Edge of Courage (Edge Security Series Book 5) (23 page)

Sarah nodded and tried to smile, rubbing at the ache in her chest. She wasn’t going to see Jalila again. She’d barely said good-bye to her before she’d gone to get Besma, so caught up in the op. She stared out the window into the complete darkness of the mountainous landscape they drove through, blinking against the wetness that welled in her eyes.

Soon, she promised herself. Soon, she’d be alone and then she could cry about losing the first two people she cared about in a long time.

T
hree weeks later
…

S
arah walked back into E.D.G.E
. HQ for the first time since the debrief after returning home from Mosul. She’d been given leave to recover and to readjust to her old life. Her feet were still tender, but most of her work today consisted of writing reports. And she was more than ready to get back to work—but mostly she was ready to see Dylan.

She’d done a lot of thinking while lying on her couch binge-watching
Supernatural
on Netflix and reading all the latest releases from her favorite authors. Dani and Charlie had come by with books and movies one night. It made her want to call Dylan and shout that she did have friends.

Mostly she’d thought about Dylan and how she’d treated him. How teamwork had not just saved her life but that of Jalila and the other girls. She thought about how Dylan had made those few days in that hell bearable. And how much she missed him.

Cat had come by the first day she’d been home, after Sarah had called her. She and Cat had become closer since the Nigerian mission last year, closer than Dylan realized. When Rhys was on an op without Cat, they would hang out, watching a movie or going to the range. It was nice to have someone to talk about things other than work.

Sarah had hobbled painfully to her apartment door when her buzzer had sounded to find Cat there with a bag of groceries.

“I figured you’d need the basics like milk and bread.” Cat frowned when she saw Sarah holding onto the doorjamb. Then she gasped when she glanced down.

Sarah’s legs looked as though someone had sewn on Frankenstein’s feet, with how swollen and bruised they’d become. She could barely stand on them. Cat helped her back to her couch.

“I knew you were hurt but I didn’t realize it was this bad. Is it painful? Do you need meds?” she asked.

“I’m fine.”

“Don’t bullshit me. You’re not fine. Has Dylan come by yet?”

“No.” Sarah kept her voice even. Not letting the hurt show was a skill she’d developed long ago. “And I don’t expect him to. He was pretty clear about that.”

Cat frowned. “This is ridiculous. I’m calling him. He’d want to know that you can barely walk.”

“No!” Sarah struggled to rise.

“Give me a good reason.”

Sarah flopped back onto the couch. “I know I need help. It’s why I called you.”

“Hold on, you actually admitted you need help.” She shook her head. “What happened to you over there?”

“Too much,” Sarah said softly.

“Nightmares?”

Sarah pressed her lips together. Dylan was right. She needed to reach out and rely on her team. She nodded.

“I’m going to make an appointment with psych. They’ll come to you.”

“I don’t—”

Cat laid a hand on her arm. “You
do
need help. Probably more than you know. Don’t worry—we all need help at some point, especially with what we do.” Her lips twisted and she crossed her arms. “Now tell me why I shouldn’t call my brother. You guys were a thing before your assignment. What changed?”

“Nothing,” she said. “Everything.”

“Well, that’s helpful.” Cat pulled her phone out.

“Wait!” Sarah ran a hand through her hair. “If you call Dylan, he will come over and try to take care of me.”

Cat sighed through her nose. “And this is bad why?”

“Because he doesn’t actually want to. But he’ll help me because he’s a good guy. And I couldn’t bear to have him around if he doesn’t want to be here.”

Cat stared at her a moment. “How do you know that he wouldn’t want to be here?”

Dammit. “He told me.” She swallowed the lump in her throat and stared at her clenched hands. “He’s done with me. And I don’t blame him.”

Sarah took a deep breath, steeling herself to confess. “I haven’t treated your brother very well,” she finally said. “He has a right to want to keep his distance.”

Cat sat on the arm of her couch. “What’d you do?”

Sarah sighed. “I told him I didn’t like him.”

“But you lied.”

“How do you know?”

Cat raised an eyebrow. “I’m not stupid. What else?”

“He might think that I thought he would leave me behind.”

