Echoes From The Past (Women of Character) (16 page)

All her life Christie had harbored
secrets of one kind or another. She had never let them all out at once. A
little at a time, but never all at once so any one person knew all of the
secrets she grew up with. Except Ellen. Maybe Judith.

Christie looked at Garrett, read
the honest inquiry on his face. "You may think you want to know, but no
one really wants to be burdened with another person’s secrets. Not even
you."

She was too aware of Garrett’s
closeness. She thought how wonderful it would be to be held in his arms, but
she kept her hands still in her lap. "You’re a good man, Garrett. You
wouldn’t understand the stark reality of my life."

"Christie, tell me why you’re
all alone."

Christie considered his words,
holding her breath. What harm would it do to tell Garrett? She would be gone in
a few weeks anyway. Maybe she could tell him some of the secrets. She stood up
and moved across the room, rubbing her arms against a sudden shiver.

"Almost a year ago my sister
Ellen found out she was sick." Christie remembered the day in detail, how
murky it had been outside. "No words can convey the horror and disbelief I
felt when the doctors diagnosed Ellen with leukemia." She fell silent,
giving herself a moment. "Ellen was optimistic. I was terrified. I’d cry
at the drop of a hat. One minute I’d be okay, the next it would come over me.
I’d hide them from her. . .in the bathroom, my bedroom, until it passed. It
seemed like it happened all the time in the beginning. Ellen and I have always
been together. We had each other to lean on while growing up. From that day in
the doctor’s office I knew our lives would never be the same."

"What about your
parents?"

She looked at him. "We
weren’t close to my parents," she said carefully. "My aunt Rose
raised us until I was ten, then she died."

"Why not your parents?"

Christie rubbed the tense muscles
in her neck. "My parents had problems and the State decided my aunt
provided a more stable living environment. When aunt Rose died we went back to
live with my parents until I turned sixteen."

"They resolved their problems?"

"The State thought so."
Christie shrugged. "It was mostly just Ellen and me. Of course later on
there was Ellen’s husband. Near the end he left her."

"He walked out on your
sister?" Garrett’s jaw was tight.

Christie paced the floor, needing
movement to expel the nervous energy surging through her. "Yes," she
said in a low voice. "He walked out about six months before she died. I
hated him for abandoning Ellen." Christie felt again the tide of anger,
the hopelessness. All her life, Ellen had been abandoned by one person or
another. "I think I still hate him," she admitted starkly. "It
colors every thought I have about him. As bad as it sounds, every time I speak
to him I don’t let him forget what he did." She couldn’t help the way she
felt. "I hate when I say the words that will hurt him, but I can’t seem to
stop."

She lifted her chin. "I kept
working and for a while, Ellen seemed to be okay. We prayed it had gone into
remission. Then one day, everything toppled around us. I got a call at work. Ellen
had been rushed to the hospital with a high temperature. From there, it was all
downhill."

"Did she come out of the
hospital?"

"She insisted on coming home.
I had nurses during the day but she grew progressively weaker. About that time
Darrell, her husband, left. He couldn’t handle seeing her fade a little more
each day." Those had been his words before he’d left for good. Ellen had
accepted his leaving, and Christie had never understood her total forgiveness.
"Darrell and I never really got along, but that sealed it for me."

"So you put your life on
hold?"

Christie frowned at him. "I
was going to school and working. I had to quit. Ellen needed me."

"So you left after she died
and ended up on the road?"

Tears filmed her eyes. They clung
there but didn't fall. Garrett’s face wavered before her.

"Ellen wanted me to find
Judith. She said as a family we should reconnect. It was really important to
her. I left two months after my sister died, the day after I lost custody of
Eric, her son. I knew he and Darrell needed time together and everywhere in my
apartment were reminders of my sister. The books she liked to read, the puzzles
she worked on near the end. I had promised Ellen we would beat this. I promised
I would take care of her son, and it was all a lie. I failed at everything I
promised. I couldn’t do any of it."

"You couldn’t keep your
sister from dying," he said.

