Edith Layton (14 page)

She’d finally put those plans into action, and now she found herself wanting to escape again.

What would she say when Geoff asked her to marry him? She had to ask for more time. In the long night awake she’d just had, she’d decided to do that. But once he asked, she’d have to at least kiss him; that was only fair. She’d decided in the early hours of the morning that she’d do it, just to see what it was like.

And if it was unbearable?

Then she’d leave London, and go back to where she’d been born and raised, buy herself a cottage, and live alone, with chickens and geese and a dog. No one would bother her there; she wouldn’t be ostracized by Society as she’d been in London, or threatened by greedy suitors as she’d been in Port Jackson. There were worse fates. One thing she knew. She’d never put herself into a prison again, whether it was made of laws or iron bars, or her conscience telling her to do her duty.

“I never thought blue would suit you, but that blue is vibrant, and you do look lovely,” Helena said, as she gazed at Daisy in her new gown.

“It’s the gold trim,” Daisy said absently. “You look lovely, too. Red becomes you.”

“It’s too fast a color for a companion,” Helena said. “I’ll just go change.”

“You won’t,” Daisy said. “I won’t allow it. I’m a terrible employer, aren’t I? Never mind. Wear it
because you look good in it. Now, let’s go downstairs; Geoff and the viscount are probably waiting. But one thing, Helena: If I meet that wall of eyes again, if people start whispering about me, I’m leaving. At once. Understood?”

“If they stare, it will be in wonder, because you’re very attractive,” Helena said. “If they whisper, it will be because you’ve been seen with the earl and the viscount, and gossips will be alerted. Because one is known for his flirts, and the other is never seen with a woman. They’ll wonder which of them is the one you’re involved with.”

“Does going to a soirée with someone automatically mean you’re involved with them?’

“With that pair of gentlemen?” Helena said. “Yes.”

Well, so she was, or would be, or couldn’t be, Daisy thought. She raised her head and went out the door. It was time to find out which of those fates hers would be.

But Geoff wasn’t downstairs waiting for her. Only Leland, looking cool and self-possessed, and incredibly attractive in his severe black and white evening clothes.

“The earl had some last-minute business to take care of,” Leland said. “He said he’d meet us there. So, ladies, I’m a very lucky man because I’m your sole escort tonight. Unless, of course, the idea appalls. Then I’ll simply go hang myself in some convenient dark corner.”

Helena laughed.

Daisy frowned. Did that mean Geoff had second thoughts? Maybe it meant he had to go somewhere to get that family heirloom so he could give it to her when she said yes. She frowned, wondering if that was what she would answer.

“Mrs. Tanner is obviously of two minds about it,” she heard Leland say.

“No,” she said, raising her head. “Thank you, we’re grateful to you.”

He bowed. “Thank you for that,” he said. “Now, ladies, let’s go dazzle them.”

Daisy hesitated only at the last minute. They stood in the doorway, looking into a crowded ballroom, waiting for the butler to announce them. She held her breath.

“Don’t worry,” Leland said at her ear. “If they seem stiff when they look at you, it’s only because they’re afraid—of me. I can rake up old coals they’d rather not be roasted with. And so I told them. Courage.”

Daisy nodded. When she heard her name announced, she stepped forward. She couldn’t go more than two steps. Because she was swarmed.

“That’s the only word I can use!” she told Leland an hour later, when he took her into the courtyard out back of the town house so she could breathe. “
Swarmed.
‘Oh, Mrs. Tanner, do you remember me?’” she quoted, laughing. “And, ‘Dear Mrs. Tanner, how good to see you again!’ when I
don’t remember ever seeing them in the first place. What did you threaten them with? What crime could they have committed that was so bad that they’d grovel—yes,
grovel
to get my attention? You’d have to beat me with chains to get me to do that, and I don’t think I would even then!”

She subsided to giggles and sank down to sit on the wide marble lip of an ornamental fishpond. “Oh, Lord! How could I have taken them seriously?” Her face grew grave. She looked up at him. “I know you threatened them. But I was a convicted criminal; surely they can’t forget that.”

Leland sat next to her. “They don’t forget it, but they excuse it. Anyone would. Your crime was being a good daughter. Your punishment far exceeded the crime. It was a travesty of justice.”

She shrugged. “Maybe. But people are hanged every day for less. I was lucky. I didn’t stay in Newgate long, and I lived to get to Botany Bay. The only unlucky thing was having to marry Tanner.”

