Embrace, Entice, Emblaze (28 page)

“It’s okay. I…I’ve just had to make a few tough decisions lately.”

“This wouldn’t happen to revolve around the men in your life?”

I almost laughed, wishing it were that simple. Guy problems

would be a welcome dilemma in comparison. “A little.”

“Will you be okay?” he asked, and from the way he said it, I

could swear he knew things might be about to change forever. I

could hear the fear start to move through him. I couldn’t bear it.

There was no point in us both going through this.

“Sure, Dad. Hey, let’s have dinner together one night next week.

We can talk then.” I did my best to sound upbeat.

“Vi, it’s late. Where are you going?”

I wriggled out of his arms but he still held my hand.

“Somewhere with Phoenix. Dad, please. I know it’s late and I

know things are crazy, but I’m hoping you’ll trust me when I say, I
have
to go.” I looked at him and held his eyes. Today was not the best day for him to pull the father- of- the- year act.

With a sad smile, he let me go, as if he didn’t know how to start 233

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imposing rules now. Selfishly, part of me wished he would. Part of me wished he was one of
those
dads, the type that would lock me in my room and take away my choices.

I hated myself for even thinking it.

————

I was surprised to see my phone still had coverage. It felt like we were in the middle of nowhere. Phoenix, who had received instructions from Griffin, had brought us here in a matter of seconds. There was no sign of civilization, and it was so dark away from city lights and pollution that all the stars had a chance to shine. Owls hooted and creatures I really didn’t want to meet rustled in trees nearby. I was grateful there was at least a half moon that shed a glimmer of light.

Without it, we would have struggled to see our hands in front of our faces. A canopy of trees curled above us, the branches stretching out like ominous arms with long, deliberate fingers.

I told Phoenix I needed to call Steph, so he gave me some privacy and said he would collect a few supplies. I had no idea what that meant. I couldn’t imagine him gathering wood.

Steph answered on the first ring. I knew I’d be in trouble; I

hadn’t spoken to her since ditching the party the night before. It was odd to think how much had happened in twenty- four hours.

“Vi! About damn time! Where the hell have you been?”

“Hell,” I answered, using her own word.

“What’s going on? Your phone has been going to voicemail all

day. I even went round to your place earlier, where, by the way, I found my shoes covered in dirt! I was actually starting to freak 234

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out that one of the men in your life had finally lost his mind and kidnapped you. Are you okay?”

“In a way. Sorry I haven’t called, and sorry about the shoes.

Lincoln was hurt and we had to go help him.”

“What do you mean
hurt
? And what do you mean
we
?”

“He was hurt in a fight…kind of. It’s a long story. By
we
, I mean Phoenix and me.”

“That sounds healthy. Could things get any weirder in your love life? Honestly, I require some big time hole- filling on the story here. Is Lincoln going to be okay?”

Yes, as long as I forfeit my life as I know it and ride to his rescue.

“I’m working on it.”

“How?” she asked with a heavy dose of suspicion.

“Look, Steph, I don’t want to lie to you, but I can’t tell you at the moment.”

“Is this something to do with Phoenix?”

“Yes and no. It’s complicated.”

“Well, duh, I figured out that much. Where are you now?”

“The middle of nowhere. I’ll fill you in later.”

“Well, when are you going to be back?”

It was a good question. I wondered if I would ever truly return.

“Soon. I’ll call you when I’m home,” I promised.

“I hope Lincoln’s okay.”

“Me too.”

“You don’t have to be his savior, you know.” She waited silently on the other end for my response.

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“Bye, Steph,” was all I could squeeze out.

“Bye, babe,” she said, sounding worried but letting me off the

hook. I really hoped I would get the chance to explain everything to her.

————

I sat on a rock, playing with the buttons on my phone. The screen light came on, shedding a little glow on my surroundings. Trees, dirt, and rocks. As long as the creepy-crawlies stayed away, I

could cope.

The light faded from the phone and I had a moment of complete

darkness. I was sure I could actually hear my heart cry. When I pressed one of the buttons to relight the screen, it was wet with my tears. Funnily enough, the moment I had the light again, I didn’t want it. Right now, I preferred the darkness.

Lincoln was bleeding to death while Magda played nursemaid.

It was stupid that it bothered me, but it did. In fact, everything bothered me. Steph and Dad had no idea what was going on. I’d

lost my friendship and anything else I’d once imagined there might be between Lincoln and me. Becoming a Grigori meant a chance to save him but it also meant giving him up— it meant giving
myself
up too. And though I wanted to deny it, I had a growing feeling that I was missing something very important about Phoenix.

I couldn’t help but feel cheated. I’d worked so hard to keep

normality in my life since the attack. A month ago, I was actually normal, happy. Now I was about to do the very thing that ensured I would never have that again.

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My breathing became shakier and I fought the urge to throw

myself on the ground and sob. I didn’t hear Phoenix approach,

just felt his hand on my shoulder. He didn’t say anything and I was relieved. I couldn’t put on a brave face right now. I sat, with his hand on my shoulder, and cried until I started hiccupping.

Eventually I stopped and Phoenix stood. “Come on. I’ve set up

a camp for the night.”

“With what?”

“A few things.” I couldn’t see his face but I could hear the smile in his voice. I was glad he was there. I gripped his hand tightly.

“What’s going to happen to me when I embrace? Do you know?”

I wiped my eyes and tried to pull myself together.

“I don’t know. I’ve heard it can be pretty physical.”

“Will I have to fight someone?”

“Perhaps.” He pulled me to my feet. “Come on.”

