Embittered Ruby (23 page)

Then again, the idea of getting away held some appeal. Living far away from the whole mess. Starting over. Figuring out how to get through all the junk life had thrown at her. Help. Peace. Forgiveness. All things she desperately needed. But could she find them at Diamond Estates? Did they even exist?

“You have to be out of this apartment when?” Mom whispered.

“Thursday.” How had her life gotten so messed up?

“Thanksgiving? Well, you’re welcome at the apartment for Thanksgiving dinner, and you can spend the night if you have somewhere to be on Friday. I’ll borrow a car and drive you to the airport even. I suggest you do some thinking and praying. I’ll help you in any way I can, but ultimately, the choice has to be yours.”

“Diamond Estates, Ben Bradley speaking.”

Hang up. Just hang up. Forget the whole thing
. This was sheer lunacy.

“Hello? Is anyone there?” His voice grew a bit impatient.

Now or never. “Mr. Bradley?”

“This is he. How can I help you?”

It was only a conversation. It didn’t require a commitment to anything. Speak.

“Hi. I’m Carmen Castillo. You don’t know me, but I think you spoke with my mom recently.”

“Hi, Carmen. I’m glad you called. May I just say something to you before we start talking?”

“Uh. Sure.” That was odd. She’d expected to have to carry the conversation, even to have to beg to be let into the program.

“Jesus loves you.”

The words hit her body like a warm, enveloping hug. If it had been anyone else who’d spoken those words, at any other moment in her life, she’d have laughed at the cliché. But it was time for her to hear them, even if she couldn’t quite believe them.

“Why don’t you fill me in on all that’s been going on, Carmen? Let’s see if we can’t figure something out.”

Carmen poured out every detail, every kernel of dirty truth, and every bit of her shame. She laid it bare on those phone wires to Diamond Estates. She sensed they soared through Ben Bradley’s heart and landed at the feet of Jesus as though carried on a prayer. How did she know? Carmen had no idea. It made no sense, yet it felt real.

“That’s it. The end of the story.” Broken and spilled out, Carmen exhaled.

“Ah. But you’re so wrong. No, not the end of the story. The end of the nightmare. This part is when Jesus comes in and turns the weeping into laughing. The sadness into joy. And the emptiness into fullness.”

Did he always talk like a poet? It sounded great right then. But it might be weird when life was normal. Then again, would life ever be normal again? Was it ever before? Maybe it was time to create a new normal.

“All right. So let’s see what we can do about getting you here as soon as possible.”

“I’m homeless as of Thursday. I’d like to spend Thanksgiving with my mom and sisters. So I could leave Friday. If that’s too soon, I could probably stay with my dad until you are ready for me to come if I have to.”

“Nope. Friday is a good day. We’ll book you a flight and get the information to you. Will you be able to get to the airport, or do you need us to arrange for transportation?”

“I think I’ll have a ride. Can I call you back if I don’t?” Mom might have trouble borrowing a car the day after Thanksgiving. She could ask Dad…but…

“Absolutely. Can I pray for you?”

Here we go
.

“I can’t believe you’re actually doing it. You’re moving away? To Colorado? I thought it was all a big joke or something.” Harper’s lower lids filled with tears. “How can you leave us?” She sank to her knees on the carpet in front of the couch.

Mom clicked off the television.

“I have to go so I can come back and be the big sister you need me to be.” Carmen thought her heart would break at Harper’s sad little face. She’d let her sisters down at such a critical stage in their lives.

“Kim. Stay strong, okay? Don’t do something stupid like I did. Promise me.” Would Kim finally speak to her? It had been days. Thanksgiving dinner was silent. “It’s so hard to know you hate me. I love you, Kim.” Carmen turned to leave the room.

“I don’t hate you.” Kim pounded her fists on the coffee table. “I just…I don’t understand any of it. And I’m scared. And I’m mad. You were supposed to be the strong one. The smart one. Now what am I supposed to do? I needed you!”

“I know. I don’t have a lot of answers for you yet. But I’m going to get them. Can you wait? Will you keep yourself safe and out of trouble until I get back and can help you through all of this?”

Kimberley nodded.

“Do you promise me?”

Kim locked eyes with her big sister. “I mean, yeah. Fine. I’ll be good. Is that what you want to hear? I just think it’s selfish and wrong that it has to be this way.”

“It’s totally fair to feel like that, sis—to be angry. I wish it could be different. It’s just…Oh man, I’ve messed up my whole life, and I need a fresh start. Can you find a way to pray for me and want the best for me?”

“Of course I want the best for you, you big dummy. I just can’t figure out what happened to you. I guess you’re right. Maybe you do need to do this.” Kim shook her head. “I know I could never do it. No way.”

