Embattled Home (20 page)

She looked down. Literally, all he could see were the blue straps over her shoulders. “You can’t see it.”

He shrugged. “It’s enough.”

Daring made Lora tense. She wanted to stand up out of the water to let him see her. The memory of the bold erection he had last time they came in here spurred her. Staring at him without blinking, she stood up.

Water cascaded down her body and the cool of the air made her shiver, but the heat in Chad’s eyes was enough to rewarm her. She stood in the middle of the tub for as long as she could. Then, courage depleted, she sank down into the water.

Chad gave her a lopsided smile. “I think I need to take back what I said before. You look gorgeous.”

The heartfelt statement filled her with a glow like no other. “Thank you,” she whispered. “You have no idea how much I appreciate hearing that.”

“It’s true. You’re a beautiful woman, Lora. You have to know that.”

She blinked at him and shook her head. “I haven’t felt beautiful for a long time.”

He seemed to understand that she wasn’t talking about her fading bruises.

“If I could kick the shit out of him again, I promise you I would.”

Lora nodded. “I know. And I would let you.”

“Lora, I will take care of you for as long as you let me. And in any way you want me to.”

Her throat tightened with emotion and she had to look away. “I know, Chad. It’s just hard letting go of all the baggage, you know?”

He snorted and made a funny face. “I don’t know anything about baggage.”

She shook her head, smiling at him. “Yours is a lot more under control than mine. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be with a man again. Standing up in front of you in a bathing suit was about all the courage I have right now.”

“Then that’s all you need. I’m not pressuring you for anything. Would I like to be in a relationship with you? Hell yes, I would. Though it’s unethical and unwise, I’m seriously attracted to you. But there’s no time limit on it. I’ve been attracted to you for a long time and I’m willing to wait ten times that long if that’s what it takes.”

Lora swirled her arms through the water. “As much as I appreciate that, I don’t think it’s fair to you.”

“Why?”

She made a motion with her hand. “Because. I don’t know if I would ever be able to be with you.”

He seemed to be digesting her words. “Well, let’s take it one step at a time, okay? We’ll do what you’re comfortable with and build on that.”

She leaned her head back against the rim of the tub. The hot water was nice but it wasn’t easing her like it had before. Probably because she had too many thoughts swirling in her head. She replayed his words in her mind and she wondered what her limit was.

Lora lifted her head to look at Chad. He had his head back against the tub like she had, the long ridge of his throat arched back. The dark brown hair was still dry and had grown in a little bit over the past week and a half. She was on his left side and her eyes traced over the scarring that climbed his neck to his hairline behind his ear. They didn’t seem as obvious to her as they used to. And now that she was this close, she could see that the tattoo was of a pair of combat boots and a rifle propped up in the middle, with a helmet hanging from the tip of the rifle. “Can you talk about what happened?”

He rolled his head to her voice and she realized she’d drifted closer to him, just a couple feet away. For a long minute he didn’t say anything, his bright blue eyes darkened by the intimacy of the gazebo and pain from his memories.

She swallowed heavily, rethinking her request. “You don’t have to. I shouldn’t have asked.”

Lora started to push away, but he lifted his left hand out of the water to her. Automatically, she took his fingers in her own and let him draw her down to the bench beside him. They weren’t touching anywhere else, just at their fingers, but the connection between them leapt.

“We’d just been pinned down in a firefight. Duncan, the partner you talked to on the phone, arrived with backup just in time and we kicked serious ass. My guys were in a euphoric mood because a lot of them were newbies, wet behind the ears. It had been their first fight and we didn’t lose anybody. One of the guys, Mike Dodd, came up and showed me a malfunctioning weapon. We worked it out and took off at a jog to catch up with the rest of the men. Dodd looped around a rock, rather than following the trail like everybody else had, and he stepped on an IED.”

He went silent then and Lora found herself squeezing his misshapen hand under the water between both of hers. The pain in his eyes made her heart ache for him. She never should have asked.

