Eighteen (18) (13 page)

“I don’t want to hurt you, Shannon.”

“Are you hurting me?”

“Am I?”

I shake my head into his chest. “I—” But I have so much I want to say and no good way to let it out. “You’re not hurting me.”

More silence. I’d like to ask about him back. Learn a little more, see a little deeper. Why is he so weird? Why does he like young girls? Why me, mostly. But when I open my eyes I see the stars.

“Why stars?” I ask instead.

“Astronomy, remember?”

“You love them?”

“How could anyone not love them? They’re filled with the mysteries of the universe. When I was a kid I read this book about a star who came to Earth reincarnated as a dog.”

I huff out a laugh. “I know that book.
Dogsbody
.”

“Yeah,” he says. I can feel the smile in his heartbeat. “And it made me wonder if the stars knew all the answers. Because it really bugged me that I’d grow old and never know those secrets. So even though I am nothing but a good test-taker myself, I taught myself math so I could teach myself science. And I’ve spent the last twenty fucking years trying to get close to them.”

“That’s why you put stars all over your body? To be close to them?”

He nods. “Turn around and look up.”

I force my satiated body to turn so my back is against his chest. He eases us up a little so we’re semi-sitting.

I look up. “Oh, wow,” I say. “That’s cool.” There’s a skylight in the porch roof. It’s wide and long, almost the entire length.

“My dad made me that skylight when I was eleven. I used to have a hammock out here as a kid and I’d sit in that thing looking up for hours.”

“Oh, my God, what time is it? I have to get home and watch the baby for Jason. He got a night job to help with bills.”

I try to get up, but Mateo’s arms wrap tightly around me. “Wait,” he says. “You’re missing the best part.” He points up to the sky and I squint my eyes, trying to follow his guiding path. “There’s a meteor shower up there right now.”

“Where?” I strain to look for shooting stars, but I can’t see anything.

“Ah, you have to know where to look. And it’s not dark enough in the city. One day I’ll take you somewhere dark and I’ll show you everything.” He sits up, me still clinging to him, and stands.

“I’d like that,” I say as he walks us inside and deposits me in front of the bathroom.

“Clean up.”

I go into the bathroom and wash, thinking about how close I feel to Mateo right now. I met him three days ago. How is that possible?

“Hey,” he says, knocking at the door before opening it. “Here’s your clothes.”

“Thanks,” I say, taking them from his hands. He holds on to them for an extra second and my eyes meet his. Something passes between us at that moment. I’m not sure what it is, but it feels… intimate.

And then he lets go and closes the door.

I put my clothes back on and walk back to the kitchen. His lasagna smells awesome, but I have to go before Jason gets pissed. So I gather my book and papers as he watches and then stand there, unsure what to say.

He nods to the backpack over my shoulder. “Memorize everything you wrote down today. There will be a quiz tomorrow.” He comes over, wraps an arm around my waist, and pulls me in for a parting kiss. “And stay away from Danny Alexander, Shannon. I mean it.”

“I know.” I shoot him an annoyed look and walk out the back door.

When I get home, Jason is looking out the front window like he’s been waiting for me.

“Hey,” I say.

“Fucking finally. I told you to be here by six so I can work.”

“You never said six.” I stop by little Olivia’s swing and bend down, but she’s fast asleep. “You asked me to help watch her in the evenings. Fine. But I have night school every day. So I’ll come home when I’m done. And if you think I’m giving up my weekends—”

“Giving up?” he sneers. “She’s your fucking niece.”

“Right. But I’m eighteen, Jason. I’m too young to be her mother. You’re her father and I’m sorry you got mixed up with my sister—”

“Watch your fucking mouth.” He cuts me off. “You’re not going to talk about Jill like that now that she’s dead.”

“Talk about her?” I scoff. “Who the fuck do you think you are? You think you knew her? Well, you didn’t. She took an engagement ring from the last guy too, you know. And the one before that and the one before that. So don’t go thinking you’re special—”

He’s across the apartment and slapping my face before I can even finish my sentence. “Fuck you,” he says, grabbing my hair and pulling me towards him. “Fuck you.”

“You’re gonna regret that,” I say, pushing him hard in the chest. He lets go of my hair and turns away. “You’re gonna fucking regret that.”

“No tears this time? No running off to slut around with Phil’s piece-of-shit cousin?”

“You know what, you can find another babysitter. I don’t need to stay here and if you think I’m going to let you raise her with that temper, you’re wrong.”

“What are you going to do about it?” He turns back, eyes blazing. “You just said yourself, I’m her father. You’re no one to her. I can walk out of here with her tonight and you’ll never see her again.”

“Did you ever ask yourself,” I say, my voice low and filled with venom, “how many men Jill was sleeping with while she was with you?”

“Liar,” he says. “Liar.” But he knows it’s not a lie. I can see it in his eyes.

“You’re not even on the birth certificate because you two weren’t married when Olivia was born.”

“You little fucking liar.”

“So maybe I’m the only family Olivia has. And maybe you’re the one who’s nobody?”

He turns around, grabs his keys and his jacket, and slams the door behind him as he leaves.

I palm my cheek as I check on Olivia. It stings, but it’s nothing like the last blow. I really do need to get out of here. And telling Jason that shit about Jill was not the best way to handle things. What if he starts believing that? What if he never comes home and I am the only one left in this world who cares about Olivia? How the fuck would I take care of an infant?

