Edge of Chaos (Love on the Edge #1) (21 page)

I limped to my bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I pulled my hair back, changed into some pajamas, and took three Tylenol.

Thank God I had plenty of beer at my apartment because I needed more than my fair share. I cracked one open, preparing to down it on the couch, when a knock on my door stopped me dead in my tracks. Ice filled my veins, thinking of Justin being outside the door.

“Blake, please,” Dash pleaded from the other side.

I sighed, the ice retreating and anger returning.

“I’m not ready to see you, Dash,” I said, even though it wasn’t true. I placed my hand on the door, knowing I could never really shut him out.

“You said I never needed an excuse to come over.”

Especially when he said all the right things. I huffed and opened the door.

He looked defeated, his shoulders drooped and his eyes were filled with pain.

Damn it. I was still outraged and yet the urge to comfort him overwhelmed me. I resisted the need to wrap my arms around him and instead backed up a few spaces.

He stepped in and pet an extremely wiggly Hail. He took a seat, and I eyed the gash on his face from Justin’s sucker punch. I handed him my freshly cracked beer and headed to the bathroom, returning with an alcohol-soaked cotton ball and a bandage. I gently wiped at the cut, shocked when he didn’t flinch. I slipped the bandage over the wound and sat back, only wincing a little, the Tylenol taking effect.

We sat there with Hail’s panting the only sound between us.

“Why didn’t you tell me you two had broken up?” I finally blurted out.

Dash jerked up from the couch so fast it startled Hail and she whined. He quickly patted her, but then paced the length of my living room. Finally, he shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought it might sway your thinking, and I wanted you to leave that asshole on your own. Then you did, but I didn’t want to shove it in your face that I was single, too. I mean, you
just
broke up with him yesterday.”

Justin and Lindsay. How long had it been going on? Since the night at Ponderosa Bridge? “She didn’t accidentally pocket-dial you. She meant to hurt you, or both of us. And you
knew
what we’d find when we went there.” I knew this for a fact, but a part of me wanted him to deny it. Even if it was a lie, I could get past it easier.

“I didn’t think about her doing it on purpose. I heard . . . them, and I lost it. I thought if you saw, you’d stop torturing yourself with worry and guilt and finally realize who he really is,” Dash said, his voice soft. He’d stopped pacing and stood clutching his longneck at his side.

“You could’ve handed me the phone. Let me hear. Or told me. I would’ve believed you.”

I caught his eyes, and pain coated his normal fiery emeralds. “I thought this was my chance to free you from the guilt he’s held you in for years.”

Dash’s reasoning was sound, but it still hurt like a bitch. “Pretty painful way of getting free.” I shrugged and crossed the room to get my own drink.

“I see now I shouldn’t have taken you there. I didn’t think of the pain it’d cause you to see that. All I could think about was you realizing who he was and what he was doing to you.” He jerked his bottle to his lips and chugged.

Tears welled in my eyes. “Eight years. All the bullshit. All the blowups and the threats . . .” I sighed. “There must be something wrong with me.”

“No there isn’t.”

“Yes there is!” I yelled through my tears. “I gave him everything, and it was never enough. I wasn’t enough . . .” I let my head fall into my hands and cried harder.

Frustration and anger whirled inside me, threatening to bring the beer up. The bitter sting of betrayal was raw, like pouring salt in an open wound, but the realization that the last eight years of my life had been wasted hurt worse. I couldn’t be angry over this. It was my fault. I should’ve ended it sooner. “How could I have been so stupid?”

“You’re not stupid, Blake. You’re the one with the incredibly huge heart who sees the best in everyone.
He’s
the asshole.”

I glanced up at him, wiping the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand. I sniffed and took a deep breath. “You’re right.”

There were more bad memories than good, and despite what Dash said, I really was stupid. Justin and I hadn’t been right for each other for a long time. We were toxic. It had taken Dash entering my life to realize how lost I really was. I just wished it hadn’t erupted like that, that we could’ve ended things on a mature note. There was no chance of that now.

I crossed the room and stopped before Dash, realizing how selfish I’d been. I was letting my anger over the situation get in the way of comforting my best friend, who had seen his girlfriend with another man. He had to be hurting over it, too. Dash and I may not have love for our exes any more—but it still wasn’t something we should’ve had to see.

“Even though they technically didn’t do anything wrong—unless Justin had started it up before I broke things off—it
feels
wrong,” I said. “I’m so sorry about everything.”

“There you go again. Apologizing for something completely out of your control. I’m the one who fucked up and took you there, and still you’re trying to comfort me.” Dash shook his head. “I don’t know if that’s something I hate about you or one of the reasons why I love you.”

I nearly choked on his use of love and hate in the same sentence. Wait . . . what? I looked up at him, my tears stopped short from shock.

Dash’s green eyes filled with the intensity he reserved for chasing storms. He set his beer down on the coffee table behind me, cupped my cheek in his hand, and crushed his lips on mine.

I gasped and held my hands out horizontally as if to back away from a loaded gun. His lips were warm and fierce, and the sensation of them against mine ignited a fire in the pit of my stomach. My eyes closed automatically, and before I could stop myself I clutched the back of his neck and pulled him closer.

He sighed and grabbed my hips, pushing me backward until we hit the wall. My back screamed in pain but quickly drowned in a tingling hunger as his hands slid down the sides of my thighs. His tongue slipped between my lips, making my heart soar like it had wings. He pressed his body against mine, and I could feel his hunger for me through his jeans.