“Mike Dodd was eighteen years old. A baby. Got blown in half by that damn bomb. The only good thing, if there is good in this, is that he didn’t suffer. I was told he was dead before he hit the ground. My foot was obliterated and everything on that side got fried. I remember Duncan leaning over me and somebody saying the word tourniquet and everything went black.”

“I was in hospitals for months. Walter Reed for a while, then they shipped me down to San Antonio.”

“I can’t imagine what you went through. The pain had to be excruciating.”

He laughed, but it was without his usual humor. “You have no idea. Being burned is…” His voice drifted away and he ended by shaking his head. She didn’t blame him.

Lora felt like she needed to share something equally as traumatic.

“Mercy wasn’t my first baby.”

Chad looked at her, brows raised.

“When Derek talked me into marrying him, we started trying for a baby. Within two weeks I had conceived. I rushed home to tell him our wonderful news and found him screwing the maid. Well, I let my mouth fly. Told him what an ass he was and how only small men cheated.” She paused, swallowing convulsively. The memories from that night were as clear as if they had happened yesterday. “That was the first time he raped me. I spent that night in the emergency room miscarrying.”

Chad’s grip tightened on her hand painfully before releasing and she looked at him. Fury blazed in his eyes. “Why didn’t somebody at the hospital say something? Did you report him?”

“I did,” she sighed. “Several times. I only found out later that the sheriff was getting kickbacks from the family.”

Chad was vibrating with tension. His jaw was clenched and his brows were furrowed, but he kept his touch gentle. The anger didn’t scare Lora. She knew it wasn’t directed at her.

“So how did you break away?”

She smiled, thinking of the most terrifying, most liberating day of her life. “I squirrelled away money here and there. Looked for a shelter out of state that would take us in. Once I had everything in line, I drove away. Sold the Mercedes he bought me and used the cash to start over.”

He ran a finger down her cheek and turned her face to him. “That was incredibly brave.”

Lora shook her head. “I had to. They were talking about Mercy as if she were a piece of furniture. What schools she would go to, families she could marry into. It was ridiculous. She was three, you know? Just a baby. And I knew it would only be a matter of time before she was physically in danger, too.”

He nodded, lifting her hand to press a kiss to her fingers. “You did exactly what you were supposed to do to protect your child.”

“The hard part was filing for divorce. Once he knew what state I was in, he hired people to find me. I think he would have eventually given up if it hadn’t been for Rosalind driving him. Derek could have cared less about the divorce. He was able to screw whomever he wanted and not worry about backlash once I was gone. I didn’t want money. But it looked bad for the family name. And the business.”

She swirled her hand through the water. “Recently he’s been pestering me more often. Sending Mercy gifts. I don’t know what he’s up to.”

“We were supposed to find evidence that you were unfit,” he told her quietly. “That was the gist of our assignment.”

Lora knew the hurt was in her eyes when he went down to the floor of the tub in front of her.

“Listen to me. I knew within days that you were the perfect mother for Mercy. I watched you care for her and play with her. I sent in a report stating that the first week I was assigned your case, but the Malones insisted I continue with the surveillance. So I did. But even after several weeks I didn’t find fault with anything you did. At all. I think you should be nominated for Mother of the Year after all the crap you’ve been through.”

Lora gave a sobbing laugh and allowed herself to lean forward against his shoulder. He rubbed her arms and she thought he pressed a kiss to her temple.

“We’re not doing very good on the relaxation front, are we?”

She shook her head against him. “We’re not. Maybe we can try to start over?”

He pulled away enough to press a kiss to her forehead, then pushed back up onto the bench beside her. “Definitely. Put your head back and just let go.”

Lora did as he suggested, trying to let some of the worry dissipate. For a few minutes she just let herself drift in the gently swirling water. Chad bumped into her a few times with the motion of the water, but she didn’t mind it. It was enjoyable actually. She clasped his hand again and he gave her a little squeeze.

That tiny connection made her heart race, and she wondered again what her limit was.

“Chad,” she said softly.

“Yeah.”

“Do you think you can…” She paused to drag in a deep breath. “Do you think you can kiss me?”

