Embrace (11 page)

Chapter Twelve

              “Bear Mountain? I've never heard of it.” I say, standing on the edge of the deck, leaning against the railing as I peer out at the beautiful scenic nature laid out before me.

             
“It's a pretty popular tourist location but if you hike, there are secluded spots. I like it because it reminds me of home. Plus, it's really peaceful out here.” He says, draping his arm over my shoulders as the boat pulls into dock.

             
“I don't get the chance to come out here often but I thought it would be a nice way for us to spend the day together.” He says, shrugging as he pulls me tighter into his side.

             
“Now the outfit makes sense.” I laugh, nudging him in the ribcage with my elbow. I thought he was crazy this morning when he pulled out a pair of jeans and tennis shoes for me to wear. Not that I am opposed to such things but given the midsummer heat, it made little sense to me at the time. Hopefully the thin tank that he brought for me as well, will offer a little relief from the heat but it's really not likely.

             
Though I can't complain too much. At least he was thoughtful enough to not only bring me clothes but to bring me things that were appropriate for what we are doing. Not to mention the fact that he looks absolutely edible in his denim jeans and fitted black v-neck shirt. Add on the backwards baseball cap and I physically have to wipe the drool away from my chin every time I glance in his direction.

             
“I just thought the least I could do is not subject you to poison ivy and insect bites on a day where I kidnapped you.” He jokes, kissing my temple.

             
“Thanks for that.” I laugh, looking up to see him smiling down at me. I can't control the way my pulse pounds or my breath hitches at the sight of him so utterly beautiful and uncharacteristically carefree.

             
“You ready?” He asks, watching one of the crew men tie off the yacht to the dock and signal that we are good to go.

             
I nod, entwining my fingers with his as he leads me off the yacht and across a long wooden dock where several other boats are also parked, no doubt their owners out for a day on the mountain as well.

             
Zayne leads me away from the main focal point of the park and eventually into a deep wooded area that has a thin path leading the way through the forest of trees. I feel like we have been walking for miles but know that less than an hour has passed since we left the boat.

             
We make small talk on our hike upwards. Stopping every few minutes to look out over the trees from a high point so that we can see how far we've come so far. It's so strange to see him out here in nature, moving through the trails and pointing at animals like he doesn't have a care in the world.

             
I never imagined him as an outdoors kind of person but I guess there's still so much I don't know about him. Just because he's rich, intelligent, and spends ninety nine percent of his time swallowed in custom made suits, doesn't mean that's what makes him who he is or determines what he enjoys doing outside of the time he dedicates to
Zalec
.

             
He's so natural and relaxed and I can't remember a time where I have ever seen him so much in his element. He talks about his brothers and what it was like growing up with parents that might as well be reenacting the movie “The War of the Roses.” He talks about high school and playing football but not one time does he mention Chad or the girl that tore their friendship apart, Christy.

             
“Did you love her?” I ask when we stop another mile up the mountain to take a short break. Sitting down on an old tree stump, I stretch out my legs and peer up at him.

             
“Love who?” He asks, clearly caught off guard that a story about a prank he once played on his older brother spurred such a random question from me.

             
“Christy.” I answer.

             
“No.” His response is short.

             
“But you must have cared for her in some way right? I mean, why else would you risk your friendship with Chad to be with someone you had no feelings for?” I ask, realizing how two sided the question may seem.

             
What am I really asking? Did you love her or do you love me? Suddenly very nervous about his response, I wish I could rewind the last two minutes and let him finish telling the story that seemed to be a rather easy conversation for him.

             
“I don't know.” He sighs, crossing the small path to join me on the stump. He knocks his shoulder with mine and smiles at me, somehow completely reassuring me in that one act that my question is not inappropriate and it's okay to want to know these things about him.

             
“I cared for her, yes. But I was never in love with her. I didn't want to be with her forever or anything. I don't know. I think a lot of it, like I said before, stems from the competitiveness between me and Chad. I didn't want her love because I loved her. I wanted it because he had it. Does that make sense?”

             
“No.” We both laugh in unison. “But I mean, I guess it does. It's completely ridiculous and stupid but I get it. I have two brothers, I know how competitive men can be.” I say, bumping his shoulder again with mine.

             
“Were you sad?” I ask, losing my breath a little when he turns to face me. “When she lost the baby I mean?” I take a deep breath, hoping I'm not opening old wounds.

             
“I don't know. I mean, if I say no then that makes me seem like a completely heartless jackass right? But if I say yes, then I guess I would kind of be lying. The truth is, I was a kid. I didn't understand or grasp the realness of the situation and because she lost the baby so early on, I never really got used to or attached to the idea of being someone's father.” He pulls off his hat and rubs his forehead before pulling it back down in place.

