Edge of the Past (15 page)

“And driving five miles out of your way wouldn’t hurt
you
.”

“Ten miles round trip,” Chris clarified.

“Hey,” Sergei said as he and Liza walked up. “You guys finished for the day?”

“I was just telling Em I have to meet Marley, so I thought you could give her a ride home,” Chris said.

“Sure, we were just heading out.”

“Emily, I can show you the cool stuff I won.” Liza unzipped her purple backpack and peeked inside. “I got a skate charm and a key chain and a glitter pen…”

I shot Chris a sideways glare, and he gave me a toothy grin. “Sounds like you had a good time,” he said.

“She wouldn’t leave the Duck Pond game until she won that skate charm. Super competitive.” Sergei smiled down at Liza then up at me. “Just like someone else I know.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “And proud of it.”

Chris rose and stretched his long legs. “I’m taking off. You kids have fun.”

I grabbed my cookie stash and the leftover photos and joined Sergei and Liza on the other side of the table. “I have to tell my family goodbye before we go.”

They followed me around the rink as I collected more hugs and kisses from my aunts, uncle, and cousins. Mom was our final stop, and while she held me in her arms she whispered, “You’re too young to be a stepmother.”

I pulled away and said under my breath, “Don’t start, okay?”

I led Sergei and Liza out of the rink before Mom could give me one of her patented worried looks. The sun had started to dip behind the buildings, shading the sidewalk and making the late afternoon feel cooler.

“You should button your jacket, Liza,” Sergei said.

Wow,
he
actually
sounds
like a dad
.

Sergei clasped my hand, and I linked my fingers through his as I glanced at his profile. He was the same person… just with an additional identity. But it still seemed so weird.

“I wasn’t sure if there’d be spots around here, so I parked in the Government Center garage,” Sergei said.

“Oh, so you walked through the neighborhood to the rink.”

“I told Liza this is where your mom grew up.”

“We heard some men talking in Italian when we were walking,” Liza said.

“There are a lot of older people here who only speak Italian. My grandma spoke it whenever she didn’t want me and my cousins to know what she was saying.” I laughed. “We figured out after a while what the bad words probably were.”

“Does she still live here?” Liza asked.

“No, she passed away when I was ten. I used to love going to her house. It was just a couple of streets over.” I gestured toward the narrow cobblestone road we’d just crossed. “She taught me how to make fresh pasta when I was your age.”

“I always wanted a grandma,” Liza said. “My friend Hope’s grandma used to babysit us, and she’d let us stay up till midnight and watch
The Tonight Show
.”

Sergei and I laughed, and he said, “Well, you do have a grandmother now. My mother is very anxious to meet you.”

“Is she in America?”

“No, she and my father live in Moscow.”

“Oh.” Liza’s shoulders sagged.

“Did you have a lot of family around when you lived in New York?” I asked.

Liza shook her head. “Elena was the only one who came to visit. Oh, and Uncle Ivan came a few times, but I didn’t like him.”

“Why’s that?” I asked.

“He didn’t talk to me much when I lived here, but when I moved to Moscow, he was always telling me how much better Russia was than America. He wanted me to skate for Russia, but I don’t want to. I wanna be on Team USA one day and have a jacket like that.” Liza pointed to my Olympics fleece.

Sergei’s forehead was pinched, and he appeared deep in thought just like he had when he’d come up with his idea for Liza’s visit. I was afraid to think what new plans might be forming in his head.

Liza skipped ahead of us and stopped in front of the wrought iron fence surrounding the Peace Garden at St. Leonard’s Church. She peered through the bars. “It’s so pretty in there. It’s like the secret garden in the book.”

I shook my head, amazed at the fleeting attention of a child. She was already distracted by the statues inside the gate.

“This is the church where Em and I are getting married,” Sergei said.

“Really?” Liza gaped at us.

I stepped up to the fence and looked up at the large brick church. “I went to mass here every Sunday with my family before I moved to the Cape.”

“Let’s go inside,” Liza said, heading for the gate.

I checked my watch. “Vigil mass is going on right now, so we can’t go inside, but we can walk through the garden.”