Chad straightened in the water, his eyes latching onto hers. “Is that what you want?”

She forced her head up and down, but began to have second thoughts. Chad must have seen something in her expression because he shook his head. “As much as I want to, I’m not going to kiss you. You’re going to kiss me. That way you will know when you need to stop.
If
you need to stop. Do you understand?”

She nodded her head, excitement singing through her blood again.

“I’m not going to touch you unless you tell me to. My hands will be on the rim of the tub the entire time. Are you sure you want to do this? If you’re not ready I understand.” His eyes narrowed on her face and he smiled suddenly, big and brilliant. “Do you believe I’m trying to talk you out of kissing me? Fuck that!”

Both of his strong hands went to the rim of the hot tub and he looked at Lora with a cute, expectant expression on his face. Unable to contain her own smile, Lora drifted forward, but stayed to his left kneeling on the bench. Resting one hand on his tense shoulder, she leaned in close enough to press her lips to his.

Chad tasted of sweetness and sex. And some dangerous spice that made her moan and search for more. Opening her lips, she teased across his, unable to believe how good he tasted. His lips opened slightly and his head tilted to seal with hers, nudging her to move in tiny touches. Lora thought she was in control of her own body, but she found herself drifting closer, until her breasts brushed against his solid chest. It didn’t bother her, or repel her. Actually, she wanted more. Tightening her grip on him, she shifted her hands to his stubbled face. He groaned deep in his throat and she felt his slick abs contract. For the barest millisecond of time, she thought he was going to grab her, but he didn’t. His hands were still on the edge of the tub, white knuckled from gripping so tight.

As he’d promised, he hadn’t moved. Lora tore her lips away, panting in the steam. She rested her cheek against his and dragged in great draughts of air. Then slowly, regretfully, she pushed away to the other side of the tub.

Chad stared at her hard, his face flushed and his lips parted. His hands slipped down inside the water and she knew he was gripping his erection. The thought made her hotter than she already was.

“I had to quit, I’m sorry.”

But he was already shaking his head. “Don’t you dare apologize to me. You have nothing to apologize for. That was the best first kiss I’ve ever experienced.”

Heat flushed through her and she searched his face, trying to decide if he was telling her the truth or not. It had rocked her like nothing she’d ever felt before. But she didn’t have the experience he did, she was sure.

Lora shifted on the bench, very aware that she was wet and aroused beneath her suit. Her nipples were still hard, remembering how it felt to chafe against his chest.

“You’re excited, aren’t you?” he asked, grinning.

“I am,” she admitted.

His eyes darkened. “I am too.”

Three simple words completely wrecked her thinking.

“Promise me something.”

She tilted her head. “What?”

“Any time you want to do that, you come to me. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing at the time. If you need me, you come to me.”

Unable to imagine doing what he said, but entranced nonetheless, she nodded her head.

They left just a few minutes after that. Lora watched Chad get out and sit on the towel, blatant erection straining his briefs. He shrugged and grinned when he noticed her looking.

Once again, Lora was plagued by dreams of incredible kisses and erections behind wet cotton. She woke up at four thirty and couldn’t go to sleep again. It had been the same for two days now, this constant need and wonder plaguing her.

Wrapping her sweater around her, she padded out the bedroom door and down the hallway. She had almost passed Chad’s doorway when she heard thrashing. Easing the door open, she peered inside.

Chad moved restlessly on the mattress, hands clutched in the sheet. A harsh frown contorted his face and he lifted an arm as though someone were about to hit him. Moving closer to the bed, Lora reached out and rested her hand on his forehead. It had calmed him before. And it did this time as well. He stilled beneath her touch, his breathing deepening.

She stood there, stroking her hand through his thick hair for precious minutes. It was still dark outside the bedroom window, but there was enough moonlight that she could see the relaxation settle across his face.

As the minutes dragged by, she continued to stand there, gently running her fingers across his scalp. She felt…indulgent. It had started out as a way to soothe him, but it was having the exact same effect on her. At one point she looked down and his eyes were slitted open. She jerked her hand away. He hadn’t made a sound.