             
“When I think about it now, yeah I guess it makes me a little sad but then again, what kind of father would I have been? Hell, I'm not even sure I would be any good at it now, let alone fifteen years ago.” He lets out a nervous laugh, clearly a little uneasy with the direction of the conversation.

             
“For the record.” I say, once again bumping his shoulder, watching his body sway out and then back into mine. “I think you are an amazingly sweet and generous man that takes care of the people he loves and I think you would be an amazing father. If that's something you ever wanted that is.” I stutter on the last part.

             
He gives me a goofy lopsided grin but doesn't comment. Sensing that our conversation has run its course, I stand up and move back towards the trails.

             
“Come on old man.” I joke. “There's still a long way to go.” I turn, waiting for him to join me before grabbing his hand and continuing up the trail.

             
The conversation turns light again and before I know it we are tripping up the mountain, laughing hysterically at some of our old childhood stories. He tells me about how one time he locked Brock in the pantry and refused to let him out until he ate an entire box of raw spaghetti noodles, while I retell some of the boneheaded things my two brothers used to do to one another.

             
Being the only girl and the youngest, my brothers took it pretty easy on me. Ian is the jokester and while he has spent a good deal of his life tormenting me, it's always been verbal. Thank god neither of them ever pulled some of the crap that Zayne and his brothers put each through.

             
“Come here.” He says, cutting off my laughter as he steers us off of the dirt path and through an area cluttered with overgrown grass, weeds, and tree branches.

             
“Should we really be going off of the path?” I ask, tripping over some stray branches and stumbling forward.

             
He reaches out and steadies me before I fall face first on the ground, laughing lightly. “Careful.” He says, pulling my body against his. I try not to let the sudden closeness between our two bodies distract me but it's damn near impossible not to give into the pull and the heat now surging through every limb of my body.

             
“Thanks.” I get out breathlessly, straightening my position and pushing a small distance between us.

             
I glance around and realize that while we have only walked a few feet off the trail, there is no sign of the dirt path that we just ventured away from. “Weren't you ever in boy scouts or at least learn the rules of being in the woods?” I ask, gesturing back towards where we came from.

             
He lets out a light laugh. “I've been up here several times. Relax. I promise I won't get us lost.” He says, once again taking my hand and leading me deeper into the woods.

             
I trip and stumble more times than I can count but it's all worth it when Zayne leads me into a clearing with the most amazing view of the Hudson.

             
“Wow.” I breathe, completely taken aback by our height and the sheer beauty of the scene laid out before me.

             
“It's beautiful, isn't it?” Zayne says, stepping up behind me and wrapping his arms around my chest. “This has to be my favorite place in all of New York.” He says, dropping his chin to my shoulder and looking out over the river below us.

             
“It's incredible.” I breathe, not only blown away by the sight but also by his confession. Little by little the point of this little trip of ours is becoming clearer and clearer.

             
By bringing me here, not only are we getting time away to talk and get to know one another, but he is also sharing a piece of himself with me and that knowledge spreads a warmth through me that I am not quite sure I’m equipped to handle.

             
My skin feels clammy and my heart feels like it's beating out of my chest, but despite the overwhelming feelings flooding through me, there is a calm to it as well. A peace, knowing that in this moment, the rest of the world doesn't matter. Not Alec, not our jobs, not even life for that matter.

             
For just a small, tiny fragment of time, we are free. Free to talk and laugh. To hold each other without the worry of who will see or what the consequences might be. There are no restraints, no restrictions. Just me and Zayne. I find myself wishing it could be this way always.

Chapter Thirteen

              “Well someone's in a good mood.” Becca chimes from behind me as I make my way around the floor wiping off bar tables and stacking stools.

             
I flip my head her direction and shrug, failing miserably at playing it cool when a wide, giddy smile lights up my entire face.

             
“It has to do with him doesn't it?” She questions, climbing into one of the stools and gesturing for me to have a seat next to her. “Tell me everything.”

             
Abandoning my rag and cleaner on the table, I scoot into the stool next to her and proceed to fill her in on my weekend with Zayne. I watch her face go through a range of emotions. Confusion, curiosity, a hint of anger when I tell her about Christy, happiness, and then finally settling on complete shock by the time I am finished.

             
“Wow.” She breathes. “I swear, every time I think there is no way that man could ever redeem himself in my book, he goes and does something like this. I mean, look at you.” She says, gesturing to the giddy smile that I still haven't been able to shake.

