Embrace, Entice, Emblaze (133 page)

chapter
thirty

“Everywhere the human soul stands between a hemisphere of

light and another of darkness; on the confines of the two everlasting empires, necessity and free will.”

THOMas CarLYLe

Lincoln didn’t come to the restaurant for dinner. Josephine told us that he’d decided to patrol Fira with Mia and Hiro. It was the only time that evening that she actually acknowledged my presence,

and she watched for my reaction, enjoying baiting me. I didn’t

give her the satisfaction— everyone was taking turns patrolling.

Lincoln had clearly decided to add a shift in order to avoid me. I was relieved, even if I couldn’t fully ignore the way my entire body ached for him.

It had been happening ever since we’d grown closer in Jordan.

Maybe even before then. Th e pain of being near him was intensifying all the time. But sometimes, like now, separation was even worse. I felt so much yearning that I’d swear I had internal injuries.

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I worked hard at keeping up my barriers, and I knew that

wherever he was, he would be doing the same. But I doubted that anything could ever sever our “connection.” If nothing else, at least our earlier conversation would keep him avoiding me for the rest of the night. And that could only be good.

I played with my food and nodded along with the conversation,

even laughing when Spence dropped half his grilled octopus down his shirt. I acted normally, if a little distant, but no one noticed.

Even Steph was too busy chatting with Salvatore in the corner of the table, slipping into Italian to share sweet nothings.

When dessert arrived, I picked at my gelato and almond

shortbread as I looked around the table and convinced myself

I was making the right decision. I had brought no one else into it, had left no one to face the blame for my actions. I resolved to face Phoenix, and if I could stop him before he opened the

gates to Hell, I would. Most importantly, he wouldn’t hurt

my friends.

I checked my watch again, and when I looked up, Onyx was

staring as if he could see right through me.

“You still have some power, don’t you?” I asked him. I’d suspected it for some time, but now I was sure he was seeing things that a mere human could not.

“Surrounding myself with those who carry power does seem to

revive a certain strength in me, but no, I’m not becoming powerful once more. Not nearly.”

“That’s why you wanted to come, isn’t it? To stay close?” When

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he didn’t answer, I went on. “Did you heal yourself after the exile attack?” I still hadn’t figured out how he’d recovered so quickly.

His hand went to his now- healed face and neck as if he too

marveled. “I’m afraid that’s a mystery to me as well.” He hitched a shoulder and I realized he wasn’t telling me the whole truth.

“What you’re sensing is time. So much time and so many

things that I have seen. Not many looks or thoughts have escaped my view.”

I nodded— it made sense, but I didn’t want to admit that to him so I kept my expression neutral.

“Too late.” He gave a toothy grin.

I glanced around nervously. My instinct was to move away from

him, but for some reason, I couldn’t respond.

“You’re in pain— and not just in your mind.”

“Just muscle aches,” I said, concentrating on my gelato again.

“The soul.” He raised his eyebrows when I looked up. I

stopped breathing.

“What about it?” I stabbed at my dessert repetitively.

“It can be like a beast within us— calling to us, feeding us,

leading us. But the beast is savage, and if it has found and tasted its mark, it will not quiet until it has what it desires. Your soul is fighting you, Violet. There is only so long you can hold it at bay before…”

I shook my head, cutting him off. “I know what you’re saying

and you’re wrong. We never…My soul hasn’t joined with his.” We

had fought it, had stayed away from each other.

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“When denied for long enough, souls can take on a mind of

their own. Sex is the obvious form of joining, but if a connection is strong enough, it can find its way through other things. A look, a kiss, a touch, words, declarations. The soul can reach through anything if it is stirred by them. You may not be fully joined to him, but the process has begun and your soul is clawing at you

from the inside out.”

I bowed my head as tears slid silently and plentifully down my

cheeks. He made so much sense.

“If I die?” I barely got the words out.

Onyx considered the question. “No, he would survive. To join

completely, you would need to consummate bonding fully and

willingly, but until then, expect to experience more and more pain as your soul’s demands increase.”

At least that was something. I checked my watch again.

“Going somewhere?”

My head snapped up and my next words surprised me as I real-

ized my final decision had been made. “I need to make sure no one follows me.”

Onyx shrugged, but I could see the shock in his eyes that I was trusting him. “Diversions are my specialty.”

I nodded in thanks. He leaned into me, grabbing my hand, his

grip not just tight but oddly compassionate.

“I shall be disappointed if you do not prevail.”

“Careful, Onyx. That sounds like you might actually care.”

“Would you prefer I said that I hope you fail? That Hell is

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unleashed upon us all as your friends mourn for you and blame

themselves? Or perhaps that, if it was me in Phoenix’s position, I’d use every advantage I have and then kill you and all your

friends anyway?”

It took a moment to recover from his honesty, but I surprised

myself once again by actually smiling. “Maybe just ‘good luck.’” His eyes scanned the table quickly, as did mine. No one had

been watching our hushed discussion.

“How about this?” He dropped his tone so that it was barely

audible. “
You
are from the Sole.”

“Nothing new there, Onyx.” I started to lean back in my seat

but he tightened his grip.

“The Sole
is
the highest command.”

Yes…they are.

Why hadn’t I seen that before? Wishful thinking…

At
least
now
I
know
why
Phoenix
needs
me
and…when he’ll be
finished with me.