We wandered down the path, and Liza gazed at the statues of Jesus and the Virgin Mary surrounded by flowers that had bloomed early. She twirled to face me with excitement in her eyes. “What does your dress look like? Does it have one of those long skirts?”

“It does. I actually have my final fitting on Monday to try it on and see if it needs any more work.”

“I wanna see it! Can I go with you?”

Squash the fangirl, Em.
I paused with my mouth half open. “The seamstress is here in Boston, so it’s not going to be a quick trip. But if the dress fits, I’ll be bringing it home, so you can see it then.”

“I’m guessing I won’t get a peek.” Sergei smiled and circled his arm around my waist.

“You guess right. The first time you’ll see the dress is when I walk through those doors.” I pointed my thumb toward the church.

“Will I be able to come back for the wedding?” Liza asked.

Both Sergei and I shifted our weight, and Sergei’s arm tensed. We hadn’t broached the topic of Liza and the wedding yet. I figured he wanted to give Liza a positive answer, but would he do it without talking to me first?

“I’d love to have you there,” Sergei said. “We’ll have to see how your summer plans look.”

He didn’t make any promises. That was a start.

Liza chewed on her lip as she looked wistfully at the church. I scrambled to think of a diversion, something to take advantage of Liza’s short attention span.

“Hey, I asked about you skating in the sendoff show, and if you have a program ready, you’re in,” I said.

The brightness returned to Liza’s eyes. “I can do my free skate from last year. It’s Chopin.”

Sergei brushed his lips against my hair. “Thanks for doing that.”

“Since Chris and I can’t skate, she can take our spot.”

“You and Sergei should skate together in the show,” Liza said. “You looked awesome at practice yesterday.”

“That wouldn’t be a good idea,” Sergei said.

I stiffened as I remembered Sergei fleeing from me on the ice. Could he dismiss Liza’s thought any quicker? I tipped my head to look up at him. “Because you’d be ‘throwing me off’?” I made air quotes.

“That and I haven’t skated in front of an audience in ten years.”

“You’d be great,” Liza said.

Sergei might give in to Liza on a lot of things, but there was no way he was agreeing to this. I slipped away from him and took a few steps down the path.

“I have another idea,” Sergei said. “Why don’t you skate a solo number, Em?”

I wrinkled my forehead. “Why would I do that?”

“I think it would be good for you. Your confidence has grown so much since you switched to pairs, but this could give you even more, to know you can go out there on your own and perform.”

“The last time I was on the ice alone was 1999 Sectionals where I fell three times and wanted to dig a hole in the ice and crawl into it.”

Sergei came over and stood in front of me. “That was the old Emily, the one who skated in fear. You’re so far past that now. And there won’t be any judges watching.”

“You should do it!” Liza bounced up and down.

Sergei was being awfully persistent even though he knew how much performance anxiety had hampered my singles career.

“You’re really pushing this,” I said.

“Because as scary as it sounds to you right now, I think it will make you feel amazing.”

“I don’t have a program.”

“You’re always telling me about the programs you choreograph in your head,” Sergei said. “I bet you could put something together in a week.”

I hugged my arms over my chest and looked between Sergei and Liza’s enthusiastic smiles. “I’ll think about it.”

We exited the garden and took a right onto Hanover Street. As we passed the rows of Italian shops and restaurants, Liza tried to pronounce the names on all the signs. My mind wandered to the jukebox in my head as I thought of a list of songs I could use for a program. If I agreed to skate.

At the end of Hanover, we left the quaint North End and entered a mess of construction for Boston’s “Big Dig.” On the way to the garage, Elena called Sergei’s phone, and Sergei told her we were about to leave the city. I was thankful he didn’t mention I was with Liza and him. No need to give Elena an hour to get riled up over me spending time with Liza.

We weren’t far into the ride home when I glanced at the back seat and discovered Liza had fallen asleep. Her head was cocked to one side, her little pink mouth slightly open.

“She wore herself out today,” I said with a quiet laugh.

“I think she had a lot of fun.” Sergei kept his voice low. “She’s getting more and more comfortable around me, which is all I hoped for.”

