Edwina (37 page)

“I mean . . .” She needed to see the look of
love she thought she saw only seconds ago, but it was gone.

The Scot stepped back and glanced at Reardon,
made a sign, and walked around the back of the car.

Cecelia stepped forward and then put her arm
in front of Spencer who also looked at her as though she’d grown
purple ears.

What was with everyone? Didn’t they know what
just happened could not have possibly been meant for her? Tears
popped up. This was too much.

Reardon held the door, as Alex signaled for
Cecelia and Spencer to join her in the backseat. He sat in
front.

No one spoke. Cecelia tried to make light
conversation, but her words dropped like a rock in water. Edwina
wanted to shout at everyone. What was the matter with them? If this
was a game of survivor, she didn’t like it.

Lord, help me to
understand
. Her thoughts bounced back and
forth like a ricocheting bullet. Maybe she was supposed to act
faint and go along with the charade. This man had eyes. Couldn’t he
see she was plain and practical? Not anything like Ilana? Or
Cecelia? Maybe he just wanted a mother for Paige, someone he could
trust to be the closest thing to a mother the child would
have.

Even that was honorable. Why had she balked?
Edwina answered her own question. Because she would never be all
that man needed. Not now, not ever.

As soon as Alex stepped out of the car, he
was gone and Spencer with him. Cecelia waited until she saw them
disappear and said, “What happened, Ed?”

“What do you mean?” Edwina fidgeted and
slipped her shoes off, the ones the Scot had only put on. Her face
burned at the memory. “Nothing happened.”

“I can see that.” Cecelia’s hands were waving
about. “Can’t you see that he loves you?”

Edwina stared at her sister. “He can’t love
me.” She waved her arms, put on her shoes and exited the car.

Before she’d gotten two steps, Cecelia
grabbed her and turned her around. “Give me one good reason why you
are acting this way, Ed.”

The words were menacing, and Edwina knew
she’d crossed her sister, something she rarely did.

“What way? This is all so silly. Everybody
knows you don’t just decide to get your child a mother and pick the
first one who comes along,” she sputtered.

“Comes along? Don’t you know Alex has had
feelings for you ever since you arrived the first time?”

Edwina laughed. “Yeah, right.”

“That was Ilana. Alex told
you that.”
She calls him Alex.
Edwina sterilized her heart and said the
words.

“It’s you he cares about, Cecelia. You’re his
type, I’m not.”

“Oh, you are blind. Blind as a ball bat.” Her
sister threw up her hands and stepped out of the car. “You have a
man, a good man, who cares about you, and what do you do? Toss him
off like yesterday’s stock prices.”

“It’s blind as a bat, Cecelia. And what do
you know? You’re the one who is right for him, Cecelia. Not
me.”

“And why not you?”

“Look, I’m a librarian, for goodness’ sake.
He’s laird of a castle. And, if you haven’t noticed, he’s about the
handsomest man I’ve ever met. What would he want with me?

“You spend way too much time putting yourself
down. Are you that small that you base everything on looks?”

Cecelia was pounding her fist in her palm.
This was not good.

Edwina clamped her mouth
shut.
Did she
?

“See, you can’t answer. I thought you had
more sense.” Her sister turned on her heel, her flowered dress
swinging in the aftermath. And Edwina stood there alone. Hot tears
formed and fell.

She had grown as a person, stepped out of her
comfort zone, made a move across the Atlantic Ocean, and taken on
the care of a young child. Didn’t that count for something?

It seemed that everything she did failed. It
must have been that story. She was going to tear it up. All this
fluff about romance, dreams, and foolish frippery. The only thing
she had going for her was her practical nature, and up to this day
and hour it had served her well enough.

Maybe she would be an old maid. But at least
she wouldn’t have to look into the eyes of a good man and see him
suffer for making a wrong decision. There was only one thing she
wanted: to be in Paige’s life. But that did not mean her father had
to give up his right to happiness. Edwina stomped her foot and
headed up the stairs to her room.

Maybe everybody else was blind around here,
but she wasn’t. The man was giving up his life to make his daughter
happy. Well, she wasn’t going to be party to that! Best to pack her
things and head right back to her safe place. Another small city,
another small-town library.