             
It's been there since Zayne dropped me off this morning, after yet another amazing night on the yacht, and has lasted the entire day and now, into the late hours of the night.

             
“You seem really happy Grace.” She says, reaching across the table to squeeze my hand. “But I have to ask.” She lets out a long breath, her forehead scrunching up in apology. “Are you sure about this? I mean, do you really think it's a good idea to completely submerge yourself back into the same situation as before?”

             
“It's not the same as last time. Last time we were playing blindly. Neither of us knew what we wanted or how to handle the situation. But we've come a long way and I feel like I will be doing a disservice to myself if I don't see this through. Yes, it may blow up in my face and leave me with a hell of a lot of regret, but it could also be the one thing that has the power to free me.” I say, not sure if I'm trying to reassure her or myself.

             
“You know I won't ask again.” She says, holding her hands up in front of her. “I just needed to hear you say it out loud. But if you're sure.”

             
“I am.” I say, squeezing her hand. “I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I don't know what it is about him Bec. He makes me feel alive. Like when I am with him I am me and not the me that I let everyone else see but the real me.”

             
“He makes me laugh and infuriates me at the same time. He's impossible and yet I can't help but think he's absolutely perfect. And don't even get me started on what that man can do in the bedroom. I mean, seriously. I know I have nothing to compare it to but holy hell, there is no way that sex is like that for everyone. If it was, no one would ever stop. We would all just drop dead from too much sex.”

             
Simultaneously Becca and I both burst into laughter. “Holy shit. Did you really just say that?” She buckles over in a fit of giggles.

             
“Well. I mean, it's true.” I manage to get out through my laughter.

             
“What are you two doing over here?” Jake appears from behind Becca, laying a sweet kiss to her shoulder before pinning his eyes on me.

             
“Oh you know, just girl talk.” I say, swiping my hand through the air. This only causes Becca to laugh again, which in turn causes me to laugh again.

             
Jake shakes his head. “Women.” He laughs, dropping his arm over Becca's shoulder. “You about ready babe? I promised Rosie I would stop by
Ferro's
in the morning to help her with a few things.”

             
Becca glances my way, making sure our conversation is over before she heads out for the night. I give her a slight nod and then tack on a wink. Her smiles goes wide, clearly still laughing internally about my death by sex statement.

****

              Days go by with little incident and it's really starting to feel like Zayne and I have worked out a common ground and found a way to secretly co-exist. He's taken me to the most surreal places. From China Town to Time Square, there is very little of New York that I have not had a chance to explore.

             
While we have both agreed to continue to keep our relationship a secret, mainly from Alec, I have noticed over time that he has become less and less careful. What started out as him not even willing to drop me off outside of my apartment building has somehow morphed into him walking me to the front door and kissing me goodbye before we part.

             
Everyday feels more like a fairytale and while I find myself wishing and praying for this to never end, I can't help but feel like it's only a matter of time before it does. Call it pessimism or negativity but deep down in the pit of my stomach, I know something is going to happen. Something that is going to rip away the only person who has given me the strength and the courage to actually look forward to the future. A future. My future.

             
“Hey. What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?” Zayne squeezes my hand, pulling my attention back to the present.

             
“Sorry. I.... Sorry.” I repeat, laughing lightly at myself.

             
“Everything okay?” He asks, slowing his pace so that he can look at me.

             
“Yeah. Yeah everything is great.” I say, giving him a reassuring smile. “Thank you for today. I have been dying to see Em perform. She was brilliant up there.”

             
My mind immediately flashes back to less than an hour ago when I was watching my best friend prance and sing around the stage in one of the hottest musicals around. Zayne took me as a surprise and even managed to get front row seats for the Saturday matinee. Even after thanking him five hundred times, I still don't think he understands how much it meant to me. How much it means to me.

             
“She is very talented.” Zayne agrees. “I'm glad you had fun.” He says, giving me that sweet, lopsided smile that literally makes my insides turn to mush.

             
“Fun doesn't even begin to cover it. I can't describe what it felt like. You know, seeing her up there, living her dream. Proud. That's one word. I'm so very proud of her.” I say, realizing just how true my words are.

             
“I just can't believe that in the matter of a few days she will be gone. Obviously I am thrilled for her. I mean, Broadway on tour, that's huge and such great exposure, but I....”

             
“You're going to miss her.” He finishes my sentence, giving my hand another reassuring squeeze.

             
“I am.” I admit, still trying to come to grips with the news that Emma delivered just this morning. She will touring the States, getting to live her dream and experience everything she has ever wanted. Yes I am so very happy for her, but a little envious as well.