“You have a way of putting people at ease. You do it with all your students.”

Sergei peeked at the rearview mirror and scratched his chin. “I didn’t know what to say when Liza asked about the wedding.”

“I appreciate that you didn’t give her a definite answer without talking to me.”

“Are you okay with her being there?”

“Definitely. She’s your daughter.” I shook my head a little, still unaccustomed to the sound of those words. “But I don’t want Elena there.”

Sergei stayed quiet until he sent a quick look my way. “She’s not a bad person, Em.”

“I didn’t say she is. I just said I don’t want her at our wedding. I don’t think she’d want to be there anyway.”

Sergei fiddled with the heater, and we rode for at least a mile before he spoke again. “I wish there wasn’t so much tension between you.”

“She’s just so… I don’t know… cold? Has she always been like that?”

“She’s always been guarded with most people because of her father. He put a lot of fear in her, told her not to trust anyone.” Sergei’s eyes remained glued to the highway. “I was the only person she really let in.”

Literally and figuratively.
I cringed at the thought and squirmed against my seat belt. Before unwanted images could invade my mind, I steered the conversation back to Liza.

“I think the fact Elena grew up without a mother shows in how she interacts with Liza. I feel like she needs a softer approach, but there’s no way I’m telling her that. She’d probably yell at me again about how I’m not a mother and I should mind my business.”

“You might not be a mother now, but you’re going to be a great one someday.” Sergei reached over and massaged my shoulder.

I smiled at him. “You seem to be catching on to this ‘dad’ thing pretty quickly.”

“Liza’s making it easy so far.” Sergei hesitated before he continued, “This was a lot of fun tonight – the three of us hanging out together.”

I nodded. “Yeah, it was.”

Sergei rubbed the steering wheel as he appeared to be gathering his thoughts again. Finally, he asked, “What if we could do it more often?”

“I thought you wanted me to let Liza have more time with Elena?”

“I didn’t mean these next few weeks. I meant further in the future.”

I sat up straighter, fully alert with both curiosity and concern. “I’m not sure I’m following.”

“Liza thinks of the States as her home, and it kills me to think of her being miserable in Russia. So, I wanted to see how you’d feel about Liza and Elena moving here.”

It was a good thing I wasn’t driving because we would’ve ended up careening into the woods. After the initial numbness left my body, I turned to face Sergei as far as my seat belt would allow.

“There’s no way Elena will agree to that,” I said.

“I was going to start working the idea in slowly with her. She has to see how happy Liza is here.”

“When you say move
here
, do you mean here as in this country or here as in Cape Cod?”

“Well, ideally, Cape Cod, so I can see Liza often.”

I rotated in the seat again and propped my elbow against the window, resting my chin on my hand as I stared at the darkening trees. I felt like the Titanic was sinking in my stomach. Mom had said this would happen. It had only taken three days for Sergei to come up with a grand plan.

“I just can’t see Elena moving here. Didn’t you say she never wanted to leave Russia?” I realized my tone had grown louder and I quickly hushed myself, not wanting to wake Liza in the middle of the discussion.

“It can’t be all about what she wants anymore. She needs to think about what’s best for Liza. And with her inheritance from her father, she has the means to live anywhere.”

I pushed my hair away from my face and held it there. Suddenly, the heater felt more suffocating than cozy.

“Are you thinking of trying to get some kind of partial custody?” I asked.

“I haven’t thought about any of the legal stuff. I just want Liza to be somewhere close, where we don’t have to cross the ocean to see each other.”

I turned to the backseat to confirm that Liza was still asleep. Her head had slipped even further to one side, and her raven hair fell across her cheek. She looked so sweet and peaceful. Then Mom’s last words to me popped into my head –
You’re too young to be a stepmother.

Shifting forward in the leather seat, I asked, “Do you realize how much this would change our lives?”

“I know it’s asking a lot, and I’ve asked for more understanding from you this past week than a man should ever ask from his fiancé… but I feel like I have to try to do this for Liza or I’m going to regret it forever.”

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond to this, though. If I say I’m not on board, then you’re going to resent me for keeping Liza away from you.”