She slammed the door for good measure. All
good intentions, but not aimed well. Edwina threw her shoes at the
door, remembering him standing there in the crack talking to her
one evening. What in the world had happened?

The bath water was running and so were her
eyes. Edwina squirted rose-scented soap into the water—and then an
extra dose for good measure—and watched the bubbles rise. She
slipped in and sobbed until her eyes could not possibly squeeze
another tear from them.

A knock at the door sounded, and she jumped.
Who could be about this hour of the night? It must be well past
midnight. Then she heard the slight creak of the door. Someone was
coming in.

“Lass, I’m coming in.” came the familiar
voice.

“Oh Bertie, you frightened me,” she said
through her stuffy nose. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Aye, and I think ye have become a bairn.”
She stood in the doorway.

“A baby?” Edwina wanted to cry again.

“Tis so.” Bertie began picking up her
clothes, all the while muttering from the bedroom.

“What are you doing up, Bertie?” she asked
quietly.

“Seeing to the laird.” She was back in the
doorway. Edwina stared at her, too tired to try and figure out what
the woman meant.

“Get up out of there.” Bertie held out the
cherry pink towel. Edwina got up and allowed herself to be wrapped.
“Tis a fine lass that turns down the laird.” she snapped.

“And a foolish one.”

“He wasn’t asking me to... to marry him. He
just needed a mother for Paige,” she said quietly. “I admire him
for that, but I would not saddle him like that for anything.”

“Saddle?”

“Yes, you know, tie him down.”

“Ye mean with ropes?” Bertie looked
askance.

“No.” Edwina giggled and popped a tissue from
the box and blew her nose. “I just mean . . .”

“There now, lass. Tell Bertie all about it.”
Edwina allowed Bertie to put a soft white robe around her and
stepped up on the box, throwing herself across the huge four-poster
bed.

“
I’m so confused, Bertie.
Nothing’s going like I planned. Everybody’s mad at me, and I don’t
know what I did. I’m just trying to understand why a man like...
Alex,” she whispered his name, “would ask someone like me to marry
him.”

Bertie, sitting on the end of the bed,
waited.

“I mean, I know why he asked. Paige needs a
mother and—”

“Wait, lass. Ye think the laird asked ye for
the bairn’s sake?”

Edwina nodded slowly, feeling like a teenager
after her first broken heart.

Bertie’s hand hit the bed. “Ach, the American
is a bairn herself.”

No words came out of Edwina’s mouth. She knew
it was true. She was a baby. A big baby.

“Have ye no brains up in yer noggin?” Bertie
pointed to her temple. “I’ll not have the laird pairin’ up with the
likes of ye. Mark my very words,” she sputtered and stomped
away.

“Bertie—”

Chapter 58

T
here was no sleep that night. Edwina tossed, turned, cried,
and tried to make sense of it all. How had everything so wonderful
turned out so badly? Cecelia and Spencer were here, she had made a
success of the relationship she and Paige had forged, and best of
all, she’d done it all on her own. Stepped out of her comfort zone
and done it. What more could they ask of her?

Just because the Scot was a true gentleman,
that didn’t mean she should take advantage of him. Didn’t they see
that? There were so many other woman who would make him a good
wife.

Morning broke and with it came a downpour,
matching her mood. The thunder rolled and echoed across the hills.
When the lightning turned the room blue, she hid her head under the
covers.

Her hair lay thick on the pillow. It had
soaked up many a tear the last few hours. What now? Go down to
breakfast and act like everything was okay? Obviously she could not
take Cecelia and Spencer outdoors for a walk in the beau- tiful
countryside. And after everything that happened, she doubted she’d
be welcome at the castle. Not even by Bertie.

Lord, I’m confused. I’m
overwhelmed. Please help me to know what to do. I don’t really know
what happened, and I don’t know how to fix it
.

Besides that, her face was red and her stuffy
nose accounted for the fact that she decided to stay in bed.

Hours passed and in misery, she fell asleep
for a couple of hours and awoke with a huge headache. Someone
pounded on the door.

“Winnie, it’s me. Can I come in?”

“Spencer, I’m not in the mood for
company.”

“Are you decent?”

“Yes, but—” She heard the door open.