"In my head, I know
that." Her heart didn’t listen to her head.

"So Eric is with his
father?"

Christie nodded, clenching her
fists and taking several deep breaths. "Yes, it’s better for him that
way."

Garrett moved closer and Christie
was aware of the heat emanating from his body.

"On the surface that sounds
like a natural conclusion. Does his father let you see him?"

"He said I could. But I left.
I-I ran." She swung around. "I gathered the money I had left and
packed a bag. I found myself at the bus station. I hopped the first bus leaving
the station. Later, somewhere in Michigan, I guess, I looked at the bus
schedule. I saw Kentucky listed as one of the destinations. I remembered the
promise I’d made to find Judith. I suddenly knew what I had to do for my
sister. I bought a ticket."

"And here you are."
Slowly, he put his arms around her and gathered her close. Christie closed her
eyes, wanting to forget herself in his hard, comforting arms. Garrett’s chin
rested lightly on the top of her head.

"You said you lived with your
parents for a few years. Did another family member take you in after
that?"

Christie tensed and pulled away.
"The past again." She shook her head. "I got a job when I was
sixteen. Ellen and I moved into a tiny studio apartment."

She could see the questions
forming in his eyes.

"You supported your sister
and yourself?"

Christie nodded, her mouth
completely dry. "Ellen was sick a lot as a kid, and she had trouble
keeping jobs." She knew the next questions would be the hardest to answer.

"Did you quit school?"

"No. I worked at night in a
dance club." She went on before she lost her nerve. "I danced for
tips at a strip club."

Garrett’s eyes still met hers, but
she couldn’t read his expression.

She gave him a level glance.
"I did what I had to do. I won't apologize for surviving."

"Your parents?" She
could see a white line around his mouth.

She shrugged. "With us gone,
there were two less mouths to feed. We were glad to be out of there and they
didn’t miss us."

Garrett cursed and turned away.

Christie watched him warily, the
way he kept his shoulders rigid.

She had done what she could to
feed her and Ellen.

"If I’d been around I would have
horsewhipped your parents," he said fiercely, his voice deep with anger.
"For the way they failed all three of you."

All three of them.

Christie blinked in surprise, but
then chided herself. Why be surprised that his anger was for her, Ellen and
Judith? Garrett would never let his children fend for themselves. Right now he
was raising another woman’s child.

"What are you going to do
now?" he asked briskly.

Christie cleared her throat,
deeply affected by his anger on her behalf. "I need to find a final resting
place for my sister."

Garrett’s brow furrowed.
"What do you mean?"

She looked at him warily.
"Ellen made arrangements to be cremated. I was given her ashes and I have
them in a keepsake urn, a beautiful wooden book with running horses inlaid on
the cover. It was her last wish that together Judith and I find the right place
to scatter them. I’ve been looking since I arrived in Kentucky." Christie
saw the guarded look on his face. If he thought she was crazy, now was the time
to find out. "Darrell thinks I’m crazy," she said flatly.

"That’s why you were so upset
that first day when you couldn’t find your duffel bag?"

"Yes. I thought I’d come all
this way and then to lose the ashes ..." She drew in a deep, quivering
breath.

"What a task you’ve set yourself."

Had she expected him to tell her
it was a crazy idea as Darrell had suggested?

"Even though you and Ellen
weren’t close to your parents, shouldn't they be contacted and share some of
the responsibility?"

"No!" Christie shook her
head vehemently. She pushed back the emotion that clouded her when she thought
of her parents. "No," she said more quietly. "This is something
I’ll do on my own. I wanted Darrell to be a part of this final goodbye, at
least for Eric’s sake, but he thinks I’m on a fool’s errand."

"I can understand how much
you want to honor her memory, but all I’m saying is let someone else share the
burden."

Christie paced the floor.
"There’s no one else, only me. That’s how it’s always been. I won’t let
her down," she added fiercely.

Again.

The word was inside her head but
she had never said it out loud. She had let her sister down and this was a
small step toward making amends. That was a secret she couldn’t tell anyone.
How could she admit to letting down the one person who had truly loved her?

