Eluding Nirvana (The Dark Evoke Series Book 2) (26 page)

“I ask you not to say anything, because if you do, you’ll have a way of finally convincing me that I didn’t deserve this, and then I have to accept the reality of what
this
actually is.”

Shifting in the seat, I went to pull the release of the door when Walker a
sked if I wanted him to join me and watch a movie, maybe order some takeout. But I knew it was the pity talking. I shook my head, muttering, “I just want to be on my own,” and ejected myself from the truck, slamming the door shut behind me.

“Kady,” I tuned on my heel as he called my name, that tongue of his rolling over the ‘D’ yet again. I was getting used to being called Katy by him now. As I looked back I saw he was stretched over the seat, left arm resting on the steering wheel. “Happy birthday,” he called, his voice journeying from the lowered window.

Peeking down at my right wrist, and the silver bracelet which adorned it, I smiled. “Thank you,” I breathed, before making my way up the front steps and into an empty house to spend the remainder of my birthday fighting a voice that was screaming for my attention.

Its
name was, Truth.

T
he remainder of the evening I spent puttering around the house, polishing, tidying, anything I could think of to stop myself replaying the conversation Walker and I had engaged in while in the truck, along with that tempting voice whispering obscenities of how stupid I was for not listening to it when it only wanted to help me. I cooked some pasta and covered it with a generous helping of cheese, which I was surely going to pay for. Still, the time was ticking at a snail’s pace.

It was 8:45 p.m. when I decided to run a bath. We’d lived
there for five, nearly six months, yet the tub still went unused. I should’ve known it was going to be a mistake as soon as I had begun running it. Draining the oils under the faucet, I watched dazed as it fused with the cascading water, the foamy bubbles materializing almost immediately.

I’d slipped out of my clothing, lowered myself into the foam and rest
ed my head back against the side, allowing the diminutive bobbing and swaying of the waves to manipulate my heavy arms into weightless limbs. It was when a void in the bubbles appeared as I gathered them in my arms, giving me an unobstructed view of the sight I had avoided placing my eyes on for quite some time, that had my lungs ripped of breath.

Bronzed flesh colored with
a plastering of black, purple, reds and yellow, caused my stomach to constrict and my heart…my heart was shattering. I knew because I could feel the splinters it was leaving in my chest as I recalled that Friday morning, just eleven days ago.

How can someone who says they love
you, do that to you?
The voice in my head whispered, while the voice of denial and justification told me, that if he didn’t lash out after my accusation, it would have been a sure sign that my insinuation was indeed one of fact.

The knot in m
y gut was weighing me down. To avoid from drowning, I stepped out of the tub. If only I could have admitted that it wasn’t water I was going to drown in.

Body wrapped in the
warmth of a fluffy towel, I made my way through to the bedroom and into the walk-in-closet. It was when I started tugging on some pink yoga pants and a red camisole that I heard a faint beep. What the fuck was that? Listening intently, I heard it again. It appeared to be sounding from Liam’s rails.

I began r
ummaging through his suit jackets, the beep got louder as I approached his black Armani. My eyes widened in surprise as my hand dipped into his breast pocket and my cellphone was fished out. I’d been wondering for days where it had been hiding. And it was beeping because the battery was almost at zero.

I strolled down the stairs
and surfaced in the kitchen, where I pulled the spare drawer open that housed the chargers and odd bits and bobs. The batteries continuation of its dramatic demise ceased when I hooked it up to the charger. I pulled up a message informing me of one voice message. With the handset connected to the charging cable, I dialed my voicemail.

“K
ady, its Mom. I’m sorry to call
again
but we’ve left message after message and still haven’t heard back from you, and we really need an answer.”

Perplexed, my brow knitted as I continued listening to my mom sniffling at the other end.

“I know that you and Brittany aren’t talking, but you’re not kids anymore. You’re grown adults, so I’m not going to force you both into a room and not have you leave until things are back to normal…”

Damn right
she wouldn’t.

A crippling sigh from the
recording had my lips set in a firm line. “Kady, she’s promised she’ll stay away from you, just please. She had two grandchildren and loved you both dearly, but you were her first…”

Wait…what?
A tremor surged from my knees, up my thighs and hips. I had to lean back onto the unit to maintain holding the weight which was physically crushing my body.

“
You’ll regret it if you don’t say goodbye.”

Goodbye? My breathing caught. I held my breath, like the longer I held it, the longer time would pass without hearing the words which followed.

“Your Nan’s funeral is next Thursday. Why am I telling you this? I’ve told you on every one of the messages I’ve left when it is, so you already know. I’m sorry; I’m all over the place. Kady, you didn’t come when I told you she was sick. You didn’t have a chance to say goodbye. Don’t let this chance pass. I love you, Kady.”

In a daze, I ended the call and set it on the counter. Isn’t it funny how when the world crumbles away at your feet,
the only thing you can hear is the air passing your ears as you fall into oblivion. I knew for a fact I hadn’t had any phone calls when I had my phone. Dammit, I hadn’t had any voicemails. The only time those calls could have been made was when my handset went missing.

Liam?

Deceived, that’s what it was. I felt deceived and confused, enraged, lost, and…

Endeavoring to keep my fe
et firmly planted on the ground and disallow it to crumble farther, I ran to the sink. Everything in my gut was evacuated before I could halt its progression up my throat.

My h
ead misted over while my stomach flipped, my nails bored into my palms as my fists grew tighter. I couldn’t make heads or tails of anything; it was like I wasn’t really there. It was a dream, a nightmare, none of this was real. I was waiting for the ground which was swallowing me whole to spit me back out and solidify under my feet. But it wasn’t. I was tumbling, freefalling down a chasm with jagged edges, scraping myself on those painful pieces of rock, but still, my body wasn’t physically in pain. Adrenaline was overriding everything.