Onyx stood up, grabbed a bottle of wine from the table, knocking another one over in the process, and started swinging it around wildly, feigning drunkenness. I wondered how often he’d used that decoy.

When he moved toward Steph and flicked the bottle so that

its contents flew into her lap, I slipped from the room. Onyx had played his part perfectly. Steph was the most likely to notice my absence; this would keep her busy for a while.

Once outside, I ran. Through the narrow cobbled streets of

Santorini, I ran from the truth, ran from my soul, and— even

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worse— ran from my heart. I could never hide the truth from

myself. I wasn’t
connected
to Lincoln. It wasn’t that we were chemically soul mates and fighting some offhand pairing. Now Onyx had explained it to me, I could feel it so much more.

My
soul
raking at me from the inside, pining for what it not only craved and desired…but for what I loved.

It was painful to consider that it may not be true for Lincoln, and that maybe that was for the best. But for me, the pain of being without him would never pass, would only increase. We could

stand beside each other for eternity, but if he wasn’t mine in every way, it would make no difference.

I made it to the hotel and caught a glimpse of myself in the foyer mirror and realized I hadn’t stopped crying.

“In a rush?” a voice spoke out. I spun to see the leather- clad Grigori from the secret meeting leaning against a wall.

“You’re Gray, aren’t you?” I asked, trying to pull myself

together quickly.

He raised an eyebrow. “At times. And you’re the one who has

this lot’s panties in a twist.”

“You’re one of the Rogue, aren’t you?”

“I’m just like you, sweetheart. I just read the fine print. Where’re you off to, anyhow?”

I wiped away the tears. “Have you been following me?” I half

asked, half accused.

He took a step toward me. “You look like someone headed

for trouble.”

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“No. I just have somewhere to be.” I needed to shut him down.

“I’m sure you do too.”

“That your way of telling me to sod off ?”

I glanced at my watch then back at Gray. I was out of time.

“Would you rather me tell you in another way?”

He threw his head back and laughed. “You think you could take

me? Sweetheart, oh, that’s priceless. But, like you say, I have somewhere else to be, so we’ll have to pick this up another day.” He took another step toward me, so we were almost touching. “And, just so you know, I’ll be looking forward to it.” With that, he gave me a wide grin and sauntered out of the hotel.

I bolted for the stairs.

By the time I reached the rooftop, I was doubled over in pain. I stumbled to the edge of the building.

Dad would be okay. Phoenix would keep his word and not go

after him. And even if I didn’t make it back…maybe he’d be better off without me, the constant reminder of Mom. He was finally

showing his first signs of moving on— maybe he and Caroline

would work out.

Steph had already endured too much because of our friendship.

I couldn’t ask any more of her. It was time for me to be the smart one. I’d left her a gift under her pillow before leaving the room tonight. She’d know my wishes and, if not, at least it would help to keep her safe.

Then there was Griffin. Poor Griffin, he would blame himself,

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leader and he would do his duty to the end. If something happened to me, Griffin would help stop Phoenix.

Onyx already understood, which was stranger than anything

else. Dapper would pretend he had never cared until he actu-

ally didn’t. Spence would be angry with me, so angry that he’d

be okay.

And Lincoln. A cry escaped my lips. He’d look for me. But I

had to accept that he was more of a victim in this than any of us.

I would have loved him anyway, even without the soul thing— but he…he dreaded me. If Phoenix ended things, ended
me
, Lincoln would be allocated a new, better partner. He could be what he really wanted to be— a great warrior. And he would return Phoenix.

Phoenix.

I grasped the barrier at the edge of the roof and looked down.

I could deny it all I wanted, but it didn’t stop me from being

scared. Then I reminded myself of what it would be like if I didn’t go with him.

He’ll be maddened, take it out on the people I love.

I could feel them now. Both of them moving toward me. I’d

let my barriers fall with the pain; my soul had broken out and my power had extended. Lincoln was racing, I could feel his heartbeat.

Somehow he knew I was at a crossroads, but he was too far away to help. I wondered where he was, why he had traveled so far. Phoenix was closer, moving at speed, lightning fast.

I took hold of my dagger to give my shaking hands something

to do, but it didn’t help much.

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My mind was racing. Phoenix would be here any second, with

Lincoln only moments behind.

Lincoln
will
be
caught
off
guard. Phoenix will have the advantage.

“Whatever are you doing, lover?” Phoenix’s voice was low. He

was close but not close enough. I still had the upper hand as I held my dagger, point raised.

“Don’t move, Phoenix.”

He didn’t. Which alerted me to just how much he needed me

for his plan to work.

Gressil and Olivier, his exile generals, leapt onto the rooftop behind him. I hadn’t been expecting backup and I wasn’t the only one surprised by their appearance. Phoenix covered his reaction quickly and put a hand out to stop them where they were. Both did as ordered, but Gressil struggled, his hunger clear. He wanted to fight.

I forced my eyes back to Phoenix. “You’ll kill everyone on this island if you make that volcano erupt. Last time they tried to open the gates, it destroyed everything.”

Phoenix held his hands up, palms out. “I don’t want to fight you yet, but I will. I need you, yes— but I’ve healed you once before. I can do it again.”

“There are children here, Phoenix, babies, thousands of people

and their homes. Whether you admit it or not, I
know
that the human in you knows that, and I can’t let you do this.”

His eyes narrowed and darted in Gressil and Olivier’s direction.

Is
that
look
meant
for
me?

It almost seemed like a warning.