“Geoff said he was a brute; Daffyd agreed,” Leland said softly, conversationally, not wanting to break her mood when she was in such a confiding frame of mind. “What else? I know it’s not my place to ask. But you could answer, if only because it might make you feel better, and I do want to know.”

“Why?” she asked, turning her head to look at him, all traces of her hilarity gone.

“Because I like you,” he said simply.

He sat so close to her, she could feel the warmth
of his hard thigh at her side through her thin gown. They were far enough away from the other guests to be alone, and yet not so far as to provoke a scandal. They could be seen, but only in silhouette. It was a cool, azure night; the moon was full and the sky free of clouds. The sounds of the party were in the background; the burbling of the fountain that fed the fishpond was the loudest thing they heard. It was curiously intimate, while being public. They could speak freely and not be overheard.

“Do you like me?” she asked. “Maybe you do. All right, I’ll tell you. Why not? What did Tanner do? What he could, and that was a lot. He didn’t like me much. But he didn’t like anyone much. He did like having a woman and other men envying him for it. What else? I used to count up his virtues when I was feeling particularly blue, so I could get through another day.

“On the good side,” she said, holding up one gloved hand and counting off on her fingers. “He wasn’t a bad-looking man. I suppose it would have been worse if he looked disgusting. But he didn’t. He was a little heavyset, to be sure, but men can carry extra weight. He was ginger-haired and had blue eyes. He wasn’t a beau, but he wasn’t ugly. That’s a point in his favor, I suppose. He saved me from having to accommodate a lot of men; he told me that all the time. He did legally marry me, which I suppose he didn’t have to do. And he became rich.

“On the bad side,” she said, holding up her other hand. “He had a terrible temper, little learning, and no use for more. He had no talent for conversation, at least with women. He never read, though I think he could, and he didn’t like to bathe. He cheated at cards, and hit people who couldn’t hit back. When he drank he got meaner, and he drank a lot. He ate with his fingers, and spit wherever he chose. He couldn’t have children; he hinted as much once when he was drunk and had the sobbing staggers—you know, when you drink so much you think everything’s a misery? Lucky for me he forgot the next morning; he’d never forgive me knowing he couldn’t father a brat. Although that might be one on the good side, I never decided. And I’ve run out of fingers.”

She folded her hands in her lap and looked at them. “I hated him, pure and simple,” she said in a harsh whisper. “The best day in our marriage was the day they came to tell me he was dead, gone over his horse’s head and landed on his neck, breaking it. I cried. Because I was so glad. I lived in fear of him every minute of every hour of every year. I was his wife and his slave, and there was no way I could get even. So I celebrated when he died. Surely that’s a sin.”

Leland took one of her hands. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“Only that?”

“What more can I say? I’m really sorry. You deserved better. You’ll have it in future, if you
remember that Tanner was an exceptionally bad man, and most men aren’t remotely like him.”

“So you think I can’t be happy in future without a man?” she asked haughtily, snatching her hand from his.

“Don’t you think that? Isn’t that why you came back to England? Or would you prefer to live alone?”

“You
still
want to know if I’m trying to snare Geoff,” she said angrily, bounding to her feet.

He rose slowly and caught her hand. “Do you still know?” he asked.

She stared up at him.

“Geoff’s not your father, and he’s not Tanner. He’s a warmhearted, gentle man. Are you looking for that? If so, fine. But if you’re not sure…Daisy,” he said suddenly, “you should be sure. That’s all I can say.”

“But that’s not all you
will
say,” she said bitterly.

“Of course not,” he said with a tilted smile. “You know me well. But why should it matter to you?”

She hesitated.

“Daisy Tanner,” he said quietly, in a slow soft voice, his gaze locked on hers, “what I’d like to do now is take you in my arms and kiss you senseless. Not with violence, but with slow pleasure. I’d like to kiss you and hear you ask me to do it again. Not for my pride, but because I’d want to, again and again. I’d like to make love to
you, with you knowing that you could stop it at any time you wished. I’d like to show you that you wouldn’t want to.

“Unfortunately,” he said in his normal dry, mocking tones, “we can be seen from the house, and if we were seen embracing it would be a scandal. Pray do
not
get a mote in your eye, or we’ll find ourselves affianced. I don’t want to force you to anything. But know this,” he said in a softer voice, “you wouldn’t run from me.
That,
I promise.”