“Blake,” he groaned and nibbled at the spot behind my ear.

I raked my hands through his hair and brought his lips back to mine, kissing him harder, losing myself in him, his touch, his scent.

Dash grabbed behind my knee and hiked my leg around his hip. He leaned into me until a pulsing ache throbbed between my legs and I could do nothing but rub against it. He slipped his free hand underneath my shirt and explored my bare skin. When he went for the string on my sweats reality struck me harder than a lightning bolt.

“Wait. Wait, wait, wait.” I unhooked my leg from around his waist and gently nudged him away.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked, eyeing around me toward my back.

“We can’t do this.” I wanted to punch myself in the face. My body screamed at me to grab Dash’s hand and yank him to my bed, but my mind conjured all the reasons why we shouldn’t do it. “We just caught our super-recent-exes having sex . . .”

“I know that,” he said, taking a step closer. “Why do you think she’s my ex?”

I put my hand up to stop him, sure that if he kissed me again I wouldn’t have the willpower to stop. “I’m not sure. You never explained it to me. You didn’t even bother to tell me you’d split.”

“You should know the reasons why I left her.”

“Because you had nothing in common?”

“That and the fact that I couldn’t rightfully stay with her when I’m completely hung up on you.”

The floor seemed to drop beneath me I was so stunned. The kiss wasn’t about revenge on our exes? “Why . . . why haven’t you said anything?”

“I didn’t want you to leave him for me. I wanted you to leave that asshole on your own. And to choose me when you were free to think clearly.”

There was no way. Dash was out of my league, and we were best friends. “You’re not thinking straight.”

“Yes I am—”

“No, you’re not.” I cut him off. “Dash, you’re my best friend. If we do this, it’ll change everything.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“I don’t know!” I couldn’t wrap my head around anything. My eight-year relationship had only just come to a crashing end yesterday, and the way Dash touched me had my head spinning. What if we went through with it and tomorrow he decided it truly
was
a mistake?

“Blake,” he whispered my name again and caressed my neck. I shut my eyes, and his lips were against mine in seconds. I kissed him back, my resolve weakening. His lips worked over the skin of my neck before returning to my mouth, their power the only thing strong enough to erase tonight’s memory.

Almost.

The image of Justin pounding Lindsay from behind flashed in my head and I flinched away from Dash, pinching the bridge of my nose.

“Damn it!”

“What?” he asked.

“I can’t get tonight’s visual out of my head! I never will! Why did you have to take me?” I yelled, the memory running on repeat in my mind.

He reached for me. “I said I was sorry.”

“No. You can’t do this to me.” Another apology for something that hurt like hell, despite the deliverer, was too much. I couldn’t take it.

“Do what? I’m finally doing what feels right. Tell me this doesn’t feel right to you.” He trailed his lips to my collarbone, making my eyes roll back in my head.

“It’s incredible, but I can’t get over the fact that you put me in that situation tonight! What did you expect to happen? That I’d get over it in two seconds and then hop into bed with you? I won’t be a revenge fuck.” The words came out harsher than I’d intended, and Dash jerked away from me.

A new wave of hurt coated his eyes before they turned sharp. “So that’s what you think of me.”

“Dash, I—”

He raised his hand, stopping me. Then he grabbed his keys off the counter and paused as he opened the door. “I know taking you tonight was a mistake. I acted on impulse and I’m sorry for that, but, Blake, I’ve never once given you a reason to think I’d use you to get even with them. I thought you knew me better than that.” He slammed the door on his way out.

The words stung like a knife slipping into my chest. I stood there staring at the door, desperately wishing he’d come back and let me apologize. Let me work through my anger and think rationally. Figure out where my heart was. But I didn’t even know where to start.

M
Y CELL BUZZED
on my nightstand. I glared at it through squinted eyes. I’d worked till closing last night and was dead set on not budging from bed until well after nine a.m. The home screen blared brightly with Dash’s number. I picked up instantly.

We hadn’t really spoken in days. Not since the disastrous night at the sorority house. I’d tried to flag him down after classes, but he’d rushed off claiming he had tons of research to do and neglected to invite me. I tried to be understanding, but it stung. I wanted to talk about what happened, but he clearly wanted to avoid it. I was sure I’d lost him as a friend forever—the one thing I had tried to avoid. If I’d known this was going to happen I might as well have gotten in bed with him. Heat flushed my cheeks, and I blinked hard to snap myself out of the fantasy. I sucked in a deep breath and decided to act completely normal.

“It’s six thirty in the morning, Dash,” I groaned despite the building elation that he’d called.

“Beautiful morning you happen to be missing, Blake.” He was way too happy for this hour and way too normal for our first time speaking since the night we nearly slept together.

I wondered if he felt the same as I did every time I thought about it, a mixture of insane sensations that hummed beneath the skin.

“Ugh.” I rubbed my eyes in an effort to get them to open more. “What do you want?” I asked, ready to play the whole let’s-act-normal game.

“If you keep giving me attitude, woman, I’m not going to tell you.”

“Dash,” I whined, but internally relaxed for the first time in days. Maybe I hadn’t ruined things. Maybe everything would be all right.

“Fine. Doppler is predicting a string of supercells just north of Bartlesville.
Tornadoes are highly likely. You in?”