Echoes (46 page)
She jutted her lip and jaw. Sofie was probably right that her mutism was out of her control, because she certainly looked as though she'd give him a piece of her mind if it were possible.
"I know you're in a bad place. You feel worse than you ever thought you could. It was that way when my little brother got killed by a train. The hurt is there and you can't make it go away no matter how you try."
She shuddered with sobs, but kept glaring.
"I think you would talk if you could, but you're afraid what you say might make things worse. Maybe you think something you said caused this trouble already. You're afraid to lose Sofie, but treating her the way your dad treated you can only cause resentment."
She gasped, fresh tears starting in her eyes.
"You know it. Inside, you know how Sofie will feel if you keep her from anyone else, if you make her love only you and refuse to make other friends yourself."
She looked away, sullen, but he glimpsed a chink in her conviction.
"It won't be easy. You can't blame your dad if someone doesn't like you. You'll have to make and keep your friends by what you say and do. And Sofie loves you, but frankly everyone gets sick of someone sometimes."
She flicked him a glance, then swiped a hand over her face and shoved her fists underneath her thighs.
"Now I'm going outside to tell Sofie about something that might help you. I expect you to respect our conversation. If you don't, I have a lot more things to say to you, and we'll come right back up here and finish what we started. I have all day."
Her chin trembled, but she merely watched him rise and walk to the door. He glanced over his shoulder, then descended the stairs where Elaine sat at the foot.
"Let me know if Carly leaves, okay?"
Elaine nodded. He got the feeling she'd already been watchful. "Thanks, Elaine. Your daughter is a beautiful bride."
"She wore my dress."
"It was perfect."
"But she didn't put the green with the green. And they'll know." She jerked a glance over her shoulder. "They always know."
"Tell me if Carly comes down."
She nodded solemnly. He went back to the garden, where he'd left Sofie.
Doria Michelli stood with her and saw him coming. "There," she said. "I told you."
Sofie spun. "Where's Carly?"
"Inside. Elaine's guarding the stairs. She'll let me know if Carly leaves."
"What did you . . ."
Chaz and Rico started a new song, and Star took up the mic and sang with them in an ethereal Enya kind of way, though her voice had a surprising fullness.
He drew her from her mother and to a quieter part of the yard. "We had some straight talk about what she's been doing. But I wanted to tell you I found something that might help her process the trauma." He described what he'd learned.
"I've studied it," she told him. "You think this is posttraumatic stress disorder?"
"What did you think?"
"I've focused on grief therapy."
Hands on his hips, he looked toward the house and back. "I'm not sure she's grieving, Sofie."
She stared up at him, troubled but listening.
"That might be in there somewhere, but what she's really about right now is taking control." Sofie's silence told him he'd hit the mark. "Her whole life she's been utterly dominated. Not terrorized or tortured, but Eric used love as a tool, as a weapon."
Her throat worked. "And now you think Carly is?"
"Do you think she's not?"
Sofie drew a truncated breath.
"I don't know how much she actually remembers," he went on, "but she's internalized the way Eric controlled you. If she can get the upper position, she'll have the love and attention she craves without the domination she hates."
Sofie pressed a hand to her cheek. "And you think EMDR . . ."
He shook his head. "I think it will help her process the trauma of what happened on the roof, so the real work can begin."
She pondered that. At last she looked up. "I've missed you."
It caught him in the throat. "Yeah. There's a hole inside I've been trying to ignore, but I keep stepping smack into it."
She slid her hand into his. "I miss wondering whether you'll call."
"I'm an equal opportunity suitor. I accept calls too."
"I miss knocking heads over religion and—"
"Knocking heads might not happen. You and your family have more influence than you know."
"Oh, Matt, I'm glad."
"Next time you try to defect, you'll have to get by me."
She laughed. "I'm a pretty sharp stepper."
"I'm a pretty good roadblock."
"What about Carly?"
"I like kids."
"But she's Eric's."
He rubbed his face. "I don't expect any of this to be easy. But we've all got baggage. Maybe if we throw it into the same cart we can take turns pushing."
She took his hands. "You're a big, strong guy. Maybe Carly and I should ride."
"Right. I'll be fighting to hold my own with the two of you."
A string of children jostled him, playing tag.
She smiled at them, then up at him. "It's supposed to be a celebration day."
"I don't know about you, but my heart's dancing triple time."
She laid her palm against his chest. "Is it?"
His voice graveled. "You know it is."
Behind them Star began an Irish ballad with all the angst and pathos of the isle. The look that came into Sofie's eyes took what self-restraint he had left. He encircled and kissed her, caught her face between his hands and kissed her again. He groaned. "Tell me I'm not dreaming this."
"Don't wake up, if you are."
"I love you, Sofie."
"I can't help loving you." She searched his eyes. "But I have to—"
He pressed his fingers to her mouth. "We'll figure it out. Together."
"See where it goes?"
"See where God takes it." He locked his fingers behind her neck. "It's no accident you came into my life."
She covered his hands with hers, trembling. "I don't deserve this gift."
"It's nonrefundable."
She laughed through the tears sparkling in her incredible eyes. "Exchanges?"
"No way."
"How about store credit?"
"All sales final."
She slid her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his chest. "Okay, I'll take it."