“Hope so, cause nothing could keep me out.”
He stepped into the room. Edwina sat up and pulling the covers up
to her chin, ran her fingers through her hair. Spencer looked so
concerned that she wanted to cry.

“Look, I’m a mess. I really don’t feel
like—”

“Feel like it or not, you’re going to
listen,” he said and landed on the bed at her feet. “Cecelia tells
me you’ve turned your knight in shining armor away.”

“Stop saying that.”

“Why? Can’t you believe what you’ve seen with
your own eyes?”

“What? What have I seen, Spencer? A man
trying to show his gratefulness by marrying me?” She held her hands
up as though to protect herself from Spencer’s words.

“Gratefulness? Winnie, you’ve taken one too
many college courses.”

She cringed.

“Get this right. I’m only going to say it
once. The man loves you.”

Edwina paused. “He
couldn’t... how could he? We’ve been employer/employee, that’s all.
Why, he’s never even said my name aloud, well, except once or
twice.”
That should prove my
point.

“So what’s that supposed to mean? Scots pay a
lot of attention to titles, you know. It means nothing. If you
can’t tell the man loves you, you’re not the person I thought you
to be.”

“You too? Everybody is frustrated with me.
I’m trying to do the right thing, and all I get is sorry looks and
angry comments.”

“Take a look around you, Win. You’ve got your
story- book prince, and you don’t even know it.”

Edwina pulled the covers up higher.

“You just don’t want to face it. Cecelia’s
going to wring your neck if you mess this up.”

“What?”

“She’s changed, too, in case you haven’t
noticed.”

“I
have
noticed. She’s sweeter. See,
I’m not as bad as you all think I am.”

“Have you also noticed that she loves you?
She wanted to go after Alex, but when she found out he had feelings
for you, she backed off, just like that.” He snapped his
fingers.

“She did? Have feelings for him?” Her voice
faltered.

“Yeah, have you opened your eyes lately? The
man’s kind, thoughtful, well enough off and good-looking—or haven’t
you noticed?”

“Looks are nice,” she admitted. “Yes, I have
noticed how his eyes turn greener when he wears... but that’s
beside the point. I’m not his type. Look at me, my hair all over
the place. I’m not saying I’m awful, Spencer. I’m saying I think he
deserves better.”

“Oh wow, we are humble now, aren’t we? Since
when did you decide who belongs to whom? And that the man doesn’t
know what he likes in a woman? Ah, the gal has lost her mind.” His
hands whipped the air as he jumped off the bed and began to
pace.

Edwina shrugged. “Everything will work out.
Just let it rest, will you?”

Spencer stopped and turned. “Ah, so you think
this will all fall in place. I can tell you one thing—that man
won’t be coming after you. You’ll be doing the going, after the way
you laughed at him.”

“I didn’t laugh at him.”

“Yes, you did. I saw you. And believe me, it
takes us guys a lot of guts to ask a woman to marry us. But
laughing... that’s out of line, Winnie.” He wagged his index finger
in the air.

Edwina looked down, ashamed. “I didn’t mean
to laugh. I just couldn’t imagine him asking me instead of Cecelia.
That’s all.”

“Well, does the guy know that? I mean, talk
about insensitive.”

“Insensitive? I’m trying to save the guy from
making a mistake.”

“Mistake?” The voice came from the
doorway.

Spencer stopped pacing and turned. “She’s all
yours. Try your hand at her.” He saluted the Scot and stalked out
the door, his heels hitting the floor hard.

Edwina pulled the covers tighter under her
chin, horrified that the man stood in her bedroom doorway and she
in bed, red-eyed and in disarray.

“Get dressed and come down to the library.
We’re going to talk,” he said.

She heard the door click shut quietly, and
her head pounded even more.

“Okay, let’s get this taken care of. I’m sick
of everybody telling me what I ought to think and say and do,” she
mumbled, dragging her body from the bed.

Lord, I’m trusting you to give me the words
to say.

Edwina checked her face in the mirror. This
ought to seal the deal. She was a mess. Face splotchy from crying,
nose red, hair a wreck from lying in bed. A brush pulled out the
tangles. She cleaned her teeth all the while talking around the
toothbrush. “I don’t know what everybody wants from me. And Paige,
dear thing, is in the middle of all this.”