“You’re very sure of yourself,” she said with a shaky laugh.

“No, of you,” he said. “You’ve bottled up too much for too long. You were meant for pleasure, and somehow, somewhere, you know it. Think of that when you think of your future, Daisy. That’s all I ask. For your sake, and for the earl’s.”

“And yours,” she said flatly.

“Of course,” he said.

D
aisy didn’t sleep well. Or rather, she thought bitterly when she woke, she slept too well in imaginary arms. She wondered how something that could feel so good in her dreams could make her shiver with fright when she woke and remembered it.

Pest of a man!
she thought as she dressed. To intrude in her dreams the way he did in her life. What was he, after all? Take away that seductive voice, and all you’d have would be a tall, thin man with too many airs. No, she admitted, you’d also have those compelling blue eyes, that warm mouth, and that crooked smile. And that sudden wit, and slow drawl that made you think he’d never say anything important, until you found
yourself helplessly laughing at the funny side of the truth he’d just shown you.

He also seemed to know things she’d rather not know about herself. And worst of all, just when everything was going right for a change, he’d come along and put a kink in her plans.

“You’re not seeing the earl today?” Helena asked in surprise, when Daisy told her the plans for the day.

“No,” Daisy said.

She turned her head to see how the short plumes on the side of her new hat curled against her cheek. “Isn’t this dashing? Red feathers! I hope it doesn’t rain. The hat cost a fortune. I could have had three whole peacocks for that price, and yet these look like dyed chicken feathers to me. Oh well, whatever they are, they look darling, especially with this new gown, don’t they?”

She didn’t mention that she’d decided to dress all in red the moment she saw the dashing woman the viscount had pointed out to her at the party in his mother’s town house. She’d make him stare at
her,
this time, Daisy thought smugly. Her gown was crimson. It had long sleeves and a proper skirt; the neckline was no more low cut than was fashionable, but the color alone made her feel outrageous. She didn’t want to be pawed. But she was woman enough to want to feel as though a man might long to touch her.

She turned from the looking glass. “I thought
I’d just spend the day shopping, getting things I need, maybe look at some of the town houses that are to let.”

Helena stood staring at her.

Daisy shrugged. “I don’t have to see Geoff every day, you know,” she said. “Anyway, I think things have been moving at too fast a pace since I set foot in London. I came here, landed myself on poor Geoff, and haven’t given him room to breathe since.”

“I thought you wanted that,” Helena said softly.

“I did. But now I need time to think things over, make decisions, and such. I think better when I’m doing something. I’ve no dinner to make or chores to do, so I hope walking and shopping will do it for me now.”

Helena grew still. “Decisions to make? Has the earl asked for your hand?”

“No,” Daisy said with a scowl. “He hasn’t.”

“Then why look at houses to let? Surely…” Helena took a deep breath. “Surely you know he will propose, or so it seems to me. So why look at houses to let unless you want to make a new home with him? But why? His town house is beautiful. Anyone would be happy there.” She ducked her head. “I’m sorry, that’s really not my business. Please excuse me for asking.”

“No need to apologize,” Daisy said, as she drew on her gloves. “My intentions weren’t a secret. The truth is, I don’t know what I thought
I knew, and I’m not sure of what I should say or do one way or the other. I’m at a standstill, Helena, and that’s new to me. That’s what comes from never having to decide anything important for so long. First my father did the thinking for me and then Tanner did. I think deciding’s a thing you have to practice in order to be good at.”

“I’d think it was simple,” Helena persisted. “You obviously care for the earl. He obviously cares for you. Daisy. I know I presume, but I must. The earl’s a wonderful man; anyone would be lucky to be the center of his attention. What’s happened to change your mind?”

Leland Grant,
Daisy wanted to say.
Things he said. Things he made me feel. The things he makes me feel even when I’m alone in my bed in the night. Things that used to frighten me, but now make me curious. Promises of pleasure in his eyes and at his hands and mouth that make me begin to feel things I thought were numbed forever, heart, soul, and body, of course body. He’s wakened this suddenly bothersome body of mine. The way what he said is right, at least in that I’d have to be more than available, I’d have to be happy in Geoff’s bed. It would only be fair. And I don’t know I could be. I love Geoff, just not the thought of touching him and having him touch me.

But she couldn’t even say that aloud.