Carly watched out the window. She had crept from Sofie's room to the pink one and saw Sofie and Matt kissing and hugging. Her stomach ached. She'd ruined everything. Her anger had all blown up and left only the sadness and fear, but it was too late. She gulped back fresh tears. It didn't matter now if she talked or not. No one would care.
She had
hit
Sofie. She had tried to hurt her the way Daddy hurt the others. She pressed her hands to her head. Like Daddy with the poor little pets. Like Ms. Baker's car and Mr. Hill on the icy stairs. Sofie must
hate
her. She wasn't just sick of her; she'd want to be rid of her.
Carly ran to the bathroom and threw up. She splashed water in her mouth, then stared into the mirror. Was Matt right? Was she like Daddy to Sofie? Did Sofie resent her and plan ways to get away from her? She didn't want to believe anything he said. But his eyes weren't cold when he said it. They were like nothing she'd seen, not even Sofie's.
Sofie's eyes always needed something, for her to talk, for her to be all right. But she wasn't all right. Matt knew. He'd said how she felt, how she couldn't make the hurt go away. She wanted to hate him, but he'd said it, like it was all inside him, too, like they shared a secret.
"Maybe you think something you said caused this trouble."
Not only what she said, but everything she'd done. Matt had looked like he knew, like he got it, like maybe he'd been responsible too. His brother got killed by a train. That was as bad as falling off a roof. Making someone fall. When it was an accident. When she'd never meant—
She threw herself onto the bed, sobbing. Someone came in behind her. Carly rolled to her side. Rese's mother, Elaine, came and sat on the bed—her bed. Carly swiped her hand under her runny nose and started to get up, but Elaine patted her shoulder.
"I had a little girl."
Carly sniffed and nodded. Duh, it was Rese.
"She turned into a butterfly. Once she flew onto the roof and we played in the clouds."
Carly sat up.
Elaine stared up at the ceiling. "We played and played in the clouds. But they took her away. They always take them away. She's gone. Gone, gone." Elaine lay down, murmuring, "Gone."
Carly wished she could say Rese was right outside, but words still wouldn't come, and anyway, the girl who turned into the butterfly was gone. Sad and lonely, Carly got off the bed. Nothing stayed the same. Once something changed everything else came tumbling down.
"Carly?" Sofie stood in the doorway.
Carly started to shake. How would she say it? Maybe "I don't ever want to see you again." That's what friends had said when they thought she'd done something, even if she didn't. But this time she had.
Sofie spread her arms. "Come here."
Maybe she'd say it nicely.
It's for the best
.
She reached her and looked up. Sofie squatted down and hugged her. "Come on, sweetie. Let's have some cake."
Wait a minute. What about what happened?
Carly resisted.
Sofie slid a gentle hand over her hair and raised her chin. "It's going to be okay."
She searched Sofie's face. Wasn't she mad? Hurt?
"We are going to get through this. All of us. Together."
Carly drew a jagged breath, hardly daring, but wanting so much to believe.
T
he drill whirred and stilled, fixing the sign above the front door on the blue house. Lance murmured, "Careful," as Rese climbed down the ladder and cocked him a glance. Sofie suppressed a smile. Rese wasn't even showing, but he couldn't help himself.
The last eight months had held heartache, hard work, long days and longer nights, tears and laughter, and more tears. But through it, or because of it, they had found a purpose. Matt's hand warmed the small of her back as she read the letters Rese had carved.
Jack Hammond Children's Center
. And inscribed beneath it:
Where there's life, there's hope
. There'd been no question on the name, honoring the little boy who had been lost by bringing hope and life to others.
Sofie looked down at Carly. "What do you think?"
"It's nice." Carly smiled up at her, then Matt. "Nice for Jacky too."
Matt stroked her head. "Every place needs a guardian."
Sofie imagined Matt's brother looking down from heaven, watching over the ones who came for help and healing. Carly reached around and took his hand. Sofie basked in the kinship her little girl had found with the man she loved so much.
Having studied for and passed the California bar, he would wear both a social work and legal hat in the foundation he'd set up. She had created a dance therapy program and nearly completed a very different dissertation than she had once intended. With Star and Rico's creative energy, Rese's strength and practicality, Lance's musical and spiritual gifts, they would keep making this a place where healing happened.
Rico, Star, and Elaine joined them, along with Nonna, who had loaded the basket Star carried with a loaf of bread, that all who hungered would be filled, a shaker of salt, that life would have flavor, and wine, for joy and prosperity.
"Ready?" Lance opened the door and they filed in.
Rese had overhauled every rickety, chipped, dull, and dingy inch of it and repainted in creamy yellows, purples, and sage greens. Once it was furnished, Sofie could not imagine one element that would make it more welcoming, comforting, or cheerful.
Carly turned in the center of the big, empty front room, arms outstretched. "Hello! Echoes, hello!"
Walls and ceiling resounded. Watching her, Sofie's heart filled to capacity and overflowed. They were all echoes of a great love—some loud, some soft, some reverberating—repeating in some way what had been done for them. Blessings would spill from this place like a fountain of hope. She felt the promise inside her, turned and saw it in Matt's eyes. She slipped her hand into his, closed her eyes, and raised her face to heaven as Lance spoke a blessing over the present and future and even the generations to come.
As always, I would like to thank the usual suspects who have
read, prayed, and borne with me through the process of bringing
this book to life. You know who you are.
You are all in my heart always.
Glory to God.
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