herself directly in front of the house she’d shared for over one hundred years with Lucan.

Home
.

The familiar warmth of its brown walls made her pine for the days and nights she spent here. Lovingly, her gaze traced the stately roof, the arched windows, and the long lawn, surrounded by the gardens she used to love keeping. In January, most everything lay dormant. Surprisingly, nothing looked neglected or overgrown. Even the same little wooden picket fence stood guard at the front of the yard. Downstairs was the same cozy sofa she’d loved curling up on for a good read. Through the upstairs window, she could see the same dark wood bed that she and Lucan had slept on and made love in for decades. The same bed in which she’d drifted off and…

Anka stumbled back, shaking. She hadn’t been here since the terrible night Matthias had ripped her from the coziness of the almost perfect life she’d shared with Lucan. Mathias had abducted her, thrown her in his dungeon, and used her for his perverse pleasure for five hellish days that she could barely think of now without retching. He’d torn her from her mate. He’d robbed her of her sense of safety, self, of her shelter from the cruelties of the world. He’d left her a brittle shell.

But she couldn’t look at this beautiful house without the other memories crashing in. Lucan leading her inside for the first time, smiling nervously, wondering if she’d like it as much as he did. Lucan serving her breakfast in bed wearing nothing more than a grin. Lucan across the table as they shared roast beef and Yorkshire pudding while he listened to her talk about her day. Lucan reaching for her in the dead of night because he couldn’t wait another second to touch her.

Gone. All of that…just gone.

“
Anka?”

Her head snapped around to one side as a figure emerged from the back garden. Her heart stopped, and she felt frozen. “Caden.”

“
Anka, you’re home. You look pale. Is something wrong?” her former brother-by-mating asked, coming closer. “Why don’t you come in?”

Horror and longing washed over her at once. A part of her would have loved to be inside the space she’d once shared with Lucan to soak in the memories of him. And what would Lucan say if he found her inside, especially if he brought his surrogate here for the night?

She shook her head furiously. “No. Thank you.”

“
It will always be your home, too. Sydney and I can go…”

“
Stay.” The word fell numbly from her lips.

Lucan needed his brother. Sabelle had told her about his mate mourning and the stabilizing influence Caden had been after Lucan almost lost his soul and sanity. Anka hated that she’d been the cause of so much of her former mate’s pain. She hated even more that she’d added to it by being with Shock.

But now, it was too late.

“
Come in and let Sydney make you some tea,” Caden insisted. “You really do look pale.”