Eden in Winter (42 page)

Carla swallowed. ‘And Adam knows all this.’

‘He forced it out of me,’ Jack answered wearily, ‘less than an hour after learning I was his father. I still can’t imagine how that felt. But he couldn’t let the D.A. prosecute Teddy, and he couldn’t bring himself to turn me in for the murder of a dying man. Instead, he tried to salvage all three of us, and hide what happened from Teddy and Clarice.’ Jack sat straighter, looking her in the face. ‘Lying to you is tearing him apart. But the truth would have endangered me and entangled you. Instead, he forced Clarice to compromise over the will contest, making sure that you and the baby were secure.’ Jack’s chest moved in and out, as though revealing the truth had winded him. ‘So now you know our secret.’

Sickened and confused, Carla struggled to accept that Adam’s father had caused the death of Liam’s father, and that Adam had always known this. ‘Why are you telling me?’

‘To free Adam from the curse of the Blaines. My life is much closer to its end than its beginning. Adam’s my son, and he deserves a better life.’ Jack’s voice softened. ‘If you go to George Hanley, I’m prepared for that. I think I could make a deal with him – my confession to Ben’s murder in return for dropping any charges against Adam. You’ve got no reason to protect me.’

Carla touched her eyes. ‘Except for Adam. He was willing to risk everything to keep you from dying in prison. So now I’m part of this, no matter what I do.’ She felt her stomach clench. ‘I always suspected someone in your family had killed him. But it’s so much worse to
know
that, and to know who did it.’

Jack looked away. ‘Would you rather I’d never told you? If so, all this is for nothing.’

Carla regarded her son, this small and innocent life. ‘How do you expect me to answer? Though at least you helped me see Adam whole.’

Slowly, Jack nodded. ‘I won’t tell him I came. You should have time with this alone.’

‘Thank you,’ she said in a dispirited voice, and felt the oddness of this courtesy.

He stood to go, then looked back at her. ‘Whatever else, please forgive him.’

Carla could say nothing. Instinctively scooping up her son, she watched Jack Blaine walk away – the death of Liam’s father on his conscience, and on hers.

*

Carla tried to go about her life, tending to Liam, scanning the graduate school applications on her desk. But the truth of Ben’s death consumed her. Only at night was she able to sit quietly, her mind distilling all she knew.

At last, she was ready to call Adam.

He appeared at her door in minutes. Seeing her face, he said quickly, ‘What is it? On the phone you sounded drained.’

‘I am.’ She walked with him to the living room, sitting across from him. ‘Jack came to see me.’

Adam’s face froze. ‘About what?’

‘Ben’s death.’ Carla struggled to compose herself. ‘He told me everything – what he did, and what you know. Somehow he imagined that would help us.’

Adam bent his head, touching the bridge of his nose in an agonized gesture that somehow resembled prayer. ‘My God …’

‘I understand that you were trapped, Adam. Jack explained that much.’

‘Not even Jack knows all of it,’ he said bluntly, then begin speaking in a rush. ‘I didn’t give a damn who killed Ben – in my mind, he was richly deserving, because of what he’d done to every one of us. At first I thought it was Teddy. So I broke into the courthouse, stole investigative files, and used Amanda Ferris to bribe an innocent cop with a wife in drug rehab who was eating up his savings. Then I anonymously mailed everything I had to Teddy’s lawyer and, in the bargain, tried to float you as a suspect.

‘When I found out the truth, I concocted a story that absolved Teddy, and left the police without a solid case against Jack. So now you know what I’ve done, and who I am – an accessory to the murder of Liam’s father.’ Adam looked at her with new directness. ‘There’s more. I lied to you, not just to protect Jack, but because I wanted to be with you. But all I accomplished was bringing our familial nightmare closer to your door. There’s no apology big enough to cover that—’

‘That’s a pretty comprehensive list,’ Carla cut in. ‘But please stop being such a martyr. Any more self-sacrifice, and you’d have to climb up on the cross.’ Her voice filled with emotion. ‘Maybe
who
killed Ben was news to me, but I always sensed it wasn’t news to you – I’m not completely stupid, after all.
But did I kick you out? No – because we’re two of a kind, and I wanted you here. Despite everything.’

Adam stared at her, hope and doubt warring in his eyes. ‘And now?’