Frantic, I recovered my purse and hastily opened the side zipper. With Walker’s number between my fingers,
I focused on dialing the number, anything to put my hands to another use which wouldn’t include me smashing up the place.

“Walker?” I was panting.

“Kady? What’s the matter, darlin’? Everything alright?”

I shook my head,
although I knew he couldn’t see me. My mind was blurred, dense and screaming. “Where are you?”

“McGinty’s. What’s the matter?”

“I need to see you. Now.”

“
Okay, just calm down. I’ll come over, give me a few min––”

“No, stay there. I’m leaving now.” I hung up, le
aving my phone on charge while I gathered my purse, slipped on my flats and scampered out of the door.

“Hey,” I
flagged down the passing cab while making a hasty descent down the steps. He pulled over, allowing me to slip inside. I told him where to take me and offered twenty dollars tip if he could get me there in less than fifteen minutes, and another ten if he didn’t talk to me.

Safe to say, h
e earned his thirty dollar tip.

The back of my left hand was red, scrapped and on fire by the time I arrived at McGinty’s. I barged through the door, spotting Walker at the bar
outing his cigarette as he turned to face me, creases marring his brow. Frozen, his large body turned to stone as I charged amongst the throng of people obstructing the walkway, and threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck while standing on tiptoe and permitting his neck to muffle my sobs.

I felt one hand in my hair, resting at the back of my head, while the other was set between my shoulder blades.
“Jesus, Kady. What’s happened?” When I failed to answer, I heard him ask, “Da, can we go out back?” Carriag must have agreed because next thing I know, I was being steered from the rowdiness of the bar, into the calmness of the back room. “What’s happened?” he pressed again, the sound of him locking the heavy door echoed behind us.

“My nan. I haven’t been able to find my phone for days. I found it in one of Liam’s pockets in the closet. I had a voicemail from my mom saying she’s been
trying to get in touch with me,” the words spewed from my mouth at a frantic pace and I saw he had trouble keeping up. “My nan’s dead, Walker, and Liam has been intercepting all of my messages and calls so I didn’t know.”

His muttering of “Jesus Christ,” was shadowed by
careful arms gathering around me, taking special care not to touch my ribcage, while he drew me into the consoling warmth of his chest. It was only the feel of his heart drumming like a brass band against my cheek that managed to appease my sobbing. “I’m so, so sorry, darlin’. Is there anything I can do?”

My own breaths were ragged when I pulled away. My hands
, already fisted into tight balls at my sides, began to gather into my hair. Like a cornered animal, I studied the small, dimly lit room we were standing in, but not actually taking anything in. “I–I…” tears came harder, my chest was tight, my heart thrumming as adrenaline thwarted my system. “I can’t do this…I…I can’t think, I can’t breathe, I feel like I’m suffocating on so much rage, so much…” My words trailed off, only to be molded into a lengthy grief-stricken roar. Before realization could halt me, a balled, bloodless fist, rapidly connected with the white painted brick wall. Twice.

T
he shooting pain of the joining surged from my knuckles up my arm into my elbow as it trembled in both shock and temper.

“Kady,
enough!” For the first time since meeting him, he actually shouted at me. His demand had me stopping dead, but I still couldn’t comprehend and extinguish the wildfire which seared through my entirety making it impossible to breathe. My body was swelling and heating with so many conflicting emotions. I couldn’t deal with this. I needed to stop that swelling; I needed to release it, to breath, to free myself of The Devil behind my emotions.

I needed to feel numb.

He stepped toward me, his jaw sturdy, his head held high. I’d not seen him like that before, he was virtually…domineering. That look in his eye, he knew…he knew just like he’d known what I had done in the restroom of Hamersley’s that night less than two weeks ago.

My lips trembled. “Help me.”

Sucking in a deep breath, his head remained held high, his shoulders back. “Turn around, hands on the desk.”

I didn’t question him.
He knew how he could help me, what I needed, that was blatantly clear. So I did as instructed.

My
head hung low focusing on the swirling patterns of the wooden desk, my palms flat against it. He tugged down my yoga pants in one swift motion. But I didn’t care. I knew he knew…and I trusted in his judgment. Through rough, rutted breaths I heard the wrenching of leather, before he stated sternly, “This is just to help you, Kady. You tell me when to stop. I need to be able to trust you to tell me when to stop. Do you understand?”

I nodded. “Please,
just fucking do it!” I screamed my hysteria, my body temperature so high I was certain I was going to self-combust, while the desk brooked a beating of my right hand in sheer desperation. Tears of irritation and displeasure seeped from my eyes as oxygen lingered in my throat. “DO IT!”

Then
, with a catching of his breath, the sound of his belt slicing through the air followed by the bite of it as it connected with my backside had me stiffening. The polished surface was gripped forcefully by tightening hands. My face contorted on a whimper while another sharp bite, followed by another, had me breathless. Still, I wasn’t even close to what I needed. I continued to shake with adrenaline, tears of confusion and frustration bled from my eyes, the wooden surface underneath me catching each splattering. The swelling of emotions was nowhere near alleviated, and in those moments, the fraught urgency I felt alone, would’ve been enough to sway me to do something dangerous just to relieve them within a heartbeat.

“Harder, please, Walker, Harder…
”

With
heavy, ragged breaths and a menacing grunt, he stood aside, and the dividing of air was the loudest I’d ever heard in my life. Whatever air I successfully managed to gather in my lungs between lashes was ousted on a pleading yell as the power behind his belt intensified upon my command. Winded as the sting radiated across my ass cheeks in a form of welts, up to my throat, hands which braced my weight tautened, and my head was thrown back, while every muscle in my body tensed beyond any strength they’d ever endured.