Authors: Colleen Oakes
“What’s wrong with my dress?”
Lizette looked at the girl like she was the biggest idiot she’s ever seen. “Are you aware, little missy, that only the bride is supposed to be wearing WHITE? Mah bride is upstairs throwing a fit because you didn’t have time to look at an etiquette book. You need to get one of your ‘boys’” - she raised her fingers to make quotes - “to go get you another dress that does not steal the limelight or take away from the beauty of Lucia.”
The woman’s mouth dropped open.
“Don’t sit there with your mouth hanging open like some sort of gulley fish. Go get a new dress, or you can kiss this fat check in my pocket for you and your band good-bah.” Lizette waved her hand dismissively and spun on her heel.
The singer stood perfectly still for a moment with her eyes closed before she took a deep breath and flipped open her phone
. Don’t worry about it,
thought Elly
. This wedding has made us all compromise our better judgement.
Elly averted her eyes back to the floral arrangement she had been touching up and tried to look as busy as possible.
“Ellyyy Jordan, my my. These look…well, they look incredible. I do say, I had my doubts and I let Sunny know them, but this has all turned out to be quite exquisite. I’m not easily impressed. I went down and looked at the ceremony site with Ashlee here – which was just about as helpful as looking at it by mahself – and I was satisfied. It’s like its own little Eden paradise.”
She grabbed Elly’s arm roughly, her long red fingernails digging into her arm. “Listen,” she hissed. “Did you think about mah offer? Because I have kept my mouth shut about your little secret.”
Elly shook her arm free. “Lizette! I am not going to talk with you about this now. We are running behind and I have work to do – don’t you?”
Lizette raised an eyebrow. “I suppose you’re right. I’ll find you later.”
Elly turned her back to her and headed down one of the aisles.
“Oh darhlin.”
Elly turned, on the edge of fury.
“Did you notice that this rose here is looking a little wilty? It’s a bit like you.” Lizette pulled the rose out of the centerpiece and flicked it to the floor.
Elly heard a gasp of air behind her and a shrill bark of anger. Ardelle flew forward past her, lunging at Lizette, her short lavender nails clawing at the air.
“How dare you touch my work? Who are you to destroy a masterpiece?” she screamed.
Elly flung her arms around Ardelle, but wasn’t fast enough. Ardelle’s nail grazed the side of Lizette’s cheek, drawing a paper-thin line of blood.
“What the…” Lizette let out a string of curses, suitable for a sailor. “My gawd, what is happening? You did NOT just touch MAH face.” She looked both surprised and terrified.
Elly wrapped her arms around Ardelle, trapping her arms to her side. “Calm down!” she yelled.
Ardelle nodded, and Elly could feel the tension make her body go rigid.
Ardelle pointed her chin at Lizette. “Who are you to touch zees flowers? This creation took me three hours, and you have ze audacity to pluck a rose out of it?” She bared her teeth at Lizette. “Why did you touch it? It’s not yours, it’s mine! Do you know much time I put into this arrangement? How I put zat rose right in that place so that it would complete the design aesthetic? I have more talent in my little finger…” She held the rose in her hands, in front of Lizette’s wide eyes. “Does zis rose look wilty to you? Or does it look like a perfect bloom? In France, women pay much money to have zeir roses look of this consistency. But you don’t know that – no!”
Ardelle struggled under Elly’s arms.
I don’t know how much longer I can hold her,
thought Elly,
she’s very strong for someone so petite
.
“You don’t see the beauty, because you are too busy with your trailer trash hair and those heels, zey are made for strippers! Do you know, if you remove this from the water – it dies? You knew zat, correct? Perhaps you are not from here, but here, we leave our flowers in water.”
Lizette held a shaking finger in front of her face. “Are you talking to me ME, mah dear? I can’t tell because of your ridiculous Euro-trash accent.” Her voice was unsteady, and Elly could see that her confidence was broken.