“What?” Cat stood. Her mouth opened and closed once before she spoke. “Please tell me you don’t actually think Dylan would leave you behind.”

“No,” she said, and then whispered the truth. “Not anymore.” And she told Cat everything—well, almost everything—about their time together. When she’d finished, Cat didn’t speak for a long moment.

“So really,” Sarah said. “It’s best to just leave him out of it. Please.”

“Okay,” she said slowly, her brows pulled together while she studied Sarah. “I’ll play it your way. For now.

“I’m going to arrange with other team members to pick up groceries and check on you,” Cat continued. “Give me a list. And I’ll swing by tonight with some of Lucky’s gumbo.”

And then Cat, Dani, and Charlie had all taken turns stopping by, bringing her food or whatever they thought she might need. It had been…nice.

More than nice.

It had felt like family.

And now she walked into E.D.G.E. after three weeks of thinking, convalescing and speaking with the E.D.G.E. psychologist. She’d done a lot of soul-searching about her standing-by in certain situations. But the doctor was helping her see that sometimes it had been a choice, but most times it had been a necessity for survival. Three weeks didn’t mean she was cured of the guilt and nightmares, but it was a start.

And now she was ready for another start as well. She entered her office and sat at her desk, happy to be off her feet. She’d had a lot of time to think about Dylan, and their relationship as well. And no matter what she’d told herself, they’d had a relationship before she’d left for Iraq.

She’d been happy with him. She remembered laughing with him one lazy morning they’d spent in bed. It had been at her place and he’d teased her about her lack of decorating skills.

She’d dragged him out to her front room, both of them wrapped in the same sheet.

“Do you see?” She waved her arm at the view to explain the sparseness of her place.

Dylan turned from the view of the city and the river beyond, and studied her. “I see.” He slid his hands into her hair. “More than you know.” He leaned down and nibbled on her lips. He pulled back and his gaze pierced her; her heart thudded with passion and something else.

“I like when you smile at me,” he’d said.

Even now the memory had the power to make her heart beat harder. They’d sunk to the floor and made love, slow and oh so sweet. It had rocked her armored heart.

And sent her running.

She took a deep breath; her fingers tapped on her desk. But she was ready now.

She hadn’t seen or heard from Dylan once in the last three weeks. And although it hurt that he hadn’t called to check up on her, she’d known he wouldn’t. He would distance himself from her. But she hoped he still cared enough to listen.

But first, she would start on the mound of paperwork that had accumulated on her desk in the past five months. Her sudden need to do paperwork didn’t have anything to do with the rolling nerves in her stomach. Or at least that’s what she told herself.

It was close to noon when Cat stopped by.

“Is Dylan in?” Sarah asked.

Cat nodded. “He’s working out. Again. He’s been working out almost constantly since he’s been back. Normally that would worry me, but…I think I know what’s bothering him.” She snorted softly. “You going down to see him or do you want me to bring him up?”

Sarah felt a little glow inside that Cat would do that for her. Obviously she approved of Sarah, and it made her happy to know she had someone behind her.

“I’ll go to him,” she said.

“Are you going to tell him you love him?”

The question sucker-punched her and she gasped. Love? Had she fallen in love with Dylan? Is this what she’d been feeling?

Cat sighed. “By the looks of you, it’s too soon for you to say it, but it’s not too soon for him to hear it.” With those cryptic words, she left Sarah’s office.

Oh God. Why hadn’t she seen it before? She ran her hands through her hair, tugging at the roots. She was an idiot. She’d fallen in love and hadn’t even known it.

A thought froze her. What if he didn’t love her back?

No. She pushed the fear and doubt away. She straightened her shoulders. She was Sarah Ramirez and she was in love with a wonderful man.

It was time to go find him.

T
he elevator door
opened to the two-story sub-basement that was the workout area. It held the Beast—the tough obstacle course the operators used—a lap pool, a weight area, and an expert-level climbing wall.

Sarah hesitated inside the elevator. What if he really was done with her? It didn’t matter. She needed to know for sure. And he deserved to know her true feelings. She stepped out and the doors shut behind her.

