Elspeth Hart and the Perilous Voyage (4 page)

6

The Extremely Elegant Hair and Beauty Salon

Poppy and Pippy, the ladies in charge of the
HMS Unsinkable
Extremely Elegant Hair and Beauty Salon, were setting down their cases and looking around the smart new salon in excitement. They were cousins who came from a long line of ladies who had done the hair of important people in history – they had just finished a stint helping the
queen try out some new hairstyles.

“Isn’t this ship smashing, Poppy?” said Pippy, who had long purple hair with a fringe.

“Yes, it’s smashing, Pippy!” said Poppy, who wore her black hair in a sweeping style.

Poppy and Pippy were very cheerful ladies. They thought pretty much everything was smashing. But they
didn’t
think it was smashing when a horrible smell filled the room and a claw-like hand appeared out of the large cupboard where their uniforms were kept.

“Aargh!” shrieked Poppy and Pippy, as Miss Crabb and Gladys Goulash lurched out of the cupboard.

Miss Crabb nabbed them as they tried to run out of the door. “Gotcha!” she cackled.

She grabbed a big pile of ribbons and tied them up tightly. Then she smirked.

“I’m sorry, my dears, but you are no longer needed on this ship,” she said. “We will be taking over. YOU will be staying in that storeroom down the hall. Don’t worry, we’ll throw you some food and water every day! Eee-hee-hee!”

And with that, Miss Crabb and Gladys Goulash bundled Poppy and Pippy down the corridor and into a dark little room marked
Beauty Salon Store.

They marched back into the salon looking smug. Then Miss Crabb threw a uniform at Gladys Goulash.

“Put this on,” she ordered, wriggling into one herself. Miss Crabb was tall and skinny, so her uniform was too short. Gladys Goulash was short and wide, so her uniform was too tight. They looked in the mirror, putting their wigs back on and feeling very pleased with themselves. Miss Crabb’s wig was just like Poppy’s glamorous hair do and Gladys Goulash had a long purple wig with a fringe, like Pippy.

Gladys Goulash picked her nose and munched on a bogey thoughtfully.

“What do we have to do now?” she asked. “Are we hairdressers or something?”

“Gah!” said Miss Crabb. She sat down opposite Gladys and prodded her arm to make her pay attention. “We do hair
and
beauty. You know, painting toenails, that sort of thing. Remember, we have to pretend to be those ladies, Poppy and Pippy. We don’t want to be found out.”

Miss Crabb picked up a black crayon and drew a blob on her cheek. “Poppy has a beauty spot right here. And Pippy has big eyelashes.” She took a pair of false eyelashes from her handbag and handed them to Gladys Goulash, who stuck them on and scratched her head.

“So remember,” Miss Crabb said slowly, “your name is Pippy Delamere and you are a
trained beautician
.”

“And is this how we’re going to make our millions?” asked Gladys.

“No, you fool!” cried Miss Crabb. She leaped up and started hopping from one foot to the other in frustration. “That’s not the plan! The plan is to make it to New York where nobody knows us, so we can start making that Extra-special Sticky Toffee Sauce!”

“Ooh!” said Gladys. “I get it. Well, I’d better get practising.” Gladys hauled herself
to her feet and picked up a pair of scissors. “Shall I trim your hair for you?”

“This is not my hair, it’s a wig, you nitwit!” shrieked Miss Crabb. “Practise painting your nails instead.” She threw a bottle of nail varnish at Gladys. Then she stormed to the door, turning the sign around to say OPEN.

“Stay on your guard, Gladys Goulash,” Miss Crabb said. “You’re not a dinner lady any more. You are a beautician. And the
HMS Unsinkable
Extremely Elegant Hair and Beauty Salon is open for business.
Do not let me down.”

Just then, the ship’s whistle blew. It was almost time for the
HMS Unsinkable
to set sail.

7

The
HMS Unsinkable
Sets Sail

“We need a really good hiding place, somewhere safe,” Elspeth said to Rory. “Once we have that, we can work out where the hair and beauty salon is. If anyone notices us, we’ll say we’re travelling with our parents.” Elspeth felt sick with nerves. She’d never been on a boat before … let alone a cruise ship with
two dangerous criminals on board.

Rory nodded. “You said we need to find Crabb and Goulash before they find us,” he said. “Well, Lazlo can help with that. He’d sniff Gladys Goulash out if she was nearby.”

“Good. Let’s start exploring!” Elspeth said.

They opened the cabin door and peeked out. The coast was clear.

They climbed the stairs to the highest level on the ship and walked along a corridor so thickly carpeted that their feet sank into it. They passed a huge ballroom with a grand piano and sparkling chandeliers.

“That’s even bigger than the ballroom in my house,” Rory said in wonder. As they moved on, Lazlo started bopping up and
down on his shoulder. “Lazlo can smell someone! We need to hide!” Rory said.

They ducked through a door into another corridor. This one was painted grey and it was much less fancy than the other parts of the ship they’d seen. They ran along it as fast as they could and, just as they turned a corner, they heard a slam followed by the sound of footsteps. Then they stopped short. They’d reached a dead end.