Daisy frowned and said instead, “It’s a big step. I need time to think about it. So…Bother!” she exclaimed. She wrinkled her nose and blew a
breath from the side of her mouth to set the red feathers by her cheek trembling. “It tickles. I don’t need to fly; why do I need feathers? Oh well, it’s on, and too much trouble to take off. Now, shall we go to buy a new hat that doesn’t make me want to sneeze? Or should we buy some ribbons, or lace, slippers, hair pomade, violets, or melons?” She laughed. “See? There’s too much choice in everything for me these days!”

“Is there anything you’d like to talk over?” Helena asked seriously. “I’m just a paid companion, and when you wed I’ll be on my way to a new position. But I might be able to clear up a few matters for you. I was married, and happily, for ten years. I have two children I adore. I’ve been alone, unhappily for the most part, for five years. So I have experience in making choices. I’d be glad to listen to anything, help with anything you want to share with me.”

“I know,” Daisy said. “Thank you, but this is something I have to ask myself. Now. The Pantheon Bazaar for fripperies? The flower market for fun? Or do we go to a rental agent, so I can see what I could get for my money if I decide to go it alone? That might be interesting.”

“Wherever you wish,” Helena said stiffly.

“Oh, don’t get formal with me!” Daisy cried in exasperation. “Listen. It makes sense. I
hated
being married. I do like Geoff. But I just don’t know if I want a husband anymore. I mean, I always
dreamed of having a decent man for a husband, a gentleman, someone who’d advise me and protect me and keep me safe, the way my father never did. That’s what I thought when I stood on the shingle in Botany Bay all those years, staring out to sea, dreaming of the day I might be free. Now I am. And I have money. I have freedom to do whatever I choose. I never thought of that. So maybe I’d be best off if I just stayed Geoff’s friend, and lived for myself. Yes, go ahead and stare. I know that’s shocking. But that’s what I’m thinking right now.”

Helena shook her head. “I can’t think of anything better than being married to a good, kind man who loves you.”

“Well, I can!” Daisy snapped. “And that’s trouble, isn’t it? Or maybe it’s just that I’ve got cold feet, here at the last. It’s one thing to dream something, another when it actually starts going your way. I never made a choice for myself, not in all my life, not until my husband died. Now I can make decisions, and I don’t want to make mistakes, because I’ll have only myself to blame this time. It’s easy to heap blame on someone else for your unhappiness. I know, I’ve done it most of my life, and rightly so. Now I have to bear that burden myself. I just don’t know what to do. Time is what I need, and time I have. Come along, we can talk as we walk. I’m itching to be out, doing
something.
”

She opened the door to see the hotel manager,
hand uplifted, poised to knock on it. It was hard to say which of them was more surprised. The manager was clearly more embarrassed. There was a stocky man in sober clothes, with a bright red vest, standing next to him; he stared at Daisy.

“Ah, Mrs. Tanner,” the manager said, bowing. “Good morning. I was just coming to summon you. This is Mr. Robert Burrows, from Bow Street. He said he has business with you, and though I told him to wait below stairs,” he continued with a sniff, “he insisted on coming with me.”

“They hear the words ‘Bow Street’ and they flit,” the man explained. “So it’s best to collar them in their dens.”

Daisy sniffed, too, and raised her nose in the air. “A Runner. I could smell him a mile away. Well, cully, what do you want with me?”

“Mrs. Daisy Tanner?” the Runner asked, his eyes narrowing as he looked at her. “I got a warrant for your arrest here,” he said, tapping his vest pocket.

Daisy went totally still. “For what?”

“For the suspected murder of your husband, James Tanner,” he said. “At His Majesty’s penal colony at Botany Bay, in Port Jackson, that’s what.”

Daisy’s face went ashen. Her legs grew weak; she put out a hand to lean against the door. Then she drew herself up.

“It isn’t true,” she said. “I didn’t do it; it was an accident. I’m not going anywhere. Helena, send for Geoff. And the Viscount Haye; send for him, too. And, oh yes, my solicitor, the one I saw when I came to London. Ronald Arbus is his name; it’s there in those papers on my desk. I’m not going anywhere,” she snarled at the Runner. “I have money, and so I guess I have enemies, but they’re not getting it or me. I’m staying right here.”

“You don’t have to go to Bow Street,” the earl said as he paced. “I’ve friends in high places. I gave my word as your bond. You will stay in London, won’t you?” he asked, looking up at Daisy.