Lizette continued. There was no trace of her Southern accent when she spoke this time. “Do not come near me…again. Do you hear me?” She turned to Elly, eyes blazing. “Call off your French Poodle!”
Ardelle snarled “A poodle? Who are you calling a poodle? Vous etes le chien! If you were an animal, you could be a lazy bovine!”
Lizette stepped close to Ardelle. “Lady, you do not know who are talking to. I am the premiere wedding coordinator in St. Louis. Mark my words, you will never work in this town again.”
Ardelle gave a sly smile. “I do not want to work in this town anyway. It is hot and disgusting. Ze moment I get my visa back, I will be off to Provence and you will still be here, chasing after brides and using glue in your hair.”
Lizette screamed at Elly. “Get her out of here! Your worker just assaulted me!”
Elly turned to Ardelle, her temper flared. “GO!” She pointed to the foyer and pushed Ardelle in that direction. Ardelle paraded proudly out of the ballroom, her head held high and her scarf flying behind her. Elly turned around, mortified. To her surprise, Lizette had already moved on the next table and was adjusting a hanging crystal as her assistant held a Kleenex up to her face.
“Um, are you okay?” Elly asked.
I’m going to be sued
, she thought.
Lizette turned around, still no trace of her Southern accent. “I’m fine, and I have a job to do. Actually, I kind of like that woman. She’s as crazy as a loon, but she’s got spunk. I appreciate that. She reminds me of my sister.”
Elly blinked. “Are you sure, because she, er, scratched your face!”
“You think a little ol’ scratch is going to stop Lizette Kobul from doing her job? Then you are dead wrong, Ellee Jordan. Besides, don’t you have WORK to be doing, mah dear? This ballroom looks half-done,” Lizette chirped. Her accent was back in full force.
Elly nodded, still in shock.
“Then maybe you should get to it. Lucia is not gonna like how this is looking at the moment.” Lucia’s name shook Elly back to reality. “ASHLEE!!” Lizette barked at her assistant. “If I wanted to hold my own Kleenex, I would! Keep it steady GIRL!”
Elly had barely been in the ballroom for forty minutes. She stomped out to the foyer, where Ardelle was staring at her reflection in a mirror as large as a door. She was calmly brushing her fingers through her hair and humming to herself.
She was nuts.
“What are you supposed to be doing right now?” Elly asked. “What were you doing before you attacked the wedding coordinator?”
“I was moving ze low centerpieces to the tables and looking over each one, adding when necessary.” She scoffed. “Which it never is. My work is impeccable.”
“I know. Can you go do that? It looks like there are still some tables waiting for them. Also, stay AWAY from Lizette.” Ardelle stalked away, grumbling in French. Elly turned to Snarky Teeanger, who couldn’t stop laughing. “Time to work,” she said, and this time she meant it.
Elly was in charge of mounting the tall centerpieces, which sat on scattered tables around the room. It was a slow process, one that was both physically and mentally exhausting. First she set down the tall gold candelabra, making sure that it was secure on the bottom and level at the top. Next came a brick of floral foam, secured by a large plastic handle and which was additionally taped and glued at the top. The white orchids dripped and bounced from the floral foam as it fell into the open slot of the candelabra. Each orchid was then checked over, and the base was covered with a dry green moss. More bright yellow mimosa was added piece by piece, until there was a brilliant explosion of white, gold and pale yellow on each table. Snarky Teenager finished the table with petite glass hourglasses – one for each place setting, filled with blown tea roses, in every pale shade of creams. They had finished ten when Elly’s phone buzzed. She pulled her taut apron up to her face, wiped the sweat from her brow and flipped open the phone.
This better not be Isaac
, she thought to herself,
because I am going to murder him.
“ELLY?” Kim was screaming into the phone.
Elly almost dropped the bucket of mimosa. “Kim, what’s wrong? Are you alright?”