             
Things aren't happening the way I had hoped with my novel. Not that I have received bad news or anything but that's just it, I haven't heard anything. Ten different literary agents and not one phone call, not one letter. I try to remind myself to be patient, I've done my research and I know how long the process can take, but I have to admit that it's starting to weigh on me a bit.

             
“Stop worrying.” Zayne laughs, pulling me once again to the present. “It'll happen for you.” He says, bumping his shoulder against mine in a way that has somewhat become our comfort for one another. A silent contact that says 'everything is going to be okay'. It's strange that as much as we still don't know about one another, somehow we have formed our own silent way to communicate.

             
“Just one phone call Grace and I promise you, you would be off the ground running.” He says, returning to the offer he made just two days ago to call someone he knows in the literary world.

             
“One, you haven't even read it so how do you know if it's even any good and two, no. I have to do this on my own. It's the only way that I will feel truly good about it.” I say, laughing when his forehead scrunches together in dislike.

             
“I don't think I like your attitude.” He says, turning his face upwards like he's too good for this type of behavior.

             
I can't help but laugh at his playfulness and of course, a smack to the chest is completely warranted in this situation.

             
“Seriously Grace.” He says, his laughter falling away. “I may not have read your manuscript but I know just by simply speaking to you about it that it's bound to be a massive hit. There's no way that anything you produce would be anything less than spectacular.” He says, a dazzling smile spreading across his impossibly handsome face.

             
As much as I want to argue his logic, there's something about the way he's looking at me that eliminates my ability to do so. So what if I don't believe a word of it, the fact still remains that he seems very genuine and the thought of him thinking of me in such a way sends my insides swirling.

             
He believes in me, even if I don't believe in myself.

             
“Grace?” I hear Alec's voice before I see his face and acting on instinct, I pull my hand away from Zayne's arm at the very moment my eyes land on my brother's face.

             
“Zayne... What are you two.... What's going on?” He asks, his voice pulling tight. I can tell by the expression on his face that he's trying not to jump to any conclusions but he's struggling to see an alternative explanation.

             
Zayne speaks first. His voice coming out smooth, his face showing no signs of distress what so ever. “Hey man. I was just walking Grace home. I ran into her outside of the Broadway Theater and wanted to make sure she got home safely.” He says, not missing a beat.

             
“Oh Alec, it was amazing. You have to go see Em perform. She's magical.” I immediately jump in as if Zayne has somehow given me a silent queue.

             
“Yeah, I've been meaning to catch a show. Guess I'll have to wait though, with her going on tour and all.” He says. How does he know that Emma is leaving town when I only just found out hours ago?

             
“What are you doing here anyways?” I ask, for the first time realizing that he's here without warning which is very unlike him.

             
“I was just in the neighborhood.” He says, shrugging. “Thought I would see if you and Em wanted to grab some dinner. Celebrate her tour.” He says, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

             
Something about him seems off but deciding my paranoia is getting the better of me, I try to push past it and not over think things.

             
“Em won't be home for a couple of hours and I promised to join Carv for a late dinner. But I can cancel if you want.” I say, trying my best to keep it together even though I feel like my insides are trembling uncontrollably.

             
I pretend that I don't notice the look of dislike that crosses Zayne's face at the mention of Carver. I was so taken aback by him showing up to take me out this afternoon that I completely forgot to mention my dinner plans for the evening.

             
“No that's okay.” He says, seeming a little uncomfortable which in turn makes me even more paranoid.

             
“Oh okay. Well I really should get inside. Zayne, thank you for walking me home. It was nice seeing you again.” I say, throwing a friendly nod his way.

             
“You too Grace.” His response is immediate but his eyes don't reach my face.

             
“I'll see you later?” I ask Alec, giving him a swift hug and waiting for his acknowledgment before quickly making my way up the stairs towards the entrance of my building, taking two steps at a time.

             
“Bye guys.” I say on a wave, pushing my way inside. I get to the stairwell before the nerves that were rippling through me outside begin to show through.

             
My hands are trembling uncontrollably and I have to take several deep breathes to try to calm myself. Pulling out my cell, I send Zayne a quick text.

Do you think he suspects anything?

             
I make my way up the five flights of stairs and have just put my key into the door when my phone signals his response.

No. He seemed distracted but I don't think it was related.

              I breathe out a deep sigh and push my way inside. While the idea of getting caught by Alec is kind of a rush, like a teenager being caught by their parents, it somehow makes the act so much more thrilling and yet the fact that he almost
did
catch us, was anything but thrilling. More like down right terrifying. Mostly because I have absolutely no idea how he would react.