Echoes of Silence (Unquiet Mind Book 1) (8 page)

There was a long pause. “Long time ago,” Zane explained, his voice rough.

I turned to regard his blank face. I caught a glimpse of something in his eyes. Something I didn’t understand but I recognized.

Pain.

I smiled at him. “You should come and play with me some time,” I offered shyly. Music helped cure me of whatever pain I’d had in the past. Granted, nothing bad had ever really happened to me. Something had happened to Zane. I couldn’t even think of what since my life didn’t give me anything to measure that look in his eyes up to, but I guessed it was bad. I thought of something else. “Maybe you could even teach me some things,” I mumbled, brushing some of the dust off the case. “Mom couldn’t afford to get me regular lessons, especially after she bought me my guitar, so I’ve mostly taught myself.” Then I realized what that sounded like. “YouTube’s great,” I added quickly. My eyes cut to him. “But it would be cool to learn off a real, live human being.”

It would be more than cool. I’d get to spend time with Zane, and maybe get to know him enough to help him realize how awesome my mom was. I wasn’t completely selfless; I enjoyed Zane’s company. He was part of Killian’s family too, a part of the Sons of Templar. My stomach dropped thinking of that, of Killian. The boy who most likely didn’t want to know me anymore.

“Yeah, kid, all right. Maybe,” he answered, focusing his eyes back on the bike.

I grinned, full on beamed, inside and out. The heaviness in my stomach thinking of Killian was momentarily forgotten.

“Really?” I asked. “That is aces, Zane! I’m free, you know, whenever. Well, apart from when I’m obviously at school. But anytime after that. Seriously. Whenever suits you.” Excitement made my voice speed up to how I talked with Mom. No regular people could normally understand me when I got like this.

Zane must have understood at least some of it because he nodded again.

I didn’t mind that he didn’t answer; I liked it actually. I wandered over to the space where he was sitting by his bike, looking at it for a second before sitting on the cold concrete.

Zane’s blank gaze flickered in surprise before he masked it.

“You mind if I sit here and watch for a while?” I asked, my voice quiet and no longer filled with excitement. “Sometimes I just need a bit of quiet after the music makes up all the noise in my head.”

I needed quiet more than anything at this moment. I needed the silence that Zane’s presence offered. Thinking of Killian was not something I wanted to do.

Zane nodded silently once more, turning his attention to his bike. I sagged in relief at the fact he didn’t tell me to go away. I didn’t think too many big and scary bikers really liked hanging around with stupid teenage girls, but Zane was different. I knew that.

It was nice, welcome, the time I spent watching him tinker with his bike. I wondered if this was what other girls did with their dad’s, sat with them while they did something, comfortable in silence.

I yearned for something like that, something I knew I’d never have. But Zane gave it to me, for that short amount of time.

Once I reasoned he’d be sick of me watching him, I stood to leave, loathe to let the noise back in, but knowing it was inevitable.

“Heard you,” he stated, breaking the silence. His blank face met mine. “The band, you’re good.”

I beamed at him and felt the warmth of his words all the way home. It lasted a while, but not long enough.

Killian invaded my mind the moment I found myself back in my room and didn’t leave the entire night Mom and Noah argued over which action stars would win in a death match.

I was afraid he’d never leave my mind. I’d be haunted forever.

The only way to quiet my mind was to write after the movies had finished and Noah had left.

“Lexie, can I talk to you a second?” a sickly sweet voice asked.

I paused, counted to five, and took a deep breath. “Sure, Stacy,” I said, closing my locker so I could see her face. “What’s up?”

She tightened her ponytail and bit her pink, glossed lip. “It’s kind of... awkward,” she began with false nervousness. “It’s about Killian. You’re with him, right?” she asked with a light tone, conversational. Only I knew every word she was saying was carefully chosen.

My stomach dropped at her question. I didn’t miss the glances and not so subtle barbs she threw my way when she could and the way her eyes followed Killian from across the cafeteria. I really didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that after this weekend I didn’t think we were anything. I didn’t want to admit it to myself either.

“What about Killian?” I asked instead, my hands tightening around my books.

She moved her wedged heel closer to me slightly, her eyes darting around as if she was divulging national secrets. “Well,” she started, her voice only slightly higher than a whisper, “I honestly normally wouldn’t say anything, you know, poke my nose in where it doesn’t belong.”

I used all of my effort to hold in my snort of disbelief. Instead, I stayed silent.

“But, it kind of does belong, since I’ve had..
. experience
with Killian before.” She looked me up and down. “Like I said, I wouldn’t normally even go here, but you seem like a nice girl. I wouldn’t want you to fall for Killian like so many other girls did and then get hurt when he kicks you to the curb.”

I guessed
so many other girls
translated to her.