“No…I’m in labor! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN MANAGE NOT TO KILL US??” She let out a high-pitched wail. “Sorry. I’m in a cab on the way to the hospital. GO FASTER! I will give you a hundred bucks if you get us there in the next five minutes WITHOUT CRASHING THIS PIECE OF CRAP CAR!”
Elly inhaled. “How can you be labor? You aren’t due for another month!”
“Yes Elly, well contrary to your belief, not everything revolves around this wedding. Like this baby’s impending birth. WHICH WOULD HAPPEN FASTER IF THIS MORON KNEW HOW TO DRIVE!! ARRGGHHHH!!” Kim let out a loud bellow of pain.
Elly winced. “Is Sean with you?”
“No,” Elly could hear Kim gritting her teeth. “No, he was at work, at the hospital, so he’s meeting me there. Lucky for him he can just walk down from his office, get some coffee and watch his wife have a baby! It’s all very convenient. Owwwww…THIS HURTS!!!”
Elly widened her eyes and ran her hands over her face. How could this be happening? Of all days, of all times.
“Did you leave the store locked? Was everything picked up…I don’t see anything missing…”
“Elly. This. Is. Not. About. YOU!! AIEEEE!!!”
Elly pulled the phone away from her ear. “You’re right. I will be there as soon as I possibly can. I think we may have about two hours left, but I’ll hurry, I promise, I will be there.”
“You better get here fast, because your goddaughter is on her way.”
Elly felt tears of joy spring to her eyes. “I’m coming. I love you.”
“I love you too - Do you not see that TRUCK?? THAT TRUCK COMING RIGHT TOWARDS US? WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?” Kim hung up the phone, right in the middle of berating her cabdriver.
Elly took a deep breath.
Okay. She could do this.
She waved Ardelle, Snarky Teenager and the hired workers over to her. “Everyone, our deadline has just narrowed. We are going to finish the tables first. Ardelle – can you start dressing the chairs? Each chair is mounted with a gardenia on a folded ti leaf, tucked under and around the bow. Understand?”
Ardelle squinted her eyes at Elly. “Of course I understand. Do you know zat I studied under Madamoiselle Lorelai at ..”
“Okay, off you go.” Elly turned to the Russian students, who all standing around looking equal parts confused and amused, expect for the handsome one, who couldn’t take his eyes off Snarky Teenager. “This entire platform needs to be covered with pale pink rose petals, in the buckets over there. Then take the remaining rose petals and cover the buffet table. Can you handle that?”
They nodded and stalked off, grumbling. She turned to Snarky Teenager. “After we finish the tables, I need you to lay down the cattalaya orchids on each place setting – that shouldn’t take long – and then start instructing the men on cleaning up and packing the vans.” Elly looked at her watch. “I need all the trash out of here and everything ready to go by 4 pm. The cocktails start at 5:30. Do you think we can do this? We need to hurry.” She grabbed Snarky Teenager’s arm lightly and pulled her close. “Kim’s in labor. We need to get the hospital.”
Snarky Teenager’s mouth twitched into a surprised
o
. “So…we need to hurry.”
“Yes, we need to hurry.”
The next hour was a blur of fast movement and flying flowers. Elly worked at a constant furious pace, stopping every twenty minutes to guzzle water, look around, sigh in frustration and continue mounting centerpieces. At 3:30, Elly finally finished and checked on how the rest of the progress was coming along, only to find herself swept away in the romance of it all. Ardelle had almost finished with the ti leaves mounted to each chair, which gave the room a slight whisper of a tropical breeze. The orchid centerpieces stood tall and luxurious, while the low centerpieces were sophisticated and extraordinarily lush. Under the flower chandelier, the raised platform for the bride and the groom was covered – inches thick – with rose petals. They scattered out from the center, mingling with tall glass cylinders that held floating candles, along with submerged callas. Crystals winked and sparkled in the light, and the entire room was a whimsical fairy tale, a place brides would only imagine in their wildest dreams. The wedding guests would find themselves immersed, bedazzled – and mumbling about just how much money must have been spent for such lavish details.