Eden's Pleasure (Pulse Book 1) (34 page)

Eden touched the bandage over her eyebrow and the split in her lip thinking of the scars it would leave, but none compared to the scars caused by abysmal mistakes from her past. She stared into the mirror while thoughts of Chase entered her mind. The smile when they first met, the taste of his sweet breath, the feeling that sparked with each touch, and his incredible passion when they made love. She loved him with all her heart, this was so evident, but he didn’t want a relationship, and she couldn’t handle the idea of being his lover without more. She needed to cut the ties that held her to him and allow him to move on.

When she came back into the room, Chase was sitting in the chair beside the bed, leaning on his good elbow, his head down. She wanted to run her hand through his unruly, raven curls, but she held back and sat on the bed’s edge.

“They’re not back yet?” she asked.

He looked up, his eyes sad and despairing. “No…Eden, what can I do to change your mind?” he asked, but made no attempt to move to her, afraid she’d only bolt like so many times before. She was a runner, fear enticed her to escape, but surely, she wasn’t afraid of him. “Do I scare you? Are you afraid of me now…because of what I did? Is that why you’re leaving me?”

“No. God no!” Eden exclaimed. “We need to be honest with each other, Chase. We don’t want a relationship. It wasn’t going to last forever, and with everything that’s happened, let’s just call it a day.”

“What if that’s not what I want?” he asked.

She moved over to stand in front of him, ran her hand across the rough, bearded surface of his cheek and smiled sweetly into his eyes. “You cared for me like no other person ever will again. You showed me something wonderful and magical, and I…what more can there be? Please don’t make this any harder for me.”

He put his hand at the back of her thigh and pulled her close, resting his forehead on her belly. He then stood, pulling her into him, staring intently into her eyes, and leaned forward, placing his lips to her forehead, kissing long and tenderly before releasing her and walking out of the room without a word.

Mikala came in then and pointed over her shoulder with her thumb to Chase’s departure. “Honey, you crushed him. He looks like a sad, abandoned puppy. Go after him, and tell him you made a mistake!”

“Can we just go, Mik?” Eden asked, wiping away her tears, looking out to the hallway, and catching sight of Mason as he waved a pensive goodbye.

“You can’t just sit around here feeling sorry for yourself all night, and I really need your help. This was what you wanted, remember?” Mik barked at her friend.

“I’ll be down in five, as soon as I iron my blouse, and yes, I clearly remember. You won’t let me forget after all.”

Eden plugged the iron in and laid a clean towel over the kitchen island, smoothing out her blouse in preparation for ironing it. She stood, waiting for it to heat up, in her black dress pants and a white lacey bra. A chill blew against her skin, causing her to visibly shiver. The weather today had gotten so cold and dreary, very fitting with the mood she was in.

Concentration was beyond her abilities; the idea of looking for a job or apartment seemed mind-boggling, so she found herself working in the social club bar for Mik tonight. Her heart ached so badly. She could have never imagined that the absence of Chase from her life would be so devastating, but the end came at her own doing, and she would now pay the price.

She gave her blouse a quick once-over and threw it on, not really too concerned for her appearance. She had no one to impress, after all. She tied her hair in a ponytail and couldn’t be bothered with makeup. She attached her cummerbund and bow tie and slipped into her black stilettos, taking a fast look in the mirror to make sure she was presentable for Mikala’s sake.

The club had a steady stream of customers all night, keeping Eden busy enough to impede her mind for a while. She enjoyed mixing drinks. It was a form of therapy for her, like playing a musical instrument or reading a book was to others. The tips didn’t hurt either.

“Eden? A dirty martini for the gentleman at the end of the bar please?” Mikala asked.

“Right away.” Eden mixed the drink, straining it into a chilled glass and taking a napkin from the pile, and headed to the end of the bar to deliver it.

“That will be twelve dollars please.” She placed the napkin on the bar surface and set the glass down before looking up to collect the payment. The gentleman turned in his seat to face her.

“Hi.” Chase smiled his melt-her-into-a-puddle smile, searching her eyes for any glimmer of hope.

“Hi.” Eden’s heart was pumping so vigorously, she thought it would rip open her chest. Oh god, he looked so good. His emerald eyes sparkled and she could smell his cologne in the air and that masculine scent that was only his.

“How are you?” he asked, leaning forward. He looked concerned. The circles under his eyes gave away the fact that he hadn’t slept last night any better than she had.

“I’m…” She couldn’t finish her sentence; she honestly had no idea how she was. Eden was devoid of feeling. Depression dictated her emotions. She wiped her hands on a small towel, looking away, words and lies nullified.

“I just wanted to see you, to see how you are.” Chase watched her. She was wretched, no doubt about it. Her eyes had lost their radiance, and the smile he remembered had been replaced with desolation.

“How are you?” she asked, making a feeble attempt at conversation.

“The truth?” he asked. “I’ve been better…I miss you. This is killing me. Us being apart is wrong, Eden.”

“I’m sorry.” She missed him too but couldn’t bring herself to confess it. She pursed her lips together, holding back unspent tears.

“You didn’t return any of my texts. Mikala told me you’d be working tonight. I was hoping we could talk?”

“I’m really busy right now,” she pointed out the obvious. She was shocked that he had been talking to Mikala, and her friend hadn’t said a thing.

“I’ll wait until you’re finished,” he offered, not about to leave. He had that cool, calm, control thing going on. She could feel his dominance being held back, purposely shielding his desire to stick out his chest and demand her to listen.

“I’m closing. It’s going to be late.”

“Ok. I’ll wait. I need to talk to you.” He was insistent, lifting his drink and taking it to a seat in the corner where he could face the bar and play watchdog. Ever the sentry, the loving protector and keeper she knew so well.