I couldn’t restrain my irritation anymore. “Spit it out, Stacy,” I snapped, surprised at the sharpness of my voice.

Stacy was obviously surprised as well because her head reared back slightly and she raised her eyebrows. The look of fake concern rippled on her face a moment, revealing the smugness underneath. “I just wanted to tell you, that as soon as Killian gets what he wants... you know”—she gave me a meaningful look—“you’re dust. You become invisible. He’s only after one thing.”

She opened her mouth, no doubt to spout more false friendship and concern crap. I had no patience for it.

“Maybe he is only after one thing because you only give him one thing,” I informed her. “Now I appreciate your concern. You’re a true friend. But I’ve got to get to class.”

I didn’t even wait for my words to filter through her hairspray and into her brain. I pushed past her and stormed to my next class.

I was fuming. I had never talked to anyone like that before. Been outright rude. My mom might have been eccentric in her child-rearing methods, but she’d always taught me to be polite. She’d also taught me the importance of having a backbone. I wasn’t going to let the resident bitch—every school had at least one—try to sabotage whatever there was with Killian.

If there was even anything.

Which, after the weekend, I doubted would be anyway.

That’s where my mind was the entire morning, thoughts swirling around my head. Stacy’s words were like slow-working poison. They had hurt at the start, but the logical part of my brain had shoved them aside as weapons of a woman scorned.

I was anything but rational when it came to Killian, I was discovering. So I chewed them over my entire history class. I may have had little to no experience when it came to boys, but I knew what Stacy was alluding to.

Sex.

I’d never had it, obviously. I’d never even been kissed. Not properly. A couple of sloppy and inexperienced boys didn’t count. I knew the mechanics of it. And the specifics. My mom had me at fifteen; she gave me my first sex talk when I was twelve. She had urged me to be sure, to be absolutely sure for my first time. I was lectured on every kind of birth control on the market and Mom had insisted I come to her before I did anything. She’d also urged me to be celibate until I was thirty. That was something I knew wouldn’t happen, but I hadn’t considered it happening anytime soon. It didn’t bother me; I didn’t think about it like most girls my age did. I’d sometimes wonder idly about when my first time would be, but it was hard to give it specific thought when no boys showed interest in you.

Until now.

Killian hadn’t even kissed me yet. He’d had opportunities. Plenty. But he hadn’t. Why hadn’t he? Did he not think of me that way?

The thought chilled my blood. I knew he thought of us more than friends, and I sure as heck did. I wanted to kiss him more than anything. I was desperate to touch him, have his arms around me. I wanted more than kissing. At some point. Way in the future.

I found myself in the hallway, on the way to the cafeteria without even really remembering most of the morning. I had functioned on autopilot, my mind running a thousand thoughts a second.

My step stuttered. The cafeteria. The possibility of Killian. Of seeing Stacy stare with satisfaction if he ignored me. I couldn’t do it.

I turned on my heel with the intention of going to the nurse’s office to fake some sort of bug when I almost collided with a tall body.

“Whoa, Lexie, you almost bowled me over,” a voice joked, hands going to my upper shoulders to steady me.

“Sorry,” I muttered, my eyes meeting Jordan’s.

He shrugged. “No big. I’ve been hoping to run into you, just not literally,” he said with twinkling eyes.

I smiled weakly, unable to muster up any effort to engage in witty banter.

“I’m going to beg, in fact,” he continued, “for your help on this English lit paper. I’m seriously screwed. I’ll get down on my knees if you want.”

I couldn’t help but grin genuinely. “Jordan, the English lit paper is due last period.”

“I know. That’s why I think the universe is showing me pity, putting you in my path. If you could sacrifice your lunch to help this poor shmuck, I’ll be your slave for the rest of time,” he said, eyes pleading.

I perked up. “Maybe the universe is looking out for both of us,” I muttered, my eyes on the cafeteria doors.

“What?” Jordan asked, confused.

“Nothing,” I said quickly. “The library’s this way, in case you hadn’t noticed.” I pushed his large body away from the cafeteria.

Jordan’s eyes brightened. “You’ll help me?”

I nodded. “We’ll help each other.”

Jordan may have been grateful for our meeting, but I doubted he’d be as grateful as I was. I’d never been happier being someone’s tutor.

****

I made it through the rest of the day without somehow running into Killian or Stacy, a miracle I thanked the universe for. Unfortunately, the universe couldn’t quiet my mind; I didn’t escape thoughts of them.

This turned me cranky. I was never cranky. I was a happy person. I had a happy life. It was always full of laughter, music, and books. I was angry I was becoming the girl who was sitting in class, not listening while she brooded over a boy. A boy she barely knew. Who she hadn’t even kissed.