“What now?” Rory turned to Elspeth in fright. “We can’t get out of here. We’ll be caught!” He tucked Lazlo into his pocket to keep him out of sight.

“There’s a ladder!” Elspeth rushed over to a red ladder attached to the wall and started climbing it. “We can go through this hatch.”

They scrambled up and burst through the hatch, finding themselves on the main
deck. Hundreds of people were milling about and drinking champagne. Rory quickly slammed the hatch closed behind them.

As they moved further into the crowd, the hatch burst open again. Elspeth and Rory froze.

A head appeared in the hatch, then a very cross face, then a large body in a tweed suit. It was Petunia, the lady whose cabin they’d hidden in. She staggered on to the deck, looking very upset.

“There you are, Albert!” she shrieked, throwing herself into her husband’s arms. “You shouldn’t have left me when I went to find the dining rooms. I took a wrong turn and ended up in the most GHASTLY corridor! It was painted the most depressing shade of grey. Oh, I feel quite seasick.”

“You can’t be seasick, dear, the ship isn’t moving yet,” said her husband, patting her on the back. “And there’s a very calm forecast, so you’ve nothing to worry about.”

Elspeth breathed out in relief. They weren’t in any trouble … yet. Then she spotted a tall lady in a bright red dress, holding an angry-looking cat. “There’s Lady Spewitt,” she whispered to Rory. “She was mentioned in that newspaper article about the
HMS Unsinkable
. She and her husband are the richest couple in the UK. That’s her cat, Tinkiewinks. He goes everywhere with her.”

Rory looked worried. “Lazlo’s really scared of cats,” he said. “Let’s move to the other side of the deck.”

But before they could go anywhere, Tinkiewinks raised his nose in the air and
sniffed. He gave a hiss, leaped out of Lady Spewitt’s arms and shot towards Elspeth and Rory. Lady Spewitt hurried after him and Elspeth’s heart started thumping as the woman approached.

“Awfully excitable, aren’t you, Tinkiewinks?” Lady Spewitt said, scooping up the cat and stroking his head.

She looked at Elspeth and Rory more closely, glancing at Elspeth’s rucksack and her scruffy dress.

“Are you two allowed to be here by yourselves?” she asked suspiciously.

“Oh yes, of course we are!” Elspeth replied, stepping in front of Rory. “Mummy and Daddy are just unpacking,” she added.

Lady Spewitt raised her eyebrows then moved off, clutching Tinkiewinks tightly.

Rory gave a sigh of relief. “Lazlo’s trembling, he’s so terrified. We need to keep him away from that stupid cat or—”

His voice was drowned out by the sound of the ship’s horn. A loud cheer went up
from the passengers.

“We’re off!” someone shouted.

And the
HMS Unsinkable
, with her 8,000 passengers and sparkling chandeliers and ballroom and swimming pool and fancy beauty salon, moved slowly away from the dock and started her very first voyage.

Elspeth and Rory leaned on the railing and gazed out at the crowds on the pier getting gradually smaller as the ship sailed away. But then Elspeth had an awful thought.

“Rory! What about Mum and Dad?” she gasped. “What if they come home, and I’m in New York? They’ll
never
find me! What can I do?”

Rory thought fast. “It’s OK,” he said. “You can send a message in a bottle! Quick!” He grabbed an empty lemonade bottle from
a nearby table and shook out the last drops. “Write them a note.”

“Rory, that stuff only works in stories,” Elspeth said in despair. “It won’t get to them.”

“Do it right now, before we’re too far from shore,” Rory said. “Come on, Elspeth. You’re always telling me not to give up. It’s worth a shot!”

Elspeth knew he was right. She scribbled a quick note to her mum and dad and wrote their address on the other side of the paper. Then Rory shoved the message in the bottle, screwed the lid on tightly and handed it back to her. “Quickly,” he said. “Don’t let anyone see you.”

Elspeth leaned out and threw the bottle over the side. The ship was so huge that they didn’t even hear the splash when it
landed in the water. Elspeth gazed down for a moment, then turned back to Rory.

“Come on,” she said. “Let’s go inside. We’ll find a place to sleep tonight, then we can make a proper plan for getting the recipe back.”

They slipped through the crowds and down some stairs. Elspeth paused in front of a door marked
Store
.

“This might be a good hiding place,” she said. She opened the door and looked inside. It was empty, apart from a pile of blankets on a shelf and a broom in the corner. It was a small space, but it didn’t look like it was used much. She flopped down on to the floor with a sigh.

“We can hide out here,” she said. She got out her notebook. “I saw a sign saying the salon is down on level four of the
ship – that’s right at the bottom. I think I need to go on an exploring mission before we search for the recipe. That’s what a detective would do – to get an idea of where everything is.”

“That’s a good start,” Rory said. He got Lazlo out of his blazer pocket and let him have a run around. “I just hope no one comes in here.”

Elspeth and Rory had no idea, dear reader, that someone had been watching them creep along the passage. And that someone knew
exactly
where they were hiding.