She immediately wanted to hit the button, to open the doors and hide inside the elevator again. But no. She wouldn’t hide. Dylan deserved better. She deserved better.

A quick scan showed a tall, muscled form starting up the wall. He’d changed his hair back to blond. The color glinted golden under the lights. He was already halfway up, his muscular arms and back straining under the fast climb. He moved with such speed, leaping from ledge to jut-out. She watched as he hit the top and then jumped free, letting the self-belay lower him down. His feet had barely touched the ground before he started again, this time shifting his route a few feet over.

She drifted closer, entranced by him and the muscles sliding under his sweat-covered skin. He reached the top and jumped off again.

She swallowed hard and stepped forward.

He looked at her, his eyes flat and that of a stranger, before reaching for the wall once more.

“Wait,” she said.

He didn’t look at her and kept his hands on the climbing holds nearest him. His fingers flexed.

“I wanted to talk to you,” she said.

“So talk.” His voice was cold and even. He still didn’t look at her.

“I wanted to apologize.”

She counted three of his breaths, his back expanding with each one, before she realized he wasn’t going to speak. She gripped her hands together, even as her insides twisted.

“I’m sorry for what I said. I lied.” She took a deep breath. He still hadn’t moved. “I do like you. I like you more than anyone I’ve met in a long time. I like you so much it…it scares me.” She shook her head though he couldn’t see it. “I’ve lived so long on my own, taking care of myself, that I didn’t know how to open up to anyone.”

Was he ever going to look at her?

His hands tightened on the holds, as if he was about to climb again. But he surprised her and spoke. “And now?”

“Now?”

He unfastened his harness and let it drop to the ground before turning to her. He no longer looked at her like a stranger. The intensity of his blue eyes made her want to take a step back. But this wasn’t about running away anymore. She was done with that. She wanted to try not just to survive, but to be happy.

“Why are you really here, Sarah?” His voice was low and stirred things inside her.

“I…” Her throat closed up on the words. Where had her courage gone?

Dylan stepped closer and her breath caught.

“Sarah?” Then he ensnared her gaze and didn’t release it as he moved even closer. “Tell me what you want, Sarah. Tell me why you’re here.”

Her heart started to pound. Surely he could hear it. It was time to take control. She lifted her chin. “I want you,” she whispered.

His shoulders slumped a little and he shook his head. “I’m sorry, Sarah. I want more than—”

“Wait,” she said. “I mean, I want us. I want to be with you.” She waved a hand at the wall. “I want to climb with you. I want to eat breakfast with you. I want to be with you outside of work, the job. I want you to know me and I want to know you.” She took a deep breath. “I love you.”

He stared at her, searching her gaze, his expression unreadable.

Words bubbled out of her.

“We don’t just have great chemistry,” she said. “Your lightness balances my darkness. You’re better than I deserve, but…” She lifted her chin. “But even if I don’t deserve you, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. That I don’t want us to be together. Will you give me another chance?”

She waited for him to say anything. Her heart beat slow and hard, echoing in her ears. Why didn’t he speak?

“Another chance on my wild ride?” A slow smile started on his face. “You deserve more than you know, Sarah. And I have just as much darkness in me as you do, so I’m not doing you any favors. But we belong together.” He stepped even closer and his hands cradled her face. The intensity of his gaze made her breath catch. “Sarah Ramirez, I have loved you for months.”

His lips touched hers softly and she melted into his arms. A feeling enveloped her that she hadn’t felt in years, a feeling she’d secretly yearned for. Love. She wanted to wrap it tight around her and never let it go.

Dylan pulled back too soon. “There’s no running away this time,” he growled, and she saw the hint of fear in his eyes.

She gripped his shoulders and pulled him closer. “No more running.”

He resisted. “A relationship is the ultimate form of teamwork. Can you handle it?”

“I trust you,” she said, praying he believed her. “No more going it alone. We’re a team.”

He kissed her again; his lips crushed hers this time. Her mouth opened under his, their passion spiraled, stirring her blood and setting fire to her insides.

But at the same time, contentment spread through her. She belonged here, not just at E.D.G.E. helping people, but also in Dylan’s arms loving him and being loved in return. She’d finally found her home.