No, it was definitely not a good idea to plant that thought in his head.

A knock at the slider makes me jump.

Mateo is staring back at me from the other side of the glass. Fuck, I hope he didn’t just see that.

“Hey,” I say, opening the door. He’s holding a brown bag in his hands, looking strangely at me. “What?”

“Dinner,” he says. “Did I just hear yelling?”

“Yeah, Jason’s a dick. He was mad because apparently he thought I was supposed to be here at six so he can work his night job.”

Mateo stares at me for a second, but then he looks over his shoulder at the alley, like he’s distracted. “You said you wanted me to feed you, so… I gotta go.”

And then he walks through the gate and disappears in the alley. Fucker. What the hell am I doing with that guy anyway? In the heat of the moment it makes sense. I’m horny and I just want someone to pay attention to me. But I don’t like feeling this way afterward.

There is a part of me that wants to run back to Ohio and pretend the last year never happened, but there’s nowhere to go. I have no family there and my friends aren’t in any position to take care of me.

And Olivia. I look down at her sleeping body all snuggled up in blankets in the swing. Jason is an asshole, but he seems to love her. I should’ve shut up about Jill.

I take a bag of food inside and put it on the counter. There’s a note stapled to it, making it look like a delivery receipt. That makes me smile. I tug the piece of paper free from the staple and open it up.

Shannon,

Remind me to tell you why I have take-out containers and know how to make lasagna from scratch.

And stay the fuck away from Danny Alexander. I mean it.

M

Fucker.

But I smile. Even though he creeps me out, he does it in all the right ways. And even though he’s a teacher and he’s fucking me on the side, he’s still putting me first by making me work. And even though he wants me to do that work naked and my reward for success is sex, I can’t help but trust him.

I’ll probably regret that soon. I usually do.

Chapter Seventeen

“Hey, Daydreams!” Sunday calls
from across Lincoln Avenue as I wait at the light to cross. He’s wearing a Distillers t-shirt and some faded jeans with holes in all the right places. I can see a patch of bare skin on one of his thighs.

I walk across the street smiling big at him and when I get close enough so I don’t have to shout over traffic, I say, “I know for a fact you didn’t see The Distillers in concert to get that shirt because the last time they toured the US was more than ten years ago.”

“Hey.” He laughs and beams that dangerous grin at me. Jesus, Danny Alexander is fuck hot. “You caught me. But they stopped here in Anaheim on that last tour and Phil went. I stole it from him.”

“Hmm,” I say, pretending to think this over as we walk onto campus. “I guess second-hand concert shirts still count as authentic.”

“Whew,” he says, making a big deal of wiping his brow. “I thought I lost street cred with you for a second.”

“Were you waiting for me?”

“How’d you guess?”

“Mmmm, well, usually you park your car and start your little bromance with the boys in the lot. But today you are standing at the corner where I cross the street to school.”

“It’s that obvious, huh?”

“Pretty obvious, yeah.”

“Well, it’s Thursday, so I wanted to see if that ex of yours is an ex yet. And if so, maybe we can hang out tomorrow night?”

“Ah,” I say. “He’s still around. And I’m not going anywhere. I babysit my niece on Friday nights.”

“Too bad. I know of a good party.”

“Sorry to disappoint you. And I’m not much of a party girl these days anyway. I’d just slow you down.”

“I’d slow down for you, Shannon.”

I stop to look at him, taking a deep breath as I do it. “Are you hitting on me?”

“Yeah.”

“Look, I—”

“Hey.” He stops me with hands in the air. “I’m not making a move for real until you say you’re ready, so don’t worry about that. But I’m gonna wait it out, if that’s OK with you. And I’m gonna keep asking. I have staying power, Daydreams.” And then he gives me this little salute and turns and walks off.

I stare at his ass for a few seconds before turning in the opposite direction. Damn. Why is it that I have no one interested for a whole month, then on the same day I meet two guys who want to take me for a spin? It’s not fair. Why couldn’t Danny appear after I was done with night school with Mateo?

Maybe that’s what I should do? Just get that work done as fast as possible and put night school behind me? I know I can get that science credit in a couple weeks tops. There’s only like twelve tests. I might be able to knock out most of them over the weekend. Then I’d only have trig. There’s a lot more of those tests because it’s a full year’s worth of work. But I could take two a week and be done pretty fast.

I don’t know what to do about Mateo. I just don’t think I have the power it will take to stop this now. I’m caught in a web, right? The more I struggle against him, the harder he’ll try. And the harder he tries, the weaker I’ll become.

I can see it coming.

Yeah, I need to just get the fuck out of night school. Then he won’t have anything to hold over me and I won’t have to see him anymore.

I walk into design class a few seconds after the bell rings and the teacher, Mrs. Sheridan, is handing out laptops from giant plastic tubs.

“Everyone,” she says. “Shannon”—she singles me out because I’m late—“get in line and sign out your laptop.”

I took a lot of graphic design classes, and this design class is senior level, so we’re going to make websites. I’m kind of excited about it as I sign out my laptop and take it back to my desk.

“You will be assigned a site where you can legally download images…” She goes on about all the stuff they’re providing for us in class. Each laptop is loaded with Adobe software, and we will be expected to deliver a fully functional personal website one week before the end of the semester.