‘At least I don’t have to guess anymore. Including about you.’ Carla found the next words difficult to say. ‘Ben was dying, and Jack’s your father. So I’m not going to turn him in. He can live with what he did and, if he can manage it, with Clarice. I don’t envy him either one. I just hope you can slip by the district attorney.’

‘And if I do?’

Carla shook her head in dismay. ‘How can you even ask me? I’ll only know how that feels if it happens.’ She paused, speaking more calmly. ‘At least there’s one thing that has nothing to do with us. By coming here, Jack risked everything for you. Whatever else, you’ll always know that.’

To her surprise, tears formed in Adam’s eyes. Then he stood, kissing her softly on the forehead, and left.

For the next two days, Adam kept himself in motion – sailing for hours; making notes for a piece on sectarian strife in Lebanon. Anything to keep away from Carla. Constantly, he wondered if the price of truth was losing her for good.
Better for her and Liam if it was
, he thought. In his confusion, he avoided Jack.

On the third day, a call from Hanley broke his thoughts. ‘It’s time for us to talk,’ the district attorney said phlegmatically. ‘I’ll be in all day.’

Apprehensive, Adam arrived at Hanley’s office. The district attorney was in shirtsleeves, tie loosened, and greeted Adam with an impassivity that was impossible to read. On his desk were Adam’s laptop and cell phone.

‘You can have these back,’ Hanley said, giving Adam a shrewd look. ‘Not so easy to get your life back. Seeing how breaking-and-entering and obstruction of justice don’t sit so well with me.’

Adam wondered how to respond. Evenly, he said, ‘Suspicion isn’t evidence. You’ve still got no case.’

‘You’re not impressing me,’ Hanley retorted bluntly. ‘Forty years into this job, you learn to take chances if you think you’re right. There are worse things than losing, after all. I’m retiring in six months, and the death of Benjamin Blaine is the last big thing on my plate. Do I want to end my career, I keep asking myself, by walking out of here with a potential homicide unresolved? Hard for a man like me to just throw up his hands.’

‘Wish I could help you, George. But I’ve got worries of my own.’

‘True enough, and not just about me. Amanda Ferris really doesn’t like you. Use her like I’m sure you did, and she’s malevolent enough to hold a grudge.’ Hanley shrugged this away. ‘Not that I mind when Ferris torments you. Though accusing Carla Pacelli of seducing you to get Ben’s money is pretty close to repulsive. Compared to you Blaines, Carla’s impressively straightforward, and she’s sure as hell not a gold-digger.’

What was the reason, Adam wondered, for this discussion? ‘When it comes to women, you’re an excellent judge of character.’

‘Actually, I am. So I can certainly grasp why you’re drawn to Ms Pacelli. But the small matter of this enquiry surely complicates your relationship. Even before you throw in the
National Enquirer
.’

Adam chose to respond with care. ‘I’ve had better weeks, it’s true.’

‘No more than you deserve,’ Hanley responded flatly. ‘You’ve had your fingerprints on this case ever since you got here. I
also believe that Jack or Teddy murdered a dying man – and that you know which one it was.’ His phlegmatic words were etched with accusation. ‘Not hard to follow your calculations. If we go after Teddy, Jack’s testimony creates reasonable doubt. If we go after Jack, the physical evidence suggests that Teddy is a better suspect. But you’ve understood that all along, haven’t you? That’s why you told Jack what to say.’

It was so accurate that it took all of Adam’s training not to react. As his silence stretched out, Hanley nodded. ‘A less disciplined man would protest. But you’re too smart to bother, and it would only piss me off.’ The prosecutor leaned forward. ‘In one sense, you’re a real altruist – sticking your neck out to cover up someone else’s crime. Guess you thought you could blow the whole thing by us.’

Still Adam said nothing.

‘Tell me who killed him,’ Hanley demanded bluntly. ‘Then you can walk.’

Adam allowed himself a moment before sealing his fate. As calmly as he could, he said, ‘Sorry, George. No disrespect intended.’

‘That’s what I expected.’ Frowning, Hanley stared at him. ‘I’ve thought about you long and hard. I don’t like being gamed like this. But I’ve had a long and, I hope, honourable career, and I don’t want to end it by turning my personal pride into a vendetta. Ben did enough damage when he was still alive.

‘The judge has been waiting to hear from me. Guess I’ll have to tell him that I’ve failed.’ Hanley sat back, finishing coolly, ‘I’m not pursuing you, Adam. I’m not pursuing your family. It’s done.’