“Lex, where were you at lunch?” Noah asked softly as we set our books down on our desks.

I sat down. “I was helping Jordan with his English paper,” I replied, my eyes on the front of the class.

There was a pause, a long one. I moved my gaze to see Noah regarding me with one brow raised.

“Jordan,” he repeated.

I nodded. “That’s what I said.”

“Since when are you and Jordan study buddies?”

“Since today,” I snapped, moving my attention away from his knowing gaze.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact we had to eat our lunch with a very silent and very broody Killian today, does it?” he asked casually.

My head snapped back to him. “You had lunch with Killian today?”

He nodded. “We all did. He was mighty curious as to where you were, considering Sam informed him you were, indeed, in the building. Curiosity quickly turned to concern when you didn’t reply to any of our texts,” he said. “I’m surprised he didn’t arrange a search party or put out an announcement on the loudspeaker system.”

I fumbled into my bag, looking for my forgotten phone. I wasn’t someone who was glued to it. Its main use was for music. I hated texting and wasn’t hugely keen on social media. Unbelievable for the generation I belonged to, I knew, but that was me.

“It’s dead,” I declared, looking at the blank screen.

“Phones away, Ms. Spencer,” a brisk voice ordered.

I glanced to the front of the class. Mr. Lindon regarded me with a raised brow. I felt multiple eyes on me. “Sorry,” I muttered, throwing the useless piece of technology into my backpack.

Noah squeezed my hand. “You okay? Do I need to get out my shotgun?”

I gave him a look out of the corner of my eye, waiting for the teacher’s attention to go off me before I replied. “You don’t have a shotgun.”

“I’ll find one if need be.”

I patted his hand. “I’m fine,” I reassured him quietly.

I could feel his disbelieving face out of the corner of my eye, but he didn’t say anything more. Although, he doodled on a piece of paper, with “Shopping list” at the top. Underneath he wrote, “Shotgun.”

When I glanced at it, I let out choked laughter, which earned me another disapproving look from the teacher, but it lifted my spirits.

****

I stepped out into the warm sunshine, thinking I had somehow made it through the day, helped immensely by my friend.

“We’ll meet you out front,” Noah had told me before we parted ways for last period. “Since you went MIA at lunch, you weren’t able to hear the news.” He grinned. “That’s bound to perk you up to your original level.”

I hated surprises. “What news? Tell me now.”

Noah shook his head. “Sam will kill me if I don’t wait for all of us. See you after school,” he called, turning down a hall.

“Tell me now,” I shouted after him, a couple of people giving me sideways looks.

Noah merely grinned at me over his shoulder and threw up a peace sign.

So I hadn’t actually used all of my brainpower to think about Killian, only about 80 percent. The other twenty I wondered about the “news.”

“Freckles.” A voice beside me hampered my escape.

I felt his heat at my side and I gave myself a split second before I met his eyes.

“Kill,” I greeted, my voice flat. My eyes immediately went to the fading bruise at his eye, and I had to ball my hands into fists to stop myself from reaching up to stroke it.

“I missed you at lunch,” he said quietly, stepping closer to me.

I held my breath. It was an exquisite pain being this close to him with the cocktail of emotions simmering beneath my surface.

“You didn’t reply to my texts either. No ones. I was worried.”

I looked up at him. “My phone died.”

Killian’s brows furrowed as he gazed into my eyes. “Where were you?” he asked quietly.

I pursed my lips. I didn’t want to tell him. He wasn’t exactly Jordan’s biggest fan. I didn’t know how he would think about my tutoring services being extended his way. Then again, who cared what he thought? He was the one who’d been rude to me, who I hadn’t heard from until today. Now I don’t even get an apology. I opened my mouth, but someone beat me to it.

I felt pressure on my shoulders from behind me. “Just a reminder, I’m your slave for the rest of time,” Jordan’s voice sounded in my ear.

Killian’s body went hard in front of me.

“Thank you for your excellent tutoring skills, Lexie Spencer,” Jordan said. He obviously didn’t notice the furious glint in Killian’s eyes because he leaned in and kissed my cheek before winking at me and sauntering down the steps, followed by a group of people who waved and smiled at me.

Stacy did not wave, nor did she smile. Her gaze was locked on Killian and me. It was smug, considering Killian’s jaw looked like it was going to shatter.

“Tutoring?” he gritted out, eyes on the back of Jordan’s football jersey.

“You attempting to shoot laser beams out of those baby blues?” I joked.

Killian’s eyes snapped back to me. “You were with him at lunch?”

I cocked my eyebrow up. “I wasn’t aware it was illegal.”

“He took you away from having lunch with me. He should be shot,” he declared seriously. “He took away my chance at apologizing,” he added in a softer voice.