She nodded. They were in his town house. She sat in his study and felt as though she were already in a witness chair. Her hands were clenched to fists in her lap. Geoff was pacing; Leland stood by a window and watched her, unblinking. Helena sat nearby, looking as though she might break into tears at any moment.

“I won’t run,” Daisy said. “Because I didn’t do anything.”

“Oh well, that,” the earl said. “Of course.”

“I know everyone says that they’re not guilty,” Daisy said angrily. “But I mean it. Tanner went riding, well, racing is what he was doing, to win a wager with a mate of his. He came back dead as the door they carried him in on. His horse shied
and bucked. Everyone said so. I was home, making dinner for him, where he expected me to be every day. So who says I did it? Or anything?”

“A complaint has been laid against you,” the earl said. “An accusation. They say it was an accident, but claim that you were complicit in it.”

“What?” Daisy exclaimed. “They think I ran to where he was, stood by the side of the road, and waved my hands at his horse?”

“No,” Leland finally said. “They claim you put a burr under the saddle.”

“Well, it took them long enough to say it!” Daisy said. “Now, when there’s no way anyone can look to see. Why would I do that? A burr under the saddle? That’s rich, that is. If I wanted to be rid of Tanner—and I did—I’d have done it where I could watch to make sure it was done right. I thought about it, many times. Lord! Setting a burr under his saddle? What good would it do if he fell off his horse and only broke something? He’d give me the devil of a time when he so much as got a bellyache; if he had a broken leg, it would pain me more than him. He’d break my head if he even thought I’d done such a thing. It’s a lie. And they can’t prove it.”

“Possibly not,” Geoff said. “But they can pay someone to swear to it, and that’s what worries me. Well, you know the type of people we lived among in Port Jackson, Daisy.”

“I do,” she said. “And I know they weren’t all
bad. No one wants to get the name of a rat, neither, Geoff. You know that!”

“Possibly,” he said. “But there’s more. Everyone knew you hated Tanner; you never made a secret of it. That gets them a foot in the door.”

“Possibly?”
Daisy echoed, seizing on the first thing he’d said. “Oh, Geoff. I didn’t break Tanner’s neck for him, but you saying that? You fair break my heart, you do.”

He came to her and took her hand. “I don’t think you did anything, Daisy. I’m just saying the road ahead may be rocky.”

She slowly withdrew her hand and raised her head. She glanced over at Leland, and caught her breath on a stifled sob. “My life’s been rocky. I’m used to that. I didn’t do Tanner in, though I’ll never deny I wished I could. So does that mean they can put me in prison again? Or send me back to Botany Bay?”

She sat straight in her chair, clearly afraid, looking desperate but proud, like a queen on her way to the tumbrels. Or so Leland thought. Her flaming hair and outrageously red gown accentuated the fact that her complexion was too white, and her eyes too bright. She was crestfallen at the moment, but there was something unquenchable about her fire. She was all spirit and rage, and he thought, yes, she could kill a man if she had to, but not by such a craven scheme as putting a burr under his saddle. She would, he thought, warn the fellow first and then, if she had to, yes,
she might well put a bullet through him or cut out his heart. But only if she or someone she loved was in danger, and she had no other way to stop it.

“So who is my accuser?” Daisy asked.

“Bow Street will not divulge the name,” Leland said. “Yes, I know, I asked, and so did the earl, but that they’re adamant about.”

“Because they’re afraid I’d kill the fellow!” Daisy said with a sniff. “Well, I wouldn’t, you know.
Him,
I’d try to maim.”

Leland laughed.

“I would,” she said, looking at him. “Of all the low tricks! No one, not anyone in all of Port Jackson, ever said a thing like that. And I had those who didn’t like me. Well, no one’s perfect, and I’m certainly not. I didn’t like Morrison, our butcher, for example. I hated him because he charged too much, and put his hands on rumps and breasts that were no part of his business or his merchandise, and so I told him, and everyone, you can be sure.

“And there was Mrs. Coleman,” she said. “Now, there was a criminal! She poisoned two husbands and never denied it. Not because they were cruel, though they might have been, but for their money. She only got free because she married a guard. I wouldn’t ever take tea with that one, and so I said.”

She stopped and looked down. “I said things too freely, I suppose. Not about those two, believe
me! But about others, yes, I might have done. I was unhappy, and unhappy people try to make others feel the same way. I should have been more charitable. That doesn’t make me a murderess!” she said, looking up at their faces.