Fighting back emotion, Adam stood. ‘Thank you, George.’

After the briefest hesitation, the two men shook hands. ‘Don’t forget your laptop,’ the district attorney reminded him.

*

He found her on the deck, putting Liam in the bassinet. Seeing him, she became still, gazing at him so intently that it was a moment before he could speak.

‘It’s over, Carla. No prosecution.’

Her lips parted, and then she looked down in confusion. ‘What are you thinking?’ he asked.

‘That I didn’t want you in prison. I’m grateful for that much.’

He felt his hope ebbing. ‘But what about the rest?’

She shook her head in amazement. ‘What on earth do you imagine I’ve been thinking about, over and over? Whether I can live with you – with this.’

Adam tried to read her, but could not. ‘Can you?’

‘I keep trying to imagine it. But at least I know who you really are, and how hard you tried to make things right – including for Liam and me. For everyone except yourself.’

Was it still possible?
he wondered. Searching for words, he heard himself saying, ‘I’m free to do what I want now. If writing works out, I’d be travelling to hard places, not working in an office. No Blaine has ever done that – not our grandfather or Jack or Teddy, and certainly not Ben. For better or worse, in that way I’m like he was.’

Though she did not move, Carla met his eyes. ‘Do you think that one eluded me? You’re curious and restless – a risk taker. But I want my own life, so it’s fair that you have yours.’ She paused, her voice becoming husky. ‘I’d love to ponder the implications of your new career. But don’t you
suppose there’s something else I might actually want to hear?’

All at once he understood, like sudden knowledge in a man not smart. ‘My emotional equipment is rusted out,’ he confessed. ‘So this is hard for me.’

‘Just do your best, Adam. Try to remember you’re asking me to live in the middle of Shakespearean drama. Maybe I’m a single mother, but I’m reasonably intelligent and not bad-looking. So a little effort from you might help.’

Stunned, Adam tried to summon his resources. ‘All right, Carla. I look at you and see so many things. Both of us have been damaged; both survived. Both of us knew Benjamin Blaine. But we understand each other better than you and he ever could.

‘You’re smart, self-aware, honest, and empathic. You got to this point the hard way, and I respect you more than any woman I’ve ever known.’ He moved a step closer. ‘I can see so much in your face now. I thought you were beautiful when I met you, and now it’s just insane. I can’t imagine not making love with you. I can’t imagine not being with you.’

Carla watched and listened so intently that it seemed her life depended on it. ‘I could live without you if I had to,’ he hurried on. ‘But there would always be something missing. I’d wake up in the middle of the night, and want to tell you something. I’d look at a woman across the table, and wish that she were you. I’d wonder what you were doing, and how you are. You’ve taken up residence inside me, and the only way to live with that is to live with you.’

As he took another step forward, her eyes welled up again. ‘I want you to have a life outside us,’ he told her, ‘one that you own and can take pride in. I want to help raise Liam. If
we have our own kid, that’s great. If not, we already have a family, and I mean for it to be the one we never had and always wanted.’ His voice steadied. ‘I’m in love with you, Carla Pacelli. Whether or not we’re together, I’ll love you all my life. So I’d really appreciate it if—’

Suddenly she came to him, letting Adam hold her, as though needing to feel that again. ‘If you can try,’ he heard her murmur, ‘I can. That’s all I can tell you now.’

Tilting his head back, Adam saw her expression of deep resolve. The stunning gift of his good fortune struck him all at once, so completely that he could not speak, caught in the rush of possibilities he had thought were lost to him. Then he remembered that someone else was there.

‘Don’t let go of the thought,’ he managed to say, and went over to the bassinet. Picking up her infant son, he asked, ‘What about it, Liam? Think you can get used to me?’

In response, Liam stared at him for a moment, then gave a cavernous yawn. Behind them, Carla laughed with a lightness that gave him hope. ‘Don’t worry,’ she assured him. ‘As Liam’s mother, I can feel his enthusiasm.’

*

Adam sat with his family in the living room of their house, its heavy furniture and Third World art still redolent of Benjamin Blaine. ‘There’s something all of you need to know,’ he said. ‘Carla and I are leaving here, together.’

His mother sat straighter in her chair. Seeing this, he told her, ‘I’m sorry about how you feel. But we mean to have a family of our own.’

Sitting beside her on the couch, Adam’s father looked relieved. Quietly, he responded, ‘That’s something you should want, Adam.’