Eden felt his eyes watching her every move. She glanced over at him many times through the night. Her heart would flutter when their eyes met, and she remained well aware of his presence in the room. Many women approached him but would leave, defeated in their crusade. She would breathe a sigh of relief each time and then feel guilty for her audacity.

At a lull in the evening, she watched him as he sat with his blackberry, texting. He had mentioned messages. She hadn’t even looked at her phone since leaving the hospital with Mikala. She told the other bar tender that she was going to the powder room, but instead she went up to the apartment in a quest to see those messages.

Her phone sat in her purse, the battery drained dry. She found her charger and plugged it in before returning to the club. Chase was sitting with a blonde when she returned. They were in deep conversation, and she never thought much of it at first, until the woman put her hand on his arm, and he laughed with her. Her head spun at the idea of something between the two of them. She found that she couldn’t take her eyes off of them. It was an insane feeling that she had never experienced before, this thing called jealousy.

“She’s one of his clients, Eden,” Mikala said from the side.

Eden asked suspiciously, “How do you know who she is?”

“She asked if he was here with someone, said she wanted to buy him a drink to say thanks for the contract.”

“Oh. Well it’s none of my business anyway.” Eden tried to appear unaffected, but trying to get that one past Mikala would be quite a challenge.

“Girl, you’re going to have to get used to seeing Mr. Chase Dean with other women. He’s a hot commodity, and he’s not going to sit around, pining over you forever.”

Eden was infuriated with her friend’s harsh words. “Nice, thank you!” Her heart sank, picturing him embracing another woman, using his demanding nature in bed or giving slow, lingering kisses that should belong to only her.

“Sorry, honey. I know you love him, and you know you do, but
he
isn’t aware. So what’s the problem? Why aren’t you telling him?”

“I knew when we got involved that he didn’t want a relationship, and I don’t want a one-sided affair. I need more now. With everything that happened and everything that I put him through.”

Mikala stepped into her view and held her shoulders, claiming her full attention. “Eden, you need to let the past stay in the past! Honestly, girl, you need to get over it and move on. I love you, and I wouldn’t say this to you otherwise, but you’re being a fool to let him slip away. You’ve given up on love without even trying. Not everyone is lucky enough to find someone like Chase. You better open your eyes and see what’s right in front of your face before it’s too late.”

She turned Eden to face his direction. “Look at him, Eden. He can’t take his eyes off of you. He’s been calling me, you know. He asks about you. He’s genuinely hurting. No man that didn’t have deep feelings for a woman would be trying as hard as he is to see you. At least listen to what he has to say.”

“I do love him, Mik,” Eden confessed.

“Then you need to tell him. Let him know how you feel.”

“And watch him run for the door?”

“Honey, you already kicked him to the curb.” Mikala’s strong words stung like a bitch. Reality was cruel and harrowing.

***

It was nearly three in the morning when the last couple left the club. Eden removed her bow tie and stuffed it in her pocket after opening a bottle of Pinot. With the bottle and two glasses, she came over to join Chase where he sat. He stood, waiting for her to sit beside him and filled the two glasses, handing her one and clinking their glasses together in the silence.

“Do me a favor?” Chase asked, as she took a sip of wine and looked in his direction. “Smile?”

“Smile?” she asked.

“You look so sad. I’ve been here all night, and I never saw you smile once.”

Her silence was evidence enough that he would not be seeing a smile crossing her lips anytime soon. She finished her wine and proceeded to refill her glass. She wasn’t in the least bit worried about getting loaded. The numbness that it brought would be very welcomed, along with the possibility of sleep.

Chase entwined his fingers with hers. The touch of his skin sent a wave of heat to every nerve ending, her skin covered in a layer of goose bumps. She stared at her tiny hand in his. It looked so right, it felt so right. He raised her hand to his lips, and placed a gentle kiss to her knuckles until their eyes met and her eyes welled up with tears.

“Baby, don’t cry.” His words were soft and caring. She closed her eyes as her tears rolled down her cheeks. “I miss you, baby. I can’t believe that what we had is over—I won’t believe.” He wiped a tear from her cheek and watched it roll from his finger and form a small wet patch on the knee of his jeans. “These tears tell me that you miss me as much as I miss you.”

He was met with only silence. “Talk to me, Eden. Tell me what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling.” He practically begged her to reveal something, anything.

“I do miss you.” Her confession came in a quiet, shaky voice.

“So why are we apart? I need you in my life, Eden.” He tightened his hold. “You’re on my mind every minute. You’re stuck in my head, there’s no shaking you. I just want back what we had. My heart’s empty. My world is meaningless without you. Come back to me. I have nothing if I don’t have you.”

“Chase, think about what you’re saying. Think about what we had. Think long and hard. We were nothing more than sexual partners, fuck-buddies, we both knew that. At the end of the day, what was there but sex? Do you seriously think that we could carry on like this and feel nothing forever?” she was blunt, pushing for something that she didn’t think he was capable of giving her.

“Is that what you really think? That I only wanted you for sex?” His eyes fell to the floor as he shook his head in shame for the way he made her feel. “I assure you, it’s so much more.”

“Do you not remember anything that we shared?” he went on. “I do, and it was much more to me than sex! You make me happy. You make me want to be a better person. Yes, sex with you is incredible, but it isn’t everything. Just to be with you makes my days complete. Do you seriously think that little of me, of us? Do I come off as some cold, callous asshole? If I do, I apologize. You mean the world to me, Eden.”

He shifted closer in his seat. “From the moment that I met you, everything changed. Eden, I never knew perfection until you. I sat wide awake last night in an empty room, picturing your face in my mind, in fear that one day I won’t remember what you look like. I don’t want to live without you. I’m not walking away, and I’m not about to give up on us and what we have together.”