Kim was stronger than she knew. She wouldn’t have to do this because she’d never find herself in such a predicament. “Trust me. It’s not easy. But I think it may be my only chance.”

“I think I understand.”

Carmen’s shoulders sank as tension flooded away. An unfamiliar tugging of a smile tickled her face as she embraced Kim.

Harper scooted over on her knees and joined the huddle.

How long had it been since Carmen felt freedom from guilt and regret? Was that a permanent possibility, or was she sentenced to a lifetime of mourning?

Carmen pushed open a door exactly like the one she’d stared at during her own days in the hospital last week. “So when are they busting you out of here?” Would Diego be allowed to go home, or would they haul him off to jail right away?

“Hey! It’s my girlfriend. Come sit by Diego. He could use some company.”

That made two of them. Carmen slid onto the bed beside Diego and leaned her head on his shoulder. How had their friendship become so close? It seemed sort of ridiculous. Like they needed each other to get through the junk. “Seriously, though, when do you get out?”

“Oh, believe me, I’m not in any big hurry to leave the hospital. I’ll be going from here to jail. And then probably prison.”

“Yeah, I thought that might be the case.” Why did he talk normal when he wasn’t around his friends? Who was he pretending for? Her or them?

“So, it’s fine if they want to keep me around. The food’s better here. The nurses are way hotter than the guards.” Diego shrugged.

“Typical male.” Carmen’s nervous laugh croaked out more like a cackle.

They watched a string of dust wave from the ceiling vent across the room.

She’d been a complete stranger to him, yet he’d sacrificed so much for her and asked nothing in return. Carmen grabbed his hand. “I’m really sorry.”

“You got nothing to apologize for. If I didn’t get busted now, it would have been soon. And the next one mighta killed me.”

Carmen nodded. Probably very true.

“Okay. So what now? What happens to us?” Was there an
us
? Would they stay in touch and remain friends? Would Carmen have a pen pal in prison? Or should they cut their losses and say good-bye? How did something like this work?

“What happens now is you go get your life back together. You live a good one. Have a family when the time is right. Be the person you were meant to be, which is someone pretty special.” Diego smiled.

Carmen poked at a hole in the thin blanket. “What about you?”

“Me? It’ll be awhile before I have that chance, but I’d like to think it’ll come one day.”

“Diego?”

“Hmm?”

“I think you’re a big phony. I think you’re the best gangbanger
actor
there is, but it’s not you.” Carmen slid from the bed and took his hands. She looked into his eyes. “Listen to me. No matter what other people tell you, you are a special person. You have a lot of great qualities, and my life wouldn’t have been the same without you in it. Take that with you. Make it a part of who you are. You define who you are. Don’t let other people do it for you.”

“Word.” His eyes twinkled. “Diego gets it.”

Carmen kissed him on the cheek. “Some things never change.”

“Do you have everything you need?” Mom stood beside the open trunk of the car she’d borrowed from a Mary Kay friend to take Carmen to the airport.

“Now don’t go getting all maternal, Mom. You’ll start crying if you do.” Carmen didn’t think she could take looking at her mom’s cheeks lined with tears another time.

“Oh, I’m going to cry, you’d better believe it.” She looked down at Carmen’s luggage being wheeled away for curbside check-in. “Are you sure I shouldn’t be going with you to help you get settled and, you know, check things out?”

She was the one who had forced Carmen’s hand out of love. Now she was waffling for the same reason. “Nope. I need to do this on my own. You know what they say, I got myself into this mess.…”

Mom nodded. “Yeah, I can see why you’d feel that way, but it’s still hard to let go.” She grabbed Carmen’s chin. “You know I don’t want you to leave. I want you where you belong, sleeping down the hall from me every night. But circumstances being what they are, I believe this is the best way to get that back.” She peered into Carmen’s eyes. “You understand what I’m saying, right?”

“Yes. I do.” Oh no. The tears stung behind her eyelids. Carmen took a deep breath. “Let’s make it short and sweet. I’m going to go through security and get on my plane. You’re going to go home. I’ll call you when I get there before I have to turn in my phone and then after that as often as I can. Have faith in God and in me. Okay?”

“You got it. I love you.” She grabbed her daughter and pulled her close.

“I love you, too.” Carmen stepped away from the hug and backed toward the automatic doors. Once they closed in front of her, Carmen gave a little wave and turned away from her mom. She stepped toward the line to security.
Don’t cry
. She’d made it this far.
Don’t lose it now
. The tears burned. Rapid blinks helped some.
Think of something else. Anything
.