"I appreciate you letting me
vent all this, Garrett, but I know what I have to do. I promise it won’t
interfere with my work here. Physical labor is a big change from what I’m used
to but I love being around the horses. Maybe that’s what I need, not to worry
about the rest of the garbage in my life."

"What kind of work did you
do?" he asked quietly.

"I worked as a freelance
stenographer for the courts." She worked for the same court system that
her mother repeatedly violated, but that wasn’t something she wanted to admit
to Garrett. Christie chewed her lip. Secrets, so many secrets.

"Listen, Christie, if I can
help, I will. Take the truck whenever you need it."

"I appreciate that."

"You asked me before where
Judith was buried. I can take you there."

She drew a deep breath.
"Thank you. I’ve thought about it, but I’m just not ready."

Footsteps sounded on the stairs
leading to her apartment. Hannah suddenly appeared in the door.

"Hi Hannah," Christie
said.

Hannah just stood there watching
them, and Christie could almost see the wheels turning in the child’s head. Did
she think Christie was trying to steal her father away?

Hannah shifted her weight onto one
foot and stood with a hand on her hip. "Ruth was looking for you,
Daddy."

Garrett glanced over at his daughter.
"Is it urgent?"

Hannah seemed to debate that a
moment, her gaze shooting over to Christie. Vigorously, she shook her head.
"Yeah. She needs you right away."

"I’ll be along in a minute,
Hannah." He walked across the apartment. "You'll still come for meals
at the house?" he asked Christie.

Christie saw Hannah’s mouth turn
down.

"Yes, Garrett, thank you.
Thanks for everything. You too, Hannah," she added. Hannah’s eyes widened
in surprise.

"You’re welcome," Hannah
muttered. "Do you really like it?" she added, a tad of uncertainty
creeping into her voice.

"I do, and I know your Dad
couldn’t have done all this without your help." She smiled. "I bet he
realizes just how lucky he is to have a young lady like you to help him
out."

Hannah frowned a bit, clearly
uncertain as to how to respond.

"Let’s get out of Christie’s
way," Garrett said. "See you later." With his hands on Hannah’s
shoulders, he ushered her through the door.

When he would have closed the
door, Christie said, "You can leave the door open."

"You’ll have more privacy and
quiet with it closed," he said.

Christie shook her head. She
didn’t explain it was a strange quirk of hers. As he and Hannah left, she
turned toward the window. How could she expect anyone to understand her need
not to feel closed in, the need to see to her sister’s ashes, the need to move
on with her life ...

She did want to move on, but with
a deep sigh, she realized she was getting more and more entrenched in life at
Winding Creek Farms. Maybe the only thing Garrett felt for her was physical
attraction, but for Christie she feared emotion might run deeper. He knew how
to treat people right and he hadn’t seemed disgusted with the decisions she’d
made. There had been a sense of understanding between them.

Christie ran her fingertips over
the smooth wood of the rocking chair. The use of such a treasure meant a lot to
her. Perhaps too much. Christie wondered what kind of heartache she was letting
herself in for. Why did she care about a child and a man who seemed determined
to stand alone and who also wanted her gone?

###

Hannah held onto Garrett’s hand as
they left Christie’s apartment. As they crossed the yard Garrett lifted a hand
to Ally, who was busy with one of the yearlings in the round training pen
beside the barn.

"Do you know why Ruth wanted
to see me?"

Hannah suddenly released his hand
and hung back. "Um, she probably doesn’t need you anymore. You were up
there a long time. I’m going to play on my swings, Daddy." Hannah turned
to dash off.

Before she could Garrett caught her
arm and gently turned her to face him. "Hannah."

She remained silent, not quite
meeting his eyes. Garrett went down on his haunches, concerned by the stiff
resistance of Hannah’s body. "Ruth wasn’t looking for me, was she?"
he asked quietly.

After a slight hesitation, Hannah
shook her head no.

"But you wanted me to leave
Christie’s apartment, didn’t you?"

She looked down at her red boots.
"Yes."