Setting up camp was an understatement. Phoenix had a fire

roaring. He’d also positioned gigantic logs— that would normally take three men to lift— as seats. And a bed. An actual bed— well, a mattress at least, but it had linen and pillows.

“I was going to get a tent, but it’s clear tonight and I figured we wouldn’t really need it.”

I looked at the bed. “It’s…it’s…” I really didn’t know what to

say. Of all the things I’d been expecting, it wasn’t this.

“I know there’s only one bed, but I have another mattress. I just haven’t blown it up yet.”

I bit back the “how convenient” remark.

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“How did you…?”
Possibly
get
all
this
stuff
here?

He just smiled and sat on the other side of the fire, where

one of the logs had been perfectly positioned away from any

drifting smoke.

“If I’m going to have to fight someone, maybe we should prac-

tice,” I said, catching him by surprise.

“No. We shouldn’t.” His tone was final. I got the distinct impression this was a closed subject.

Of course, I plowed ahead. “Why not? I’m sure you could teach

me a thing or two.”

He launched through the fire, catapulting himself at me so fast he looked like a comet. He barreled into me and I fell back onto the ground under his heaving body. His hand was wrapped taut

around my neck.

“Lesson number one,” he growled. “Never fight with someone

you can’t beat.”

His eyes flashed dangerously. I felt his body rise and fall with every intense breath, reminding me that, despite what he might

have thought, there were parts of him that were
all
human. Lying under him, the wind knocked out of me, I knew he wasn’t thinking about fighting me.

“Okay, okay.” I surrendered. He kept his hold on my neck.

Why
do
they
always
go
for
the
neck?

I opened my mouth to speak again, but he tightened his

grip enough to strangle my words and make me gasp. Slowly,

he softened his grasp and ran his hand down my neck to my

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collarbone, watching me with his dark eyes, smiling when my

breath quickened.

“I do like your neck…very much,” he mused, and then he rolled

off me and somehow glided to a stand.

I hoisted myself onto my elbows. “Yeah, well, if I ever come

back as a Grigori,
then
I’ll kick your ass.”

“You’ll come back, and you’ll be a Grigori.” He spoke with such certainty, it made me smile. “I doubt very greatly, however, that you’ll kick my ass. But I and my ass will enjoy your efforts.”

I threw a handful of dirt at him. He blew right through it and

was standing behind me, helping me up, before the dirt had even hit the ground.

After I had brushed myself off, I sat beside him on the log and let my eyes glaze over as I watched the campfire. Phoenix elbowed me in the side and handed me a white to- go box with chopsticks sticking out the top. “Chinese?” he offered.

The way he said it, it was as if we were sitting at the dining table, no different from any other night. I started to laugh.

We ate cold chicken chow mein, and although I couldn’t stomach

much, it was comforting to have food around. I was grateful that Phoenix was there. I’d never needed to be looked after so much, and for someone who was not completely human, he was surprisingly good at the job.

“Fortune cookie?” he said, throwing me another white box.

I threw it back. “No thanks.” I didn’t need anything else telling me my future.

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“It’ll all work out, Violet. You’ll be safer once you have more tools to defend yourself. You’ll be strong, and they won’t be able to take you by surprise.”

I knew they were words of encouragement, but I had the

sneaking suspicion he was also pleased about what this was doing to my relationship with Lincoln.

“I guess you think I’m happy about all of this.”

It was like he’d read my mind. I shot him a look of accusation.

“It’s hard not to read how you’re feeling,” he said with a shrug.

“I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I don’t mind a bit of distance between you and Lincoln.”

The fire flickered and my mind skipped with it, dancing between moments. Finding out what I was, feeling the betrayal. Learning about the senses and discovering my freaky vein- ridden arms.

Meeting Phoenix. Kissing Lincoln. Kissing Phoenix. I remembered how much it broke my heart to be with Lincoln, and I remembered the feeling of distance, the bliss of unawareness, that came with kissing Phoenix.

I walked over to the mattress and sat on the edge. The hardest

thing was knowing that, even if this worked and Lincoln was

healed, nothing would ever be okay again. This choice was going to change me forever, and there was a part of me that questioned if I could ever forgive him for that.

I felt a tingling sensation and knew Phoenix was probing into

my emotions. I avoided his eyes, guilty that once again I had let Lincoln rule my thoughts. I’d made a choice to be with Phoenix; 240

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I needed to stand by it. Things would never be the same.
I
would never be the same. Griffin even said that some people came back unable to live normal lives.

When I looked up, Phoenix was watching me. He was deathly

still. Then he spoke, warningly. “I am not like other people, Violet.

I know where your emotions are leading.”

That was the whole point. He wasn’t like other people, and right now that was precisely what I needed. “You told me once to tell you…when I wanted it most.”

He knew exactly what I was talking about. “
You
told
me
once never to do that to you again.”

“I’ve changed my mind.”

He dropped his face into his hands and I prepared myself for

rejection. A lump lodged in my throat. But when he slid his hands away, the face he revealed was not one of refusal. It was resolved, even resigned. He stood slowly and studied me. My heart raced.

With each step, the look of desire smoldering in his eyes intensified.

The smoke from the fire followed him as if it were attached by an invisible thread, drawn to him. As he neared, something within me screamed, but he put his hand on my face and it stopped. Silenced by his touch.

He leaned toward me slowly, giving me time to change my mind.

Then he touched my lips with his, trembling, and I knew control was on a tenuous string. But it still wasn’t enough. If I couldn’t have the control I wanted, then maybe I’d be better off with none at all.

“More,” I pressed.